


Don't Look Back, You're Not Going That Way

by andsowemeetagain



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bellarke, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Multi, Reluctant Soulmates, Slow Burn, Vikings, mature themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:32:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 142,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8852131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andsowemeetagain/pseuds/andsowemeetagain
Summary: Viking Bellamy prepares for the journey of a lifetime. Clarke Griffin is the new, mysterious girl that wants to join him.





	1. A Visit To The Seer

**Part I- Bellamy**

He hadn't expected for it to be so cold.  
  
The winter had passed and the spring had come, making each day slightly warmer than the day before.  
  
But now he found himself wishing he'd thought to bring a jacket or a cloak. Despite the hike to the top of the mountain, he was cold.  
  
He was almost at the very top; it'd taken him a little over two hours to reach it. The hike down would take less than an hour. But even though it was late at night, he'd decided to visit the Seer. He wasn't sure when he'd get the opportunity to do so again. If ever.  
  
When he finally reached the top, he gave himself a few minutes to rest. He could see the dim glow of a fire coming from the small cave about twenty feet ahead; the flames dancing on the rocky entrance.  
  
He sat down on the cold ground, thinking about what he'd ask the Seer.  
  
The moonlight made it easy for him to study his surroundings. He looked around as his breathing slowed. He rose, looking down at the village below him. His home.

Tomorrow, he'd be leaving and he wasn't sure if he'd ever make it back. A small part of him felt a little sad.  
  
This was his home. He'd spent his whole life here.  
  
But there was so much of the world he hadn't seen; so many parts to explore.  
  
His sadness, the ache in his chest for the place he grew up was overshadowed by the excitement that arose from the thought of leaving. The thought of putting an end to all the suffering his people had endured.  
  
He made his way into the cave.  
  
The Seer felt his presence as soon as he stepped inside.  
  
He sat down across from the man, a small fire between the two.  
  
"Bellamy Blake" the Seer said, "Why have you come to visit me at such strange hours of the night? What is it that troubles you so?"  
  
"I am leaving tomorrow" Bellamy said, "And I don't know when...or if I'll come again."  
  
"Ah" the Seer said, "Yes. The great journey awaits."  
  
"Will I succeed?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"Yes" the Seer said automatically.

Bellamy nodded, thinking about his last two questions.

"Should I bring her with me?" he asked. It was the question that had made him come to the Seer in the first place.  
  
"Yes" the Seer said.  
  
It wasn't the answer he'd been hoping for.  
  
"You are blessed with many gifts" the Seer began, "The Gods have been very generous with you. But you cannot travel down the path set forth by the Gods alone, Bellamy. Alone, you will not succeed."  
  
"And why is that?" Bellamy asked before he could think twice. He cursed himself; he'd always had a problem with being patient. He was as inpatient as they came. His mother had said that it was his greatest weakness.  
  
"That which you seek you shall only receive with her by your side, for she is your mate" the Seer said.  
  
"Excuse me?" Bellamy asked. There was no way he had heard the Seer correctly.  
  
"She is your mate" the Seer repeated.  
  
Bellamy let out a laugh. It echoed through the cave.  
  
"What is it, boy?" the Seer asked.  
  
"There's no way" he said, shaking his head a little. "No way. Not that girl."  
  
"You doubt in the sight? The Gods?" the Seer asked.  
  
"Of course not" Bellamy said, "But there must be some sort of mistake. That-that girl is definitely not my mate."  
  
"There is no mistake, boy. You have asked and I have answered. Now it is time for you to pay" the Seer said.  
  
Bellamy sighed.  
  
He wished he had thought of better way to ask his three questions. But it was done. That was all the information the Seer would give him.  
  
He rose and grabbed the small knife he kept in his belt.  
  
The Seer picked up a small cup and Bellamy took it without a word.  
  
He took the knife and cut a deep gash into the flesh of his palm.  
  
He didn't wince. He'd grown used to it.  
  
Holding the cup in his other hand, he brought his palm above it and watched as the blood dripped into the cup.  
  
When enough blood had gathered, he gave the cup back to the Seer and wrapped his palm with the piece of cloth he'd remembered to bring.  
  
"May we meet again" the Seer said, bringing the cup to his lips.  
  
Bellamy left without another word.

 _Mate. Mate. Mate._  
  
He couldn't get the word out of his head.  
  
_Mate. Mate. Mate._  
  
He replayed his conversation with the Seer over and over.  
  
_'Yes'_ the Seer had said, Bellamy would be successful. But he was expecting that. It was the same answer the Seer had given him in the past.  
  
_'Yes'_ the Seer had said, Bellamy _should_ take her with him. He should let them, let _her_ come. Now that, he wasn't really expecting. It was the question he'd been asking himself for almost two months. _Should I?_  
  
He'd run out of time; they needed an answer tonight.  
  
By the time he made it back home, the only thing he felt was anger.  
  
Anger at Seer, for telling him. Anger at the Gods, for being so cruel. Anger at the world.  
  
He cursed himself for going to the Seer in the first place.  
  
What was he supposed to do now, knowing what he knew?  
  
It was the first time the Seer had told him something he didn't want to know.  
  
He made his way through the village. Almost everyone had gone to bed. He thanked the Gods that he hadn't run into anyone. Run into her. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to control himself.

Just the thought of her made him angry; made him clench his fists.  
  
Eventually, he made it to the Commons; the place where they held their meetings, their parties and pretty much everything else.  
  
He didn't think twice before going to the front of the room and asking Miller for a drink.  
  
He sat down on one of the stools while Miller poured him some ale.  
  
Miller knew better than to ask him what was wrong; they'd been friends since they were kids. They grew up together. Miller knew him better than anyone else, except maybe Octavia, his beautiful and fierce younger sister.  
  
"Hey" Murphy said, sitting down next to him. "What the hell took you so long?"  
  
"I went to the Seer" Bellamy said.  
  
There were a few others in the large room, spread out far enough away as to not overhear the three of them.  
  
"And?" Murphy said.  
  
Bellamy took a drink, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
He didn't miss the silent exchange between Murphy and Miller.  
  
But neither one of them asked again. Instead, Miller poured them more ale and they talked of their upcoming trip.

Everything was ready. After months and months of preparation; they were finally ready to leave their home.  
  
Eventually some of the anger burning hot in his chest cooled down. He laughed with his best friends, thinking of the adventure that lay ahead.  
  
When they were all drunk enough, their eyes glassy and their cheeks flushed, the two boys asked Bellamy about what the Seer had said.  
  
"He says, no, he _insists_ we bring them along" Bellamy said, taking yet another sip.  
  
He realized that it probably wasn't the smartest decision; they'd have to leave early the next morning. But he'd been so angry he didn't consider what was right, or smart. He just wanted to feel better.  
  
"Seriously?" Miller asked.  
  
"Yeah" Bellamy said, shrugging.  
  
"So are you going to let them? I know you said yes to Raven and Finn. But what about her?" Murphy asked.  
  
"I don't really have a choice" Bellamy said.  
  
"Did he say why?" Miller asked.  
  
"Not specifically" Bellamy said. _That which you seek you shall only receive with her by your side._  
  
"Can we trust them?" Miller asked, looking at Bellamy. "I mean, we don't really even know them that well."  
  
"I don't know" Bellamy said. And he didn't.  
  
The Seer has the sight. He didn't tell Bellamy why or how they, how she was necessary to him; why he had to bring her. It could be for a good reason. Perhaps she and the others would help him achieve his goal in a positive way?  
  
But it could also be for a bad reason.  
  
There was no way to know for sure, not until it actually happened.

Either way, he had to take them. All three of them.  
  
"That's not even the worst part" Bellamy said, shaking his head.  
  
"What do you mean?" Miller asked.  
  
"The Seer says..." Bellamy began, "That I need her. Specifically her. That without her, I won't succeed."  
  
"What? Why?" Murphy asked.  
  
_Mate. Mate. Mate._  
  
"I have no fucking idea" Bellamy said, "But it's like some cruel joke from the Gods. Her? Out of all people. I was hoping I'd leave tomorrow and never see her face again. And instead the Seer tells me that I need her."  
  
He let out a little laugh. He couldn't help himself; it really did seem like the Gods had done it just to spite him.  
  
"I guess I better go tell her the good news" Bellamy said. But as soon as he stood, he realized just how drunk he was. He swayed a little, grabbing the table in front of him to steady himself.  
  
"I don't think she will appreciate you coming to her door in the middle of the night, drunk off of your ass" Miller said.  
  
"Fuck her" Bellamy said. "I don't give a shit if she appreciates it or not."  
  
With that, he made his way out of the Commons and walked to the little cottage she shared with her mother.

"Bell, what the hell are you doing? Why aren't you asleep?" Octavia said, walking up beside him.  
  
"Why aren't you asleep? You know we have to leave early" he said, stopping to lean against a tree.  
  
"I'm too excited to sleep" Octavia said, flashing him her biggest and brightest smile.  
  
Despite the fact that he was angry and drunk, her smile made him smile. There was nothing that made him happier than seeing his sister, the person he loved most in this world, smile like that.  
  
"Me too" Bellamy said. And he was excited. He'd never been more excited in his life. But the anger had made him forget about it.  
  
"Where are you headed?" Octavia asked.  
  
"I was going to tell her my decision."  
  
"Which is?"  
  
"I'm going to let them come. All three of them."  
  
Octavia nodded but the smile had vanished from her face.  
  
"You don't agree?" he asked, although he knew where his sister stood on the subject.

"You know how I feel, Bellamy. They're not bad. And they've been training."  
  
"But?"  
  
"But I-I just....I don't trust them, Bell."  
  
"I don't either."  
  
"So why are you letting them come?"  
  
"Because the Seer told me I should."  
  
"Oh" Octavia said, "Well then I guess we have no choice in the matter."  
  
"I guess not" he said, feeling bitter. "Anyway, I was just going to let her know."  
  
"She's not here" Octavia said. "I saw her leave a couple of hours ago, with Jasper and Monty."  
  
"Where to?"  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
_Great. Just great._  
  
"I guess I'll let her know in the morning, then" Bellamy said. "No, actually, why don't you tell her? But make sure it's right before we leave so that she's running around like chicken with it's head cut off?"  
  
The smile made it's way back on to his sisters face.

"Sounds like a plan" she said, a little mischief in her eye.  
  
He pulled his sister in for a hug goodnight.  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow" Octavia said.  
  
"Tomorrow" he said, placing a kiss on her forehead.  
  
They parted ways and he stumbled to his own cottage in the darkness.  
  
Once inside, he stripped and crawled into bed, putting his arm around the warm body fast asleep beside him.  
  
"Bellamy?" she said.  
  
"Sorry" he mumbled, "I didn't mean to wake you."  
  
"It's alright. What did the Seer say? Are you going to let them come?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah" he said, "I am."  
  
"I knew you would" she said, moving closer to him. "Goodnight."  
  
He didn't say anything.  
  
He pulled her a little closer. _Screw the Gods_ , he thought.  
  
They hadn't been together long, but Gina was good. They'd been together for a couple of years. She didn't care about his title. She believed in him.

And tomorrow, she'd be joining him on the journey he'd been planning for years.  
  
_Mate. Mate. Mate._  
  
He started feeling a little guilty as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

They came in the dead of night.  
  
Their clothes were tattered, their faces dirty with soot. Dirt under their nails and on their skin, their hair.  
  
Octavia had run to get Bellamy, to wake him and bring him to the strangers at the entrance of their village.  
  
"Why have they come? Who are they?" he asked, walking through his village.  
  
"I have no idea" his sister said, "They showed up a few minutes ago asking for help."  
  
"How many of them are there?" he asked.  
  
"Four" Octavia said.  
  
They weaved their way through the village and finally noticed a small crowd gathered at the front.  
  
"Move" Bellamy said, trying to get to the front of the group.  
  
When the people finally noticed that he had arrived, they parted and gave him a clear path to the newcomers.  
  
At the front of the group, a small blonde stood in front of three other people, like she was protecting them. There was an older woman behind her, along with another boy and girl who looked to be about the same age as the girl standing in front of them.  
  
"Who are you?" Bellamy asked, studying the group. They looked like they'd been traveling for a long time.

"Are you the earl?" the blonde girl asked.  
  
"Yes" Bellamy said, "And who are you?"  
  
"How can that be? You are no older than 25. All the other earls are at least 30" she said.  
  
"What is your point?"  
  
"I don't believe you. I asked to speak with the earl, not another ordinary villager" she said, her head high in defiance.  
  
A few people murmured in anger as Bellamy took a step towards the girl. He didn't miss the way the boy and girl behind her clenched their fists.  
  
"You asked for the earl" he said, now only a few inches away from her, "And here I am. So tell me, who are you? And why have you come?"  
  
But the girl showed no sign of fear or intimidation. She glared up at him with piercing blue eyes and said nothing.  
  
"Fine" he said, turning his back. "Lock them up."  
  
He started to walk away when she finally spoke up.  
  
"Wait!" she yelled.  
  
He turned back to her.  
  
"Who are you and why have you come here?" he asked again.

"We are from a village about a months walk from here" she said, "Our village was destroyed. We are the only survivors. This is the first settlement we've come across."  
  
"What village?"  
  
"Arhus" the girl said.  
  
"Arhus? Never heard of it" Octavia said from beside her brother.  
  
"Yes well, it is a small village. And as I said, it's about a months travel from here. We're in- I mean, we were in a secluded part of the land. We rarely ever met anyone from the outside" the girl said.  
  
"And what happened to your village?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"It...it burned" the girl said, finally looking away. He got a glimpse of something other than determination and anger on her face.  
  
"How?" he asked.  
  
"We're not really sure" the woman behind the girl said. "My daughter and I are healers. We were helping these two when we heard the screaming" she said, nodding at the boy and girl standing behind the blonde.  
  
"And?" Bellamy said.  
  
"And, as my daughter said, it was a very small village. The houses were very close together. The whole place burned. We barely got out" she said, tears swimming in her eyes.  
  
The blonde reached back and grabbed the woman's hand.  
  
She turned back to Bellamy.  
  
"We're sorry to intrude. But we have no place to go. We've run out of food, water. This is the first place we've come across that actually has people" she said.  
  
Bellamy studied the group.  
  
Something about them seemed _off_. He was sure that there was more to the story.  
  
But they did look tired, and hungry. And they needed shelter.  
  
And besides, three of the four in the group were female. Just by the look of them, he could tell that they weren't like the women in his village. These women weren't shield maidens. They'd probably never held swords or shields in their lives.  
  
And the boy looked no better.

"Take them to the Commons" Bellamy said. "Get them food and drink. Something to wear. I'll come by shortly."  
  
"Thank you" the blonde said.  
  
A few people from the village led the group of four to the Commons.  
  
Bellamy stayed back, watching the group leave. The people from his own village looked excited. They didn't have a lot of guests here.  
  
"Do you actually believe them?" Octavia said, standing beside her brother.  
  
"No" Bellamy said, shaking his head. "No, I don't."  
  
"I don't either" Octavia said.  
  
"For right now, I'll let them rest. We can question them later" he said.  
  
"I don't like the way that one talked" Octavia said, "The blonde? I don't like the way she looked at us, either."  
  
"I know" Bellamy said.  
  
Eventually they parted ways. Bellamy went to his own cottage. He'd spent the afternoon by the seaside helping the others prepare. They had two months left.  
  
In two months, they would be leaving. The weather would be perfect, the winter will have passed. They had to be ready.

He sat down in his front room, thinking about all the things they still had to do. The boats were nearly ready. It'd taken them almost a year to build them. But they were the most beautiful boats he'd ever seen. He had Monty and Jasper to thank for that. They'd come up with the designs, the structures.  
  
They still had to prepare the sails, the rows and gather all the food, the weapons and other necessities they'd have to bring.  
  
Luckily, the people that would join him were already in great shape. They were raised to be fighters, warriors.  
  
He heard the bedroom door open.  
  
"Bellamy?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Hey. What are you doing up?" Gina said, leaning against the door frame.  
  
"We have visitors. A group of four. They say their village burned and they need a place to stay" he said.  
  
"What are you going to do? Are you going to let them stay? That story seems a little weird" Gina said.  
  
"I don't really know yet" he said, getting up. "And yeah, their story is weird. I'm going to talk to them, see if I can get any real answers."

"Okay, well, if you need anything, you know where to find me" she said. She put her arms around his neck and gave him kiss. "Be kind."  
  
"Aren't I always?" he asked.  
  
"No" she said, smiling at him.  
  
He bid her goodnight as she went back to bed.  
  
He found the group surrounded in the Commons. The people from the village were gathered around them, asking them questions. Everyone was intrigued by the strangers.  
  
"Don't you people have better things to do?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"Not really" Jasper said, "It's the middle of the night."  
  
"Exactly" Bellamy said, grabbing the young boy by his shirt. "So go to bed" he said, pulling Jasper out of the chair and giving him a little shove towards the door.  
  
"All of you" Bellamy said, turning in a circle "Out."  
  
"It was nice meeting you" Monty said to the group before making his way to the door.  
  
One by one, the others filed out until the four newcomers sat at a table alone. Miller stayed behind the bar; Octavia and Murphy sitting on the barrels in front of it.  
  
Bellamy sat down across from the group.  
  
"So you weren't kidding? You really are the earl?" the blonde said.  
  
Bellamy narrowed his eyes at the girl.

"Who do you think you are?" Bellamy said, "First you accuse me of lying. And now you have the nerve to sit here and joke about it?"  
  
"Relax" the brunette beside the blonde said, "She was just kidding."  
  
"I don't give a shit. I don't see anything funny about this situation. So if you are done kidding, I'd like to ask you some questions. And think about the way you want to respond; the only reason you're sitting here is because of me" he said.  
  
He could see her growing angry. The redness in her cheeks gave it away. She glared at him through cold eyes.  
  
"I apologize" she said through gritted teeth. "I did not mean to offend. What are your questions?"  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"My name is Clarke Griffin. This is my mother, Abigail" she said, nodding towards the woman sitting to her right. "This is Raven Reyes and Finn Collins. We are all from Arhus. My father is...my father was the earl of our village."  
  
"Was?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"He didn't make it" she said, looking down.  
  
Bellamy nodded.  
  
"And tell me again what happened. How the four of you managed to survive" he said.

"My mother told you" Clarke said, meeting his eye. "My mother and I are healers. We kept the quarters about two miles from the village. We lived on very rocky terrain. People got hurt all the time so we wanted somewhere quiet, somewhere peaceful to do our work. Finn had brought Raven to us. She had broken her leg, she was screaming in pain."  
  
Bellamy looked at the brunette sitting beside Clarke. She met his gaze with a hard look.  
  
"Anyway, we had a building similar to this one in the middle of our village. We all ate our meals there. We think...we think that's where it started. That it was where the fire occurred. And because most of the people in our village were inside...by the time we heard the screams it was already too late. Those who weren't burned alive choked on the smoke. The few that survived died of infection, of cold. We had no choice but to leave" Clarke said.  
  
"I'm sorry for your loss" Bellamy said, looking at all of them individually.  
  
"We've accepted it. We barely made it here alive ourselves" Clarke said.  
  
Bellamy wasn't sure if he believed the story. But all four of them looked worn down. They looked sad.  
  
"Alright" he said, "You can stay here, seeing as you have no where else to go."  
  
"Thank you" Clarke said.  
  
"But I expect you to abide by our rules. My word is law here" he said.  
  
"We know that" Clarke said. "And we will. We would appreciate it if you gave us a few days to rest. After that, you can give us work."

"I will" he said, standing up. "My sister will take you to a place where you can rest. We can provide for you until you are able to do so for yourselves. For the time being, you can stay in the cabin she takes you to. That will be your home."  
  
For a second, he saw a hint of anger on her face.  
  
"Is that okay with you?" he asked.  
  
"It's-" she began, swallowing thickly, "It's more than okay. Thank you very much."  
  
The smile on her face looked very, very forced. He was pretty sure that thanking him was the last thing she wanted to do.  
  
He nodded to his sister and she came forward.  
  
"Let's go" she said, and the group rose.  
  
As they prepared to leave the Commons, Bellamy grabbed Octavia's arm to stop her when she tried to follow the group to the door.  
  
"Don't let them out of your sight" he said, loud enough for the group of four to hear him.  
  
Clarke turned to look at him over her shoulder.  
  
When she met his gaze, her eyes dropped to the floor and she turned, walking through the doors.  
  
"Seems a little suspicious" Murphy said once they had left. "I mean, we've all lived here our entire lives. How is it that we've never heard of their village? We know about the others. But I've never heard of Arhus. Have you?"

Bellamy and Miller shook their heads no.  
  
"Well, they did say it was a months travel from here" Miller said.  
  
"So? Russex is two months travel from here and we know of it" Murphy said.  
  
They sat in silence for a while.  
  
"It doesn't matter" Bellamy said eventually. "Even if they are not who they say they are, they came here with nothing. And did you take a look at them? Even you could overpower each of them, Murphy."  
  
"Shut up" Murphy said, "I'll have you know I've gotten a lot better with that sword."  
  
"I guess we'll find out if that's true when we leave" Bellamy said, smiling at his friend.  
  
"I sure hope so" Murphy said, raising his glass. "The Gods know I haven't been in a real fight in ages."

* * *

 

In the next few days that passed, Bellamy went about his regular schedule; preparing for the trip, listening to complaints and wishes from the residents of his village. It used to bother him, when he first became the earl, that people came to him for the most ridiculous things.  
  
_I don't give a shit if you don't like your neighbor; I don't give a shit that so and so's dog bit your child_ , he'd think. But he'd grown used to it. And at the end of the day, the happiness of his people was worth all of the petty disputes he had to settle.  
  
Because, he realized, an earl who cared for his people was cared for _by_ his people. It was why he'd gotten so much support from not only the people in his village but in the neighboring villages as well. He'd asked for company on his trip; fighters and warriors who would follow him. And almost all of the surrounding villages would help him. They'd send him their fighters and other things he needed for the trip.  
  
He went about his daily routine, but kept an eye on the newcomers whenever he crossed paths with them.  
They were struggling to fit in. He could tell.  
  
In Commons, when the others ate together and drank and laughed, the four newcomers sat at a table in the corner, talking among themselves and trying to ignore the stares.  
  
It was a little funny to him, watching them squirm under his gaze.  
  
He was sitting at the usual table he sat at, surrounded by those closest to him, when Clarke looked up and met his gaze.

It surprised him a little when she continued to stare back at him. Or glare was more like it. Like he'd somehow offended her.  
  
It pissed him off.  
  
The others seemed grateful. Whenever they met his gaze they nodded and dropped their eyes. But not her. She continued to stare back, challenging him.  
  
It'd been about a week since they'd arrived. She and her mother asked to work with the healer they had in the village since that was their specialty.  
  
Raven worked with Gina and Miller, manning the Commons and the bar.  
  
Bellamy let Finn work with the farmers. The people who tended to the crops in the summer and the smokehouse and kitchen in the winter.  
  
To Bellamy's surprise, Clarke rose from her seat and walked towards their table.  
  
"Hey Clarke" Lincoln said from beside Bellamy. "Want to join us?"  
  
Lincoln was one of the kindest among them. He was the only one from their group of friends that went out of his way to talk to the new group.  
  
"Hey Lincoln" Clarke said. "Yeah, I'd like that."  
  
And to Bellamy's surprise, she sat down.  
  
"Can my friends join?" she asked.  
  
"Of course" Lincoln said.

Clarke turned around and motioned for her friends to join her with a nod.  
  
Her mother, Abby, left the Commons while Raven and Finn joined their group, sitting beside Clarke.  
  
Bellamy wasn't sure what they were trying to achieve. They'd been here every night and every day for meals. They'd never tried to join before.  
  
"So" Lincoln said, "You guys fitting in all right?"  
  
"Yeah" Clarke said, nodding. "I believe so."  
  
"Is it different? From your home, I mean?" Lincoln asked.  
  
Clarke opened her mouth to speak but stopped when Octavia spoke up first.  
  
"Do one of the others have something to say? Or do you always speak for them?" Octavia said.  
  
Bellamy let out a laugh. It was exactly what he wanted to say.  
  
Clarke glared at him.  
  
"Of course they can speak for themselves" she said through gritted teeth. She only stopped glaring at him to glare at Octavia, sitting on his right.  
  
"That so?" Bellamy said, he turned to Raven and Finn. "Is that true? Can you speak for yourselves?"  
  
"This place is different from our home" Raven said. She had a fierce, angry look to her. It reminded Bellamy of his sister.  
  
"How so?" he asked.  
  
"It's colder" Raven said.  
  
A few people laughed.  
  
"And the people aren't nearly as nice" she said.  
  
"Yes, but what we lack in niceness we make up for with our beauty and strength, right?" Jasper said.  
  
A smile spread across Raven's face, a little shy and a little reluctant.  
  
"Well, you've got me there" she said.

And after that, the conversation came easily. Thanks to Lincoln, Jasper and Monty, the three newcomers started to relax. They joined in on the conversation.  
  
"So what's this big trip everyone is talking about?" Clarke asked.  
  
By that point, the Commons had cleared. Their group of ten were the only ones left.  
  
Octavia looked at Bellamy, excitement brightening her eyes.  
  
"We're going west" Octavia said, looking at Clarke. "We've been planning it for years. We leave in two months."  
  
"West?" Clarke asked. "Why?"  
  
"Why does it concern you?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"I was just wondering. I mean, it's no ordinary thing to hear talk of traveling west" she said, shrugging her shoulders.  
  
"Yes well, we aren't ordinary people" Octavia said.  
  
"What do you plan to do?" Finn asked.  
  
Bellamy and Octavia looked at one another.  
  
"Why are you all so curious?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"Oh come on. Tell us you wouldn't be curious if you heard what we just heard. If you didn't want us to ask, you shouldn't have told us at all" Raven said. "And besides, everyone here knows. Don't you think they'll tell us eventually?"

The others at the table looked at Bellamy to see what he would say.  
  
"You make a good point" Bellamy said, smirking at the girl.  
  
"So tell us" Clarke said.  
  
But where Raven's curiosity seemed laid back and appropriate to the situation, Clarke's seemed almost eager.  
  
"We're going west to find land" Bellamy said.  
  
"But that is not allowed" Clarke said. "It's the kings law. We cannot travel west."  
  
"So?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"So...aren't you worried about getting, I don't know, executed?" Clarke asked incredulously.  
  
"If we stay we will die anyway" Octavia said. "We might as well try and live."  
  
"What do you mean?" Clarke asked, "Why would you die anyway?"  
  
"Don't you know?" Octavia asked. "The winter? The cold? The debts?"  
  
Clarke and Raven exchanged a glance.  
  
"How far away did you say your village was?" Octavia asked, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"About thirty days on foot" Clarke said.  
  
The others at the table looked at one another.

"What?" Clarke asked, "What is it?"  
  
"How is it that you have lived here all this time and yet you have not heard of what's to come?" Bellamy asked. The more he talked to them, the more suspicious their story seemed.  
  
"I told you, it's a very small village. No more than a hundred people. What are you talking about?" she asked.  
  
"We're losing land. Every year, the sea gets closer and closer. Every year, the winter gets longer and colder. Snow comes overnight and the next day it is up to your hip. We've lost thirty people to the winter this year in our village alone. How is it that you know nothing about the state of the land?" Octavia asked.  
  
"I told you....we live on very rocky turrain. We're no where near the sea. And the weather is much warmer at our home" Clarke said.  
  
"That, combined with what we have to provide for the king has made it almost impossible to live here any longer. We love our home but we know that our people have no future here" Lincoln said.  
  
Clarke looked like she wanted to ask another question, but instead she bit her bottom lip and nodded.  
  
"And how do you plan to do it?" Finn asked. "Have you made boats?"  
  
"We have" Monty said. "We've built three total."  
  
"Three? Seriously?" Finn asked, raising his eyebrows.  
  
"Yeah" Jasper said, smiling "Seriously."

He and Monty made some sort of strange hand gesture at the same time; something they'd been doing since they were kids.  
  
"Can we see them?" Raven asked, "We've never seen a boat before."  
  
"Sure" Jasper said, "We can take you tomorrow."  
  
The group chatted excitedly for a few minutes, asking more questions about the trip.  
  
Bellamy rose to leave; he'd talked enough for one night.  
  
"Don't tell them too much" he said, "We still don't know if we can trust them."  
  
Clarke looked up at him, an angry look on her face.  
  
Bellamy stared back, daring her to say something else.  
  
She didn't.  
  
He left after that.  
  
He had only gotten about five feet from the door when he heard someone following him out.  
  
"Hey" Clarke said from behind him. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"  
  
"What is it?" he said, turning to face her.  
  
"Do you think that...that my mother and I can get a house of our own?"  
  
It wasn't what he had expected her to say.

"Why?"  
  
"It's just that..." she began, looking a little embarrassed. "Finn and Raven are..."  
  
Bellamy smirked at her.  
  
"What? Together? It makes you uncomfortable to hear what they do in the darkness?"  
  
She scoffed, a disgusted look on her face.  
  
"It isn't like that. They're not together in that sense. Not anymore. But I'd rather live alone with my mother. Is that okay with you?"  
  
"Fine. Sure. Tell my sister and she will help you" he said, turning to walk away.  
  
"Wait!" she yelled, running after him.  
  
She grabbed his arm to stop him and moved until she stood in his path.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"Your trip?" she said., "How many people are going with you?"  
  
"The boats can carry about fifty men each. We have three boats. I assume you learned basic math in your small, unheard of village?"  
  
"Do you have to be such a dick all the time? It was just a question!" she yelled.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. "In case you have forgotten, I am the earl here. And I took you in and let you stay. I don't know what kind of earl your father was, how he let his people treat him, but that is not the way things work around here."  
  
If she wasn't angry before, she definitely was now. He could see hatred in her eye, even more so than before.  
  
"Do not" she began through clenched teeth "Speak a word of my father. You have no idea who I am and what-"  
  
"I don't give a shit who you are. Having your own father as your earl has obviously made you forget about the way things actually work. You want to stay? Show some fucking respect. You're obviously not used to that."  
  
He walked around her and started towards his own home, once again.  
  
"Wait!" she yelled again.  
  
This time he turned to face her, tired of talking to her.  
  
"What?" he yelled, "What do you want?"  
  
She clenched her fists.  
  
"I apologize" she said, "I did not mean to insult you. You are right. Having my own father as the earl of our village has made me forget."

Despite the fact that she was apologizing, Bellamy got the feeling she was even angrier than she was before. Her tone made it seem as if apologizing to him was physically painful for her.  
  
"Whatever" he said.  
  
"Do you think that we could come with you?" she said.  
  
"What?" he asked. "Why?"  
  
"Well...you're traveling west. We've been here our whole lives. Can't you understand that?"  
  
"I can. But I'm going for a reason. Not boredom or curiosity."  
  
"I get that" she said, "But even so, we'd like to join you."  
  
"I don't think so" he said.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"Because like I said, I'm going for a reason. I don't see any purpose for you to come."  
  
"So what?" she asked, an annoyed look on her face. "You're taking a hundred and fifty people. And they'll all be of some use to you?"  
  
"Yes" he said, "They will."  
  
"How? Half of the people here are farmers."  
  
"I didn't say they would all be from here."

"Then who else?"  
  
He sighed. By that point, he was tired. He wanted to sleep. He was tired of her questions. And there was something annoying about her persistence.  
  
"Warriors. Fighters from villages close to ours."  
  
"So what? You're only taking strong men?" she asked, rolling her eyes.  
  
"That's insulting" he said, "I don't know how things work in your village, but the women here are just as strong as the men. They're shield maidens. They can fight. Half of the people coming with me are women."  
  
"So why can't I come?"  
  
"Have you ever held a sword in your life? Based on your appearance, I'd say no. Your not like the women here."  
  
" _That's_ insulting" she said, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"No, it's the truth. You've lived a soft life. You don't have what it takes to survive. I'm surprised you've survived this long."  
  
Her mouth dropped. She looked insulted. And maybe a little hurt.  
  
"Why are you taking fighters anyway? If all you plan to do is look for land?" she asked.  
  
"I never said that was all."

"Then what?"  
  
"Nothing you need to concern yourself with, seeing as you aren't going."  
  
"But-but I'm a healer! Don't you need those, too?" she asked.  
  
"Yes, and I've got a few. They will be joining me."  
  
"Isn't that enough of a reason to bring me along?"  
  
"My healers can save lives as well as take them. Can you?"  
  
She opened her mouth to say something, but a second later she closed it, her mouth set in a hard line.  
  
"So, what if we train? You say you're leaving in two months. What if Finn, Raven and I can learn to fight. Would you let us come?" she asked.  
  
"I'd consider it" he said. No, he wouldn't actually consider it. But he was tired of talking to her.  
  
"Fine" she said.  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
"No"  
  
He turned on the spot an left, leaving her standing there.  
  
He could feel her eyes on him. No, he wasn't the world's friendliest person. But she really seemed to hate him. The thought made him smile.

* * *

 

She didn't ask about the trip again.  
  
In fact, she didn't talk to him at all.  
  
She moved into a small cottage on the outskirts of their village with her mother. The two of them began working as healers. Since it was what they'd done in their own village, Bellamy figured it was the best way to keep them occupied.  
  
Whenever they were in close quarters, she made a point to stay as far away from him as possible. But sometimes he would look up and catch her staring at him, hatred and anger in her eye.  
  
She began training, along with Raven and Finn.  
  
Sometime's he'd see them practicing in the clearing behind their village, wooden swords and shields in their hands.  
  
One afternoon, he noticed that Lincoln had joined them. He was teaching them to fight. The sight made Bellamy laugh to himself. He couldn't believe they actually thought he'd let them come.  
  
His own people were warming up to the four new guests. But Bellamy was still suspicious. And he wasn't the only one.  
  
"Why are you teaching them?" Octavia asked.  
  
She, Bellamy and Lincoln were eating dinner in the cottage Octavia and Lincoln shared.  
  
"Because they want to learn" Lincoln said. "And they should know how to protect themselves. They should know how to fight."

Octavia rolled her eyes and looked over at her brother.  
  
"What? You two still don't trust them?" Lincoln asked.  
  
"No" Octavia said, "And neither should you."  
  
"They've done nothing to make me suspicious. And think about what they've been through" Lincoln said.  
  
"What they say they've been through, you mean?" Bellamy said.  
  
Lincoln shook his head. Bellamy knew how Lincoln felt. He knew what the others thought. That the group of four were just like them. That they were in need of help and that they had no ill intentions. But Bellamy wasn't so sure.  
  
He'd kind of gotten accustomed to their presence. And he had to admit that Clarke's mother, Abby, was a good healer. She was an asset to their village.  
  
And truthfully, Finn and Raven weren't that bad. They were easy to get along with. And they followed his directions and did what they were told without a word in protest.  
  
It was Clarke. She was the problem.  
  
Despite the fact that she'd been going out of her way to ignore him since the night they'd fought, every order he'd given her was met with some sort of challenge.  
  
Even when he wasn't directly talking to her, he could feel her judgmental gaze on him. He heard the snide remarks and the protest.  
  
A few nights later, they celebrated the arrival of spring.

They had a festival with music and dancing; food and wine. They offered gifts to the Gods and spent the whole night in good spirits.  
  
"And what exactly do you think the Gods will grant you?" he heard Clarke say, directly across from him.  
  
A small group of them had gone down to the sea side. They sat around a large fire and drank.  
  
"Whatever they see fit" Octavia answered.  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes.  
  
"What is it? You doubt in the Gods?" Octavia asked.  
  
"I don't believe in the Gods" Clarke said.  
  
The entire group went quiet.  
  
"What?" Jasper asked. "You don't believe in the Gods?"  
  
"No" Clarke said. Bellamy could tell that she was drunk. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were glassy.  
  
"Then what do you believe in?" Monty asked.  
  
"There is only one God" she said. "That's the only one I believe in."  
  
He'd heard of people like her. People who didn't believe in their Gods. People who believed that there was only one God. He'd never known a person who did, but he'd heard.  
  
"May Thor strike you down for saying that" Octavia said.

Clarke brought the cup in her hand to her lips, laughing a little.  
  
"So what is your God the God of?" Octavia asked.  
  
"He's the God of everything" Clarke said. "Everything in this world."  
  
"And you don't believe in Valhalla?" Octavia asked, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"No" Clarke said, "I don't. I believe in heaven and hell."  
  
"What are those?" Jasper asked.  
  
"Heaven is the place good people go after life. Hell is for the bad" Clarke said.  
  
"I think you've had enough" Finn said, reaching forward to take Clarke's cup.  
  
"No" Clarke said, yanking her arm away. "I haven't."  
  
"That's ridiculous" Octavia said. "Victory or Valhalla. It is the only way."  
  
"Now, that's ridiculous. The idea that only those who die in combat get to go somewhere better after death" Clarke said, taking another sip from her cup. "What about those who don't fight?" she asked. She looked across the fire and met Bellamy's stare with a hard look. "I mean, not all of us are fighters."  
  
"You obviously don't know shit about our way of life" Bellamy said.  
  
"Yeah? Then do tell. What is the purpose of Valhalla if we all don't get to go?" she asked.

"We do. You are obviously to dim to understand this, but physical combat isn't the only way to lose your life. People fight for their lives against other men, against disease, against their own bodies. A man who loses the fight against a sickness of the mind or the body is just as worthy as a man who loses the fight against an enemy" he said.  
  
Clarke glared at him from across the fire.  
  
"Why the hell do you hate me so much?" she asked. "Because I was a highborn in my village? Because I have lived a soft life, as you say?"  
  
"No" Bellamy said. "I don't hate you for that. That is out of your control. I hate you because you come here and insult us with your talk of one God, invalidating our beliefs and our way of life because you think you've got everything figured out."  
  
She stood up, clenching her fists at her sides.  
  
He stood up as well.  
  
"Okay, why don't we just take it easy" Raven said, moving to stand beside Clarke. "She didn't mean to insult you. We were just raised differently, that's all."  
  
"Yes" Bellamy said, "We were raised differently. But if you all wish to stay, you better keep your thoughts to yourself. Here, we believe in the Gods. Keep that in mind."  
  
He could see her clenching her jaw.  
  
Raven whispered something in her ear and a few moments later, Clarke unclenched her fists and sat back down.  
  
Bellamy stared down at her until she looked away.

He left after that.  
  
"What is it about that girl that makes you so mad?" Gina asked that night.  
  
"She reminds me of the king and the people in Paris" Bellamy said.  
  
"How? You've never met any of them?"  
  
"I know. But that's what I imagine them to be like. Arrogant. Annoying. Nonbelievers."  
  
"Oh stop it" Gina said, "She isn't that bad. So what if her beliefs are different from our own? She is a good healer. And the people here seem to like her."  
  
"I don't know" Bellamy said. "There's just something about her that makes me weary."  
  
The next few weeks passed by quickly. They were almost ready to leave.  
  
He hadn't spoken to Clarke since the night she'd insulted them, and he was glad for it. Every time he got a glimpse of her, anger would wash through him and he'd be reminded of all the things about her that made him feel uneasy.  
  
One afternoon, Lincoln asked him to join Finn and Raven for training. Bellamy reluctantly agreed; mostly because he knew Clarke wouldn't be there.  
  
He found himself impressed with the progress the two had made. They were no match for Lincoln, but then again, most people weren't.  
  
Still, he could see that they had learned a lot from him.  
  
"What do you think?" Lincoln asked once the two had left.

"Not bad" Bellamy said.  
  
"I would say that they're not bad at all. Good, actually. Especially Raven. She knows there's more to fighting than physical strength. She's a lot smarter than most people."  
  
"So, what? You think I should let them join us?"  
  
"Well, they really want to. And I think they'd be an asset."  
  
Bellamy nodded.  
  
"And Clarke?"  
  
"She could use more training. But she's getting there. Then again, Raven and Finn have been training harder than she has. But only because she helps her mother" Lincoln said.  
  
He thought about what Lincoln had said throughout the day.  
  
It was true, Bellamy could see himself that the two would be good in battle. They'd gained weight, they'd gained muscle. And Raven was smart; she could be of use to them. They needed thinkers just as much as they needed fighters, and she was both.  
  
That afternoon, he stopped by the cottage that Raven and Finn shared before going home.  
  
He told them that he would like it if they joined him, and the two seemed genuinely pleased and excited. It made Bellamy a little happy; he was just as excited as the two of them.  
  
Later that evening, he ate dinner with his friends. The Commons was crowded, they had guests. The people that were going to join them on their journey had started to come to the village in small groups. The ones who were furthest away had come first.

"Can I talk to you?" Clarke said, standing behind him.  
  
"What is it?" Bellamy asked. He wasn't even sure how it was possible that just hearing her voice annoyed him.  
  
"In private?" she asked. The fact that she stood there with her arms crossed told him there was no way she'd take no for an answer.  
  
He sighed and got up, following her out of the door.  
  
"When were you going to tell me?" she asked.  
  
"Tell you what?"  
  
"That you're letting Finn and Raven come along? That you already told them so?"  
  
"I don't see what that has to do with you. You are not their keeper."  
  
"Well what about me?"  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"You know what I mean!" she yelled, "Why haven't you told me anything?"  
  
"Because you're not going."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"I saw them fight. They were okay. Lincoln said you weren't as good as they were and they barely have my approval."

"Well, I've been busier than they have been. I've been helping my mother so I haven't had as much time to train."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So doesn't that count for something?"  
  
"Yes. It does. That's exactly why I'm letting you stay here and work as a healer with your mother."  
  
"But that's not fair!" she yelled, "I want to come too!"  
  
Bellamy laughed. She sounded like a child. A child who was used to getting her way.  
  
"You aren't a good fighter, Clarke. And besides that, you don't follow orders. You talk back. You argue with me. Challenge me. Why would I want you to join me on _my_ journey when all you've done is annoy and anger me?" he asked.  
  
She looked down. And for a second, Bellamy wished he could take the words back.  
  
"Look, I apologize if my words hurt you. But you obviously don't like me. I don't like you. So I don't expect for you to want to fight on my side. I don't expect you to fight for me. But you wanting to come along for the sake of travel isn't a good enough reason" he said.  
  
She was still looking down.  
  
He turned to go back inside.  
  
"There are still a few weeks left" she said from behind him, in a much quieter tone than he'd ever heard her use. "If-If I prove to you that I can listen, that I can fight, will you reconsider?"

He sighed.  
  
"Sure" he said, not turning around. He decided he'd tell her what she wanted to hear just to get her to shut up. "I'll reconsider."

* * *

 

The next few days, he noticed that she started getting up earlier. He would often see her heading to the woods early in the morning by herself and come back hours later, sweaty and tired.  
  
She had traded her soft dresses and plaited sandals for thick pants and sturdy boots.  
  
And when she met his gaze, she'd always look away first. When she ran into him at random places, she'd bow her head and turn in the other direction without the usual scowl on her face.  
  
It was a little entertaining.  
  
One day, he decided to watch her train with Lincoln. She mostly trained by herself since they were all busy getting ready for their trip, but in the evenings she'd train with Lincoln or one of the others.  
  
He watched as she held a sword and practiced unarming Lincoln. He watched as she held a thick wooden shield and defended herself.  
  
"Come on" Bellamy said from the side, "Don't be so easy on her."  
  
Lincoln nodded but Clarke said nothing.  
  
He watched as Lincoln fought harder and faster, disabling her and finding open spots in mere minutes.  
  
"You're slow" Bellamy said, "And weak."

She wasn't that slow. And she didn't seem that weak, either. He mostly said it to see if she was actually working on her attitude.  
  
To his surprise, she only nodded.  
  
He left shortly after that.  
  
In the next few weeks, Bellamy became too busy to worry about Clarke's progress. She asked him a few times if he had reconsidered, and when he told her he needed more time she left without another word.  
  
The people who would be joining him were camping by the seaside, getting everything ready. They had to make sure that the people who stayed behind had all the help they could get before the other's left.  
  
Almost everyone had wanted to come, but Bellamy had said no to about half of the volunteers residing in his village. And the ones who came for the villages surrounding theirs were men and women that Bellamy had approved of; people he could trust.  
  
He was in the Commons, going over information with Marcus Kane, one of his most trusted advisers. Kane would be taking over as earl in Bellamy's absence.  
  
Clarke wandered over from the other side of the room. She stood behind Kane and looked at Bellamy. Her presence was hard to ignore, but he had more things he needed to discuss with Kane.  
  
"What?" he asked, looking up at her.

"Have you reconsidered?" she asked.  
  
"I need more time" he said, hoping that she would leave.  
  
"But you leave in two weeks" she said.  
  
"So I've got two weeks to let you know."  
  
"But-"  
  
"But nothing. I'm busy."  
  
She pursed her lips but said nothing.  
  
But from then on, he could feel her watching him whenever they were near one another. It annoyed him to no end, and he kept expecting her to approach him. To ask yet again if he had reconsidered. Part of him hoped she would so that he could tell her no.  
  
She didn't.  
  
Two days before they were supposed to leave, a loud knock on his front door woke him from his slumbers.  
  
He sat up in the the darkness and listened. He could hear Gina breathing, fast asleep beside him.  
  
Just when he decided that whoever it was had (wisely) decided to leave, he heard the banging again, louder than before.

He got up to find something to wear, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. By the time he got to the door, he was livid. Who would disturb him like this, in the middle of the night?  
  
He opened the door and found Clarke standing on the other side.  
  
"What?" he spit. "What do you want?"  
  
"I'm tired of waiting" she said.  
  
"I'll tell you tomorrow" he said, pushing the door forward to close it. But she stuck her foot in the door frame.  
  
"No!" she yelled, pushing the door open. "I'm not waiting another second!"  
  
"Listen, Clarke, I'm tired. I've had a long day. We can discuss this tomorrow" he said, pushing the door closed again.  
  
"I said no!" she yelled, using her force to push the door open before walking inside. "I'm done waiting!"  
  
She moved until she was in the center of the room and then turned to face him.  
  
"Fine" he spit, walking towards her. "The answer is no."  
  
"But why? I've done everything you asked! I've listened! I've been training! I'm basically a shield maiden and-"  
  
He let out a laugh.

"You?" he said, raising an eyebrow. "A shield maiden?"  
  
"I am!" she yelled. "I've been training! I'm a lot better now! Let me show you that I-"  
  
"I said no."  
  
"But-"  
  
"No, Clarke. My answer is no. So just fucking leave already" he said, pissed off.  
  
"Fuck you!"   
  
"Excuse me?" he said, narrowing his eyes. "What the fuck makes you think that you can talk to me like that?"  
  
"Because you're being an asshole! That's what. You know how hard I've worked. And you're not letting me go just to spite me."  
  
"Fine" he said, "I'm not letting you go just to spite you. Now get out" he said, turning to nod at the door.  
  
"But-"  
  
"But nothing. I don't want you to come, okay? You'll be of more use to me here."  
  
"If you think for a second that I'm just going to stay-"  
  
"Yeah? Where else are you going to go?"  
  
She clenched her fists. They had been yelling so much he was surprised that Gina hadn't come to see what was going on.

Clarke glared at him. A part of him felt a little bad. She had been trying, after all. But even so, he could tell that she still hated him. And who knows what she'd get herself into if she actually came along? He was sure that he couldn't trust her to listen to him.  
  
She took a few steps towards the door and he sighed in relief.  
  
But instead of going out the door, she ran to the left side of the room, where he kept his weapons. She picked up a sword and turned towards him.  
  
"What the fuck are you doing?" he asked.  
  
She picked up a shield and tossed it to him.  
  
He caught it. Mostly because he didn't want to wake Gina.  
  
Clarke lifted the sword and took a few small steps towards him.  
  
"Clarke-"  
  
"Shut up" she said. "You think I can't fight? Let me prove it."  
  
"I said no" he said, but she continued to take small steps towards him.  
  
To his surprise, she actually lifted it over her head and brought it down towards him. He picked the shield up and blocked it.  
  
"What the fuck-" he started to say, but she swung again.  
  
And again. And again.

"All you've done is insult me!" she yelled, striking again. "Laugh at me!" Another strike of her sword. "Ignore me!" And another. "Treat me like shit!"  
  
He started to back up as she kept on.  
  
When he finally had enough, he blocked her one last time and swooped to the left. She turned to strike again but he grabbed her arm before she could, gripping it with one hand while he took the sword from her with the other.  
  
She brought her knee up and hit him in the side. The force of it making him drop the sword.  
  
He turned to face her, surprised and angry that she actually had the nerve to hit him.  
  
She swung her fists and he tilted his head, her fist flying right past him. But she was quicker than he expected her to be. She struck again a second later, her knee connecting to his thigh.  
  
"I'm tired of it!" she yelled, pushing him back.  
  
She continued to swing at him, her cheeks flushed with anger.  
  
He didn't try to fight back.  
  
He grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her towards the wall.  
  
"Stop" he said, but she brought her arm up and knocked his hands away using the strength of her elbow. He was pretty sure that Lincoln had taught her that move.  
  
"No!" she yelled, moving around him to try and get to the sword again.

"I said stop!" he yelled, grabbing her by the hips and pulling her back. This time he grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the wall. "Stop" he said when his face was inches away from hers. "You can't beat me."  
  
They were both breathing heavy by that point. Her chest rose and fell and she looked angrier than he'd ever seen her.  
  
"What the fuck makes you think that you can-" he started to say.  
  
But she brought her knee up and hit him in the stomach. He doubled over in pain.  
  
She ran forward. By the time he stood up straight, he knew she'd grabbed the sword again.  
  
When he turned back to her, he found himself looking at the sharp end of his own sword, only inches away from his face.  
  
She stepped forward and he backed up until he could feel the wall behind him.  
  
She lowered the sword until it was right on his neck. He could feel the tip of it digging into his flesh.  
  
"Clarke! What are you doing?" Gina yelled. Bellamy hadn't heard her come in the room.  
  
"I'm sick of you treating me like this" Clarke said, glaring at Bellamy and keeping the sword on his neck. "Am I not good enough? Is that it?"  
  
She pressed the tip a little further into his flesh.  
  
"Clarke! Stop!" Gina yelled, walking towards them.

"Next time you start to doubt in me, think about this" she said.  
  
He could feel a trickle of blood making it's way down his neck.  
  
She finally pulled the sword back and let it drop to the floor.  
  
"It is a great thing" Bellamy began, smirking at her, "When the little pig teaches the boar a lesson."  
  
He didn't have time to brace himself before she slapped him.  
  
"I don't give a shit if you're the earl!" she yelled, "You will treat me with some respect!"  
  
After that, she finally left.  
  
The following night, Bellamy left to visit the Seer.

* * *

 

 **Part II Clarke**  
  
"Where is he?" Clarke asked, searching the Commons. There were quite a few people there. She wasn't surprised when she didn't see him. He'd been avoiding her all day.  
  
She made her way up to the group of men at the front of the room.  
  
"I've waited long enough. I want to talk to him right now!" she yelled at Miller.  
  
"He's not here" Miller said, "Obviously."  
  
"Well where the hell is he?" she asked.  
  
"He had some things to take care of. He'll be back soon" Miller said.  
  
"Fine. I guess I'll just wait here then" she said, plastering the most annoying smile she could conjure.  
  
Miller rolled his eyes and grabbed a pitcher of ale. He refilled the cups for the men sitting to her left. He didn't even bother to ask her if she wanted anything.  
  
_That's fine_ , she thought. They could ignore her. Make fun of her. Annoy her. But she refused to back down.  
  
"Why do you want to see him?" Jasper asked, taking the seat next to hers. Monty sat down on her other side.  
  
They were two of the nicest men, or _boys,_ she'd met. They'd been good to her and her group since she'd arrived.

"Because I'm tired of waiting" she said, "We've been waiting for him to tell us since we've gotten here. He already told Raven and Finn that they could go. But he hasn't given me an answer yet. And you guys leave tomorrow. He's out of time."  
  
"Well" Monty began, going behind the table to pour each of them some wine, "There are other ways to find out."  
  
He and Jasper exchanged a glance.  
  
"How?" she asked.  
  
"You could ask the Seer" Monty said, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes.  
  
The Seer. A man who, according to the residents of this village, could see things that have yet to come. A man who possessed the gift of communication with the Gods.  
  
_'What a load of shit'_ she'd said the first time they told her. The looks on their faces prevented her from insulting the man ever again.  
  
"Seriously" Monty said. "If you want to know, he might be able to tell you."  
  
"Might?" she asked. She was skeptical. They didn't believe in things like men with otherworldly gifts where she was from.  
  
"Well, the Seer isn't all-knowing. He knows what the Gods want him to know" Jasper said.

"And what? I just go see him and he tells me what my future holds?" Clarke asked, rolling her eyes. She took a sip of her wine, hoping it'd help her relax a little. Yeah, she was angry. But she was nervous more than anything.  
  
"It's complicated, Clarke" Monty said, "Like Jasper said, he only knows what the Gods want him to know. And that's assuming that he allows you to pass at all. Some people have asked the Seer hundreds of questions. Some people have asked three and only three. Some people have never asked at all."  
  
"So what? Some people are worthy of knowing and some aren't?" she asked.  
  
"It isn't about worth. We're all on different paths. Some are clearer than others, is all" Monty said.  
  
"Yeah. Sure" Clarke said, fighting to keep the skepticism out of her voice. They could believe in whatever they wanted. Even if 'whatever' was some man who lived in a cave that could apparently see the future.  
  
"Suit yourself" Monty said, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
They stayed in the Commons, drinking and waiting.  
  
But every single time the door opened, he wasn't the one behind it.  
  
She grew tired, and frustrated.  
  
"Okay" she said, "So let's say that I do decide to go to the Seer. What can I ask?"  
  
She couldn't really believe she was considering it. But she was nervous. And the idea didn't seem so hard to believe now that she was a little drunk.

"Whatever you want. You get three questions. If he lets you pass" Jasper said.  
  
"How will I know if he'll let me?" she asked.  
  
"You just know" Jasper said.  
  
Clarke thought about it. It was getting late. But there was no way she'd be able to sleep not knowing what the earl had chosen.  
  
"Fuck it" she said, getting up "Let's go."  
  
"Yes!" Monty said, "It's a bit of a hike. But Jasper and I know a faster route. Although it is a little more strenuous?"  
  
"That's fine. I just want to get this over with" she said, following the two boys out.  
  
It was a little chilly; she was glad she'd decided to bring her jacket. On the way there, she thought about the consequences of her decision. The hike was strenuous. If they were actually leaving tomorrow, she'd be tired and sore.  
  
But the thought of sitting around in the Commons, waiting for that _asshole_ made her angry.  
  
She'd been waiting for an answer since they had gotten here.  
  
"Do you think he'll let you come?" Monty asked while they hiked up the mountain.  
  
"I don't know" Clarke huffed.  
  
"Well, we hope he says yes" Jasper said from behind her, "If that's any consolation."

"It's not" Clarke said, smiling to herself.  
  
Suddenly, she felt a little guilty.  
  
"Really though, I think he will" Jasper said again. "I think he kind of want's to. It's just...."  
  
"Octavia" Monty finished. "And the fact that he doesn't like you very much."  
  
"Yeah well, I don't like him very much either" Clarke said, "I know Octavia is another reason. I just don't know why."  
  
"She doesn't trust you guys. She think's you're lying about who you are" Jasper said. "But she's always been a little weary of outsiders. It'll pass" he says, giving Clarke a pat on the back.  
  
Again, she felt the guilt creeping in. It'd been growing in the past month or so. It hadn't become unbearable and most of the time she could push it down.  
  
But it was getting harder and harder to do that around the people here she actually liked, like Jasper and Monty.  
  
"What exactly does she think?" Clarke asked. She wasn't sure if she should. Yeah, Jasper and Monty had become her friends. But it wasn't like she could trust them. "I mean, if we're not who we say we are, who does she think we are?"  
  
Jasper and Monty exchanged a glace.  
  
"Oh come on!" Clarke said, "It's a little ridiculous."  
  
"She thinks that you guys were sent by the king" Monty said.  
  
Clarke felt her heart skip a beat.

"What? Why?"  
  
"I don't know" Monty said.  
  
"That's ridiculous" Clarke said, hoping they couldn't hear the panic that had tinged her words.  
  
"Yeah" Jasper said, "It's ridiculous."  
  
They walked in silence after that.  
  
Eventually, they reached the top.  
  
Clarke could see a small cave about twenty feet ahead. Light from what she guessed was a fire flickered on the rocky entrance.  
  
"Go ahead" Monty said, nodding towards the cave.  
  
"What?" Clarke exclaimed, "Alone?"  
  
"We can only go to him alone" Jasper said.  
  
"Maybe one of you should go first?" Clarke asked. She hated to admit it, but she was a little frightened.  
  
"We don't have anything to ask him. Only those who need answers go to him. He hates when people come to him with unimportant things" Monty said.  
  
"Have you guys ever seen him?" she asked.  
  
"I have" Jasper said, "Once. A couple of years ago. I tried to go earlier this year but he didn't let me pass."

"Have you?" she asked, looking at Monty.  
  
"No"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because sometimes the Seer tells us things we don't want to know. If I'm going to die in five years, I don't want to know about it. I've seen what it does to people. Changes the way the live. Changes what course they're on. I'd rather find out for myself" he said, shrugging.  
  
"Maybe....maybe I shouldn't" she said, now unsure about her decision to come here in the first place.  
  
"We did not hike all the way up here for you to back out now" Jasper said, giving her a little push forward. "Go, Clarke. You know you want to."  
  
She looked towards the cave again.  
  
_Oh what the hell. It's not like I actually believe in this shit anyway._  
  
She started towards the cave.  
  
"Wait!" Jasper shouted from behind her. He ran up to her side and handed her a small blade.  
  
"What is this for?" she asked.  
  
"Payment."  
  
"Payment? What kind of payment?" she asked.

"You'll see" Jasper said, nodding towards the cave. "You get three questions. Make them count. But make sure...make sure you ask _specific_ questions. Sometimes the Seer's answers can have a double meaning."  
  
She gathered her courage and walked into the cave.  
  
She was a little surprised when she made it in.  
  
A shadowy figure sat on the floor in the middle of the cave, a fire in front of him. She glanced around the cave. Besides the fire and the man, it was completely empty.  
  
"Clarke Griffin" a raspy voice said. "Why have you come to see me?"  
  
She took a few steps towards the man, trying to get a glimpse of what hid beneath the dark cloak he had on.  
  
"How do you know my name?" she asked.  
  
"You only get three questions. Are you sure that is what you wish to ask of me?" he said.  
  
"No" she answered.  
  
"Take a seat, child" he said.  
  
She sat down on the cold floor of the cave, right across from the hooded figure.  
  
"You are a curious one, aren't you?" he said.  
  
She didn't know what to say in response.

He finally lifted his head and she tried not to gasp. She tried to control the fear, the adrenaline running through her veins.  
  
His skin was pale, paler than the skin of a dead mans. And where his eyes should have been, there were two empty sockets. His nose was flat, like a snakes and his mouth was twice as wide as her own.  
  
"Speak, child" he said.  
  
"I-I-" she began. She felt like she'd lost the ability to form words.  
  
"What is it that frightens you so?" he said. "My appearance? I should remind you that you came to me."  
  
"I'm sorry" she said when she realized she'd been staring at the man.  
  
"Why have you come to see me?" he said. "You, a nonbeliever?"  
  
"I came to- to ask you my three questions" she said, trying not to look at the man.  
  
"Then ask, child. I have more important things to attend to."  
  
"Will he let me come? Bellamy, I mean. The earl. Will he let me join him?" she asked.  
  
"Yes" the Seer said automatically. "Next question."  
  
"I-I don't really know what else to ask" she said. And she didn't. Besides, it wasn't as if she could actually believe this man. So what if he knew her name? That didn't prove anything. The people in the village could have told him.

"There is nothing you'd like to know about what lay ahead? What the Gods have in store for you?" he said.  
  
She thought about it.  
  
"Will....will I ever see my father again?"  
  
"Yes. You will lay eyes upon your father once more, Clarke Griffin."  
  
Despite the fact that she knew she couldn't actually believe this man, unexpected relief rushed through her.  
  
_Stop it. Stop getting your hopes up._  
  
"What do you see in my future? Will I live well? Will I marry? Have children?" she asked, unable to stop herself.  
  
"That's five" the Seer said.  
  
"Oh..." Clarke said, feeling a little embarrassed. She came here totally and completely skeptical, and yet now she was asking the strange man questions about her future.  
  
"But I will answer your questions, Clarke. Just this once" the Seer said, "You are special."  
  
_Special? How? And why?_ But she stopped herself from asking.  
  
"You will live well. You will marry. And you will have three children" the Seer said.  
  
_Three?_ Clarke smiled despite herself. Her father had told her that he'd always wanted three kids of his own. Maybe she could give him three grandchildren instead?  
  
"But" the Seer began after a pause.

Clarke felt her heart beat faster. She knew nothing good came after 'but'.  
  
"But they will not be yours. You shall bear no children of your own" the Seer said.  
  
"Why? What does that mean?" she asked.  
  
"I have answered your questions, Clarke Griffin. You do not get to ask any more" he said.  
  
Bile rose in her throat and anger flailed in her chest like an angry crow. She got up, angry with herself for coming to see this fool in the first place. He didn't know anything about her.  
  
"I would advise you" he began after she got up, "To be true about your intentions, Clarke Griffin. The Gods have blessed me with the sight. But they can alter the course, just as you yourself can do the same. Be true about your intentions, for if they are brought to the light without your knowledge or free will....you will grow old alone and full of regret."  
  
Her stomach dropped.  
  
"You know nothing of my intentions" she said, "The Gods don't make my fucking decisions for me. I will forge my own path."  
  
"I have answered your questions, girl. Now it is time for you to pay" he said. Clarke watched as he took a small cup out from under his cloak. He reached out to hand it to her.  
  
She took the cup, thinking about what she should do next.  
  
"Be careful, child" the Seer said, "You are not above the rule of the Gods."

She took the blade Jasper had given her out from her belt and suddenly she understood why he'd given it to her.  
  
"I-I'm not giving you my blood" she said, fighting to keep her voice stern.  
  
"Everything comes at a cost" he said, "If you leave here without restoring the balance, you will regret it. Of that, I am certain."  
  
Something about the way he said it, the change in his voice sent a chill down her spine.  
  
"Fine" she said. She cut into her palm, watching the blood gush out and trickle into the cup. "How much?"  
  
"You will know."  
  
She waited for a few more minutes, watching the blood fill half of the cup.  
  
"Here" she said, handing the cup to him.  
  
She watched in horror as he brought the cup to his lips and drank from it.  
  
Part of her wanted to leave, but the other part felt rooted to the spot, watching as he drank.  
  
When he was finished, he brought the cup from his lip and set it on the floor.  
  
"May we meet again" he said, smiling at her. It was then that she noticed his spiked teeth, now stained red from her blood.  
  
The hairs on her arms stood up and she ran from the cave, desperate to get away from the Seer.

"Clarke! What happened?" Monty asked when she ran to meet them.  
  
"Nothing" she huffed, moving past the two boys and making her way down the mountain. She still felt like she was too close to the man.  
  
"What did he say?" Jasper asked.  
  
"Nothing!" she yelled, turning to face him. "This was stupid! I don't even know why I agreed to this. He doesn't know shit!"  
  
She turned on the spot and started down the mountain again.  
  
Jasper and Monty followed, but they kept their distance. And they didn't ask her anything else.  
  
Clarke didn't bother bidding them a good night once they reach the village. She silently made her way to the cottage she shared with her mother, the cottage that had been assigned to them a few days after they'd gotten here.  
  
She got ready for bed, still angry with herself for humoring Jasper and Monty. For ever believing in the idea of a man who could tell her about her future.

As she climbed into the bed she shared with her mother, she pushed the thought of the Seer away.  
  
The others from home were right.  
  
These people were idiotic barbarians who worshiped Gods that didn't exist. Who sought answers from a man that lived in a cave and claimed to see the future.  
  
She came here for a reason.

And it wasn't to make friends. Or learn about their beliefs.  
  
She came here to find the usurper. The man who planned to destroy their kingdom and those who followed him.  
  
It wouldn't matter if he said no. She'd find a way to join him. That was the only way they, the only way _she_ would succeed.  
  
And it was the only way she would ever see her father again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying something new by alternating the POV each chapter. 
> 
> What do you guys think?!  
> I will update when I can. Also, I know a few things might be confusing but all will be explained in due time. A few storylines and ideas are influenced from the show Vikings (ex: the idea of going west, the concept of the Seer) , but for the most part I'm just making this up as I go! 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	2. Bellamy's Vision

**Part I Clarke**  
  
"Clarke honey, wake up" Abby said, shaking Clarke from her slumbers.  
  
"What is it?" she asked.  
  
"Someone's here to see you" Abby said.  
  
Realization washed over Clarke and she jumped out of bed and ran to the door.   
  
Octavia stood on the other side.  
  
"Good morning" she said, smirking at Clarke.  
  
"Hey, what is it?"  
  
"We're leaving. Hurry up if you want to join us" Octavia said.  
  
"We? So he's letting me come?" Clarke asked.  
  
 _Yes_ , the Seer had said.  
  
"Yeah, it appears so" Octavia said. After that she turned on the spot and walked away.  
  
Clarke ran to her room. Good thing she'd already packed. All she had to do now was get dressed.  
  
"He said yes?" Abby said from behind her.

"Yeah" Clarke said. She put her clothes on and when she was finally ready, she turned to face her mother.  
  
"I know that I have to stay" Abby said with tears in her eyes. "But I wish that I could come with you."  
  
"I wish you could come, too" Clarke said, pulling her mother towards her for a tight embrace. "But you do need to stay. And don't worry about us. We'll be fine."  
  
"Just be careful. If they find out-"  
  
"They won't" Clarke said, pulling away to look at her mother. "They won't. We'll be reunited again, I know it. So just do what you have to do here. Marcus Kane is the new earl. Make sure you stay on good terms with him. I'll send for you as soon as I can, okay?"  
  
"Okay" Abby said.  
  
Clarke grabbed the bag she'd packed and head out.  
  
"Oh, and mom?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Send the letter we were talking about. It should reach them in time. I'll try to send you a message once we reach land."  
  
"I will. I love you, Clarke" her mother said.  
  
"I love you too" Clarke said back, turning to get one last glimpse of her mother.

She ran through the village. When she realized that they had already left, she cursed to herself and ran down to the shore.   
  
_Of course_ , she thought. _Of course they'd wait until the very last minute to tell me.  
_   
She finally reached the shore and noticed that most of the others had already gotten on board.  
  
"Why are you so late?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"Because you're a dick" Clarke said, walking over to him.  
  
 _He's letting me come,_ she thought. _No reason to play nice now._  
  
He rolled his eyes and nodded to the boat on her left.  
  
"You're on that one."  
  
"Which one are you on?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
 _Because I need to keep an eye on you._   
  
"Just wondering."  
  
"Same one you're on. I need to keep an eye on you" he said.   
  
She let out a short laugh at the irony as she made her way to the boat. She was pleased when she noticed that Finn and Raven were there when she made her way up.  
  
She was a little less pleased when she saw Octavia.

There was enough room on the boat for them to sit down, and since they weren't scheduled to man the sails or work the rows just yet, the three of them went to one of the corners and sat down.  
  
"I wonder what changed his mind?" Raven whispered. "I wonder what convinced him to let you come along?"  
  
Clarke thought about what she'd done to him three nights ago; they way she finally proved that she could fight. _Perhaps it was the sword to his throat_ , she thought.  
  
"I don't know" she said.  
  
"Maybe he likes you?" Finn suggested.  
  
The comment made Clarke uncomfortable for a variety of reasons.  
  
First of all, it was obvious that he didn't like her. In fact, she was pretty sure that he hated her. But that was okay. The feeling was mutual.  
  
Second of all, they all knew that Bellamy had Gina. Clarke could see them standing across from her; on the other side of the boat.  
  
And finally, it made her uncomfortable because she knew that Finn himself had feelings for her.  
  
She'd grown up with Finn and Raven. They were all close. When Raven lost her parents, it was Finn's family that had taken her in. Eventually, the two developed romantic feelings for one another and before Clarke knew it, they were together. It made her uncomfortable at first. But after a few years, she'd grown used to it.

And then everything changed.  
  
Through the years, Finn became less interested in Raven and more interested in Clarke. She could tell. Eventually, he finally told her that he was in love with her, that it was her he wanted to be with.  
  
It broke Raven's heart. It was for that reason that Clarke herself could never give him a chance. She cared too much for Raven to do something like that to her.  
  
But there were nights when she'd wonder what it would be like.  
  
She cared for him. But she cared for Raven more. And every time she thought about giving Finn a chance, the thought of Raven kept her from it.  
  
Somehow, the three of them managed to stay friends. Now, they were back to where they started before Finn and Raven became romantically involved. They were friends. They were a group of three.  
  
Clarke shook her head and laughed.  
  
"He hates me and you know it" she said.  
  
They sat around and watched in wonder as the boats wandered further and further from the land.  
  
Clarke looked around and the others joined her.  
  
Raven had told them that they'd never seen a boat before. It was safe to guess that they assumed the three of them had never been out in the open waters.  
  
It wasn't true, of course. They had.

But the others would probably get suspicious if they didn't feign some sort of wonder or interest.  
  
So they did.  
  
"Bellamy?" she heard Octavia yell.  
  
Clarke turned to look at them, to see what was going on.  
  
Bellamy stood at the very edge of the boat, looking towards the shore.  
  
"Bellamy!" Octavia yelled, but he made no move to answer or even turn to acknowledge her. He continued staring at the shore, like he was in some sort of trance.  
  
"Bellamy!" she yelled again, reaching forward to grab his arm.  
  
He shook his head and turned to look at his sister.  
  
"What are you looking at? What is it?" Octavia asked.  
  
"Nothing" Bellamy said, turning around. As soon as he turned, his eyes landed on Clarke's and she looked away. Embarrassed that she'd been caught staring.  
  
She wasn't really sure what to make of the whole ordeal. Maybe he was sad to be leaving?   
  
_Good. He shouldn't be leaving in the first place,_ she thought.  
  
After that, they all had turns rowing.  
  
Clarke's arms began to ache by the time the sun had started to set. 

"So why did you guys decide to go west?" Clarke asked. Octavia and Lincoln sat in front of her.  
  
They exchanged a glace before Lincoln spoke up.  
  
"Curiosity."  
  
"Curiosity?"  
  
"Yeah, haven't you and your people wondered why we are forbidden to travel west? Well, we're forbidden to travel across the water in any direction. But especially west."  
  
"They're from a small village, Lincoln. They probably don't know of the rules" Octavia said, her voice mocking.  
  
"What my wonderful girlfriend is trying to say is, we know that the land to the east and south is all ours. All the kings land. But west? What lies west?"  
  
"What if there's nothing?" Clarke asked. "I mean, how long do you plan on going?"  
  
"However long it takes" Octavia said.  
  
"I don't get it" Finn said from beside Clarke. "We don't know much about the land in the other directions, so what is it?"  
  
"The north is ours" Lincoln said, "We know that the kingdom stretches east and then south, with a small body of water separating the north from the south. But what about to the west? We've always been told, we've always assumed that it's just water. That it's the ocean. But what if there's more land over there? A place for our people to go?"  
  
"What if it's Paris?" Octavia said, raising an eyebrow.

Clarke's stomach dropped.  
  
She and Finn exchanged a weary glance.  
  
"Paris?" Clarke asked.   
  
"Yes. Paris. The kings city" Octavia said.  
  
"What makes you think it's over there?" Finn asked.  
  
"Because, we all know of the king. I mean, his men come to us every three months and take our shit. But where does it all go? Everyone assumes it's somewhere where the rest of us are. Further north. To the east or maybe even the south. But what if it isn't?" Octavia said.  
  
 _What?_ Clarke thought, _What does she mean? His men come every three months?_  
  
"I mean, none of us have ever even seen him. But we know our land is his. And yet, none of us know where he and the people he provides for are. So what if there actually is land? Good land? Across all the water?" she said.  
  
"Where did you get the idea?" Clarke asked.  
  
"My father" Octavia said.  
  
"Seems a little impractical" Finn said. "This whole trip is based off of the speculation that there's some secret land where the king resides."  
  
"Yes, it is based off of speculation. But we've lived under that tyrant for far too long. We can't live like this anymore. We barely have enough for ourselves and he comes and takes what little we do have because he's the king? We've had enough."

Clarke was confused.  
  
She had no idea what Octavia was talking about. But she didn't think she could ask her anything else without tipping her off. Octavia was already suspicious. Clarke didn't want to say anything to further those suspicions. Or confirm them.  
  
"What did they mean?" Finn whispered later.  
  
The three of them were back at the end of the boat, leaning over the side to look down at the water.  
  
"I don't know" Clarke said.  
  
"What did she mean that they come every three months and take? Take what?" Raven asked.  
  
"I don't know" Clarke repeated, "But if we ask....it might tip them off that we really aren't from here. I don't know if we can risk it."  
  
"Maybe we can wait until they're all drunk" Finn said, "And then ask Jasper and Monty?"  
  
Again, Clarke felt the guilt creeping in.  
  
Based on the looks on their faces, Finn and Raven felt the same.  
  
"I know it sucks" Finn said, "But we have no choice."  
  
Clarke and Raven nodded in agreement.  
  
"Hey, you three" Octavia said from behind them.   
  
The three turned to face her.

"Wanna drink?" she said, throwing a canister towards them.  
  
"Thanks" Raven mumbled after catching it.  
  
To their surprise, Octavia joined them. They sat in a circle and passed the bottle around, getting drunk under the stars.  
  
"So are you two together?" Octavia asked, looking from Finn to Raven. "Or you two" she added, looking from Finn to Clarke. "Or wait, is this some new thing from your small village of nonbelievers? A group of three mates?"  
  
Clarke scoffed. She didn't bother trying to say anything back.  
  
"We're not together" Raven said, "Any of us. Just friends."  
  
"Are you sure? What if you're mates?" Octavia asked.  
  
"What do you mean?" Finn asked.  
  
"Soulmates?" Octavia asked, raising her eyebrows. "Do you have another term for it, in your village?"  
  
"We don't believe in soulmates" Clarke said.  
  
"Of course you don't" Octavia said, rolling her eyes.  
  
They continued to drink, as did most of the others on the boat. Even the ones who were rowing. They obviously expected to travel for a while, if they were comfortable enough to be getting drunk.

"So, what then? You guys seriously believe in soulmates?" Finn asked.  
  
"Of course" Octavia said.   
  
"What does that mean here? Being soulmates?" Finn asked.  
  
"Our soulmate is the person the Gods made for us. In the same way, we were made for our soulmates" Octavia said.  
  
"So you're not your own person? You were made for someone else?" Clarke asked, raising her eyebrow. She didn't care if Octavia got offended. She had already made it onto the boat; there was no reason to act like she liked the girl.  
  
"Of course you are your own person" Octavia said, rolling her eyes. "But we don't go through our lives alone."  
  
"And how do you find your mate?" Finn asked.  
  
Clarke wasn't sure why he was so curious about the concept. At home, she rarely ever heard the word.   
  
"Some people ask the Seer. Others just know" Octavia said.  
  
"So you and Lincoln, you're mates?" Raven asked.  
  
"Yeah" Octavia said, a smiling playing at her lips.  
  
"Did you ask the Seer? Did he tell you that?" Clarke asked.  
  
"No" Octavia said.

"Then how do you know?"   
  
"I just know" Octavia said, now really smiling.  
  
Clarke had to look away. For some reason, the smile made Octavia seem like someone she could learn to like.  
  
"So what if you wake up tomorrow and the Seer tells you that it's someone else?" Clarke asked.  
  
She didn't really know why she kept asking questions. Especially about this.   
  
"He won't" Octavia said.  
  
"But what if he does?"  
  
"He won't."  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
"I just do" Octavia said. "You'll understand one day."  
  
"I seriously doubt that" Clarke said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Why?" Octavia asked.  
  
"Because I don't believe that we're destined to be with anyone. I don't think that we're supposed to love just one person" Clarke said.  
  
"Of course not. We love more than one person in our lifetime. Your soulmate isn't the only person you love. It isn't about that" Octavia said.

"Than what is it?"   
  
"Your soulmate is the person that's best for you, in more ways than one. You can be in love with someone and not like the person they are. You can be in love with someone who you don't consider your friend. You can be in love with someone who doesn't make you better, stronger. But your soulmate...they're all those things for you. Your friend. Your lover. Your family, eventually. All their parts fit yours; they calm you down and you wake them up. They make you laugh, make you happy to be alive. At the same time, their pain is your pain. Their anger is your anger. Sometimes their death is your death, as well" Octavia said.  
  
Clarke got the feeling that she was describing her relationship with Lincoln.  
  
"Haven't you ever..." Octavia began, "Haven't you ever felt something you couldn't explain? Like, say you had an okay day. A good day, even. And one minute you're happy and the next, you aren't and you can't even explain why? Or you feel totally calm and then anger washes through you for no particular reason?"  
  
"Yeah, why?" Finn asked.  
  
"That's your mate. That's their soul, their sadness or their anger you're feeling."  
  
"Do all of you have mates here?" Raven asked.  
  
"Not yet" Octavia said. "We only find out about our mates when we are ready."  
  
"Your parents? Were they mates?" Clarke asked. She thought about her own parents. If she actually believed in soulmates, she was sure that her parents were one anothers.  
  
"Yes" Octavia said. "They were."  
  
"But you and Bellamy aren't..." Clarke began. She wasn't sure how to admit that it was something she'd been curious about since she'd found out they were brother and sister.

"We aren't" Octavia said. "We have different fathers."  
  
"So if your father was your mothers mate....what about Bellamy's father?" Clarke asked.   
  
Octavia took a long sip from the canister and passed it to Raven.  
  
For some reason, Clarke didn't expect her to go on.   
  
But after a long pause, she did.  
  
"Our mother and Bellamy's father grew up together in our village. They were raised together. Everyone thought they were mates. Hell, they thought the same thing. They got married, moved in together and had Bellamy."  
  
Clarke looked past the people sitting in front of her and saw Bellamy. He was surrounded by people. Men and women of different ages. Talking, laughing, drinking.  
  
He must've felt her watching him because he looked up and met her eye.  
  
And for some reason, his eyes flit away not a second later.   
  
_That's strange_ , Clarke thought. Whenever they made eye contact he'd glare at her until she looked away. _Maybe it's because I finally proved myself._  
  
"My father was a wanderer. He went from village to village until he finally came to ours. He said it was the place he was supposed to find, or so they tell me. Our mother was taken with him. But she couldn't understand why. She told Bellamy that she fought it, that she tried to ignore it because she really did love his father. Eventually she couldn't ignore it any longer, so she went to the Seer. He told her that my father was her mate" Octavia said.

"That's awful" Raven said.  
  
"Why?" Octavia asked.  
  
"Because what about Bellamy's father? Can you imagine how he felt? Or did the Seer tell him who his mate was, too?" Raven asked.  
  
"No, he didn't. As I said, we only find out about our mates when the time is ready. Sometimes it's the age of 15 and sometimes it's the age of 50. Sometimes we don't find out at all" Octavia said.  
  
"But still. I bet that broke his heart" Clarke said, thinking about how tragic the story was.  
  
"It did" Octavia said. "But we believe in the Gods here. They are always right. And even if we don't agree, even if we scorn them for the things they do to us...they are right. I had my doubts. I hated the Gods for taking my mother and my father. But today I am okay. I'm strong. I'm loved. And I have the Gods to thank for it" Octavia said.  
  
Clarke was finding it hard to remember why she'd felt so cautious whenever she was around Octavia.  
  
"I'm sorry but the whole concept seems too good to be true. It's like saying we all live happily ever after" Clarke said.  
  
"That isn't what it means at all. It is true, some people do get to live happily ever after, as you say. But some don't" Octavia said. Clarke noticed a sad look in her eyes.  
  
"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, as I said, some people never find out. They go their whole lives without knowing. There is beauty in that, in loving someone so much you don't need validation. But there is also sadness. Longing. Wondering if there's someone better for you out there. Besides that, there are some people who know but don't stay together for a variety of reasons. Maybe family? Maybe their way of life?" Octavia said.  
  
"And in some cases" she began, "Sometimes only one person knows. Sometimes they don't believe it, or they love someone else so they spend their whole lives fighting it. And sometimes, it just can't be. Say your soulmate dies young? Do you settle or do you spend the remainder of your days alone? I've seen both" Octavia said.  
  
The whole concept made Clarke's heart ache. There was something tragic about being connected to someone else in such a way.   
  
"What happened to your parents?" Clarke asked.  
  
"What always happens" Octavia said. "Death comes for us all."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Long ago, Bellamy's father started a rebellion against the king" Octavia said.  
  
Clarke felt like her heart had skipped a beat. They'd heard the stories. So it was Bellamy's father, the first usurper.  
  
"He and his men searched the land for the king and his city. They assumed he had to resign somewhere in this kingdom. They searched further north. And then east and eventually south. And then one day," Octavia paused. "One day, the kings men showed up like they always did. Every three months, to collect our debts. But this time, they brought my mother a present."

Clarke, Finn and Raven had gone completely quiet by that point. Clarke held her breath and she wasn't even really sure why. She knew how the story ended.  
  
"It was Bellamy's fathers sword and shield. She knew it was his. She knew he'd fallen."  
  
"And then what happened?" Clarke asked.  
  
"The rebellion died with him. We continued to serve the king, just as we'd done before. We paid our debts. My father took the position of earl. At first, he did nothing. They had no way of knowing if Bellamy's father had found Paris. And it wasn't like any of the men that had gone with him had come back. But one night, my father went to the Seer. No matter how many times he asked where Paris was, the Seer would not tell him. But he did tell my father that Bellamy's father had never reached it. That's where my father got the idea to go west. It was forbidden, of course. But he built a boat and left with twenty other men anyway."  
  
"And?" Clarke asked, her heart racing.  
  
"And a month later, my mother received another present" Octavia said.  
  
Clarke didn't have it in her to ask anything else.  
  
"They say she died of a broken heart" Octavia said, "But I have no way of knowing. I was very young when she died. Sometimes I can't recall anything about her. Not the way she looked or the way her voice sounded. But Bellamy tells me that she was very beautiful. He says that I remind him of her" she said, a sad smile on her face.  
  
"Excuse me" Clarke said, getting up. She had to get away. She didn't think she could look at Octavia for another second.

She cursed herself for ever asking Octavia about her past.  
  
Because truthfully....these people weren't as bad as Clarke had thought they would be. Some of them were even likable. But she knew getting to know them had been a mistake. She couldn't let anything cloud her judgement.  
  
 _I came for a reason,_ she reminded herself.

* * *

 

**Part II Bellamy**  
  
They said all of their goodbyes the night before. It had been bittersweet. As excited he was to be leaving, saying goodbye to the faces he'd seen every day of his life made his chest ache a little.  
  
They had gotten everything ready. They packed all the supplies they needed and before Bellamy knew it, they were off.  
  
On the boat, he gave orders on who was to row first and the schedule of the trip. He felt excited again. He'd been dreaming about this day for years. And it had finally come.  
  
Once things had settled down, he turned to look at the shore, to get one last glimpse of his home.  
  
He closed his eyes.  
  
But when he opened them, he couldn't see his village anymore. He couldn't see anything besides the shore and the woods behind it, where he knew his village was supposed to be.  
  
His eyes landed on a wooden table that was on the shore, a small goblet on top of it. The wind blew and the goblet tipped forward, a dark red liquid spilling from it.   
  
He wasn't really sure what he was seeing and yet he could not look away.   
  
Suddenly, a beautiful white horse ran down the shore. His eyes followed as it ran past the table.  
  
He looked back to where he'd seen the table but it wasn't there anymore.  
  
Instead, he could see a small wooden cottage in the distance. Just one.

And then, Clarke walked out of it and made her way down to the shore.  
  
She was in a long blue dress; her blonde hair whipping in the wind.  
  
And she stared right back at him.  
  
She walked until she stood at the very edge of the water, smiling at him.  
  
She raised her hand and waved, beckoning him to come back.  
  
He watched as the smile slowly dropped from her face as he went further and further away. A sad look replacing it. Her hand came down and she placed it over her heart.  
  
"Bellamy!" he heard, feeling someone grab his arm.  
  
He shook his head and closed his eyes.  
  
But when he opened them, he could see his village again, growing smaller and smaller.   
  
"What are you looking at? What is it?" Octavia asked.  
  
"Nothing" he said, turning around.  
  
As soon as he turned, his eyes landed on Clarke's, directly across from him on the boat.  
  
She looked away.  
  
He shook his head again, wondering why he'd seen what he saw.   
  
For the rest of the night, he tried to distract himself with the company of the others. With the wine they'd brought.  
  
The longer the night went on, the better he felt.

He still couldn't explain why he'd seen the vision, why it had been Clarke and why she was telling him to come back. But it was easier to ignore with the chatter and laughter around him.  
  
He noticed Octavia talking to Clarke, Finn and Raven on the other side of the boat. He didn't know what she was telling them, but they all seemed interested.  
  
Clarke looked up and met his gaze.  
  
He looked away a second later, feeling a little uncomfortable.   
  
She'd proven herself. Surprised him, even. He didn't think she had that sort of ferocity in her. But that isn't what had made him uncomfortable.  
  
It was the way she had looked at him in his vision. The way she smiled at him.  
  
He was pretty sure that in the two months since they'd met, he'd never seen her smile.   
  
The fact that he had been paying enough attention to know that he'd never seen her smile was another reason he felt uncomfortable.  
  
And no matter how many times she told him the story, he still didn't believe it. He hoped that he would have caught one of them in a lie, but he hadn't. They'd all been saying the same thing no matter who or when he asked.  
  
But something kept him from believing it.   
  
The night went on and he pushed the thought of her, of the vision he'd had away.

* * *

 

The weather was perfect. The wind blew but the air was warm and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. He took it as a good sign.  
  
He wasn't exactly sure how long the trip would last. How long it would take them to reach land, but something told him that they would. He was sure of it. He knew that there was land to the west; just as Octavia's father had known.  
  
He was sitting by Miller when he noticed a commotion on one of the other boats. They were about twenty feet apart, but even so he could see the people on the boat to his right gathered around something.  
  
He stood, trying to get a better look.  
  
"Bellamy!" a woman on the other boat yelled.   
  
He walked to the edge as the crowd on the other boat parted, exposing the woman holding a young boy by the collar.  
  
 _What the fuck?_  
  
He couldn't hear what they were saying. The boy looked frightened. He couldn't have been older than ten. Who was he? And how could he have snuck onto the boat without the others noticing?  
  
The others pushed him forward and made him jump from the boat. He swam to the one Bellamy was on.   
  
When he was close enough, Bellamy threw a rope overboard and the boy grabbed it. He pulled the boy up as the others gathered around to see what was happening.

When he finally got onto the boat, completely drenched, he looked up at Bellamy and smiled.  
  
"Who are you?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"My-my name is Bjorn" the boy said.  
  
"Bjorn what?"  
  
"I don't have a last name" he said.  
  
"And why is that?"  
  
"I just don't."  
  
"How did you get on the boat?"  
  
"I watched from the treeline as you packed the supplies. Last night, when you left I got onto the boat and hid underneath the supplies. They found me when they lifted the sack of apples from my head" the boy said, smiling a little.  
  
"And why are you here?"  
  
"I came for you" the boy said, smiling at Bellamy. "I came to follow you on your journey west."  
  
"What about your parents? Didn't they have anything to say about this?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"I-I don't have any parents" the boy said, looking at his feet.  
  
Bellamy grabbed the boy by the chin and titled his head up so that he could look him in the eyes.

"Let me tell you something, Bjorn with no last name" he began, "I can always, _always_ tell when a man is lying."  
  
He looked away from the boy to meet eyes with Clarke. She stood to his left. She had been looking at him, but when they met eyes she looked back to the boy.  
  
"So tell me the truth" Bellamy said, looking back at the boy.  
  
"Okay. I do have parents. But they don't care. They probably won't even notice that I've left!"  
  
"And where did you learn about my journey? How do you even know who I am?" Bellamy asked. He was sure that the boy wasn't from his village. Bellamy had never seen him before.   
  
He was tall for his age, but Bellamy was sure the boy couldn't have been older than ten. He had a round face, his cheeks a little chubby. His blonde hair was cropped short on the sides and longer at the top. He looked up at Bellamy with clear blue eyes.  
  
No, Bellamy had never seen this boy before.  
  
"The Seer told me" the boy said. "He told me about you. He told me I needed to follow."  
  
"Where are you from?"  
  
"Kattegat" the boy said. Bellamy had been to Kattegat. It was a large village about two weeks travel from his own.  
  
"And you came all that way by yourself?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"Yes" the boy said.  
  
"How old are you, Bjorn?"  
  
"Ten"   
  
"And what makes you think that I wanted the company of a ten year old?"

"I can fight" Bjorn said.  
  
"Is that so? And what if I throw you overboard and make you swim back?"  
  
"Then I guess I will have to build my own boat and follow you anyway" he said.  
  
A smile crept it's way onto Bellamy's face. He was sure that the boy would be a nuisance. But his confidence and the stern look on his face reminded Bellamy of himself as a ten year old boy.  
  
"Alright then" Bellamy said, putting a hand on the boy's head and ruffling his hair a bit. "You can join me. But if you cause any trouble-"  
  
"I won't" he said.  
  
Bellamy found the boy something dry to change into. Gave him food and water.  
  
After that, he went back to his group and talked of their plans.  
  
 _Reach land. Find Paris. Raid._   
  
Bjorn didn't try to talk to him again, but Bellamy could feel him watching him all day. Admiration in his eyes as he watched from afar.

* * *

 

**Part III Clarke**  
  
"Never heard of it" Bjorn said.  
  
At some point in the evening, he had joined Clarke and Raven in their small corner of the boat. He asked them about who they were and where they were from.  
  
"It's a very small village" Clarke said.  
  
"Even so. I've heard of most of the villages around here. Seems strange that I have never met anyone from yours. Or heard of it. Kattegat is the biggest village around here. A lot of people come to trade and stuff" he said.  
  
"So what makes you think that your parents aren't out looking for you?" Clarke asked. Mostly to change the subject. The boy was too suspicious for his own good. But he was a child. And children could be manipulated easily.  
  
"They aren't."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I just know" he said, shrugging.  
  
"They're your parents, Bjorn. They are probably worried sick-" she began to say, but he cut her off.  
  
"You speak like someone with good parents" he said. "I don't expect someone like you to understand."  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes. Even the ten year olds here knew how to insult her.  
  
"I understand" Raven said, looking at the boy.  
  
"You do?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah. My parent's didn't care for me, either" she said.  
  
"I doubt they even know I am gone" Bjorn said.  
  
Something about the way he said it made Clarke sad. He stated it like it was a fact. Like it was normal, with no hint of sadness or longing.  
  
"I'm sure they will miss you" Clarke said, hoping her words could soothe the boy. Even though he didn't seem upset; she was sure that he had to be hurting.  
  
"I do not care" the boy said. "I will not miss them. I do not care if they will miss me."  
  
"How can you say that?" Clarke said. "They're your parents."  
  
"They gave me life. For that I am grateful" he said, "But I owe them nothing. I am a child of the Gods. Just like everyone else."  
  
Clarke could tell that nothing she said would convince the boy otherwise. So instead they talked of the journey.  
  
"You said the Seer told you to come? Is it the same one at Bellamy's village?" Clarke said, "What exactly did he tell you?"  
  
"There is only one Seer. He told me about Bellamy" Bjorn said, smiling a little. "He is going to conquer our world. He will be a great man. He is a great man. I want to be by his side."  
  
Clarke fought the urge to roll her eyes.  
  
"And that's it? The Seer tells you that and you leave your home behind?" Clarke asked.   
  
"Yes" Bjorn said, now really smiling. "It is my fate."  
  
Despite the fact that he was obviously wrong, Clarke couldn't find it in herself to correct him. Something about the boy was kind, and gentle. She didn't want to be the one to crush his dreams.  
  
"Did the Seer tell you anything else?" she asked.  
  
"Yes" Bjorn said. "He told me that one day, I will go on my own great journey."  
  
Clarke smiled at the boy.  
  
"I'm sure you will" she said.   
  
From then on, the boy became kind of attached to her. He would join her when it was time for her to row, he'd eat his meals beside her. Hell, he'd even sleep next to her.

But whenever Clarke had the urge to send him away, to tell him to leave her alone, she stopped herself. She thought about what it must feel like to be a ten year old with no family, in the middle of the sea surrounded by strangers.  
  
So she let the boy follow her.  
  
One night, she decided to question him on a few things. She figured it was safe enough to ask him the things she couldn't ask the others. If he ever told anyone, she could deny it. He was only ten, after all.  
  
"Tell me something, Bjorn" she said. They had been traveling for five days. The sun had gone down and Clarke was leaning over the side of the boat, watching the water.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Do the kings men come to Kattegat?"  
  
"Of course. Just like everywhere else. But they do take more from us, I think, since we are one of the biggest villages."  
  
"What do they take?" Clarke asked.  
  
"Do they not visit you?"  
  
"Not much. We don't really have anything to offer. Plus our village is kind of hidden away. I don't think they like to go that far for nothing" she said.  
  
"Oh" Bjorn said, nodding. "Yeah they come to us every three months. And they take whatever they want. Food, supplies. Weapons. Livestock. Sometimes they take people."

Clarke felt her stomach churn.  
  
"People?"  
  
"Yeah. Just three or four women at a time. Sometimes younger girls" he said, shrugging like it was something he was used to.  
  
"Where do they take them?"  
  
"I don't know. Paris I guess? That's where they're from."  
  
 _No. No. No._  
  
 _That can't be right._  
  
"How do you know? Maybe they take them somewhere else?" Clarke asked.  
  
"Why would they take them anywhere else? The king and his people are who we have to provide for."  
  
Clarke fought the bile rising in her throat.  
  
In her 18 years of life, she'd never seen an outsider come to Paris. So if they weren't being brought there, what were they doing to them? With them?  
  
"Are you okay?" Bjorn asked, looking over at Clarke.  
  
"Yeah" she nodded, feeling sick. "I'm fine."  
  
"Do not worry" Bjorn said. "They will not take you."

Clarke looked over at him.  
  
"How do you know?" she asked.  
  
"Because" he said, "I will protect you."  
  
Suddenly a lump formed in her throat and she found it a little hard to swallow.   
  
She looked away from the small blue eyes, the same shade as her own, and looked to the horizon.  
  
"I think I'm going to lie down" she said.   
  
She didn't protest when he followed.  
  
She laid down on the hard wood of the boat's floor. Bjorn laid down beside her.   
  
Within minutes, she could hear his quiet little snores.  
  
She looked up to the stars, wondering how in the world she had gotten here.

* * *

 

Bellamy was right. She had lived a soft life.  
  
She was born and raised in Paris; _the city of the one true king_ , they called it.  
  
Her father worked as a member of the kings small council. Her mother was the city's finest healer.  
  
Clarke had grown up in riches. The home she shared with her parents was one of the nicest houses the city had to offer. She always had fine clothes to wear, golden jewelry. Maids and cooks who served her fresh meals and cleaned up after her. Paint supplies and more books than she could carry.   
  
Their city was by the sea side, stretching out as far as her eyes could see in every direction. The king's castle was at the very heart of their city. Sometimes Clarke would climb to the highest tower and look down upon her beautiful city.  
  
In the highest tower, she could look past the huge wall encompassing her city and spot the land ahead. Some days she wondered what it would be like to go past the wall.  
  
She had been lucky, lucky that her father was close to the king. The king himself was an older man. But he was kind and gentle. Every year, he remembered Clarke's birthday. She'd wake up to find gifts in her room, mostly consisting of paint and other supplies she could draw with. The king shared her love for the arts. He had a whole room with paintings and statues. Sometimes Clarke would go there and find inspiration for her own art.  
  
When she was 14 years old, the king died. Clarke cried at his funeral, wishing that she had thanked him for being her friend; her mentor.

The kings son, Cage, began his reign shortly after his fathers death.  
  
But he was a cruel man. After he'd been crowned, Clarke stopped visiting the castle. She didn't like the way that the new king had looked at her.   
  
Even so, she knew that she was luckier than most. She was definitely more lucky than her friend Raven; a girl who lived in a less desirable part of the city. But despite their differences, the two girls had grown close.   
  
So Clarke had her friends. Her family.   
  
All was well.  
  
And then one night, Clarke woke up to the sound of her parents arguing. They rarely ever argued; they were too in love with one another to disagree on much.   
  
Hearing them yell scared her. She tiptoed out of her room in the darkness and walked down the hall, standing close to the door that led to her parents bedroom.  
  
"I can't Abby, I can't do it anymore. Not after this" her father had said.  
  
"Jake, they'll kill you if you try anything" Abby said.  
  
"What about the rest of them, Abby? What am I supposed to do? Not tell the people?" Jake asked.  
  
"It won't make a difference!" Abby yelled. "This is our way of life!"  
  
"How can you say that?" Jake asked.

"It isn't like we haven't been taking from them all these years. You know that, Jake. You know it. Even when Dante was king, we still got everything from them" Abby said.  
  
"I know that. And I hated myself for being okay with it. But I could live with that. But these are people, Abby. Real, breathing people."  
  
"Think about what he will do to you, Jake. What he will do to us. Think about Clarke! Do this for her!"  
  
"I am" her father said, "I am doing this for Clarke. Some of those girls were her age, Abby."  
  
"Jake...."  
  
Clarke could hear her parents moving around the room. She ran back into her own room and got underneath the covers of her thick quilt.  
  
 _What are they talking about? Who are they talking about?_  
  
Even though she had never left the city, she knew that there was other land out there, beyond the sea. She'd heard the stories.  
  
After their city, the land stretched far and wide to the east. And after that, the sea stretched even further. Past the sea, there was more land. Undesirable land full of savages, she'd heard. Vikings. Men who raided and killed one another. Woman who could rip your throat out with their teeth.  
  
The sea prevented them from reaching their beautiful city of Paris.

She'd heard about a man, a viking. _The first usurper,_ they called him. A savage who tried to come to their city to take it.  
  
Was that the _who_ her parents had been discussing? The wild folk on the other side of the sea?  
  
She kept her ears open in the next few days. But her parents hadn't argued since that night. Clarke couldn't find it in herself to question them. She'd always been close to her mother and her father. She loved them both and she worried that asking would make them argue again.  
  
So she didn't.  
  
But a few days before her 18th birthday, five men came to their home.  
  
Clarke watched in horror as they arrested her father. She screamed at them, begged them to stop. But in the end, they dragged him away as her mother held her.  
  
She knew what they did to traitors here. And that was what they had accused her father of being. A traitor.  
  
She was sure that there had been some sort of mistake. A misunderstanding. Her father wasn't a traitor. He served the king. He loved Paris. He loved the people here. _Hadn't he?_  
  
The next day, Clarke decided to visit the castle for the first time in four years. She had to find her father.  
  
The kings men let her pass, and soon she found herself bowing before him.  
  
"Ms. Griffin" he said, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I came to visit my father" Clarke said, standing up.  
  
"I'm sorry, Clarke" he said, "But your father is locked away awaiting trial."  
  
"Trial for what?"  
  
"He has been accused of traitorous actions."  
  
"But that isn't true! My father-"  
  
"Your father's values are to be determined. I suggest you lower your voice, for his sake" the king said.  
  
"I'm sorry" she said, bowing her head. "But I know my father. He is a good man. Is there....is there anything I can do to prove his loyalty? To free him?"  
  
King Cage put a hand on his chin, thinking about her offer.  
  
"Come back in three nights" the king said, "I will have an answer for you then."

She left after that. Her mind racing.  
  
She hoped that she had something to offer for her fathers life. Whatever the king wanted, she didn't care. She'd do anything to save her father.  
  
She argued with her mother that evening. Abby had scolded Clarke after she heard about Clarke's visit to see the king.   
  
"You can't make offers like that!" Abby yelled, "You have no idea what he will ask of you!"

"I don't care!" Clarke yelled. "I'll do whatever I have to. How can you even say that? Do you not care at all that he has him? That he awaits trial for something he didn't even do?"  
  
"Clarke-"  
  
"No! I don't want to hear anything you have to say!" she screamed. She ran to her room afterwards and cried for the first time in a long, long time. She'd never been one for it. It made her feel worse. It always did.  
  
Three nights later, she went to see the king again. This time, Abby came with her.  
  
"Have you thought about my offer?" Clarke asked.  
  
"I have" the king said slowly, "And I have a proposal for you."  
  
"What is it?" Clarke asked, feeling herself growing tense.  
  
"There is an usurper in the east" the king said.  
  
 _An usurper? In the east?_  
  
"I have heard from many that he is just a boy. That he plans to overthrow me" the king said, a wicked grin on his face. "But I do not know of his identity. Nor how much support he has. I have no idea of his influence. I don't know how much of what I have heard is true. I do not know if he is an actual threat."  
  
"And? What is it that you want me to do?"  
  
"I want you to find him. Find his village, learn of his plans and report back to me."

"You want me to go to their land? The savages?" she asked. This wasn't even close to anything she had expected to hear.  
  
"Yes, Clarke" he said, "You are not threatening. You could fool the people quite easily, I believe. I can't send my men to find him. No one will tell them anything. But you" he said, looking her up and down "I think you could fool any man."  
  
The way he was looking at her made her feel as if she was naked. She crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"If I do this...will you let my father go?" she asked.  
  
"If you do this, I will let your father go" the king said.  
  
"Alright" Clarke said. "When do I leave?"  
  
"Clarke, honey, think about what you are-" Abby began.  
  
"I don't need to think about it" Clarke said, glaring at the king. "I will do whatever it takes. I'll find him."  
  
The king flashed her that wicked grin again and she felt the dread seeping into her bones.  
  
"In that case, we have a lot to discuss" he said.

About a month later, Clarke found herself on a boat with her mother, Raven and Finn. The two had surprised her by asking to come along. The king had agreed.  
  
They had discussed their story in detail; going over and over it so many times that a part of Clarke almost felt like it was true. She really was a girl from a small village that had burned to the ground.  
  
They traveled for weeks.  
  
Paris was at the very end of their land. Clarke watched in wonder as miles and miles of flat plateaus and woodsy valleys passed. After a while, there was nothing but water on all sides.  
  
They weren't sure where the usurper resided. The kings men who were taking them told Clarke that they would start in the east. From what they'd heard, the usurper was somewhere around there.  
  
They were supposed to go from village to village, telling the same story until they reached the place where he resided. Clarke wasn't sure how they would be able to tell. But she figured all she had to do was find someone who could point them in the right direction.  
  
They were dropped off a few miles from a large village that resided near the shore. They made their way there on foot.  
  
The people had not been welcoming. Clarke could see that they really were savages. Men and women who walked around with their swords in their hands; fighting one another for sport.  
  
It didn't take long to figure out that the usurper they were supposed to find wasn't there; that he must have resided somewhere further north.

After that, they traveled north. It was horrible. The further north they went, the colder it got. The more vile the people were.  
  
After traveling for weeks, Clarke wanted to give up. But every time she thought about quitting, about making her way back to Paris; she thought about her father. All alone. Depending on her.  
  
After two months, they finally reached a village that gave them the identity of the usurper.   
  
_Bellamy Blake_ , an older man had told them. _The man who was going to go west._  
  
He pointed them in the right direction and in a few weeks, they finally reached the village that the man had told them about.  
  
 _Arkadia._  
  
They stood at the top of mountain; looking at the village below them. It was small. Smaller than she thought it'd be.   
  
And despite how tired she was, despite how cold and angry she'd been for the past few months, something like relief washed over Clarke.  
  
She found him.  
  
She wasn't sure how she knew that he was here.  
  
It was almost as if she could feel his presence.  
  
 _I found him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there wasn't much Bellarke interaction in this chapter, but I needed to set the story up first!!! 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	3. Us or Them

**Part I Bellamy**  
  
Everyone was on edge.  
  
He himself felt like he could snap at any moment.  
  
He'd yell at anyone who complained to him, anyone who asked _how much longer?_  
  
They'd been travelling for weeks. And still, there was no sign of land. He wasn't sure how long they had have to travel for, but they'd brought enough food and water for about a month. The rations had been cut. But even so, he knew it was only a matter of days before the supplies ran out. He didn't want to think about what would happen if they hadn't reached land by then.  
  
He repeated the Seer's answers over and over in his head to calm himself down.  
  
_I will succeed._  
  
_I will succeed._  
  
_I will succeed._  
  
But even that wasn't enough to calm his restlessness. And he'd lost the patience he'd had with the people who had come with him. He was tired of consoling them.  
  
_Either you believe me or you don't_ he'd yelled last night, when one of the others asked him if he was sure they'd reach land.  
  
The people had started to avoid him, fear that he'd yell at them. Or worse.

He was grateful for it.  
  
The sun had set and he found himself in the water. They'd started taking turns getting out of the boat so that they could bathe. Some people just got off to swim in the water; to give themselves something physical to do other than row.  
  
He floated in the water; not caring that some of the girls his age giggled from the side of the boat, watching the people in the water.  
  
"Bellamy Blake" Gina said, leaning over the railing. "Have a little modesty" she said, a smile on her face.  
Bellamy smiled back at her as the girls continued to giggle.  
  
It was normal for them, seeing one another naked. They were never embarrassed about things like sex and naked bodies here.  
  
But it was entertaining to watch the three outsiders get used to it.  
  
Bellamy had found it funny, watching Finn's eyes widen in shock the first time a few women undressed in front of the others and jumped in the water.  
  
The look on his face was even funnier when a few men stripped and decided to join.  
  
He could see how uncomfortable the site of naked bodies made them.  
  
And yet, it was another thing that made him doubt that they were like them. That they were who they kept insisting they were.  
  
"Bjorn!" Clarke yelled, leaning over the side.

For some reason, Bellamy went back into the water, leaving only his head and shoulders exposed.  
  
"What?" Bjorn yelled, a few feet from Bellamy.  
  
"It's time for you to come back up" Clarke said.  
  
"But-"  
  
"No buts! You've been in the water for two hours. You'll get sick!"  
  
"Can't I just-"  
  
"Now, Bjorn!"  
  
He heard Bjorn sigh and swim back to the boat.  
  
Bellamy watched as Clarke helped him up and handed him something to dry himself off with. She continued to lecture him about ear infections and getting sick.  
  
She dried his hair as he dressed himself.  
  
Just before turning away, she looked back down to the water and caught Bellamy's gaze.  
  
He looked away.  
  
And he hated himself for it.  
  
He knew what she was thinking; that her little stunt with the sword had changed his mind. It didn't.  
  
The site of her still made him angry. Hearing her voice made him clench his fists.

And even though he respected her, it wasn't because she'd fought him. He respected her because his mother had taught him well.  
  
Even so, he hated himself for giving her the satisfaction of seeing him look away first.  
  
He'd make sure he didn't, next time.

* * *

 

Bellamy had woken up in the middle of the night.  
  
Every few days, he let everyone rest at the same time. Some nights, they'd continue to row in the darkness. But tonight they were all asleep at the same time. Or so he'd thought.  
  
He had got up to get a drink of water when he noticed Bjorn leaning against the side of the boat; wide awake.  
  
"What are you doing?" Bellamy asked.  
  
Bjorn jumped at the sound of his voice, like he'd been startled.  
  
He relaxed when he noticed it was Bellamy.  
  
"Oh..um..I-I was just..." he stuttered, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
"You were just what?" Bellamy asked, walking over to the boy. He had to watch where he stepped, he didn't want to crush anyone's fingers.  
  
He stood across from Bjorn, waiting for the boy to answer.  
  
Suddenly he heard someone splashing in the water.  
  
He moved forward, so that he could look over the edge but Bjorn put his little hands on Bellamy's chest.  
  
"No" he said, using his force to push Bellamy back. "You can't look-"  
  
"Bjorn!" he heard Clarke yell from the water. "What are you doing?"  
  
Bellamy stepped forward and looked down to the water.  
  
Her hands had been on the rope, ready to pull herself up when she noticed him.  
  
She let go and dropped back into the water.  
  
"What the fuck are you doing?" she yelled.

"Just wanted to see what the commotion was" Bellamy said from above.  
  
Her hair was wet, the pale skin of her shoulders practically glowed in the moonlight.  
  
"I'm sorry!" Bjorn yelled, "I told him not to look!"  
  
"It's fine" Clarke said, "It's not your fault that he's a pig. Or boar. Whatever you prefer" she said, glaring at Bellamy.  
  
He scoffed and turned away. Bjorn followed and stood beside him, both facing the other direction.  
  
"I told you not to look" Bjorn said, "Now you have upset her!"  
  
The look on his face made Bellamy smile.  
  
"So? She's always upset" Bellamy said. He heard her climbing up the side and over the edge.  
  
"That is not true" Bjorn said.  
  
Clarke coughed from behind them and they turned to face her.  
  
She was dressed, a scowl on her face.  
  
"I'm sorry" Bjorn said, walking over to her. "I told him-"  
  
"It's okay" Clarke said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It is not your fault that he has no manners. But learn from him. Do not look at a girl unless she wants you to."  
  
Bjorn nodded while Bellamy scoffed.  
  
"Believe me" Bellamy said, "It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"Since you've never seen my naked body, it _is_ something you've never seen before" Clarke said, turning to glare at him.  
  
He glared right back.  
  
"Seeing as you say you're a healer, I would think naked bodies do not phase you" he said.  
  
"They don't. But this is my body" she said. "So next time, listen to the ten year old."  
  
After that, she turned and went to the corner of the boat to lie down.  
  
"She's upset with you" Bjorn said.  
  
"So?" Bellamy asked, smirking at the boy.  
  
"You should apologize."  
  
"I don't think so, kid" Bellamy said, ruffling the hair on the top of the boys head. "Get some sleep."  
  
Bjorn huffed and made his way to Clarke. Bellamy watched as the boy laid down next to her. She moved until she was laying on her side and draped an arm across the boy.  
  
He felt like an intruder, watching them sleep. So he turned and went back to his own spot.  
  
A few hours later, Bellamy woke to Octavia shaking him.  
  
"Bellamy! Bellamy!"  
  
He opened his eyes and saw his sisters face only a few inches away from him.

"What?"  
  
"Get up!" she yelled, turning to look towards the west. "You have to see this!"  
  
He rubbed at his eyes and got up.  
  
The sun was rising, making the water glow.  
  
Everyone was awake. He wasn't sure how he was the last person up.  
  
He pushed his way to the other side of the boat so he could see what they were all looking at. They had all gone very, very quiet.  
  
At the front of the group, Bjorn stood at the very edge of the boat. He'd climbed on top of the side, looking straight ahead.  
  
Bellamy looked past him.  
  
And for a second, he couldn't breathe.  
  
_Land._  
  
It was far away. Just a dot on the horizon. But it was land. He was sure of it.  
  
Bjorn turned around and caught Bellamy's eye.  
  
Bellamy watched as the smile on his face grew bigger and bigger; his eyes shining brighter than any eyes Bellamy had ever seen.  
  
Bellamy returned the smile and suddenly Bjorn jumped off the side and ran towards Bellamy.

He stopped when he was only a few inches away from him.  
  
"I knew it" he said.  
  
"You knew what?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"I knew you were right" Bjorn said.  
  
"I can't take all the credit" Bellamy said, looking down at the boy.  
  
"But you can, Bellamy" he said, "Because you will save us. I know it."  
  
Bellamy looked back up and suddenly everyone on the boat was looking at him.  
  
"You were right, Bellamy" Octavia said. "There is land."  
  
And then everyone started to cheer. They hugged and kissed one another. Screamed their thanks to the Gods.  
  
Bellamy was pretty sure that his ears would burst from the noise. But he didn't have it in him to tell them to shut up.  
  
He was more excited than any of them.  
  
He looked around at his friends, watching as they celebrated. Gina walked towards Bellamy and put her arms around his neck.  
  
"Good thing we're close" she said, "I was starting to worry."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah. But don't think that I had any doubt in you. Not for a second."

"Don't say that just yet" he said, smiling at her.  
  
The sun continued to rise as the people around him settled down. Now they really began to talk of what was to come.  
  
"I don't even care if we don't find Paris" Miller said. "Finding land in the west is achievement enough."  
  
"What do you think it'll be like?" Jasper asked.  
  
A few people spoke up at the same time, fighting over what they would find.  
  
Bellamy removed himself from the group. He wanted a moment to himself. He wanted to contain the excitement, now tinged with a little anxiety, that was making his hands shake.  
  
He went back to the end of the boat and looked back in the direction they'd come, thanking the Gods that the land was finally in their line of sight. It helped the morale.  
  
"Hey" someone said from behind him.  
  
He turned and found Clarke standing a few feet in front of him.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"Do you think that I could send a message to my mother?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I told her I'd let her know when we found land."  
  
"When?"

"What?" she asked.  
  
"You said 'when' we found land. Not 'if'. How did you know we would reach land at all?"  
  
"I-I didn't" she said.  
  
He narrowed his eyes.  
  
"I can always tell when I'm being lied to" he said. The sudden change in her attitude pretty much gave it away.  
  
"I'm not lying" she said, glaring at him. "I just..."  
  
"You just what?"  
  
"I didn't want her to worry. I had to act like I was sure of it. Even if I wasn't."  
  
"Yeah. Sure."  
  
"Can I ask you something?" she said, moving closer to him.  
  
"Even if I say no it's never stopped you before, so why ask?" he said.  
  
"What is it about me that makes you so angry?"  
  
He was taken aback. It wasn't what he'd expected to hear. Frankly, he wasn't sure why she cared enough to ask.  
  
He turned away from her and leaned against the edge of the boat, focusing on the horizon.  
  
To his surprise, she joined him.  
  
"Well? Are you going to say anything?"  
  
"Why do you even care?"

"I don't" she said, shrugging. "But I am curious. I've seen you around the others. You're not as hostile with them."  
  
"I could say the same of you" he said.  
  
She nodded, her mouth set in a hard line.  
  
"So you never answered my first question? Can I send my mother a message? I know you have birds on boat to the right."  
  
"We haven't even reached it yet. Don't you want to wait until we actually get there? A lot could happen between now and then."  
  
She rolled her eyes.  
  
"Can I send the message or not?"  
  
"Yeah" he said, "Sure. Ask if anyone else has anything to say and tell them to bring me their messages. I'll send them out."  
  
"Fine" she said, "And just for the record? If you were half as nice to me as you are to the rest of them, then I might be a little less hostile around you."  
  
She left after that.  
  
About thirty minutes later, he held five small pieces of paper. He handed them to Jasper. He drew the shortest straw; it was him who'd have to swim to the other boat so they could send their messages out.  
  
"Wait!" Clarke yelled, "You forgot mine."  
  
She handed Bellamy a small piece of paper.

As soon as he went to open it, she reached forward to grab it back. But he raised his hand and suddenly it was out of her reach. She jumped up, trying to grab the paper but she was a good five, maybe six inches shorter than he was.  
  
"Stop!" she yelled.  
  
"What is it? Something you don't want me to see?" he asked.  
  
A few people watched their quarrel. They seemed to find it just as entertaining as Bellamy did.  
  
"It's personal!" she yelled. He noticed the pink tinge to her cheeks.  
  
"Or maybe it's something I need to know?"  
  
She stopped trying to get the piece of paper from him. Instead she glared at him with such anger, for a second he was worried she'd try to fight him again.  
  
"Bellamy, I swear to God if you-"  
  
That made him put his arm back down.  
  
"The Gods, you mean."  
  
She shook her head at him.  
  
"You can't do that. It's not fair. You gave Jasper the other messages without reading them. That's personal. It's my mother" she said through clenched teeth.  
  
"That's because I trust the others. However, I don't trust you."

"You know what?" she said, the anger now replaced by something that sounded a lot like disappointment. "I don't care. I don't give a shit if you don't trust me. But that message is for my mother. _My_ mother, Bellamy. I would expect you out of all people to understand."  
  
And suddenly, he didn't find the situation so entertaining anymore.  
  
She turned away and even though the people around him laughed, he didn't think it was funny. And this time, making her be the one who looked away first didn't feel so good.  
  
He wordlessly handed the paper to Jasper.  
  
After a few more hours, the land wasn't a dot anymore. He was sure that they would get there before nightfall. The idea made him more nervous than he'd ever been.  
  
It seemed like the closer they got, the more his excitement dwindled, replaced by nervous energy.  
  
After eating lunch and having a turn on the rows, he looked around for Clarke.  
  
He saw her at her usual spot; the corner of the boat, leaning over the side with Bjorn beside her.  
  
Bellamy walked towards them. The various conversations that were going on between the people on the boat made it hard for him to hear what they were talking about. But neither one of them noticed his presence, and he stopped about two feet behind them to gather his courage. He'd always had a hard time apologizing to people he didn't like. Even if he knew he was in the wrong.

"But why? Why are you sad?" Bjorn asked, a worried look on his face.  
  
"I miss my parents" Clarke said.  
  
"I'm sorry" Bjorn said, placing his hand on top of hers.  
  
"Why are you sorry?" Clarke asked.  
  
"Because I have no idea what that feels like" he said, "So I cannot think of words that might console you."  
  
Bellamy saw the corners of Clarke's mouth lift just a fraction.  
  
But then she saw him from the corner of her eye and the small smile dropped from her face. She turned away and looked straight ahead.  
  
_Just get it over with._  
  
Bellamy walked up to stand on Bjorn's other side.  
  
"It is true then?" Bjorn said, turning to look up at Bellamy. "We will reach the land by nightfall?"  
  
And he sounded so excited that some of Bellamy's nervous energy drifted away.  
  
"It is true" he said, looking straight ahead. The land was getting closer and closer by the minute.  
  
They stood in silence for a while.  
  
"So..." Bellamy said, "I gave your message to Jasper."  
  
Clarke looked over at him, the disappointment for earlier still lingering in her eyes.

"And I didn't read it. I-" he coughed, "I apologize. I was being cruel. And childish."  
  
Bjorn had been looking at him, but now he turned to look at Clarke.  
  
Bellamy did the same.  
  
"Oh" Clarke said. She seemed surprised. "Oh. Thank you. And I accept your apology. Even though it wasn't very good."  
  
Bellamy glared at her.  
  
"Are you fucki-"  
  
"Stop! Do _not_ curse in front of Bjorn. He's only ten!" she yelled, cutting him off.  
  
"It's okay" Bjorn said. "I know what he was going to say. He was going to say are you fuc-"  
  
But Clarke placed a hand over his mouth.  
  
"Do not" she began, now looking down at Bjorn "Talk like that. You are too young. You don't want people to think that you were raised by wolves, do you?"  
  
"No, Bjorn" Bellamy said, grabbing the boy by the shoulders to face him his way. "Don't let her tell you what to do. You want to swim for six hours? You swim for six hours. You want to curse? Then you go ahead and curse. Those things don't matter."  
  
"Are you serious?" Clarke asked, "Are you really telling a ten year old to curse?"  
  
"As I said, those things are not important" Bellamy said, letting Bjorn go. "You want people to think that you were raised by wolves, Bjorn. You know why?"

Clarke scoffed, shaking her head.  
  
"Why?" Bjorn asked.  
  
"Because if you are not like the wolf..." Bellamy began, now looking at Clarke. "Then you are like the sheep. And we all know what happens when the wolf sets it's eyes on the sheep."  
  
" _Of course_! Of course you'd find some way to make this about brutality."  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"That you're a savage! That's what!" she yelled, "There is more to life than fighting, Bjorn!" she said, still looking at Bellamy. "But what do you know about that?"  
  
"Life is a fight! Just because you-"  
  
"Oh here we go!" she yelled, throwing her hands in the air. "Here we go again! Poor Clarke, she's lived a soft life. So what? So fucking what? At least I can say that I'm kind!"  
  
"You?" Bellamy asked, glaring at her, "You? Kind? Hah! I've met actual wolves who are friendlier than you! And what about not cursing in front of the child? Of course you can tell me not to! But you can't even take your own fucking advice!"  
  
Clarke clenched her fists and Bellamy clenched his. They stood only inches apart, glaring at one another.  
  
It was then that they both noticed that Bjorn had left.  
  
They looked behind them and noticed that every single person on the boat was watching them.  
  
They'd been watching the entire time.  
  
Clarke's cheeks grew red and she stomped off without so much as a glance towards him.  
  
Bellamy ran a hand through his hair and turned his back on the crowd, embarrassed that he, the earl, had a squabble about cussing in front of all the people who were supposed to follow him on some great journey. He was sure that he'd made a fool of himself.  
  
He cursed the day that Clarke Griffin walked into his village.

* * *

 

**Part II Clarke**  
  
Clarke felt like she could breathe again.  
  
Despite the fact that she embarrassed herself in front of the others, she felt more relaxed than she had felt been they'd left.  
  
_He didn't read it,_ she thought. Smiling to herself. T _hank God._  
  
She'd been waiting for him to come arrest her, or worse. She went over different scenarios on how to get herself out of the situation. But by the time he had approached her, she felt totally and completely hopeless. She had disappointed her father. She'd failed and disappointed both of her parents.  
  
But as soon as he told her that he hadn't read the message she'd sent to her mother, she believed him. Because if he'd read it, she was sure that the last thing he would do to her was try and talk.  
  
_We've reached the land. Tell them we are coming. Tell them to prepare._  
  
_I love you,_  
  
_Clarke._  
  
She wasn't sure how long it would take for the birds to deliver the message. They had gone quite far, but there were a lot of nights when they didn't travel at all.  
  
And she knew her mother would be waiting.  
  
She could only hope that the others would be ready by the time they reached Paris.

Clarke didn't know exactly how far away they would be once they reached the land. But she remembered, from her journey, that the king's land stretched far and wide with Paris at the very end.  
  
It would take them weeks to reach it by foot.  
  
She'd fought with herself, internally, about what she was doing. The more time she spent around these people, the harder it became to convince herself that she was doing the right thing.  
  
And despite the fact that everything they'd been telling her was the complete opposite of what she'd believed her entire life, a part of her knew that they were telling the truth. They were telling the truth because they had no reason to lie to her; a girl that most of them believed was just like them.  
  
But no matter how many times she thought about confessing, she couldn't bring herself to do it.  
  
Telling the truth meant exposing herself as one of the people that _these people_ hated. They would kill her, she was sure of it.  
  
If it was only her life on the line, she knew she'd do it.  
  
But it wasn't.

It was her father's life. Her mother's life. Finn and Raven's lives.  
  
All the lives of the thousands of people who resided in Paris.  
  
If saving all of them meant that most of these people would have to die...then so be it.  
  
But she comforted herself by thinking about the lives she would save.

And she would do what she could to save the ones here that she actually cared about. Kind, innocent souls like Bjorn. And Lincoln. And Jasper and Monty. And hell, maybe even Octavia. She would _try_. That was the important thing, wasn't it?  
  
She had never imagined she'd be in this type of situation.  
  
She expected all of them to be different. To be the kind of people that she'd been told they were, her entire life.  
  
In the end, she knew what it came down to.  
  
_Us or them._  
  
There was no way around it.  
  
_I'll think of a plan once we get closer_ , she reminded herself. She'd think of something. She had to. She wouldn't let all of these people die. But she wouldn't lose her father and her own people to save them, either.  
  
So she was at something of a stalemate.  
  
Finn and Raven shared her concerns.  
  
They discussed the integrity of their decisions in the quiet of the night. It seemed as if they were just as conflicted as Clarke herself was. But even they knew that they had no other option but to keep going on the path they'd set out on. They knew that the truth would only lead to the destruction of their own home, their own people as well as themselves.  
  
Sometimes she was able to push the guilt away. Distract herself by the thought of her father and all the people who depended on her.

And sometimes, the guilt ate her whole. One minute she'd be talking to Bjorn or Lincoln, and the next minute she found it hard to inhale, exhale, or do anything besides sit there and try to calm the storm raging in her chest.  
  
_I don't owe them anything,_ she'd think. But then she'd replay everything she'd heard since getting here. About how those in Paris lived off of the things they stole from the others. How the very food on her plate could have been taken from any one of these people.  
  
It was getting harder to act normal, to pretend to be as excited as the rest of them were. A few of her friends started to notice the nervous energy practically radiating off of her. Luckily she was always able to blame it on motion sickness, or eating too much fish.  
  
Bjorn noticed more than anyone else. And even though he was only a child, he was a lot more perceptive than some of the older people with them.  
  
"Are you sure?" he asked. She had told him that she just wasn't feeling well for the third time that day. They were very, very close to land now. The sun hadn't even set.  
  
"Yes I'm sure! So stop asking me!" she snapped.  
  
For the first time since she'd met him, she saw a flicker of pain in his eyes. But a second later, it was gone.  
  
But that tiny flicker was enough to make her heart ache.  
  
"Bjorn-"  
  
He looked at her, waiting for her to go on.  
  
"Maybe...maybe you shouldn't have come" she said.  
  
"What? Why?"

"I just- I have a bad feeling. Maybe you shouldn't have come."  
  
"How can you say that?" he asked. "Do you not believe that it was fate that brought us here?"  
  
For some reason, she felt like there was a double meaning to his question.  
  
_'Do you not believe that it was fate that brought us here_ ' ...'us' as in the people on the boat, being brought to the land.  
  
And 'us' as in fate bringing her to him. Or maybe him to her.  
  
"There is no such thing as fate" Clarke said. Whatever he meant by his question, the answer wasn't fate. It was stupidity and the mistakes of other men that had brought them there.  
  
"I..." he paused, shaking his little head. "You disappoint me."  
  
After that he walked away.  
  
They were, what Clarke guessed, only an hour or two from the shore, but even so Bjorn made no move to come back to her side; where he'd been their entire journey.  
  
He didn't even look her way.  
  
Clarke went through all the motions of feigning excitement once they had finally reached land. The boats were far enough away from one another to land on the same shore.  
  
They left their supplies on the boat and got out.  
  
People looked around, they screamed and kissed the earth. They hugged one another and thanked their Gods.  
  
And all the while, Clarke felt dread coursing through her veins.

They weren't supposed to be here. This was never supposed to happen. They should have stayed on their own land.  
  
Eventually Bellamy called the group to attention and started giving out orders. Seeing him there with all those people listening to him pissed her off.  
  
This was all his fault.  
  
He could have figured out a way to save his people without the expense of hers.  
  
_Does he even know that?_ she thought _. He must. He's planned to take Paris from the very start. He doesn't care about the people there. So why should I care about the people here?_  
  
Half of the people would be staying to unload the supplies and try to quickly build some sort of shelter. The clouds rolling in from the west told them that it would most likely rain tonight.  
  
The other half went to hunt and gather.  
  
Clarke was put in a group that was supposed to find fresh water. They grabbed all of the buckets and containers they could find.  
  
As they were getting ready to leave, Clarke looked back at the other group and noticed Bellamy and Octavia leaving to hunt. They asked Finn and Raven to join, as well as Lincoln and a few others.  
  
Bjorn stood with them.  
  
He caught Clarke's gaze before she could turn away.  
  
A few moments later, she felt a poke in her side.

She couldn't help but smile.  
  
"They're leaving" Clarke said, watching the other group make their way into the woods.  
  
"I told them I would help you" he said, sighing a little.  
  
"Alright then" Clarke said, handing him a bucket.  
  
"What am I supposed to do with this?"  
  
"We're going to go look for fresh water."  
  
"Water? Water? That's what I signed up for? I've had enough water for a lifetime" he said, pouting a little.  
  
"Oh come on" she said, making her way towards the group she was supposed to leave with. "It will be fun."  
  
"I may be ten, but I am not stupid" he said.  
  
They made their way in the opposite direction Bellamy's group had gone.  
  
"I'm sorry about what I said earlier" Clarke said, "I was just tired."  
  
"It's alright" Bjorn said.  
  
"No, I really am-"  
  
"I said it was alright. You do not need to apologize for not feeling well. It happens to us all" he said.  
  
"I think you are too smart for your own good" Clarke said, raising an eyebrow at the boy.

"So I've been told."  
  
They walked in silence after that. In less than half an hour, they came across a small stream. They'd have to fill the buckets and bring them back so that they could cure it; but it was a relatively easy walk.  
  
Clarke noticed the bored expression on Bjorn's face as they collected the water.  
  
"If you wanted to join them, why did you come with me?" she asked.  
  
"Because....because you were all alone. Your friends were together and you were here with people you aren't close to...I just- I thought you might want some company" he said, shrugging like it was no big deal.  
  
But it was.  
  
Suddenly a lump formed in her throat and she found it hard to speak at all.  
  
"Can I join them? I can catch up if I run. Unless..." he said, "Unless you need me to stay?"  
  
Despite the fact that she didn't like the idea of him going off to join the others on a hunt, he looked so hopeful that she couldn't tell him no.  
  
He ran off after placing a small kiss on her cheek.  
  
The spot burned for the rest of the day.

* * *

 

The sun had set by the time the others came back with food.  
  
They had built a few small fires, knowing that the rain would come any second.  
  
Clarke sat next to Raven in a large group around one of the fires, scarfing down the rabbit leg she'd been handed with no thought of manners. She was sick and tired of fish. The rabbit was a welcomed change.  
  
"Hey" a man a few seats down from her called.  
  
Clarke and Raven turned to face him. He must have been on one of the other boats. Clarke was sure that if he'd been on theirs she would have remembered him. He had long brown hair and a thick beard. But the most striking thing about him was the tattoo down his face.  
  
"I know you two" he said. "Where did you say you were from?"  
  
Clarke felt her heart rate speed up. There was no way the man actually knew her, but it made her nervous all the same.  
  
"Arhus" Raven said.  
  
"Arhus? Never heard of it" he said.  
  
"Most of us haven't, Nyko" Octavia said from beside the man.  
  
"But I have seen you two" Nyko said. "Have you ever been to Russex?"  
  
"No" Clarke answered. But suddenly it all made sense. On the way to Bellamy's village, they stopped at a few other villages, asking for answers that could point them in the right direction. Point them to Bellamy.  
  
"That's strange" Nyko said, shaking his head. "The old age must be getting to me."

"Yeah" Bellamy said from across the circle. "It must."  
  
When Clarke looked up, the look on his face filled her with dread.  
  
_I will never believe you,_ it said.  
  
She knew that turning away would be a mistake. So she continued to glare back at him from across the fire.  
  
When he finally looked away, she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. The people around them went back to their conversations and it was like the whole ordeal hadn't happened at all.  
  
Suddenly, Clarke realized that she hadn't seen Bjorn for a while. He wasn't with their group.  
  
She wondered why it had taken her so long to notice, since he'd been stuck to her hip since they met.  
  
She got up and looked around.  
  
"Bjorn?" she called, when she didn't see him with any of the groups close to theirs. "Bjorn?"  
  
She circled all the groups once. And then again. And yet, there was no sign of Bjorn.  
  
Panic coursed through her veins as she quickly walked back to the group she had been with.  
  
"Have you seen Bjorn?" she asked, standing behind Bellamy.  
  
He looked over his shoulder with an annoyed look on his face.  
  
"No. Why?"

"I can't find him" she said, turning in a circle to glace towards the boats. Maybe he'd gotten on one of them?  
  
"Well, where'd he go after you got back?" Bellamy asked, getting up to join her.  
  
She whipped her head around to glare at him.  
  
"When I got back? He was with you?" she said.  
  
"What? No, he told us he was going to join you instead?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"Yes and he did but after we got to the stream he asked if he could join _you_ instead" she said, feeling her heart hammer in her chest. "I let him go."  
  
"You what?" he said, his eyes widening a little. "No, Clarke. He wasn't with us. The last time I saw him was before we left."  
  
She ran towards the boats, calling his name.  
  
But there was no answer.  
  
"Oh my god" she said, fisting her hair in her hands. "Oh my god."  
  
"Bjorn!" Bellamy yelled.  
  
And still, there was no answer.  
  
"Where the hell is he?" Clarke asked.  
  
"I don't fucking know! Why did you let him out of your sight?"  
  
"He wanted to join you!"

"And you didn't think about the fact that we'd already gone deep into the woods by that point? How the fuck did you expect a ten year old to find his way to us when we don't even know where we are?" he yelled.  
  
"I-I..." she stuttered, dread filling her to the core.  
  
Suddenly she heard thunder, loud and threatening above them.  
  
She took off in the opposite direction of where the other people still sat. _Bellamy had gone this way. This was the way Bjorn would have gone._ She had to find him.  
  
"Clarke!" Bellamy yelled, running to catch up to her.  
  
He grabbed her arm and yanked her back.  
  
"What?" she yelled. "What?"  
  
"Where the fuck are you going?"  
  
"I have to find him!"  
  
"Okay, but just wait a second. Let me tell the others so that we can get some help."  
  
"Fine. Tell them to go left and straight. I'm going right" she said, yanking her arm out of his grasp.  
  
She ran up the shore and into the woods.  
  
It was a lot darker underneath all the trees. Once there, she gave herself a moment to feel all the panic, all the fear she felt in that very moment.  
  
If he hadn't made it to Bellamy, and if he wasn't with the others, then where was he?

He must have gotten lost. It'd been hours.  
  
She cursed herself for not noticing sooner. Had her own personal thoughts distracted her that much?  
  
She put her hands on her knees and bent forward, trying to even her breathing. She couldn't find him if she herself was a mess. She needed to calm down.  
  
Her lip began to quiver and she bit down on it, fighting the emotions that were washing over her.  
  
"Clarke!" she heard Bellamy yell. He was a good ten, maybe fifteen feet away.  
  
She took a few deep breaths before calling back.  
  
"I'm here!"  
  
Eventually she heard him coming closer. She turned the other way, not wanting to look at him.  
  
"We went this way" he said, pointing to her right and walking away without another word.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"What the fuck does it look like?" he asked, turning to face her. "I'm going to find Bjorn."  
  
He turned around and went deeper into the woods.

She took a few more deep breaths before following.  
  
"Did you tell the others?"  
  
"Yeah" he said, "They're searching the woods in the other direction."

"Bellamy-"  
  
Another thunder clap echoed above them.  
  
And then, the rain began to fall.  
  
"Great" Bellamy said, looking at the sky. "Just fucking wonderful."  
  
But all Clarke could think about was the fact that Bjorn was somewhere out there.  
  
And no matter how brave he acted, Clarke was sure that he was scared.  
  
She could almost feel it.  
  
He was out there.  
  
Alone. In the darkness.  
  
And now the rain.

* * *

 

"This is all of your fault, you know" she said.  
  
They'd been in the woods for about an hour, calling Bjorn's name in the darkness.  
  
"How? How is this my fault?" Bellamy asked.  
  
They hadn't spoken since they'd left.  
  
"Because of all your talk about sheep and wolves! He wanted to hunt. He probably wanted to prove himself to you. If you would have just-"  
  
"If I? What about you? You were the one who let him go in the first place!" he yelled.  
  
The rain was still coming down. But the canopy of tree's shielded them.  
  
Sort of.  
  
Clarke's hair and shirt were drenched. But neither one of them could stop. The longer they went without finding him, the worse Clarke felt.  
  
"Yes but only because I knew it was what he wanted!"  
  
"Like his wishes have ever stopped you before. Don't pretend. You fucked up and you know it. Blaming me might make you feel better about yourself but it won't find Bjorn."  
  
His words were cruel but it was what she had been thinking.  
  
It was her fault. She should have never let him go.  
  
After about another hour, more rain, and still no sign of Bjorn, she dropped to her knees.  
  
She was finding it hard to inhale. Her breaths became rapid and shallow.

Her vision tunneled.  
  
There was nothing different about his part of the woods. She felt like they were walking in a circle because nothing seemed to change. No matter what direction she looked in, she saw trees and more trees.  
  
"Clarke, stop" Bellamy said, standing in front of her. "Get up."  
  
"I-I-" she gasped, "I can't- I can't breathe."  
  
She was pretty sure that she had never been more frightened in her life.  
  
She hadn't been this scared when they dragged her father away. She hadn't been this scared when she made the journey from Paris.  
  
"Just relax" Bellamy said, crouching down. "Just look at me and breathe when I breathe, okay?"  
  
He inhaled slowly.  
  
Then exhaled.  
  
Clarke watched, telling her lungs to do the same.  
  
He inhaled. She could see his chest rise a little.  
  
She inhaled.  
  
He exhaled and she followed.  
  
He continued to look at her and take deep breaths.

After a few more minutes, her breathing finally slowed. She could feel the air making it's way into her lungs again.  
  
"Okay?" he asked.  
  
She nodded and stood up, already feeling a little embarrassed.  
  
"Bjorn!" Bellamy yelled as they made their way deeper into the woods.  
  
Eventually the woods started to thin.  
  
A big boulder about five feet to their left caught Clarke's eye and she made her way to it. She circled it, noticing a little the back part of spiked out and formed a little roof over the ground. It would be the perfect place for a ten year old to hide during a thunder storm.  
  
But Bjorn wasn't there.  
  
"Anything?" Bellamy asked once she'd made her way back to him.  
  
She shook her head no.  
  
"Bjorn!" she yelled.  
  
"Even we didn't go this far" Bellamy said. "I don't think he's here."  
  
"I'm not going back" she said through gritted teeth.  
  
"I never asked you to" he snapped, "I don't want to leave without him either. But maybe we should check over there" he said, pointing to where Clarke had come from.  
  
"Fine" she said.

They yelled his name again and again.  
  
Clarke wasn't sure how much time had passed.  
  
"Bjorn!" Bellamy yelled.  
  
"Bellamy!"  
  
Clarke felt like her heart stopped.  
  
The sound came from up ahead.  
  
"Bjorn!" Bellamy yelled again, now running forward.  
  
Clarke ran after him.  
  
They stopped when they reached the top of a hill and looked down.  
  
The side of the hill was muddy from the rain, but it wasn't too steep.  
  
Clarke looked around in the darkness.  
  
When her eyes landed on a mop of bright blonde hair, she didn't think twice before going down the hill.  
  
It was a lot more slippery than she expected it to be. Her boots clung well to the side, but not well enough to stop her from slipping. She landed on her ass and practically slid down the side until she reached the bottom.  
  
Bjorn's eyes were wide in shock, staring at her in the darkness a few feet away.  
  
"Bjorn!" she yelled, rising to her feet and closing the distance between them.

"Clarke?"  
  
"Are you okay?" she said, grabbing his face in her hands. He was sitting at the bottom of the hill, soaked from head to toe from the rain. Dirty from the mud. "Are you hurt?"  
  
"I-I fell and twisted my ankle" he said, pointing to his left foot. "I tried to get back up but when it started raining it-it was too slippery and I fell back down."  
  
She reached forward to grab his foot so that she could examine it. She took his shoe and sock off and gently handled the small foot in her hands. His ankle was swollen, a bruise already forming.  
  
"What the hell were you thinking?" she yelled. "Why did you come all the way over here?"  
  
"I was looking for them when I fell" he said, "I didn't mean to."  
  
Even in the darkness, she could see the redness around the brim of his eyes.  
  
He'd been crying.  
  
She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close.  
  
"I'm sorry for yelling" she said, "I was just so scared."  
  
She turned to look up at Bellamy who still stood at the top of the short hill.

"Lets get you back up" she said.  
  
She put his sock and shoe back on and helped him to his feet.  
  
Bellamy came down a bit so that he could try and pull Bjorn up.

Clarke let him go first, watching as he winced in pain whenever he put any weight on his left ankle.  
  
He slipped but her hands kept him from falling back down.  
  
"Just a few more feet" Bellamy said from above them, reaching forward so Bjorn could grab his hand.  
  
Clarke used all her strength to grab the boy by the hips and hoist him up. He grabbed Bellamy's hand and Bellamy pulled him up as Clarke felt her own feet sliding out from under her. She landed on her stomach and used her hands to keep herself from slipping all the way back down.  
  
Bellamy had gotten Bjorn to the very top by the time Clarke got back on her feet.  
  
"What do you think?" Bellamy said, glancing from Bjorn to her. "Should we just leave her down there?"  
  
"Cut the shit and help me!" she yelled.  
  
"Fine" Bellamy huffed, taking a few steps down the hill. He reached forward and she took another step up and finally grabbed his hand.  
  
Despite everything that had been going on, from the raindrops on her face to the slippery feel of the mud beneath her boots, the feeling of his hand in hers made everything around her seem dull. In that moment, she felt as if everything else had stopped. The rain. The wind. The unpleasant feeling of the mud seeping through her clothes.  
  
And all she could feel was his hand, so big and rough compared to hers.  
  
He pulled her up and finally, all three sat at the top of the small, muddy hill.  
  
When they'd all finally caught their breath, Bjorn spoke up.

"What are you doing out here anyway?" he asked.  
  
"I came to find you" Clarke said.  
  
"Why? I would have come back."  
  
"How? You twisted your ankle" Bellamy said.  
  
"I was going to wait until tomorrow. Wait until the the mud dried and climb out."  
  
"We were worried sick, Bjorn" Clarke said. "You-you shouldn't have come this far. Do you know how late it is? How long we've been looking for you?"  
  
"Well it isn't my fault that I slipped and twisted my ankle" he said.  
  
"Yes it is. You shouldn't have come this far. You shouldn't have went at all!" Clarke yelled.  
  
"Calm down" Bellamy said from Bjorn's other side. "This isn't his fault."  
  
"I don't care. Don't think for a second I'm letting you out of my sight again" she said, looking at Bjorn.  
  
"But-"  
  
"No buts. I mean it, Bjorn. You could have gotten hurt. Even more so than just twisting your ankle."  
  
The rain had picked up. By that point, all three of them were drenched and muddy.  
  
"We should head back" Bellamy said, rising to his feet.  
  
Clarke got up and helped Bjorn to his feet. She was sure he wouldn't be able to walk. They'd have to carry him.

"Hop on" Bellamy said, turning his back to Bjorn. He bent his knees until Bjorn could wrap his arms around Bellamy's neck.  
  
He stood up straight with Bjorn on his back and turned.  
  
They walked for a little while, the rain still falling when Clarke noticed the boulder she'd seen before.  
  
"Maybe we should stop and rest for a little while" she said, "There's a little crook over there. It'll shield us from the rain."  
  
Bellamy nodded and Clarke led the way.  
  
There was just enough room for both of them to sit underneath the rock, Bellamy's head almost scratching the surface.  
  
Clarke shifted until they were a few feet apart. She put Bjorn's head in her lap after he sat down between the two of them. Bellamy took his legs and placed them over his lap.  
  
"Try to sleep" he said, "We have quite the walk ahead of us."  
  
"I'm sorry" Bjorn said.  
  
"Don't be."  
  
After that, they sat in silence while the rain became more of a drizzle.  
  
Eventually, they heard Bjorn snoring a little.  
  
And despite the fact that she was cold, and tired, and wet; Clarke felt grateful. Grateful that they'd found him. Grateful that he didn't have to spend the night alone.

Bellamy leaned forward and took his jacket off, draping it across the boy.  
  
"How long should we stay? The others might get worried" Clarke asked.  
  
"I don't know. I guess about an hour would be okay. We've already been gone for a long time" he said.  
  
She nodded.  
  
She felt a little awkward. She wasn't sure what they were supposed to talk about, or if they were supposed to talk at all.  
  
"Do you think his parents are looking for him?"  
  
"No" Bellamy said.  
  
"Why do you think that?"  
  
"Because he spoke like a child that was sure they wouldn't."  
  
"But he's just a kid? He could be wrong."  
  
"He may be a kid. But he isn't wrong" Bellamy said. "I don't think you could understand."  
  
"Why? You don't know anything about me."  
  
"The fact that you're asking, even though I know he told you the same things he has told me is proof enough. Not all parents are perfect and loving, Clarke."  
  
"I never claimed that mine were" she snapped.  
  
"No, but it isn't hard to tell."

She rolled her eyes.  
  
"How can you tell?" she asked, "You were loved by yours."  
  
"And how do you know that?"  
  
"Octavia told me."  
  
"What'd she tell you?"  
  
"She told me about your parents. About her father."  
  
"Oh" Bellamy said, turning away. "Well, yeah. I was. But I know people who weren't. And at ten, we all think our parents are perfect. It isn't until later that we realize they aren't. But Bjorn is sure. So I am, too."  
  
She nodded. He was still looking in the other direction. She got the feeling that he was uncomfortable with the conversation.  
  
"Do you believe in all that crap?" she asked, hoping to change the subject. "Like, the soulmates thing?"  
  
He turned to glare at her.  
  
"Why would you ask me that?"  
  
"I just..." she began, noticing the change in his attitude. It was as if her question had personally offended him in some way. "I mean, Octavia told me about it. How her father and your mother..."

"So? Is that something else you don't have in your made up village? Soulmates?"  
  
"Why are you such a dick? Seriously? How many times do I have to tell you-"  
  
"You can tell me as many times as you like. And I still won't believe you."  
  
"Why?" she asked, growing angry. "And seriously this time? Why do you hate me so fucking much? You don't even know me."  
  
"You don't know me and yet you hate me all the same. From the moment we met. Why?"  
  
"I asked you first."  
  
He sighed, turning away from her again.  
  
"Well? Don't I at least deserve an explanation?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Fuck you. You've been nothing but a dick to me since I've gotten here and you won't even tell me why. And don't give me any bullshit about how I was raised. You have no idea who I am and what I've been through."  
  
"Who are you, then? And what have you been through?" he asked, looking over at her.  
  
"Why the hell would I tell you anything? You won't even tell me why you hate me."  
  
"I don't hate you" he said, shrugging. "I don't like you. And I definitely don't trust you."  
  
"But why?" she asked. She wasn't even sure why she cared. It would be easier if she could just ignore him. But it bothered her, she had to admit. People usually always liked her. And they definitely trusted her.

He continued to look at her, like he was searching for something in her eyes. It made her uncomfortable and yet she knew she shouldn't look away.  
  
"You remind me of them" he finally said.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Them" he said. "The people from here."  
  
Her stomach felt like it had turned on itself.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't know. You just do."  
  
"So you don't like me because I remind you of them? Even though you've never met any of them? Why?"  
  
"I said I don't know" he said, an edge to his voice. "You just do. You did from the moment I met you. And no matter how many times you claim that you are one of us...I don't believe you."  
  
"That isn't my fault" she said, hear heart hammering in her chest. "I can't help it if I remind you of them."  
  
"You're right" he said, "You can't. And I can't help but feel that way."  
  
Clarke looked away. She should have never asked. He'd only confirmed her suspicions.  
  
"'What about you? Why do you hate me?" he asked.

"I don't hate you" she said.  
  
He laughed.  
  
"You could at least try to sound a little more convincing."  
  
She fought the smile that she felt coming on.  
  
"Honestly?" she said, "You remind me of someone, too."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"The worst of our kind. Vikings."  
  
"Why? You don't even know me" he said.  
  
"You're right" she said. "I don't. But I can't help but feel that way."  
  
She saw a smile make it's way onto his face at her use of his own words.  
  
"You never answered my question" she said, wanting to change the subject again. She was used to the hostile, glaring looks he'd been giving her. The smile on his face was something that she wasn't used to. And she didn't really like the way it made her feel. Like maybe he wasn't so bad. Like maybe there was more to him than a rebellious usurper.  
  
"Which one?"  
  
"Do you believe in all the things Octavia said? Soulmates and fate?"  
  
"I don't know" he said.  
  
She felt a little surprised. He'd been so offended when she told them about her belief in the one God.

"Why?"  
  
"I don't think I want to."  
  
"Why?" she asked again, unable to stop herself.  
  
"Because I've seen what the loss of one can do to a person. I don't think I want to be connected to someone in that way."  
  
"Your mother?"  
  
"Yeah" he said, shrugging.  
  
"Are you and Gina...I mean, did the Seer tell you if you were mates?"  
  
"No. He didn't. I don't know what we-" he began but cut himself off, like he'd said too much.  
  
_Okay, so Gina is not a good topic_.  
  
"Your mother must have loved him a lot" Clarke said, trying to steer the conversation away from Bellamy and his own relationship.  
  
Clarke felt like if she could get him to talk to her, really talk to her, than maybe he wouldn't be so suspicious of her. He would see what the others saw; a nice, innocent 18 year old girl with the same motives as everyone else.  
  
_You could fool any man,_ the king had said.  
  
"She did. And he loved her too" Bellamy said, smiling a little. But a second late, the smile disappeared. "But they were both fools."  
  
"Why?" Clarke asked, genuinely interested now.

"He should have never left her. He should have taken her with him."  
  
"How can you say that, knowing what you know? She would have died, she would have gotten killed just like the rest of them?"  
  
"But she died anyway" Bellamy said. He placed his hand on Bjorn's legs. "Dying happy is a fate far better than living in misery and then dying anyway. Wouldn't you agree?"  
  
"Well...I guess so" Clarke said, thinking about it. Yeah, Bellamy's mother would have died alongside Octavia's father. But Bellamy was right. She died anyway. "Yeah. I do."  
  
"At least we can agree on something" Bellamy said, smiling a little.  
  
Again, Clarke fought to keep her mouth in a hard line, fighting the returning smile she wanted to give him.  
  
"Is that why you brought Octavia with you?" she asked.  
  
He looked over at her, not bothering to hide the smile on his face.  
  
"Yes. Wherever I go, she will follow."  
  
Clarke turned away, feeling a little uncomfortable.  
  
"She reminds you of your mother? Octavia?" Clarke asked, watching little drops of rain slide over the side of leaf close to her.  
  
"In some ways" he said, now staring straight ahead.  
  
"Like what?" Clarke asked.

She wasn't sure why he kept answering her questions. It wasn't as if her questions were superficial, they were things that just anyone would know about him, like his favorite color or when he usually got up. These were personal questions. And yet, he answered again.  
  
"Octavia is....she's fierce. Intimidating, some would say. Just like our mother. She doesn't love many but when she does it's deep. And underneath all the hard exterior...she is caring. And loyal and kind. Like my mother was. She isn't afraid of anything" he said.  
  
"But?"  
  
"But my mother, she was a selfish woman. She was good. And kind. But she was selfish. If, Gods forbid, anything ever happened to Lincoln my sister would hurt but she would never give up. She knows that she is too loved, too special to give up" he said, looking down at the ground like he was deep in thought. "But that's what our mother did. She gave up. She was weak."  
  
"Giving up doesn't make you weak, Bellamy."  
  
"No, giving up when you have no choice does not make you weak. But giving up while you can still fight _is_ weak, Clarke. That's what she did. I'm pretty sure that the only reason she lasted as long as she did was because of us. But even we weren't enough."  
  
Clarke didn't know what to say. There was no pity, or longing or even anger in his voice.  
  
"I used to hate her for it, for her weakness. I was barely a child myself and she left me to take care of Octavia. I had help from the people in my village, but even so she was my responsibility. We'd lost so many people by that point that no one even wanted to be earl. At 12 years old, it was up to me. And I was basically a father. All because of her."  
  
"I'm sorry" she blurted.  
  
"What? Why?"

"That just...doesn't seem fair."  
  
"It was my fate. It was her fate. Fairness has nothing to do with it."  
  
Clarke nodded, thinking about how at 12, her father had taught her to ride a horse.  
  
"And how do you feel about it now?" she asked.  
  
"About what?"  
  
"About your fate? And hers?"  
  
"It had to be. I was angry, like any child would be. But once I accepted that it was fate, I stopped hating her. The only thing I could do was try and raise Octavia to be better. To be good" he said.  
  
"You did a good job" Clarke said.  
  
"How do you two expect me to sleep if you won't stop talking?" Bjorn mumbled.  
  
"Oh, sorry Bjorn" Clarke said, smiling down at the boy.  
  
She looked up at Bellamy and he met her gaze, a smile on his face.

She realized that for the first time since they'd know one another, he was finally smiling at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. Been a little busy! But hopefully the long chapter makes up for it :)
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read!! <3  
> I'm hoping that my updates will come sooner than this one, so that this fic can take us to the premiere!!!


	4. Who Said We Were Friends?

** **

 

**Part I Bellamy**  
  
They let Bjorn sleep for another hour before waking him and making their way back to the shore.  
  
Since they had walked mostly it one direction, it was a relatively easy walk. The rain had stopped. The morning air was a little chilly.  
  
Clarke offered to carry Bjorn after the first couple of hours but Bellamy said that he was fine, that Bjorn wasn't too heavy.  
  
By the time they reached the shore, the sun was rising.  
  
A few people were already up, running over to them once they were in their line of sight.  
  
The three of them were still wet. They were all dirty from the mud. The others who had left to find Bjorn the night before were already back.  
  
Gina and Octavia ran down the shore to meet them, asking if they were okay. If they had gotten hurt. What had taken them so long.  
  
Bellamy explained to them that they'd found Bjorn far away. He told them about the twisted ankle and the hour of rest while Clarke took Bjorn into the water to wash.  
  
"I'm so glad you're okay" Gina said, placing a hand on Bellamy's cheek. "We were so worried."  
  
"I'm fine" Bellamy said, placing a hand over hers. "We all are."

Gina nodded. After that, Bellamy went in search of food. He sat down on a damp log and watched as Clarke made Bjorn a place to sleep, setting up a tent with the supplies they'd brought from the village.  
  
After eating, Bellamy walked towards them just to check in.  
  
They'd both gone into the tent, but he was sure that they couldn't have fallen asleep just yet.  
  
But as he went to lift the front flap, he heard a little whimper coming from the other side.  
  
"I'm sorry" Clarke mumbled, "I know you were scared. And that's okay, Bjorn. You don't have to pretend. Not with me."  
  
"Why are you sorry?" Bjorn asked, it sounded like he'd been crying.  
  
Bellamy drew his hand back, not wanting to intrude on whatever was going on.  
  
"Because I should have noticed you were gone. I should have noticed sooner."  
  
"Why? I am not your responsibility" Bjorn said. "I am just glad you cared enough to come at all."  
  
"I will always care, Bjorn."  
  
He heard them moving around, settling down on the floor to sleep.  
  
"Maybe you were right" Clarke said. "Maybe it was fate that brought us here."  
  
"I wish.." Bjorn whispered, "I wish you were my mother."

After that, Bellamy walked away. Whatever had been going on, he didn't want to be a part of it.  
  
They decided to stay where they were for the next day.  
  
As much as Bellamy yearned to explore the new land they'd reached, even he needed sleep. He told the others to stay put, to find food and rest. A few people were itching to leave but for the most part, they all seemed grateful.  
  
He told them not to disturb him for the next four hours. That if they woke him, it better be for something they themselves couldn't handle.  
  
He didn't even care that the ground was still wet. He wandered until he found a nice place to rest. He sat down and leaned against the tree. It all still felt so surreal. Had they actually come here? Or was he going to wake up any minute? He'd dreamt of this day often.  
  
Somehow, he fell asleep.  
  
He wasn't sure how much time had passed when the persistent call of his name woke him.  
  
"Wake up! You've slept long enough" Bjorn said from above him.  
  
Bellamy groaned and turned on his side.  
  
"Come on" Bjorn said, pulling on his shoulder.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It is a really nice day."  
  
"Did you wake me up to tell me that?"

"No, I woke you up because it is late in the afternoon and we have things to do" Bjorn said.  
  
"What kind of things?"  
  
"We are celebrating tonight" Bjorn said, "Now get up."  
  
Bellamy turned on his back again and looked around. It really was a nice day. The sun was low in the sky and the air was warm.  
  
He sat up and Bjorn handed him a cup of water.  
  
"Thanks" Bellamy said, realizing how thirsty he was.  
  
"Let's go" Bjorn said.  
  
"Where are we going? Wait, what about your ankle?"  
  
"Clarke made this" Bjorn said, lifting his pant leg up. "She calls it a splint. It helps with the pain. I can't walk for long but there is a tree nearby with apples on it."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So, we're going to pick them. Now get up" Bjorn said.  
  
They walked for a little while. Bjorn told Bellamy about what the others had been up to while he slept.  
  
"What are we celebrating?"  
  
"Reaching land, of course" Bjorn said. "What else?"  
  
"Right" Bellamy said.

They got to the tree Bjorn had found. He'd thought to bring two sacks to put the apples in. He stayed on the ground while Bellamy scaled the tree and made his way up.  
  
He shook the branches, watching as the red apples fell to the ground.  
  
Bjorn picked them up and stuffed them into the sacks he'd brought.  
  
"Is that enough?" Bellamy asked after about half an hour.  
  
"I think so!" Bjorn yelled from below.  
  
But as Bellamy moved to the lower branches so he could get off, Bjorn yelled up at him.  
  
"Wait!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"See that one? The big bright red one to your left?" Bjorn said.  
  
Bellamy looked around and noticed a particularly red apple on one of the higher branches.  
  
"Get it" Bjorn yelled.  
  
Bellamy went back up and shook the branch, but the apple didn't fall.  
  
"I can't. We have enough already" Bellamy yelled.  
  
"No! We need that one!"

Bellamy sighed and scaled the tree again, moving onto the less sturdy part of the branch so he could reach the apple Bjorn had pointed out. He felt the branch he was standing on sink to his weight. He panicked for a moment before reaching out and snatching the apple.  
  
He handed it to Bjorn when he got back onto the ground.  
  
Bjorn polished the apple and put it in his pocket.  
  
"It better be good" Bellamy said, hauling the two sacks of apples over his shoulders. "I could have fallen getting that thing."  
  
"I'm not going to eat it" Bjorn said, shrugging.  
  
"Well then why'd you make me get it?"  
  
"It's for Clarke" Bjorn said.  
  
Bellamy sighed.  
  
"You made me do that so you could get her that particular apple?"  
  
"Yeah" Bjorn said, shrugging like was a perfectly reasonable request.  
  
Bellamy shook his head.  
  
They slowly walked back to where the others were.  
  
"You seem to really like her" Bellamy said.  
  
"Yes. I do" Bjorn said. "Why don't you?"  
  
"I just don't trust her."  
  
"Why?"

"I just don't."  
  
"Well you should" Bjorn said.  
  
"Did she tell you to tell me that?"  
  
"No, of course not. She gets angry when I talk about you so I don't."  
  
"She gets angry?" Bellamy asked, raising an eyebrow. "Why?"  
  
"She says that you've been unkind to her since she came to your village."  
  
"She said that?"  
  
"Well," Bjorn began, a smile on his face "She used a few different words to describe you and the way you've treated her. But I said unkind. I do not want to offend you."  
  
Bellamy let out a laugh.  
  
"I told her it was probably because you liked her" Bjorn said, looking up at Bellamy.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Either that or you were threatened by her."  
  
"Why would I be threatened by her?"  
  
"I don't know" Bjorn said, "Maybe because she is just like you."  
  
"She is nothing like me. And I am definitely not threatened by her."  
  
"Funny. That's what she said about you, too."

They reached the others and put the apples in a pile where they had put their other supplies.  
  
Bellamy and Bjorn went closer to the water to wash their hands. Bellamy knew that bringing the boy would have it's problems, but he'd already grown fond of him. He was good company, even if his liking for Clarke annoyed Bellamy to no end.  
  
"Hey" Clarke said from behind him, "Where have you been?"  
  
Bellamy and Bjorn turned to look at her.  
  
"We went to pick apples" Bjorn said, reaching in his pocket and taking a few steps towards Clarke.  
  
She'd changed out of her clothes. She had on a pretty, long blue dress. He blonde hair was down, strands of it blowing across her face in the wind.  
  
"Here you go" Bjorn said, handing her the apple.  
  
"Thank you" she said, taking the apple from his hand and smiling at him.  
  
It was the first time Bellamy had ever seen her smile.  
  
He looked away. Hating the way her smile made him feel.

* * *

**Part II Clarke**  
  
"Why are you all dressed up?" Bjorn asked.  
  
"Well, we are having a party tonight, aren't we?"  
  
"You look pretty" Bjorn said, smiling up at her.  
  
She smiled back.  
  
But she didn't miss the fact that Bellamy rolled his eyes.  
  
"What?" she asked, cocking her head to the side. "You don't agree? You don't think I look pretty?" She was being sarcastic, of course. But he'd looked at her a little strangely, she had noticed, when she first walked up to them.  
  
The mockery in her voice put a scowl on his face.  
  
"I don't give a shit" he said, walking out of the water and up the shore.  
  
_Asshole_. No, she hadn't expected him to compliment her or anything. But why had he looked at her that way?  
  
"Why do you two fight so much?" Bjorn asked on their way back to the others.

  
She wasn't sure what to tell him. It was true, they did fight a lot. But she thought back to the conversation they'd had hours ago. Things seemed a little different. He'd told her about his mother. It should have made a difference, shouldn't it?  
  
And yet, she felt as if his mistrust in her had only grown deeper now that they had bonded.

"I don't know" Clarke said, shrugging her shoulders. "We just don't like one another very much. We're opposite kinds of people."  
  
"I don't agree" Bjorn said, "I think you are very similar."  
  
Clarke didn't bother asking what he meant. He was a child, after all. He still had a lot to learn about the world, about the types of people that resided in it.  
  
That night, they celebrated.  
  
Clarke didn't share their enthusiasm. But she drank anyway. In hopes of forgetting about the mess she was in.  
  
The sun had set and the sky was clear and full of stars. The moon shining down upon them.  
  
Clarke sat on a wooden log, wine in hand and laughed as Jasper told them some ridiculous story about how he and Monty almost got attacked by a black bear.  
  
Three men at the edge of the woods started playing music, and Octavia's head snapped up. She must have recognized the song they were playing.  
  
She stood up and grabbed Lincoln's hand and led him to the very center of the group while the others formed a circle around the two.  
  
Once they were in the center, Lincoln bowed his head and Octavia gave him a tiny nod.  
  
Whatever type of dance it was, it looked like they had practiced it a few times.

Clarke watched as both of them put one hand up; palms across from one another but not touching. The circled one another while the men continued to play their instruments.  
  
Suddenly, another couple joined. They went to the center and started the very same dance across from one another.  
  
And then another couple joined.  
  
The music switched, and the people in the middle turned, now facing different partners.  
  
Clarke watched as few more people joined.  
  
The music changed again, and this time the people in the crown grabbed hands and really began to dance.  
  
It must have been some sort of traditional dance; they all knew the steps.  
  
Clarke couldn't help but smile, watching the people dance. They switched partners again.  
  
She noticed Gina grab Bellamy's hand and pull him into the crowd, even though he seemed a little reluctant.  
  
By then, there were about twenty people dancing in the center.  
  
Clarke watched from the side, half wishing she had the nerve to join.  
  
"Come on!" Jasper said, grabbing Raven's hand and leading her into the crowd.  
  
"You want to join?" Monty asked, putting his hand out.  
  
"No thanks" Clarke said, shaking her head. "I don't know the steps."

"They're easy" Monty said, "And all you have to do is follow."  
  
"I-I don't know" Clarke said. She was drunk enough to want to try. But she didn't want to embarrass herself. But she could already tell that there were only a few steps to the dance. It was the changing of partners and dancing with the people around her that made her a little weary.  
  
"Come on!" Monty yelled, smiling at her with his red, drunken face.  
  
"Alright" Clarke said, taking a large gulp of wine before putting the cup down, placing her hand in his and letting him lead her from the edge of the crowd.  
  
The others had just switched partners; Clarke could tell at which part in the song they did so. She hoped she could keep up.  
  
She put her left palm up and Monty raised his right. They turned in a circle around one another. The music changed and and they switched hands. And then it was time to close the distance between their hands.  
  
Clarke smiled up at him, taking his hand into hers. He placed a hand on her back while they moved around the crowd in a circle.  
  
They broke apart, a few feet between them before getting closer together.  
  
And then the music changed and Clarke wasn't expecting it, now being shoved to the left and facing a woman she didn't recognize.  
  
"Like this" the woman said, showing Clarke where to place her hands.  
  
And she was drunk enough that she didn't care if she made a fool of herself.

She laughed, the wine making her feel lighter.  
  
But then, the song changed again. The music got faster and faster, and Clarke was being ushered this way and that. Different hands in her own, a different face across from hers every other turn. They were preparing for the big finish, if the music was anything to go by.  
  
They rhythm got faster and faster and Clarke felt her head spinning, swaying to the left and the right; not completely sure of whose hands she was holding on to.  
  
Somehow she had ended up in the very center of the group, with Lincoln right in front of her.  
  
But the music and the dance were so fast by that point, that she didn't have time to brace herself before he picked her up by the hips and lifted her up, turning her in a circle.  
  
She looked around, noticing that it was what the others were doing with their partners too.  
  
He set her down to the left and grabbed her hands, pulling her towards him and then backing away. He picked her up again and swung her to the right and she couldn't help but let out a laugh. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had so much fun.  
  
After he set her down, he turned his back on her and she did the same, knowing it was time to face the next partner.  
  
She turned, the music almost at the climax and came face to face with Bellamy.  
  
They stood in the center of the crowd, still as statues while the others around them continued their fast paced dance.  
  
Clarke was pretty sure that he was about to turn away when suddenly the music reached a high point and then completely stopped.

And not a second later, it picked up again. The same as the beginning of the song.  
  
It was the end.  
  
Everyone around them faced their final partner and put their hands up, ready to finish the dance the way it started.  
  
She wasn't sure how long they stood there, in the very center of the crowd, glaring at one another.  
  
It must have been only seconds.  
  
But to her, it felt like an eternity. Like suddenly everything around her faded away, and the man standing before her was the only person there.  
  
She put her hand up.  
  
And to her surprise, he lifted his and held it a few inches away from hers; their palms faced towards one another. Almost touching, but not quite.  
  
They moved around one another in a circle along with the rest of the others.  
  
The music was almost calming; the rhythm of it so different from the fast paced one they played before.  
  
She was sure that it was the combination of the music and the wine that made her feel like their palms were magnets; the little space between them full of energy. Itching to touch, but not being able to.

The urge to close the distance between their hands was almost unbearable. She wanted to reach forward and touch his hand. She wanted to know what it would feel like. But she knew she couldn't. She knew she shouldn't.  
  
And for some reason, she couldn't look away.  
  
But he couldn't, either.  
  
One last beat and the song was over.  
  
The others around them started to clap and cheer and laugh, pulling her from the little trance she was in. He shook his head a little, like he too was waking up.  
  
She lowered her hand, feeling the blush in her chest making it's way to her cheeks.  
  
He lowered his hand and looked away. Just before he turned to go, she noticed the blush in his tan cheeks.  
  
Whatever she was feeling, he must have felt it too.  
  
She shook her head, trying to compose herself. Suddenly, she felt as if all of this was _wrong._  
  
She shouldn't be here, drinking and dancing with these people.  
  
And she sure as hell shouldn't be thinking about the way the space that had been between their hands felt different from all the other people she'd danced with.  
  
Turning to go, she noticed him at the edge of the crowd, looking at her like he'd been looking at her all this time; like she was the very bane of his existence.  
  
She focused on channeling all the anger she suddenly felt into her eyes, telling him that he was the very bane of her existence, too.

Walking away, she could almost feel the anger growing. Making her hands shake.  
  
And she wasn't even sure why. It wasn't like he'd done anything in particular to make her so angry. And yet she couldn't control it. She could feel her heart hammering in her chest.  
  
_I have to get away,_ she thought, walking past the people at the edge of the crowd and making her way into the woods.  
  
_Get away. Get away. Get away._  
  
Once she was sure that she was out of their sight, she sat down on the ground and tried to get to the bottom of why she'd suddenly become so angry.  
  
_This isn't supposed to be happening_ , she thought. She was supposed to join them and report back to the king. She wasn't supposed to be making friends and enjoying herself.  
  
And now that they had come here, she had to let them go to Paris and face the wrath of the king and his men. No matter how much she liked some of them.  
  
She had to distance herself from it. From them.  
  
Getting closer to them would be a mistake. She was already in too deep.  
  
She figured her absence would be noted, so she made her way back to the group. She realized if was going to distance herself, it had to start now.  
  
_No more drinking. No more bonding. Just do what you set out to do and be done with it._  
  
They were all gathered in small groups around the shore. She looked around for Raven and Finn, finally noticing them in a group up ahead.

She saw Bellamy and Bjorn with them.  
  
Part of her wanted to go to bed, hoping that avoiding them would make it easier for her to do what she needed to do. But then she saw Bellamy hand Bjorn a cup he himself had taken a sip out of.  
  
She stomped towards them. Anger at the thought of him giving Bjorn wine or ale.  
  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she yelled, snatching the cup away from Bjorn.  
  
The others in the group looked up at her, startled by her anger.  
  
"What?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"Are you seriously giving a ten year old alcohol? Do you have any idea how stupid that is?"  
  
"I'm not-" Bjorn began but Clarke cut him off.  
  
"He's only ten, Bellamy! That may be something you people are okay with but-"  
  
"You people? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Bellamy said, cutting her off.  
  
"You people! You savage vikings that think it's okay-"  
  
"Savage vikings?" Bellamy said, cutting her off again.  
  
He stood up.  
  
"I am so fucking sick of you acting like you're better than us. And you know what else? If you really are one of us, you wouldn't refer to us as such. Seeing as if you really are who you say you are, you would be a fucking viking too."

"I didn't mean it like that!" she yelled, realizing that she had basically given herself away.  
  
"Yes you did."  
  
She realized that if she wanted to get herself out of the situation, she couldn't back down.  
  
"You know what I meant. I meant idiots like you. Not the rest of us" she said, narrowing her eyes at him. "The people with some common sense."  
  
"Fuck you" he said, glaring at her. "I'm-"  
  
"Yeah, you're the fucking earl! So what? It's not like you earned the position. You only got it because there was no better option."  
  
She regretted saying the words as soon as they were out. Not because they hurt him. But because there was something particularly nasty about using something he personally told her against him.  
  
Everyone around them had gone very, very quiet.  
  
They found themselves at the center of attention yet again.  
  
For a second, he didn't say anything.  
  
He opened his mouth, ready to fire back before closing it again.  
  
"It's water" he finally said.  
  
"What?"

"In the cup. It's water."  
  
She looked into the cup, noticing that it was, in fact, just water.  
  
Embarrassment washed over her as the others continued to stare.  
  
He turned his back to her without another word and walked away, going down the shore.  
  
"Well....who else is feeling a little second hand embarrassment right now?" Jasper slurred.  
  
The others began to laugh.  
  
She was expecting at least Octavia or Miller to lash out. But they were all too drunk to take their conversation seriously.  
  
Clarke felt relief wash over her. Mostly because it seemed like they'd all forgotten about the way she had made it known that she wasn't actually a viking.  
  
She sat down next to Bjorn while the others continued to laugh and talk about how young they were when they first drank.  
  
"That was not a very nice thing to say" Bjorn said.  
  
"He's tough. He can handle it" Clarke said, shrugging.  
  
"Even so. It was not kind."  
  
"So? He's said worse to me" Clarke said. She felt a little ridiculous, justifying herself to a child.  
  
"That doesn't make it okay for you to insult him. Especially for no reason."  
  
"Oh come on."

"I'm serious. He has done a lot for us. He will _do_ a lot for us. And he isn't our leader because we had no better choice. Why do you think so many of these people willingly followed him to the west? Risking their lives?"  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes. She was not about to be lectured by a ten year old, of all people.  
  
"You can make all the faces you want. But we are here because we believe in him. You need to apologize."  
  
"Bjorn, come on-"  
  
"No. You have disappointed me yet again. I'm going to bed" he said, getting up and walking away without another word.  
  
She watched him walk to the other side of the shore and crawl into the tent she had set up for them.  
  
She sighed, shaking her head.  
  
Yeah, she'd overreacted a little. And yeah, maybe her words were a little cruel.  
  
She looked around and saw Bellamy standing alone about a mile from the group, looking out at the water.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
She realized that she was in the wrong. That she should apologize. That if she wanted him to trust her, this was not the way to do it. They had finally had a conversation where they weren't mad or yelling at one another, last night when they found Bjorn, and now she took them back to the start.

She took a deep breath and swallowed her pride, getting up to join him.  
  
If he noticed her walking his way, he didn't make a move to acknowledge her.  
  
She walked until she stood only a few inches away from him and looked out at the water like he'd been doing.  
  
"Bjorn says I should apologize" she said, hoping she sounded lighthearted.  
  
He didn't say anything.  
  
"Look Bellamy, I'm sorry for what I said. I was just....I was just angry. I didn't mean it."  
  
Still, he said nothing.  
  
"I'm apologizing and you don't even have the decency to give me your attention?"  
  
"I don't care. You can insult me all you want. And you're only apologizing to make yourself feel better. Not because you actually mean it."  
  
She took a deep breath, willing herself to stay calm.  
  
"I can't believe I let that little smartass guilt me into apologizing to you" she said, shaking her head.  
  
She could see the corners of his mouth tilt up a little; like he wanted to smile but was trying not to.  
  
"Yeah" he said after a little while, "He is definitely a smartass. No wonder he likes you so much."  
  
"Yeah, well, not as much as he likes you" she said, trying not to smile.

"That's not true" he said.  
  
"Yes it is. He took your side."  
  
"This time. You're the one he usually sides with."  
  
She finally let herself smile, thinking about Bjorn.  
  
"I really am sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I can see why your people-" she began to say. She stopped, not knowing how she wanted to finish the sentence.  
  
"It's alright. You care about him. You were worried. I can understand that."  
  
"I know you care about him too. So..." she paused, "So maybe we could stop being at one another's throats all the time? For his sake?"  
  
"Fine" he said, turning to look at her. "But I still don't like you."  
  
"That's okay" she said.  
  
She turned to go, ready to end the night.  
  
"And just for the record?" she added, turning to look back at him one more time. "I still don't like you either."

* * *

 

The next day, she regretted those last three cups of wine.  
  
Her head throbbed. And the noise coming from those around her didn't help.  
  
They were being separated into groups.  
  
About ten people would have to stay behind with the boats; they couldn't just leave them there.  
  
The remaining people were split into four even groups. Each group was going straight, but evenly spread out so they could cover most of the land. They would walk close enough to be able to reach each other if something came up; but far enough away to remain discreet if they had to be.  
  
Seeing those who were in her group made Clarke feel half relieved and half upset. The people she had grown accustomed to. Those she knew best.  
  
Part of get felt grateful; being surrounded by those she knew. She wouldn't have to travel with strangers.  
  
But how was she supposed to distance herself from them if she couldn't get away?  
  
She sighed, packing up the few things she had brought with her and grabbing the sword and shield she'd been given.  
  
Her group would be leaving first.  
  
"How long do you think it'll take us to get home?" Finn asked.  
  
_Home._  
  
She dreaded coming home as much as she longed for it.

"I don't know" she answered. She walked alongside Finn and Raven, watching Bellamy and Bjorn walking at the head of the group.  
  
"But they know we're coming, don't they?" Raven asked. She said it like it was something to fear, not something that should reassure them.  
  
"I don't know" Clarke said again. "But I think so. And if they don't...they will soon enough."  
  
There wasn't much to see. Hours and hours of woods. Animals scurrying away from the noise and leaves rustling in the wind.  
  
And all the while, Clarke felt like she would throw up at any moment.  
  
_They will kill you and go anyway,_ she reminded herself.  
  
But it did nothing to calm the nervous energy humming through her.  
  
After a few hours, they sat down to eat and rest.  
  
She looked for Bjorn. He was sitting next to Bellamy on a log a few feet away from the others. As she walked up behind them, she overheard the last part of their conversation.  
  
"But why?"  
  
"I don't really know. I'm just nervous. I have been since we landed. I feel like something bad is going to happen."  
  
She cleared her throat so that they would notice she was close, so she wouldn't startle them.  
  
"Hey" Bjorn said, turning to face her.

"Hey" she said, closing the distance between them. "I just wanted to check on you. How's your ankle?"  
  
"Much better" he said. "It doesn't hurt that much and most of the swelling has gone down. Thank you. Your splint really helped."  
  
"You're welcome" she said. "Well, I'm gonna go."  
  
"Wait, why don't you eat with us?" Bjorn asked.  
  
Clarke looked at Bellamy.  
  
They hadn't really talked since last night, but the usually glare and scowl he threw her way were missing from his face. Maybe they could be civil around Bjorn.  
  
"Alright" she said, sitting down next to Bjorn.  
  
"We were just talking about the trip. Bellamy is nervous" Bjorn said.  
  
Clarke looked at him but he was looking at Bjorn. The look on his face said _why did you just tell her that?_  
  
Clarke smiled despite herself. It was weird. She barely knew him at all and yet she could read his facial expressions.  
  
"Yeah? Why?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know" he said, now looking straight ahead.

They ate in silence for a little while.  
  
Eventually, it was time to leave. Bellamy rose and told Bjorn to go tell the others to pack up.  
  
It surprised her a little, him sending Bjorn away.  
  
They stood alone, watching the boy go.  
  
Clarke had just taken a step forward to go back and get her own things when Bellamy spoke up.  
  
"If something happens..." he began.  
  
She looked at him, feeling a little uneasy when she saw the look on his face.  
  
"If something happens, don't worry about fighting or whatever. Just take Bjorn and lead him away. Go to the boats or something, okay?"  
  
She felt her heart rate speed up.  
  
"Okay..." she said. "But why?"  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why are you saying that? Do you expect something to happen?"  
  
"I don't know. I just have a bad feeling, is all. So just do what I say. Okay?"  
  
She scoffed but nodded her head.  
  
She turned to go but turned back to ask him one last question.  
  
"Why me? You could have told one of the others. Someone you trust?"  
  
"Because even if I don't trust you...he does. And he'll listen to you."  
  
"Alright" she said, nodding. "But this whole friendship thing would be a lot easier if we trusted one another."  
  
"Who said we were friends?"

* * *

 

The first few days were uneventful.  
  
They woke at sunrise and walked until sunset, stopping only to rest while they ate. At night, they built small fires and drank and slept.  
  
Clarke made she wasn't among the people who drank.  
  
As soon as the settled for the night, she made her bed away from the others and laid down in the darkness all by herself. Her plan to distance herself the only thing on her mind.  
  
Most nights, Bjorn would join her.  
  
And if he noticed the change in her attitude, he didn't say anything or question her about it. For that, she was grateful.  
  
On the fourth night, they finally reached the end of the woods. She knew there would be more after a long stretch of grassy fields; she remembered how the land looked. But it gave her a good idea of where they were.  
  
She made her bed a few feet away from where the others had gathered. Despite all the walking they did, her nervousness made her feel nauseated throughout the day so she said no to dinner and laid down.  
  
She closed her eyes, wishing that the people around her would stop talking so she could try to sleep. It was the only thing that made her feel better. While she was asleep, she wouldn't be tortured with the thoughts of her father and what she was doing.  
  
"Are you asleep?" Bellamy asked from above her, pushing on her foot with his.

"Yeah" she said, "I am."  
  
"Very funny" he said. She could hear the sarcasm in his voice. "Here. I brought you something."  
  
She opened her eyes just in time to catch the apple he threw at her.  
  
"That could have hit me!" she snapped.  
  
"But it didn't. I figured you'd catch it" he said, a smirk on his face.  
  
She reluctantly took a bite of the apple, glaring at him the entire time.  
  
"Why did you bring me this anyway?" she said in between bites. "I thought we weren't friends."  
  
"We aren't" he said. To her surprise, he sat down across from her. "But I noticed you weren't eating much."  
  
She wasn't sure how she felt about the comment.  
  
On one hand, it was kind of nice. He noticed. He brought her an apple.  
  
On the other, it reminded her that he still didn't trust her. That he was paying enough attention to her to notice that she hadn't been eating.  
  
"Why? You didn't have any problem eating before" he said, raising an eyebrow, "If I recall correctly."  
  
"Asshole" she said, taking another bite of her apple.

He laughed and she felt a little flutter in her chest. She was pretty sure she'd never heard him laugh before.  
  
"Seriously though. Why?" he asked.  
  
"I guess I'm just nervous. Like you."

"Why are you nervous?"  
  
"I have a bad feeling. Like something bad is going to happen" she said.  
  
She hoped it wouldn't be evident that she'd been eavesdropping on his conversation with Bjorn.  
  
"About what?"  
  
"About what you said. About me saving Bjorn if something happens. What if I can't?"  
  
It wasn't the only reason she was nervous, the only reason she had a bad feeling. But it was one of them.  
  
"You can" he said.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"If you can put a sword to _my_ throat...you can save Bjorn."  
  
She smiled despite herself; thinking about the night she cornered him.  
  
"I hope so" she said.  
  
"Well, goodnight" he said, getting up and turning away.  
  
She had finished her apple by that point. As soon as his head was turned, she threw the core at him.  
  
It hit him in the back of the head.  
  
He turned to glare at her.  
  
"My bad" she said, fighting a smile "I _figured_ you would catch it."  
  
Just before he turned back around, she saw the hint of a smile on his face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Progress!!!! Bjorn is slowly but surely bringing them together :D
> 
> The edit at the top is something from my Tumblr but I just figured I'd add it here as well for aesthetic. And yes, that is Bjorn in the bottom middle picture. 
> 
> Thank you guys for reading and for your feedback. :) <3


	5. The Sheep and The Wolf

**Part I- Clarke**

  
They walked through the grassy fields.  
  
It was a welcomed change, although there was less to eat.  
  
That, combined with the fact that knowing each step she took brought her closer to home was starting to make her feel lightheaded.  
  
They had been walking for hours.  
  
She sat down, knowing the others wouldn't notice since she was at the very end of their small crowd.  
  
They kept going.  
  
Part of her wished she could go the other way. Leave, this very moment.  
  
But she wouldn't have anywhere to go. And it wouldn't change a single thing about the situation she was in.  
  
She saw the crowd getting further and further away, and yet she could not will herself to stand and follow them.  
  
She put her head between her knees, hoping it would help her calm down a little.  
  
After a few minutes, she could hear someone calling her name. She looked up but by that point she could barely see them.  
  
And still, she could not get up.  
  
_Just leave me here._  
  
_Leave me here and let me die._  
  
But she wasn't that lucky.  
  
After another 10 minutes, she heard footsteps coming her way.  
  
"I'm fine" she said, not bothering to look up. "I'll be fine."  
  
"You don't look fine" Bellamy said.  
  
She lifted her head to look up at him.  
  
She'd been expecting to see Bjorn. She was sure that he was the one who had been calling her name. He was the one who noted her absence.  
  
"I just don't feel good" she said. And it was true.  
  
"I can tell" he said, handing her a canister.  
  
She opened it and took a sip of water; not because she really wanted to. But it would be easier to play it off as physically feeling unwell rather than talking about the emotional turmoil she was in.  
  
She tried to get up but he stopped her.  
  
"It's fine. I told them to rest for a little while."

"Oh" she said, sitting back down.  
  
"Why didn't you say anything? If you would have just told me you weren't feeling well we could have taken a break."  
  
"I didn't want to be a nuisance. You already think I'm weak" she said, shrugging her shoulders.  
  
"You're a nuisance anyway. But you're not weak. So take a few moments and join us when you're ready, okay?"  
  
She nodded and watched him walk away.  
  
He wasn't even halfway there when she rose and followed. Not because she was feeling any better, but because she had to.  
  
When she made it to the others, Bjorn joined her side and they continued walking.  
  
Bellamy checked on her two more times that day, along with a few of the others.  
  
Each time they did, she wished they wouldn't.  
  
It was making it harder and harder to keep up her facade.  
  
A few days later, they reached the woods again.  
  
Even though it meant that they were closer, she felt grateful.  
  
The tree's shielded them from the sun.  
  
Her face, along with her hands and arms, was already sunburnt. So were some of the others.

A few of them just got tanner.  
  
She noticed the way Bellamy's tan made his freckles stand out more. And one afternoon, she noticed herself making out little shapes on them; like they were constellations.  
  
He looked up and caught her staring. She averted her eyes, embarrassed and angry at herself.  
  
One afternoon, they heard the sound of rushing water and followed it.  
  
Clarke was at the back of the group yet again. Bjorn had been with her, but he was excited so Clarke told him that it was okay to run towards the sound of the water and join the others.  
  
Eventually, she broke through the foliage and found herself staring at a dozen naked bodies. The waterfall was beautiful enough to draw her attention from the bodies, though.  
  
She set her things down and started taking her clothes off.  
  
It'd been weeks since she had a bath and she was excited.  
  
The excitement was enough to push her worries away as she made her way into the water in her shirt and panties. She didn't even care that most of the people around her were naked.  
  
She went underneath the water, grateful that it dulled the sounds coming from above; people chatting excitedly and splashing one another.  
  
She stayed underneath until she felt like her lungs would implode.  
  
Once she poked her head out, she noticed Monty and Jasper climbing the rocks to get to the top of the waterfall. It wasn't very far, and soon enough they were jumping back into the water.

A few of the others joined.  
  
She heard Bellamy telling Bjorn _no, don't even think about it._  
  
It made her smile, happy that she wouldn't have to be the one to tell him no this time.  
  
Her own thoughts brought her up short, realizing that she and Bellamy were the ones responsible for the child. The ones who could tell him no.  
  
That they'd pretty much taken over the role of his parents.  
  
The thought sent her back into the water again.  
  
Once her fingers were pruney and her hair clean, she dragged herself out of the water. She placed her jacket on the ground and sat down on it, combing her fingers through her long blonde hair.  
  
The others were having so much fun that even a few of the older people that were with them asked Bellamy if they could stay for a while.  
  
He agreed with little to no persuasion.  
  
She watched from afar as he and Gina stood in the water across from one another. She put her hand out and ran it through his short dark hair.  
  
Clarke looked away, feeling a little perverse and hating herself for looking back up a few minutes later.

They were talking but that wasn't why she couldn't look away. Bellamy was smiling, really smiling; smiling like she'd never seen him smile before.  
  
And to her horror, she realized that she was jealous.  
  
She was jealous because no one had ever smiled at her like that.  
  
She looked away again, cursing herself for feeling that way even though she knew she couldn't really help it.  
  
Grabbing the clothes she'd been wearing, she busied herself by washing them in the river and hanging them on a couple of low hanging branches to dry. After that, she washed Bjorn's clothes and hung them beside her own.  
  
To her surprise, they stayed all day. And since Bellamy made no move to leave, she was sure that they'd be spending the night there as well.  
  
She put on the light blue dress she'd packed while her other more fitting clothes dried. It felt a little sinister, knowing that she'd only packed the dress because she wanted to wear it once they got back to Paris. But she put it on all the same.  
  
That night, they built a few small fires to cook the food a few of the others had caught. She wasn't even sure what kind of animal meat it was but she didn't care, eagerly taking the meat that Nyko had offered her.  
  
After eating, she sat alone a few feet away from her friends making a crown of flowers. She had found a patch of wild sunflowers and grabbed a handful without even thinking about it.  
  
She weaved a small crown, setting it in her lap before staring another.  
  
"Hey" Bjorn said, sitting down next to her. "What are you doing?"

"Making a flower crown" she said. She picked up the one she made and placed it on his small head. "You look so pretty."  
  
"Pretty?" he exclaimed, "I'm a man! A man isn't supposed to look pretty!"  
  
"Says who?" she laughed, finishing the second one she started.  
  
Bellamy walked by and Bjorn called his name.  
  
"Tell her that I'm a man" Bjorn said, nodding at Clarke. "And men, especially viking men, aren't supposed to look pretty."  
  
Bellamy looked at the flower crown on top of Bjorn's head and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"What?" Clarke said, "Don't tell me that you agree?"  
  
He walked over and sat down next to her, taking the crown she'd made from her hands and looking at it.  
  
"No, I don't agree" he said, "Anyone can appreciate the beauty of flowers. Even vikings."  
  
He smiled and handed the flowers back to her.  
  
"See" Clarke said, turning to stick her tongue out at Bjorn.  
  
Bjorn took the crown from her hands and stood up.  
  
"Okay then" he said, placing the flowers on Bellamy's head. "Now you can look as pretty as I do."  
  
Clarke laughed. She couldn't help it. They looked so silly with the yellow flowers in their hair.

"Why are you laughing?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"Because" she said, smiling at him "Because you look so damn pretty."  
  
"King Bellamy!" Bjorn exclaimed, making a few of the people around them turn to look.  
  
The comment wiped the smile off of Clarke's face.  
  
She was glad that Bellamy hadn't been looking at her.  
  
He shook his head and took the flower crown off.  
  
He looked at it for a few moments before turning and placing it on her head.  
  
"It looks better on you" he said.  
  
"Th-thanks" she mumbled, looking at him. She wasn't sure why the comment made her blush. But it did. She could feel the heat in her cheeks. And he was looking at her in a way that he'd never looked at her before.  
  
Bjorn coughed and they both looked away from one another at the same time.  
  
Bellamy left without another word after that.  
  
Clarke found it hard to sleep that night. She couldn't get the way he had looked at her out of her mind. No one had ever looked at her like that.  
  
The next morning, she woke up a little later than usual.  
  
She realized it was because the others had made no move to leave like they usually did at sunrise.  
  
She looked around, noticing that most of the group was still asleep.  
  
When she realized that Bjorn wasn't beside her, she got up to look for him, a little worried. They'd fallen asleep beside one another last night. He was usually the one that woke her up instead of the other way around.  
  
A few people were up, some already wading in the water.

She looked around, finally noticing him and Bellamy a few yards away. She could barely see them. She wondered why they had gone so far away while she made her way towards them.  
  
Once she was close enough to really see them, she realized why they were so far from the others.  
  
Bellamy held a shield in his hand while Bjorn held a sword. They were practicing.  
  
They noticed her coming towards them but didn't stop.  
  
It made her a little uncomfortable, seeing Bellamy shirtless. She felt a little embarrassed after she realized her eyes had lingered on his chest longer than necessary.  
  
_Oh stop it_ , she thought. _It's natural. You're allowed to appreciate the human physique. Especially a tan, muscular one.  
_  
She averted her eyes and focused on Bjorn's sunburt skin instead.  
  
She'd have to remind him about the importance of covering his skin, especially since he was just as pale as she was.  
  
Crossing her arms over her chest, she watched the two of them fight a little longer.  
  
"I think that's enough for today" Bellamy said, ruffling Bjorn's hair.  
  
"But I am better, right? Better than I was?"  
  
"Yeah" Bellamy said, smiling at him. "Much better."  
  
"You want to fight?" Bjorn asked, pointing his sword at Clarke.

"No thanks" she said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"What is it? Afraid you can't beat a child?" Bellamy asked, cocking his head.  
  
Clarke scoffed, keeping her arms across her chest.  
  
"Need I remind you of what happened the last time _we_ fought?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"Please. I let you win and you know it."  
  
"What?" Bjorn asked, looking between the two of them. "You fought? And she beat you?"  
  
"She didn't beat me" Bellamy said, like it was the most insulting comment he'd ever heard. "I let her win."  
  
"I'm sure that's what you say whenever someone beats you" Clarke said.  
  
"Baldr forgive, but did you really get beat by a woman who can't fight?" Bjorn exclaimed.  
  
"I can fight!" Clarke yelled while Bellamy shook his head no at the same time.  
  
"She didn't beat me" Bellamy said.  
  
"Yes I did!"  
  
"No you didn't!"  
  
"Give me that sword, Bjorn!" she yelled.  
  
He handed it to her and she glared at Bellamy, taking a step towards him.

"Stop. I'm not going to fight you" he said.  
  
"Why? Afraid you'll lose again?" she said.  
  
"I didn't-" he yelled. "You know what? Okay. I'll fight you. But only to shut you up and put you in your place."  
  
She narrowed her eyes at him. She'd been entertained by their little squabble, but his comment made her angry.  
  
She lifted the sword, her anger propelling her forward. Maybe she wouldn't win. But she didn't care about winning; mostly she just wanted to wipe the stupid smirk off of his face.  
  
He blocked every strike of her sword with the shield he held in his hands.  
  
No, she wouldn't actually hurt him with her sword. But she wanted to make him sweat.  
  
After a few strikes, he finally took a step back.  
  
It gave her confidence; making him back away.  
  
One particularly fast block made the sword drop from her hands.  
  
"What now, little sheep?" Bellamy said, his voice mocking.  
  
She kicked at him even though she was in a dress. And even though it hurt her foot, connecting with his leg made her smile. She was sure it hurt him more than it hurt her.  
  
He threw the shield to the side and smiled at her.

"Be careful" he said, "You don't want to rip your pretty little dress, do you?"  
  
She clenched her fists and went for his head.  
  
But he ducked and swept her feet out from under her.  
  
She hit the ground with a soft thud; feeling all the air leave her lungs.  
  
Her heart hammered in her chest, she could feel the sweat running down her face.  
  
He looked down at her, a smirk on his face.  
  
"Sheep" he said, before extending his hand as an offer to help her up.  
  
She took a few deep breaths, thinking about her next move.  
  
She sighed and took his extended hand.  
  
He'd been relaxed, thinking it was over.  
  
So he wasn't been prepared when she placed both hands on one of his and used all her strength to pull him down.  
  
It took even more strength to bring her left knee up and slam it into his side when he was close enough, making him fall down onto the ground right beside her.  
  
She caught her breath as he groaned, turning on his back and clutching his side.  
  
Before thinking twice, she turned and crawled on top of him, pinning him to the ground with her knees.

She glared at him, her red face only a few inches from his.  
  
"I am a wolf" she said, "And don't you fucking forget it."  
  
She could feel his chest rise and fall, trying to catch his breath.  
  
He looked up at her and for the first time, she couldn't read the expression on his face.  
  
Her eyes dropped to his lips for the fraction of a second before she realized how inappropriate everything about the situation was.  
  
She stood up and gave him one last glance before brushing the dirt from her dress and throwing a smile a Bjorn.  
  
And maybe she was being a little petty and a little overconfident, but she couldn't help it.  
  
"See?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "He didn't let me win."  
  
Even though they couldn't see it, she smiled all the way back to her spot.  
  
When Bellamy got back, he told them it was time to go.  
  
She tried not to smile when one of the others asked him why he was clutching his side.  
  
"No reason" he said, looking at her. "Bjorn kicked me. But I'm fine. I _barely_ felt it."  
  
"Really?" she asked, unable to help herself. "Because you kind of look like you're in a lot of pain."  
  
"Yeah, well, I'm not" he said, letting go of his side.

"Guess you better be careful with who you pick fights with from now on" she said, batting her lashes.  
  
Bjorn let out a laugh, getting some questionable looks from the others.  
  
Clarke winked at the boy before leaving to change.  
  
"Shut up" she heard Bellamy say.  
  
"I didn't say anything!" Bjorn exclaimed.  
  
She went to the woods for some privacy, changing out of her dirty dress. She washed her hair before they had gotten back, leaving it wet, the water running down her bare back.  
  
But when they were all ready to leave, she felt the worry and dread coming back. She realized that her time with Bellamy and Bjorn had made her forget about the mess she was in. And now all dread was back; stronger than ever before.  
  
Yet, she kept going. Knowing it was what she had to do. There was no other option for her. It was either keep going and try to figure things out or tell them now and be killed, along with Finn and Raven.  
  
She looked around for them, realizing it'd been a while since she talked to either of them.  
  
But when she finally spotted them, walking a few feet behind her, the smiles on their faces prevented her from joining them and the people they were laughing with.

She continued on, walking by herself and trying not to think about the current state of her life.  
  
They didn't stop for a break until after sunset, given their late start to the day. They were still in the woods. At this point, she wasn't sure how much longer they had to go until they reached Paris. Or until they could spot it, at least.  
  
When she looked around for Bjorn and spotted him sitting next to Bellamy and Gina, she couldn't help but join. She wanted their company. She had thought that keeping her distance would be the best option. But she wanted a distraction. Even if it would only complicate things even more.  
  
"Hey" she said, sitting down next to Bjorn.  
  
"Hey" he said, smiling at her.  
  
"Are you feeling better?" Clarke asked, looking at Bellamy.  
  
"Yeah" he said, narrowing his eyes. "I already told you that I felt fine."  
  
"What happened?" Gina asked. She looked concerned. It only made Clarke want to smile even more so than before.  
  
"He fought with Bjorn" Clarke said, "And apparently Bjorn won. He got a pretty good hit in, from what I heard."  
  
Bjorn put a hand over his mouth so his smile wouldn't be evident. But Clarke knew it was there.

"Wow" Gina said, raising her eyebrows "You must be getting soft."  
  
"I am not getting soft" Bellamy said, "He just got lucky."  
  
"Right" Clarke said. "Very lucky."  
  
She ruffled Bjorn's hair and smiled at him.  
  
"Good job, Bjorn. If you ask me, Bellamy could be taught a lesson or two" Gina said.  
  
Clarke liked Gina. She didn't know her very well. But she'd been kind to her and her friends since they'd gotten there. Especially Raven. Sometimes the two would spend time together. Clarke had seen them talking and laughing quite a few times.  
  
Clarke started to feel better, the three of them giving her the distraction she'd been after. They sat around the fire and talked. Clarke could feel herself growing less and less tense, even sharing a few personal stories about her life.  
  
She noticed that Bellamy had one of those smiles that made the people around him smile, too. She found herself a little distracted by his smile, noticing the way it made his eyes light up. He had a small scar above his top lip and Clarke wondered how he'd gotten it.  
  
But then Gina yawned and asked Bellamy if he was ready to sleep, lazily running a hand down his back. The touch was casual. And even so, it stirred something inside of Clarke.  
  
Something ugly and something she definitely didn't want to feel.  
  
Jealousy.  
  
And it wasn't like the jealousy she'd felt the day before, watching Bellamy smile at Gina. This was a stronger, deeper jealousy. Unlike she'd ever felt.  
  
She swallowed thickly and looked away.  
  
The two of them bid Bjorn and Clarke a good night before walking away, hand in hand.

"Are you okay?" Bjorn asked.  
  
Her head snapped up.  
  
"Yeah" she said, "I'm fine. Why?"  
  
"Nothing" Bjorn quickly said. "I just-"  
  
"Just what?" she asked when he didn't finish his sentence.  
  
"Nothing" he said, shaking his head. "Nothing. Let's go to sleep."  
  
They laid down next to one another. The realization that she was specifically jealous of Gina was the only thing that kept the guilt of her real identity at bay.  
  
_If I didn't hate myself before_ , she thought, _well I definitely do now._  
  
The horror of feeling jealous kept her from sleep. She went over and over everything that had happened since she'd gotten to Arkadia. She wasn't sure at what point she had stopped hating him. And she definitely wasn't sure about when she'd started noticing the little things about him, like the scar above his lip or the fact that he had freckles on his back.  
  
_Oh my god._  
  
She sighed in frustration.  
  
_What the hell is happening to me?_ she wondered. She couldn't understand how it had happened. How this feeling had snuck up on her.  
  
After a couple of hours, she could feel her eyes getting heavy. She wished that she would fall asleep so that she could escape for a little while. She wanted to get away, she wanted to forget about how she felt. And a little part of her just wanted to fall asleep so that she could wake up and talk to him again.

Some hours later, she woke from a nightmare. She'd had a few since she left home. But this one scared her enough to jolt her awake.  
  
She tried to calm her breathing, to slow her heart rate.  
  
But she felt like the king was there; like he was breathing down her neck.  
  
She sat up and looked around.  
  
All the others were asleep, the small fires they had set barely burning now.  
  
She scanned the woods, listening for the snap of a twig or any sign that she was being watched.  
  
After a few minutes, she realized it was just the dream. That they were alone, in the middle of the woods. The thought should have made her feel better.  
  
But waking from the nightmare had only brought her back to reality which was no better.  
  
She sighed. She could make out Bjorn's little body next to her.  
  
It made her feel a little better and she knew it shouldn't.  
  
And then she heard voices.  
  
Barely audible, speaking in low tones like they didn't want to be heard.  
  
They were coming from her left.  
  
Before standing up, she took her shoes off. She'd be quieter without them, even if she stepped on something.  
  
She took a few steps to her left following the sound of the voices.

But in her heart she knew it wasn't a threat. The two voices she heard spoke like two people who didn't want to be heard. Not like people that didn't want to be found.  
  
She got a little closer and recognized the voices.  
  
_Bellamy and Gina._  
  
She knew she should turn away and yet she took another step forward. She was hidden behind the trees. She couldn't see them and they couldn't see her. But she was sure it was them.  
  
She stood behind a tree and listened, deciding not to peek around it in fear of getting caught.  
  
"Oh come on Bellamy. I can tell" Gina said.  
  
"I haven't."  
  
"Yeah you have. You've been distant for weeks."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Don't do that. Don't pretend" Gina said.  
  
"I just-"  
  
Clarke heard him sigh.  
  
"Whatever it is, you know you can tell me" Gina said.

Clarke knew that she should go. They were having a private conversation. But what she knew and what she felt were two completely different things.  
  
A decent person would leave, would give them the privacy they obviously wanted.  
  
_You're not a decent person_ , she reminded herself.  
  
"I worry" Bellamy said.  
  
"You care about her."  
  
"I care about all of them."  
  
"And yet you worry about her more."  
  
She could hear her heart beating in her ears.  
  
And maybe it was a little grandiose, but she was sure that she was the _her_ Gina was referring to.  
  
"It's not like that" Bellamy said. "I just...I think she's lying about who she is."  
  
"Is that all?"  
  
Clarke took another step forward, her heart beating in anticipation.  
  
As soon as she put weight on her left leg she heard a twig snap under her weight.

_Shit!_  
_Shit!_  
_Shit!_  
  
"Did you hear that?" Bellamy said.  
  
"It sounded like it came from behind you" Gina said.  
  
She could hear them both getting up.  
  
_Oh my god._  
  
_Shit! Shit! Shit!_  
  
She knew she couldn't move. If she moved just a fraction, they would hear her and she'd be caught.  
  
Realizing it would probably be the most embarrassing moment of her life made her stay as still as a statue.  
  
She could hear them coming towards her.  
  
She held her breath.  
  
They both stopped. _They're looking around,_ she thought. _They must be.  
_  
After a few minutes and no other sounds, Gina spoke up.  
  
"Must've been an animal or something" she said.  
  
"Yeah. I guess so" Bellamy said.  
  
Clarke heard them turning to leave.  
  
She realized that this was her opportunity to get away. Any sound she made would be drowned out in the noises they themselves were making.  
  
As much as she wanted to hear the rest of their conversation, she wanted to keep her dignity. And she couldn't do that if she got caught.  
  
She quickly tiptoed her way back to Bjorn. Thanking god that he hadn't woken up and went to look for her or something.  
  
She laid down, thinking about how despicable she was.  
  
_Is that all?_ Gina had asked.  
  
She knew that she'd never know what the answer was. But she wanted to, she realized. She wanted to know if that was all.

* * *

 

Somehow, she'd fallen asleep because the next thing she knew, Bjorn was shaking her awake.  
  
"It's time to go" he said, rubbing at his sleepy eyes. His hair had gotten longer, now sticking up at the back from how he'd slept.  
  
"Alright" Clarke said, already feeling worse than she did yesterday.  
  
Not only was she a liar. She was a eavesdropping liar who had no right to be jealous. And apparently, no level she stooped to was low enough for her.  
  
And now, she was pretty sure that she liked the man she came here to find. The man whose life she was supposed to destroy.  
  
Just when she thought her self worth was at an all time low, she surprised herself and dropped even lower.  
  
_Is any of this worth it?_ she asked herself as she got ready. _Is any of this worth it if I hate myself? Hate what I've done? Hate who I've become?_  
  
She wasn't so sure if it was anymore.  
  
Yeah, she could save her father. Her people, too.  
  
But she would have to tell him how she did. She was sure that he wouldn't be okay with what she was doing, no matter how much he valued his own life.  
  
She was destroying hers on the path to save his.  
  
They started walking again, the air warm with the sun beating down on them.

She looked around for Raven and Finn, hoping that maybe some time with them could make her feel better.  
  
She noticed them walking ahead of her so she ran to catch up.  
  
"Hey" she said, when she finally caught up and walked beside Raven.  
  
"Hey" Raven said.  
  
Finn just nodded.  
  
"So how have you guys been? I feel like we haven't talked in days" she said. She knew they couldn't really talk about anything, not out in the open like this. But she wanted another distraction.  
  
"That's because we haven't talked in days" Finn said. If he was trying to sound lighthearted, it wasn't working.  
  
"Yeah. Been busy" Clarke said, shrugging her shoulders.  
  
"So have we" Raven said. Her face looked somber.  
  
After that, Clarke didn't really know what to say anymore.  
  
Not until she got a moment alone with them. And she guessed that wouldn't be until tonight.  
  
With that in mind, she looked around for Bjorn. Talking to him always cheered her up. Even if it made things worse in the long run.

"I'll talk to you guys later" she said, finally noticing him walking towards the back of the crowd for a change. "We should catch up after dinner."  
  
"Okay" Raven said. "After dinner it is."  
  
Clarke stood on the side, waiting until a few people passed by so that she could step in beside Bjorn.  
  
He smiled as soon as he noticed her and she smiled right back, already feeling a little better.  
  
He greeted her as she walked up to him.  
  
But when she looked beside him, at Bellamy, the smile dropped from her face. He reminded her of what she'd done last night. How selfish and cruel it was; listening to his conversation with Gina.  
  
She looked away before he could catch her staring at him.

_Is that all?_  
  
She kind of expected him to say something or acknowledge her in any sort of way. And when he didn't, she turned her head to look at him again.  
  
It seemed like he was purposefully ignoring her. Kind of like he'd done the first few weeks after they met.  
  
"Is everything okay?" she asked, noting the stony look on his face.  
  
"Yeah" he said, still not looking at her.  
  
"Are you sure?"

She was positive that he didn't know that she'd been spying on him and Gina last night. If he did, he wouldn't let it slide. Not with the mistrust he had over her, she was sure of it. And she was sure that she hadn't done anything to make him angry since last night. They talked. They had a good time.  
  
"Yeah" he said. He continued to look straight ahead.  
  
She looked at Bjorn and he shrugged like he didn't know what was going on either.  
  
"Really? Because you seem-" she began but he cut her off.  
  
"I said everything was fine" he snapped, "So stop fucking asking."  
  
Her mouth dropped.  
  
He hadn't snapped at her like that for a while. And the fact that he'd done it out in the open with all those people around them made it feel even worse than it would have if they'd been alone.  
  
She felt a lump form in her throat.  
  
He was finally looking at her and she found herself wishing that she'd never said anything at all.  
  
"I-I..." she stuttered.  
  
He turned away.  
  
She wasn't sure why she felt so hurt. It wasn't like he'd never yelled at her before. She was pretty sure that they'd had more yelling matches than actual conversations. And yet, this time it felt a lot different. A lot more personal.

"Fuck you" she spit. Hating him for making her feel like this.  
  
She picked up her pace and walked ahead. She didn't slow down until she was almost at the very head of the group, wanting to put as much space as possible between the two of them.  
  
She swallowed past the lump in her throat and focused on the head in front of her. Looking at the intricate braids and willing herself to calm down.  
  
It wasn't the anger that bothered her. She'd been angry at him since she'd known him. Hell, she'd been angry at him even _before_ she knew him.  
  
And she wasn't sure when that anger had dwindled. When she stopped being angry at him. But she had. And now it flared up again. But this time it was tinged with sadness. That was what bothered her. That he had enough of an affect on her to make her sad.  
  
And if she was going to be honest with herself, it hurt because she hadn't been expecting it. They'd become friends. She wasn't sure when, but they had. And she was sure that he felt the same way. Why else would he check on her when she wasn't feeling well? Why else would he sit around and talk to her, out of all people? Why would he look at her the way he had, a couple of nights ago, if they weren't friends?  
  
She felt Bjorn walk up beside her before she saw him.  
  
He didn't say anything. But she didn't need him to.  
  
His presence alone was enough to comfort her a little.  
  
She continued to stare straight ahead, wondering how the woman in front of her did her hair. There was no way she was able to do it herself. So maybe a friend did it for her?

It was a good distraction.  
  
Bjorn didn't leave her side all day. And maybe it was childish, but it made her feel better. It made her feel like he was on her side.  
  
They didn't stop until nightfall. That made her feel better, too. Keeping her body moving helped work off some of the anger that had built in her chest.  
  
After eating, she went to find Finn and Raven. And even though it made her feel bad, she sent Bjorn away. She asked for some privacy.  
  
If it hurt his feelings, he didn't show it.  
  
She found the two of them sitting with Octavia and Lincoln. She asked if they wanted to go for a short walk and noticed the suspicious look on Octavia's face. They'd walked all day and here she was, asking them to walk again.  
  
She looked even more suspicious after Finn and Raven agreed. But she didn't say anything after they got up.  
  
They walked into the woods. Clarke kept glancing over her shoulder, thinking about how she spied on Bellamy and Gina the night before. It'd been easy. One of the others could do the same to them.  
  
_Even they aren't as horrible as you,_ she thought to herself when she got no sign of being followed.  
  
Even so, they whispered among themselves.  
  
"Look Clarke" Finn began, "This doesn't...this doesn't feel right anymore."

Raven nodded in agreement.  
  
"We've been talking about it" he whispered, looking at Raven "And maybe...maybe we should tell them."  
  
"They'll kill us" Clarke said.  
  
"Maybe they won't?" Raven said, "I mean...they aren't bad people, Clarke."  
  
"You don't think I know that?" Clarke asked, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"No, that's not what I meant. I just...When we agreed to come with you, we weren't expecting this."  
  
"Neither was I, Raven!"  
  
"I know but..."  
  
"But it's my father and not yours?" Clarke asked.  
  
"How can you even say that to me?" Raven asked, her words tinged with anger. "How can you even think that? We came with you, Clarke."  
  
"And now?"  
  
"This isn't what we signed up for" Finn said.  
  
"Well it isn't what I signed up for either."  
  
"We know that but...like I said, it just doesn't feel right anymore."

"So what am I supposed to do?" Clarke asked, "What are we supposed to do? Lead them to Paris and risk the lives of our people? Tell them and risk our own? And my fathers?"  
  
She hoped that they understood that she was _genuinely_ asking, that she wasn't just being a smartass. She didn't know what to do. She needed advice. She needed guidance.   
  
"I have no idea" Raven said.  
  
"Neither do I" Clarke said. "I just....I don't know what to do. If we tell them, we might be able to convince them to go back. But if we lead them to Paris...they'll kill us and our people if the king's men don't kill them first."  
  
Raven and Finn looked just as desperate, just as confused as Clarke felt.  
  
She felt like she was trapped in a box with no way out.  
  
Telling them meant risking their own lives but maybe saving theirs.  
  
Not telling them meant going home, saving their people but getting the people with them killed in the process.  
  
"I just..." Clarke began. "I don't know what to do anymore. I should have never agreed to this. And I should have never let you guys come."  
  
"Don't say that" Raven said, putting a hand on Clarke's shoulder. "We-we love you, Clarke."  
  
"Maybe you guys should go" she said.  
  
"Go where?"

"Go home and tell them that I'm a traitor. But that you don't know where I am. And maybe I can convince the vikings to go back. Not to their home, because I've already told the king where he lived. That's the first place he'd look for me."  
  
"No way" Finn said, "We're not leaving you."  
  
"He's right" Raven added, "Cage would kill you if the vikings don't first."  
  
"Better me than everyone else" she said.  
  
"No, Clarke" Raven said. "That's not happening. And besides, you know he'd kill us anyway. We aren't leaving you."  
  
"So what do we do?" she asked, feeling more desperate than ever.  
  
She looked at Finn and Raven.  
  
But neither of them had an answer.  
  
Eventually, they had to head back.  
  
By the time they made it to the others, Clarke felt even worse than before. She didn't think it was possible, but she did.  
  
She found a spot away from the others and settled down. It didn't take her long to realize that she wouldn't be able to sleep. No matter how long she laid there, she couldn't will her mind or her body to relax.  
  
"You asleep?" she heard Bellamy ask from above her.

Just hearing the sound of his voice made her feel nervous. But it wasn't like the nervousness she'd been feeling. This felt a lot more like anticipation. This felt a lot more like excitement.  
  
She knew she shouldn't answer. Letting him think she was asleep and avoiding another conversation with him would be best.  
  
"No" she said.  
  
She wasn't doing what was 'best' lately. Hell, she didn't even know what it was anymore. All she knew was that she _wanted_ to talk to him, no matter how dire the consequences would be.  
  
"Can we talk?"  
  
"Sure" she said, keeping her eyes closed. "What do you want to talk about? Or are you here to yell at me again?"  
  
He sighed.  
  
She heard him take seat a few feet away from her.  
  
"I'm sorry I yelled at you" he said.  
  
She turned on her side and opened her eyes to look at him.  
  
"Did Bjorn convince you to apologize to me?"  
  
"No" Bellamy said. She could see that he was trying not to smile. She felt the urge to make him smile.  
  
"Really?"

"No. I wanted to apologize as soon as I'd said it. But I didn't. He just...he gave me the little push I needed."  
  
"Yeah, he does that" she said, recalling how he'd convinced her to apologize to Bellamy all those nights ago. She wasn't even sure how long it'd been since that night. They days were winding together.  
  
"I know. But I really am sorry. I was being a dick, okay? I shouldn't have yelled at you."  
  
"Do you really mean that or are you just saying it to make yourself feel better?"  
  
"Fuck, do you have to be such a bitch all the time?"  
  
"Wow" she exclaimed, rolling on her back. "So you came to apologize and yet you insult me again. I don't know why I expected any different."  
  
"I just meant-"  
  
She sat up to look at him.  
  
"You just meant what?"  
  
"Fuck I don't even know."  
  
"Well let me know when you figure it out" she said, narrowing her eyes at him.  
  
"I'm sorry" he said again.  
  
"Saying sorry doesn't change anything, Bellamy. You have to actually mean it-"  
  
"I do meant it."

"Well for future references, avoid calling someone a bitch when you're trying to apologize to them, okay?"  
  
"I'll keep that in mind" he said, now smiling a little. She hated the way his smile made her heart flutter a little.  
  
"Whatever" she said, laying down on her back again. She hoped that he still thought she was angry. A smile had started to make it's way onto her face and she wanted to hide it.  
  
"I promise I'll work on my attitude, okay? And I'll only insult you if you really deserve it."  
  
"Oh, wow. That sure is mighty kind of you" she said, lifting her head and leaning on her elbows.  
  
"I know" he said, "But I think you deserve it. The kindness, I mean. Not the insult part."  
  
"So what happened? Why were you so mad at me?"  
  
"I wasn't mad at you...I just had a lot on my mind and I snapped at you. And I really am sorry, okay?"  
  
"Alright. I forgive you" she said. "I've had a lot on my mind too."  
  
"Yeah, like what?"  
  
"Just-just stuff I guess."  
  
"Stuff?"  
  
She rolled her eyes.

"Well what's been on your mind?" she asked.  
  
"Stuff I guess" he said, his voice sarcastic. "Like you."  
  
This time she let him see her smile. It was ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. Their entire conversation, going from being angry at one another to joking. And it was even more ridiculous for her to feel as happy, as at ease as she was feeling now.  
  
"I am sorry" he said, his face getting serious again. "And I just think that it'd be best if...if we didn't talk so much anymore."  
  
"What?" she asked, sitting straight up.  
  
"Things are kind of..." he began but didn't finish.  
  
"What?" she repeated. Him telling her that they shouldn't talk much was the last thing she was expecting to hear. And the thought of him wanting that hurt a lot more than it should have. She should still be angry at him for yelling at her. For calling her a bitch. And yet, she knew she had called him worse and they still somehow managed to keep talking to one another.  
  
And now, he didn't want that anymore.  
  
"Why?" she asked, even though he hadn't said anything for a couple of minutes. "Why can't we talk anymore?"  
  
"I didn't say that we couldn't talk at all. Just talk less."

"Why?" she repeated. She hated that she had to repeat herself. She hated that she had to ask him in the first place. But more than anything, she hated that she _wanted_ to ask. That she wanted to know why he didn't want to talk to her anymore. She hated that she wanted to talk to him, at all.  
  
And as ridiculous as it was, she felt like she was fifteen again, listening to her first and only girlfriend break up with her.  
  
Everything would be so much easier if she cut ties with him here and now. If she accepted his comment and agreed to never speak to one another again. It would solve a few of her problems.  
  
And yet she found herself waiting for an answer, her heart beating faster and faster each passing minute.  
  
"I can't..." he began. She'd never heard him sound so hesitant. So unsure. He had no problem telling her how he felt before. Why now?  
  
"I can't be your friend."  
  
"Why?" she asked again, "Because you don't trust me?"  
  
"That's part of it."  
  
"And the other part?"  
  
"It doesn't matter. The first part is reason enough, okay? I like you, Clarke. I've been cruel to you and I know that you don't deserve that. But I can't trust you. And I can't be your friend."

_If you actually liked me, you'd want to be my friend.  
_  
It was stupid and it made her feel even worse.  
  
_You shouldn't trust me. And you shouldn't be my friend._  
  
She wasn't the sheep and she wasn't the wolf. She was the snake.  
  
And she'd bite him soon enough.  
  
"Alright" she said, trying to speak over the lump in her throat. "Alright" she said again, when she really wanted to say _But why? Why can't we?_  
  
"I'm sorry" he said before getting up and walking away.  
  
_I'm sorry, too._  
  
She wasn't a good person. And it took coming here and doing this for her to finally realize it.  
  
She had thought, back in Paris, that she was. That she was loved. That the reason she didn't have many friends was because people were intimidated by her and her status.  
  
But coming here, she realized that she was selfish. She was more selfish than anyone she'd ever met in her entire life. She was an only child. She never had to share. She had grown up in riches, she never had to ask. And she never questioned where her things were coming from.  
  
She let herself believe that she was, like the rest of the people in Paris, better than the wild folk on the other side of the sea.  
  
But she wasn't better.  
  
And she wasn't good.  
  
She finally felt it. Bellamy was right. She was one of _them._ One of the people who took and took until the people around her had nothing left to give.

* * *

 

**Part II Bellamy**

  
He wasn't sure how he felt worse than before. He didn't think it was possible.  
  
But it was. And he did.  
  
_Alright,_ she'd said. And even though her voice shook and she sounded different, she said it was alright.  
  
He should be glad. Happy even. Her wanting to talk to him was the last thing he needed right now.  
  
But even so, he could feel an ache in his chest. Right where his heart was.  
  
It was wrong. He barely knew her at all. He didn't trust her. And they'd been nothing but rude to one another for more than half the short time he'd known her.  
  
And yet, he couldn't remember the last time getting his words out had been so hard. So painful.  
  
_It's for the best,_ he thought.  
  
Even if the Seer was right, even if she really was his mate...He couldn't be with her. Not now. And probably not ever.  
  
Whatever had been going on between them, the change in their relationship had only complicated things. It had been easier when they hated one another.  
  
But somewhere along the line, he stopped hating her and he was pretty sure that she had stopped hating him, too.

And them becoming something like friends should have made things better. But it only made things worse.  
  
Because he wasn't here to get to know some strange girl. Some girl he couldn't even trust.  
  
His people relied on him, and instead of thinking about what was to come, all the things he had to do, he was thinking about her.  
  
Instead of going over his plans, he'd been spending time with her and Bjorn.  
  
And it was wrong for more than one reason.  
  
_Cutting ties with her here and now is for the best,_ he'd thought. But after, it didn't feel like it was. He wasn't even sure what was best anymore.  
  
He made his way through the crowd and laid down, wishing he could sleep and forget about everything that had happened in the past few days.  
  
They barely knew one another and yet he felt like he'd just ended their relationship.  
  
It would be hard, avoiding her. Especially since they were both so close to Bjorn. But no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't trust her. And even though he couldn't explain it, he felt like she was tied to all the nervousness he'd been feeling lately. Like she was at the root of all his doubts.  
  
Like it all started with her.  
  
And that it would all end with her, too.

In the morning, he focused on reminding the people of their plan. He'd been too distracted lately, he had to make sure that they still understood why they came here.  
  
_Reach land. Find Paris. Raid._  
  
And even though he tried not to look for her among the crowd around him, he spotted her almost as soon as she joined them.  
  
He tried not to worry about the look on her face and the way she looked at everything besides him.  
  
They set off again.  
  
He walked at the front of the group, hoping he could get some time to himself. It was easier than it had been. Bjorn hadn't left Clarke's side. Gina was practically ignoring him. And the others were too excited, too focused on what was ahead to pay him much attention.  
  
He didn't want to stop and rest, too full of nervous energy. And since no one protested, they continued on all day.  
  
But at some point in the afternoon, rain began to fall.  
  
They trudged through the mud but eventually even he knew they had to stop.  
  
He walked away from the others and found comfort in the woods.  
  
He always liked being in the woods. He sat down under a half fallen tree. The trunk was wide enough to shield him from the rain.

Octavia found him.  
  
She wordlessly joined him under the tree and they spent a few minutes in comfortable silence, studying the foreign woods around them.  
  
"So" she began, "Wanna tell me why you're out here sulking?"  
  
"I'm not sulking" he said, bringing his knees up and wrapping his hands around them.  
  
"Right" Octavia said, "You just like to spend alone time under a tree with a sad look on your face."  
  
Bellamy smiled. His sister always knew how to make him smile. Even if he didn't want to.  
  
"What is it, Bellamy? You haven't been yourself for weeks."  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"That may work on the others" she said, "But I know you better than anyone else."  
  
He sighed.  
  
Even if he wanted to talk about how he was feeling, he wasn't sure how to do it. He didn't know where to start. Or what words to use.  
  
"You can talk to me" Octavia said, putting a hand on his knee. "You know that, don't you?"  
  
"Yeah, O" he said. "I know that. But I don't really..."  
  
She waited for him to finish.  
  
"I don't know what to say. I just have a lot on my mind."  
  
"About the trip? About what we're doing? Or.." she said, giving him what he knew was her _knowing_ look.  
  
"All of it" he said, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
"Well you know I won't push you to talk to me if you're not ready" she said, "But you know you can tell me anything, Bell."  
  
"I know" he said, "I just...I don't know what to think anymore. Nothing feels right. I don't know what to do. What does that say about me?"  
  
"It says that you're human" she said, "Just like the rest of us. Despite what some people might think."  
  
He rolled his eyes, smiling at his sister and putting his hand on hers.  
  
She was right. She did know him better than anyone. And he knew that if anyone could understand, it was her.

* * *

 

"Where have you been?" Bjorn asked him that night.  
  
"Around" Bellamy said, running a hand through Bjorn's hair.  
  
They sat around, trying to stay dry. The rain stopped eventually, but the sun had set and the people were tired. They settled in for the night, complaining about the wet ground.  
  
Bjorn stayed by his side all night, and Bellamy was grateful for his presence. There was something calming about having the child beside him.  
  
Clarke hadn't so much as looked his way all day. He hoped that she would continue to do so. It made it easier.  
  
"Hey" Octavia said, "There's a little rocky outlook to the left. You can see all the way to the sea. Lincoln and I are gonna go check it out. You guys want to join?"  
  
"Can we?" Bjorn asked.  
  
Bellamy thought it was a little weird, him asking for permission. But he'd decided weeks ago that if Bjorn needed guidance, he'd offer it. He was a parentless child. A child who followed him because he thought it was his fate.  
  
He didn't really feel like he had a choice but to care for the boy.  
  
"Yeah" Bellamy answered, "Sure."  
  
"Okay, I'm going to tell Clarke" he said.  
  
"Alright."

Bellamy waited with Octavia and Lincoln while Bjorn left to tell Clarke.  
  
But when he came back, Clarke was with him.  
  
Based off of the look on her face, she hadn't been expecting to see Bellamy.  
  
"Actually" she said, "I don't feel so well. Why don't you join them and just find me when you get back?"  
  
"What? But I thought you said you wanted to go" Bjorn whined.  
  
Octavia and Lincoln exchanged a glance.  
  
"I-I just.." Clarke stammered.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
"Come on" Bjorn said, "We don't have to stay long. And it isn't far, right Octavia?"  
  
"No" Octavia said, "It's not far at all."  
  
Clarke bit her bottom lip. Bellamy could tell that she was trying to find some excuse to stay.  
  
"You should come" Octavia said. "It'll be fun."  
  
"I don't know" Clarke said. And then she finally looked at him, asking _Should I?_  
  
"Yeah" Bellamy said, shrugging. "You should join us."  
  
As much as he wanted his space from her, he could see how weird the situation was making everyone feel. And they had agreed that they would be civil around one another when they were with Bjorn.  
  
"Okay" she said.

The five of them set out and Bellamy tried to put as much distance between himself and Clarke as he could.  
When they reached the overlook, the site took his breath away.  
  
They were out of the woods, a rocky cliff just ahead of them. The drop down could seriously injure if not kill. But Octavia was right. The sea was visible in the distance.  
  
The night was dark but the sky was full of stars and the moon hung in the east; lighting things up enough for them to marvel at the beauty of the land.  
  
They sat down and studied the scenery for a while. He was sure that the others felt the same way as he did.  
It was nice, he had to admit. And it tamed some of his nervous energy. It made him feel lucky to be alive, to have the opportunity to see such a beautiful place.  
  
Lincoln pointed out different constellations to Bjorn while Octavia told him made up stories about what they meant. Bellamy was pretty sure that she was making up the names and the stories as she went along.  
  
But Bjorn believed every word she said, asking her questions and egging her on.  
  
"Come on" Octavia said, standing up and offering Bjorn her hand. "I have to show you something really cool."  
  
Bjorn took her hand and Lincoln joined them, saying that they'd be right back.  
  
Bellamy sighed. He was pretty sure that Octavia had done it on purpose so that he'd have to be alone with Clarke. Even if she and Lincoln didn't know everything, they knew enough to feel awkward around the two of them.

He would definitely have to talk to his sister about putting him in these situations.  
  
He watched as Octavia, Lincoln and Bjorn got further and further away.  
  
Clarke looked like she wanted to leave, too. She looked just as uncomfortable as he did.  
  
They sat in silence.  
  
Part of him just wanted to leave. And yet he made no move to do so.  
  
But neither did she.  
  
"Look I know that you said we should talk less" Clarke finally said, "But this is getting a little weird."  
  
Bellamy laughed and looked over at her.  
  
The smile on her face looked a little reluctant.  
  
"Yeah, I guess it is" he said.  
  
"So..."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Can I ask you something?"  
  
He was starting to hate when she started conversations like that. Every time she did, she would ask him something he wasn't expecting her to ask. Or something he didn't want her to. But he nodded all the same.  
  
"What do you plan to do?" she asked.  
  
"What do you mean?"

"I know that...that if you find Paris, you plan to raid. But you don't know anything about it."  
  
"I will when I find it" he said, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
"But what if you can't? Raid, I mean?"  
  
"I can."  
  
She sighed. He could tell that she was frustrated.  
  
"Okay. Lets say you can. What do you plan on doing after that? After you become king?"  
  
He wasn't sure what he should tell her. He didn't really know what his plans were.  
  
"Honestly? I have no fucking idea."  
  
"What about...what about the people there?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Come on, Bellamy. I know that you think that you can't trust me. But I just-" she began, crossing her legs and putting her hands in her lap. "I just wish you would talk to me."  
  
_I can't._  
  
He thought about the conversation they had last night. About talking to one another. She had accepted it. So why was she asking now?  
  
"I don't know" he said, laying down and crossing his arms behind his head. "And that's the truth. I have no fucking idea."  
  
He heard as she got up and walked towards him.  
  
To his surprise, she laid down right beside him and put her own hands behind her head.

"So you came here with no sort of plan?" she asked.  
  
They were both looking up at the stars.  
  
And for some reason, he wanted to tell her. He wanted to be honest.  
  
"Do you want to know something?" he asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't want to be king" he said.  
  
_There._  
  
He finally said it. And saying it actually did make him feel better.  
  
"What?" she asked, turning to look at him.  
  
He turned his head so that he could look at her, too.  
  
"I don't want to be king" he repeated.  
  
"But I...I thought you said..."  
  
"Yeah. I know what I said. But I don't want to be king."  
  
"So why are you telling people that you do?"  
  
"Because" he began, "People want to follow a man who has a plan. Not a boy with an idea."  
  
"What do you mean?" she asked.

He wasn't sure why, but he couldn't stop himself from telling her how he felt, how he really felt, now that he'd admitted that he didn't want to be king.  
  
"I want to help my people, Clarke. I want to help all of them. And you know how we've been living under that tyrant. How much we suffer. That's all I want to do. But people want a leader. Someone to show them they way and take on the burden. I say I want to be king because that's what they expect of me."  
  
She was still staring at him. She looked confused.  
  
"If I would have said ' _hey, I'm going west to find land and kill the king but I have no plans for after_ ' do you think they would have followed me? Would you put your trust in a man who only wanted to end the suffering, but had no plans to fix it?"  
  
"Well, what do you want?"  
  
"I told you. I want a better life for the people who live on the outside."  
  
"And what about your life?" she asked. "If you don't want to be king then what do you want?"  
  
"I want..." he said, thinking about his answer.  
  
_What do I want?_  
  
"Nothing" he said, "I want to be left alone. I want to help my people. Give them a better life. And then I want to stop being responsible for lives other than my own. I want my own life. I want a home in the woods. I want a family of my own. And then I want to get old and die."

He turned away from her to look back at the sky.  
  
"I've been a leader for most of my life. And to rid us of our oppressors, I have to continue being a leader. I have no idea what comes after. But I can't tell people that. I have to be their....their hope. And they expect me to be their king. But honestly? I'd just...I'd just really like to give the position to someone else. To someone I know could do a good job. To someone who would make all our lives better and then go live my own life in peace. But again, I can't tell people that."  
  
"Bellamy..."  
  
Her voice sounded sad.  
  
"So you see" he said, "I've dug myself into a hole. I want to help. I want to conquer and I want to succeed. But after that is said and done, I want to go home, Clarke. I just want to go home."  
  
It was out and he couldn't take it back.  
  
He couldn't really believe that he'd let all that spill; especially to her, a girl he couldn't even trust. A girl he still felt like he barely knew.  
  
But a part of him was glad that someone finally knew. Someone finally understood that he wanted to fix the world and then go home and live in peace. He didn't want fame or glory. He wanted to give the people back home a better life. That was all.  
  
"So much for not talking" she said, a smile on her lips.  
  
He laughed. He couldn't help it.  
  
Last night, he'd decided that he would stop getting to know her. That he would stop talking to her. And yet, he just spilled his heart out and told her things he hadn't told anyone else. There was just something about her. Something about her presence that had made him feel as if she would understand.

"Can I ask _you_ something, for a change?"  
  
"Of course" she said.  
  
"You said...you said that you believed that good people go to heaven and bad people go to hell. What is a good person?" he asked, "I mean, how bad do you have to be to go to hell?"  
  
He wasn't sure why he was asking. If he was going to be honest with himself, his beliefs felt like they were changing with every year that passed. He'd begun to question, to wonder.  
  
But mostly he was curious about her answer. About what she considered good and bad.  
  
She looked a little surprised by the change in topic.  
  
"Well," she began, "I don't know for sure. I would just say that a good person is someone who does what's right."  
  
"And what if you do something that isn't right? Does that make you a bad person?"  
  
"I don't think so. I think a bad person is....is someone who is selfish. Someone who feels no remorse when they hurt someone."  
  
"But what if they deserve it?"  
  
"I-I don't know" she said. "Honestly, I don't really know what I believe in any more. It changes from day to day. Sometimes I think there's a purpose, a reason for all of this."  
  
"And the other times?" he asked.  
  
"The other times...I don't believe in anything at all."

He thought about it. Her definitions weren't what he'd been expecting. She sounded like she had no idea, no real beliefs.  
  
"Why do you ask?" she said.  
  
"I was just curious."  
  
"You're a good person, Bellamy."  
  
"What?" he asked, turning to face her.  
  
"You are."  
  
"How do you know? You don't even know me."  
  
She was silent for a few moments. For some reason, he wished he could understand how she was feeling. He wanted to know what she was thinking.  
  
"I do" she said after a while. "I know you."  
  
He turned away, suddenly feeling like he was naked.  
  
"Don't tell anyone about what I told you" he said, "It will only confuse them. And lower the morale."  
  
"I won't" she said, turning to lay on her side.  
  
"I'm serious."  
  
"I won't!" she snapped, "Can you stop that?"

"Stop what?"  
  
"Stop acting like you don't trust me!"  
  
"I can't help it."  
  
"Yes you can" she said, "Because you just...you just told me all of that. And I'm willing to bet that I'm most likely the only person here that knows how you really feel. So you do trust me. You must, on some level."  
  
He sighed, turning over to look at her.  
  
"Don't..." he began, finding it a little hard to get his words out.  
  
"Don't what?"  
  
"Don't make me regret it" he said.  
  
She nodded but he couldn't understand why she still looked so sad.  
  
He took his hands out from under his head and laid them beside him, looking up at the stars and feeling smaller than he'd ever felt in his life.  
  
"Bellamy..." she whispered.  
  
She reached over and placed her hand in his, lacing her soft fingers through his own.  
  
The touch made his skin burn.  
  
He turned and looked back at her.

And even though they were in the dark, he could swear that he saw her eyes drop to his lips.  
  
"I want us to keep talking" she whispered. "I think I..."  
  
_This is wrong._  
  
He cleared his throat and looked away. He pulled his hand from hers and sat up, ruining whatever had just built between them.  
  
"We should head back" he said, standing up.  
  
"Y-yeah, um, right" she stuttered.  
  
She got up and turned her back to him, calling out for the others.  
  
He decided to leave first, not waiting for them to catch up as he walked through the dark woods alone.  
  
_I think I..._  
  
He still felt her hand in his. So small compared to his, but fitting in his own in just the right way.  
  
And he couldn't get the image of her, laying there in the darkness and looking at his lips out of his mind.  
  
He was a horrible person, he realized, a truly awful being, for feeling what he felt and for thinking about the things he started to think about.  
  
_This isn't who you are,_ he reminded himself.

* * *

 

**Part III- Clarke**  
  
_Tell him._  
  
_You have to tell him_.  
  
She could feel her heart pounding in her chest.  
  
Walking back to the others, she decided on it. She would tell him. She had to. There was no other option.  
  
And maybe he would hate her. And maybe she wouldn't be able to save her father.  
  
But she couldn't live with herself anymore.  
  
She cared for him. She realized it last night, after he told her they shouldn't talk to one another. And now, finally knowing how he felt, why he was doing all this made it impossible for her to keep the charade up anymore.  
  
Because he wasn't just a rebellious usurper; he was a man with good intentions. And it wasn't glory or fame he was after. He didn't even want to be king.  
  
He just wanted a better life for those who lived under the rule of the current king.  
  
That's what she wanted, too.  
  
And maybe it had taken that moment, that selfish little moment, when she finally interlaced her fingers through his to make her realize that she cared.

He would hate her. And she would have to live with it. But she was done taking. She didn't want to be one of them. She wanted to be a good person.  
  
And she was sure that he'd never reciprocate her feelings, especially not after she told him. He wouldn't want to be with her in any way. Not just the way she wanted to be with him.  
  
It scared her, it scared every fiber of her being, realizing that the distance he tried to place between them had only made her understand that distance from him was the last thing she wanted.  
  
It was selfish and it was cruel.  
  
But she wanted him to smile at her. She wanted to be the one running a hand down his back and the one he went to bed with.  
  
Telling him would keep that from ever becoming a reality, but after he pulled away from her she realized that it'd never be a reality anyway. She wasn't the one he wanted those things with.  And so she had nothing to lose.  
  
He would hate her. But she could save him. She could save him and all of the people on the outside.  
  
And if they didn't kill her, she would do what she could to help them. She wanted what he wanted; a better life for those on the outside. Even if that meant the downfall of her home; even if it meant her father's death. She had to save them. All of them. It was the only way she could make up for all the things she done.  
  
She had asked for some privacy to work through her feelings, to think about her next move.

_I think I like you_ , she'd wanted to say. No matter how greedy and inappropriate it was. It was what she had wanted to say.  
  
Later that night, after finally deciding she had no choice but to tell him the truth, she got up to find him.  
  
She looked around, and when she couldn't spot him she went to Octavia to ask about his whereabouts.  
  
"He's gone off for some alone time" Octavia said, shrugging her shoulders.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Well, what direction did he go in?"  
  
"I think he needs some time to himself."  
  
"I really need to talk to him."  
  
"Maybe so, but either way it's not a good idea right now."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"He broke up with Gina."  
  
Clarke felt like her heart skipped a beat.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"Sit down" Octavia said, nodding to the spot across from her. "I want to tell you another story."  
  
Clarke sat down and waited. She could feel her heart hammering in her chest.  
  
_Why? Why would he break up with Gina?_  
  
"I got my first boyfriend when I was 15. His name was Atom" Octavia said, smiling a little, "And I thought I was in love. Bellamy hated it, of course. He tried to get me to break things off but I couldn't. I was convinced that Atom was my mate."  
  
"About a year later, Lincoln came to our village. He was from Kattegatt, the same village Bjorn is from. He came to Arkadia to visit some friends. That was the first time we talked. He came back a couple of months later. And the first person he came to see was me" she said, now really smiling. "I was still with Atom, but I couldn't deny that I started to have feelings for Lincoln. When he left, I almost wanted to go with him but I knew I couldn't."  
  
"Anyway, I think he must have fallen for me too because he came back only a few weeks later. I was a mess. I hated myself. So I went to Bellamy and asked for advice. He told me the same thing our mother told him."  
  
"What did she tell him?" Clarke asked. She could feel the beads of sweat gathering on the back of her neck, her heart pounding in her chest.  
  
"That if you ever find yourself in love with two people at the same time, always pick the second."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because if you really loved the first, there wouldn't be a second."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter because I have just died from Bellarke feels today. Did yall see that Day Trip script????? That extended trailer? YAS.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading! I would like to point something out. One of the tags in particular. "Mature themes". Because while things are heating up with Bellamy and Clarke....things will get ugly. There will be blood. And anger. And loss. And goodbyes. And angst. And fighting. And death. (NOT the mains). So I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the next one...because things will get dark. But there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. And there will be a happy ending. I hope you guys enjoy the ride :D 
> 
> Thank you guys, as always, for reading and taking the time to discuss the fic with me//tell me how it makes you feel. It makes writing so much fun. <3


	6. Always Pick The Second

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. Enjoy it while it lasts :D

**Part I- Clarke**  
  
_What? What did she just say?_  
  
Octavia was staring at her, waiting for a response but Clarke found it a little hard to speak.  
  
_If you ever find yourself in love with two people at the same time, always pick the second._  
  
What was Octavia saying? That Bellamy broke up with Gina because....because he was in love with two people? And that he had to pick the second?  
  
_Oh my god..._  
  
_Is it me?_  
  
_Am I the second?_  
  
She looked at Octavia, too afraid to actually ask but wishing she had the nerve to.  
  
"Just give him a little time" Octavia said, like she knew what Clarke was thinking.  
  
She got up and placed a hand on Clarke's shoulder before she walked away.  
  
"And yeah, Clarke. You're the second."  
  
_Holy shit._  
  
_It's me. I'm the second._  
  
_He's falling in love with me._  
  
The worry and the dread faded away as she sat there and thought about what Octavia had just said.

And even though she wished it wouldn't, happiness washed through her, making it impossible for her not to smile.  
  
_It's me! I'm the second!_  
  
All thoughts of telling him disappeared from her mind.  
  
The realization that he felt what she was feeling made her stomach feel like a dozen butterflies had been let loose inside of it, flapping their wings in excitement.  
  
And for a few minutes, she let herself feel it. Feel all the things an 18 year old girl was allowed to feel. All the things that she should be feeling, at 18 years old.  
  
"Why are you smiling?" Bjorn asked, pulling her from her thoughts.  
  
"Oh, uh..no reason" she said, shaking her head.  
  
"It's late" he said, "We should go to sleep."  
  
As much as she wanted to talk to Bellamy, to see if what Octavia had said was true, she knew she couldn't.  
  
He needed space. She didn't know much about his relationship with Gina, but she was sure that he had loved her.  
  
_Gina._  
  
Just the thought of her made Clarke feel guilty all over again.

It wasn't like she'd planned it. And she was sure that Bellamy hadn't either. She knew enough about him to know that he wasn't that type of man. That he'd never hurt Gina.  
  
And it wasn't like anything had happened between them. Yeah, she'd held his hand. But it was an innocent gesture. And yeah, she may have looked at his lips but she would have never kissed him. Not while he still had Gina. She was sure that he wouldn't have, either. And the way he pulled his hand from hers only reinforced that.  
  
Even so, Gina was another person who would be hurt by Clarke, even if that wasn't her intention.  
  
_What have I done?_  
  
She looked up at the sky. But she couldn't deny that her dread, her guilt and her fear were now taking a backseat to excitement. To anticipation. And maybe even a little lust.  
  
And happiness. For the first time in months.  
  
_Is this it? Is this what falling in love feels like?_  
  
She didn't know. But this is how she imagined it would feel.  
  
_He feels it, too._

* * *

 

**Part II- Bellamy**  
  
_It's the Blake curse_ , Octavia had said. It seemed a little ridiculous when she first said it, a serious look on her face. But now that he was sitting alone in the middle of the woods, at such late hours in the night, it didn't seem so ridiculous.  
  
He had found himself in the worst type of situation.  
  
The same situation Octavia, and their mother before her, had found herself in all those years ago. Loving someone but falling in love with someone else.  
  
Maybe it really was the Blake curse.  
  
He felt drained. He felt shitty.  
  
_It's alright,_ Gina had said. _I get it._  
  
But he knew it wasn't. He knew it'd never be alright.  
  
_Bellamy, you can't help how you feel_ , she'd said.  
  
It would have been easier if she would have gotten angry. If she'd yelled at him or stomped off or maybe even slapped him.  
  
Her being understanding only made him feel worse. Made him feel like he was a shitty person, and the worst type of man.  
  
But he knew he had to do it.

It wasn't fair to Gina, being with someone who was thinking about someone else.  
  
She deserved more than that. She deserved better than that.  
  
She was a good person. She deserved to be loved wholeheartedly.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
It was harder than he thought it'd be. And even if he knew that she deserved better than him, the more selfish part wished that she wouldn't have been so understanding, so accepting.  
  
He wasn't sure when it had happened. When he'd started to care for Clarke.  
  
Maybe it was when the Seer told him that she was his mate; that she would be the one to help him. Or maybe it really was that night she had shown up, pissed off with her red cheeks and put a sword to his throat.  
  
Maybe it was when he had that vision. Maybe it was the way she had looked at him, and the way her small hand went up and she called him back, telling him to _come home._  
  
Or maybe it was that night they danced, and the space between their palms felt like pure torture. Or the way she looked that night, smiling and happy with yellow flowers in her hair.  
  
_Oh fuck._  
  
He didn't know when it happened, or why.  
  
But he'd fallen in love with Clarke Griffin.  
  
And he couldn't live with himself anymore.

He shook his head, thinking about what a grand mess it was. Of course this would happen to him now. He was 25 years old and he had finally left home. His great journey had finally become a reality.  
  
And the Gods chose now, chose this time to screw with his head and his emotions.  
  
He decided to stay where he was for the night. He was still feeling more emotional than he'd felt in a long, long time. And he didn't want the people around him to suffer for it, or see him that way.  
  
It was embarrassing.  
  
Because underneath all the guilt and wariness, he was excited.  
  
He wondered if she would still look the same, now that he was going to allow himself to think about her in _that_ way.  
It was absurd, but he couldn't stop the smile that had spread across his face. And as guilty as he felt, he was excited to see her.  
  
No, nothing would happen between them. Not any time soon. He couldn't do that to Gina. But he could still talk to Clarke, try to get to know her. See if she really was his mate.  
  
As nervous as the thought made him, he planned to talk to her the very next day.  
  
After they set out and he noticed the way she avoided his gaze, he grew nervous once more. Could he have been wrong? Was whatever that was going on between them one-sided?  
  
_No,_ he thought. _No._  
  
He'd been sure that she felt it, whatever it was, too. He thought about all the ways she looked at him. The countless time's he'd look up and find her watching him. The way her eyes dropped to his lips more than once during their conversations. The look in her eyes the night they danced. The way she smiled at him and held his hand.

Gina had left. She went to one of the other groups, telling the people around them that she just needed a change.  
  
But they all knew. They must have.  
  
And as horrible as it made him feel, a little part of him was revealed. Because every time he looked at her, he'd be reminded of what he had done. What he had let happen. And how she _understood._  
  
So watching her walk off made him feel a little better, if he was going to be honest with himself.  
  
And he knew that he shouldn't talk to Clarke, no matter how much he wanted to. It would be disrespectful, even if Gina wasn't here to witness it. The others would be.  
  
So with that in mind, he moved to the front of the group and banished all thoughts of both women. Instead, he thought of what was to come.  
  
He didn't know how much longer they had, but he knew they were close. It was as if he felt it, like some part of him just _knew_ Paris was at the end of this journey. And that they were almost at the end.  
  
"You okay?" Octavia asked, pulling him from his thoughts.  
  
"Yeah" he said, "I'm fine."  
  
"Why do you do that so much?" she asked.  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Pretend like you're okay. Act like you aren't like the rest of us. Like you're above being upset or heartbroken or I don't know, hurt?"

He rolled his eyes. His sister was always a little dramatic.  
  
"There it is again" she said, sighing. "You're allowed to feel, Bellamy."  
  
"Thanks for letting me know" he said, his voice sarcastic.  
  
She rolled her eyes but dropped the topic.  
  
"So, why aren't you talking to Clarke?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why are you avoiding her?" Octavia asked, raising her eyebrow.  
  
"I'm not avoiding her." And he wasn't. He just...he didn't think it was appropriate, not just yet.  
  
"That's not what she thinks" Octavia said.  
  
"What? Did she say that?"  
  
"Yeah" Octavia said, keeping her voice low.  
  
"What did she say? What did you tell her?" Bellamy asked, feeling like a child again. "Tell me everything, word for word."  
  
Octavia let out a laugh, shaking her head at him.  
  
"This is so cute" she said, "You're all flustered."  
  
"I am not flustered" Bellamy said, turning away as if that would prove that he didn't care.

"Yes you are" Octavia teased.  
  
Bellamy shrugged. As much as he wanted to know, he was not about to embarrass himself like that again.  
  
"She was looking for you last night. I told her you needed some time alone. I kind of casually told her that you liked her."  
  
_Fuck._  
  
He planned to tell her, he did. But having Octavia be the one to tell her made it seem as if he was some lovestruck teenager who couldn't talk about his feelings.  
  
"Anyway, I talked to her again today. And she said that she didn't believe what I told her, because you've been avoiding her all day."  
  
He felt so foolish. He was a man. Not a child.  
  
"For what it's worth...I really do think she likes you too" Octavia teased.  
  
"Shut up" Bellamy said, rolling his eyes.  
  
The whole situation was absurd. Octavia telling her. Him ignoring her for the sake of what the others would think. All of it.  
  
He should talk to her, tell her how he feels.  
  
It was the _normal,_ the _adult_ thing to do.

He waited until after dinner though, before seeking her out. And even though he had always been confident, he couldn't deny that a little part of him was scared.  
  
He finally saw her, sitting off to the side next to Bjorn, away from the others.  
  
Taking a deep breath, he made his way towards the two of them.  
  
"Hey" he said, once he was close enough that they could hear him.  
  
Her head snapped up, like he'd startled her.  
  
"Bellamy" she said, "Hey"  
  
He watched as a timid smile made it's way onto her face. And he could swear that he felt his heart flutter, finally being the person she was smiling at.  
  
He cleared his throat and sat down beside Bjorn, saying nothing because he wasn't really sure about what to say.  
  
"Bjorn was just telling me about his friends back home" she said, placing a hand on Bjorn's leg. "He was very popular."  
  
"I never said that" Bjorn said, "People just like me."  
  
Bellamy smiled. He believed it. He himself was already very fond of the child, and so were the rest of the people with them. They all took the time to talk to him, they all treated him well. Yeah, he and Clarke were closer to the boy than the rest of them. But they all cared for Bjorn, Bellamy could tell. Even the most ruthless among them.

"Can't say that I know how it feels" Clarke said, shrugging her shoulders.  
  
"Why? Did you not have any friends at home?" Bjorn asked.  
  
"Well, I had friends. But I didn't have many" she said.  
  
"Probably because there weren't many people in your village, Clarke" Bjorn said. "I'm sure that if you would have grown up in Kattegatt you would have had many friends."  
  
"Yeah?" Clarke said. Bellamy noticed that her smile looked a little sad now. "What makes you think that?"  
  
"You are a very likable person. Right, Bellamy?" Bjorn asked, turning to look at Bellamy. He widened his eyes a little, like he was silently telling Bellamy to agree.  
  
"Uh, yeah" Bellamy said, shaking his head a little.  
  
"Well, thank you" Clarke said.  
  
"What about you, Bellamy? You have many friends, don't you?" Bjorn asked.  
  
"I guess so" Bellamy said.  
  
"He's a very likable person. I know, a little hard to believe Bjorn, but apparently he is. Underneath all the sarcasm, of course. Somewhere deep down" Clarke said, her voice a little mocking.  
  
"I take back what I said Bjorn" Bellamy said.

"Oh come on!" she exclaimed, "I was just teasing you."  
  
And all traces of sadness disappeared from her face as she smiled wide, all of her teeth showing.  
  
"I'll have you know" Bellamy said, "That I am a very likable person."  
  
"I guess so" she said, looking at her hands. He could see the pink tinge to her cheeks, like she was embarrassed.  
  
"I think I'm going to go to bed" Bjorn said, but when Bellamy tried to get up so he could leave, the boy stopped him.  
  
"No, you two stay. Just join me when you are ready" he added, looking at Clarke.  
  
"Why are you going to bed so early?" she asked.  
  
"Because, frankly, being around you two when you are actually being kind to one another makes me nervous" he said. "Goodnight."  
  
Bellamy laughed and leaned back on his hands, watching the boy walk away.  
  
"He's..." Clarke began.  
  
"I know" Bellamy said. She didn't have to say it. He knew what she was thinking.  
  
"So" Clarke said, wrapping her hands around her knees and bringing them to her chest. "Are you...are you okay?"  
  
"I don't know" he said, "I guess I am. I guess I have to be."

She nodded.  
  
"Was she..." Clarke began, like she was unsure if she should ask. He looked at her and she looked away. "Is Gina okay?"  
  
"I think so" Bellamy said. It was weird. They were talking about it without actually talking about it. And it didn't make him uncomfortable. It was as if they both knew how the other felt without actually telling one another. It felt normal. Like they were talking about the weather and not whatever was growing between them.  
  
"Is that why she left?" Clarke asked.  
  
"Yeah. She said she needed space."  
  
"That's understandable" Clarke said, "If it was me I wouldn't..."  
  
And again, she didn't finish her sentence. But he knew what she had wanted to say.  
  
_If it was me I wouldn't want to stick around and watch, either._  
  
"Yeah" Bellamy said, looking up at the sky. "Me either."  
  
They didn't speak for a little while, listening to the chatter going on around them. Bellamy didn't miss the few glances thrown their way. People were curious and he couldn't blame them. But he'd be lying if he said it didn't make him uncomfortable.  
  
Uncomfortable that everyone seemed to know.  
  
And he didn't like the way some of them had looked at Clarke. Like she'd done something wrong when really, it was him.

He knew he couldn't help it and yet he felt as if it was his fault. It was wrong for him to feel this way about another woman, even if he couldn't control his feelings.  
  
"So" he began, gathering his courage, "I know this is a little weird. An uncomfortable situation. But I wasn't avoiding you. I was just..."  
  
"I get it" she said, not waiting for him to finish. "You don't have to explain. You were just being considerate."  
  
He nodded, grateful that he didn't have to explain.  
  
"I can't.." he began. Something about being around her made him flustered. Like he was a teenager again. "I mean, nothing can really happen between us. Not any time soon."  
  
"What?" she asked, looking over at him. "Why? I-I mean..."  
  
"It just wouldn't be right. I like you, Clarke" he said, finding it a little hard to look at her. "I like you and whatever is going on between us, I know you feel it too. But I can't be with you in that way, not just yet. It wouldn't be fair to Gina."  
  
"Oh, yeah" she said, nodding her head "Of course. You're right."  
  
Despite the fact that she was agreeing, he could tell that she was a little disappointed by his words. He hated himself for feeling happy at the thought, that she wanted this to happen, too.  
  
"So what now?" she asked after a few minutes of silence.  
  
"Now" he said, "I guess we try to get to really know one another. We've known one another for months, and yet I don't know the basic things about you."

"What do you want to know?" she asked. He could swear that she suddenly became nervous.  
  
"I-I don't know" he said. _How does one get to know their mate?_ "Just tell me something about yourself."  
  
"Something? Like what?"  
  
"I don't fucking know" he said.  
  
"Well just ask me a damn question!" she snapped.  
  
He narrowed his eyes.  
  
_I am so fucked._  
  
"What was your father like?" he asked.  
  
The annoyed look vanished from her face. She laid down on her back and looked up at the sky, patches of it exposed throughout the canopy of trees.  
  
"He was..." she began, thinking about what she wanted to say.  
  
He stayed sitting beside her, watching as a smile made it's way onto her face as she told him about her father.  
  
By the time she was finished, he got the feeling that she was closer to her father than her mother. And a few times, she paused to think about what she was about to say before she said it. He could feel it, the mistrust and wariness flaring up in the back of his mind. But he pushed it away, hoping that with time it would disappear all together.

"And your mother? What do you think of her?" he asked.  
  
He liked Abby. He could tell that she was strong. The fact that she, like her daughter, wasn't like the women in his village didn't mean she was weak. So what if she wasn't a shield maiden? She could look at the nastiest wounds with a determined look on her face. She could set bones back in their places without so much as the blink of an eye.  
  
She was, like her daughter and most of the other women in Bellamy's life, strong in her own way.  
  
"What about your parents?" Clarke asked after she was done telling him about Abby.  
  
"I told you about my mother. Octavia told you about my father. There isn't much else to say" he said.  
  
"Okay" Clarke said, turning on her side. "Tell me about your friends."  
  
"You know most of them. You have your own opinions."  
  
"The whole getting to know you thing works both ways, Bellamy" she said, "Tell me about how you met them. How you became so close that they willingly followed you on this journey."  
  
He smiled to himself before laying down beside her.  
  
He told her about growing up in Arkadia. About meeting Miller and Murphy. About becoming friends with Monty and Jasper and Lincoln.  
  
He talked for hours. He wasn't sure if he'd ever spent so much time talking about himself. Eventually, he lowered his voice. The others around them had started to fall asleep.

He could feel his eyes getting heavy. And just before Clarke got up to leave, to join Bjorn, she leaned over and placed a kiss on his cheek.  
  
_I like you too,_ she had whispered just before turning away and leaving.  
  
Even though he knew she did, hearing the words come out of her mouth made it official. She liked him.  
  
_Oh fuck._

* * *

  
The next day, they walked together the entire time at the head of the group with Bjorn between them.  
  
And each time she made a joke, or teased him, or smiled at him, he felt like he fell a little harder. It scared him a little, he already liked her so much. And now that he was finally allowing himself to feel what had been growing between them, it consumed him.  
  
_It's because she's your mate_ , he reminded himself. He decided that he wouldn't tell her. Not any time soon. He didn't want to freak her out.  
  
"What is going on with you two?" Bjorn asked that night. Clarke had left to talk to Finn and Raven for a little while.  
  
"What do you mean?" Bellamy asked.

"I mean, you're not arguing. You're being kind to one another. Are you sick? Is one of you dying?" Bjorn exclaimed, trying to make a joke.  
  
"Very funny" Bellamy said, pushing the boy a little.  
  
Bjorn laughed.  
  
"It makes me happy" he said.  
  
"What does?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"You two, being good to one another."  
  
"Oh" Bellamy said, looking away. "Yeah, me too."  
  
"Do you like her?"  
  
"I guess" Bellamy said, still not looking at the boy. He was 25 years old. He was not about to talk of girls with a ten year old.  
  
"You do" Bjorn said. "You like her. And she likes you."  
  
"You think so?"  
  
"I know so."  
  
Clarke came back a little while later. She looked a little worried, but as soon as she sat down beside Bjorn and looked at the two of them, the lines on her face relaxed.

They sat by the fire and talked for the rest of the night. It was a little strange, but he felt like when he was around the two of them, the nervous energy would drift away and he would be totally and completely at ease.  
  
"What will we do, when we get to Paris?" Bjorn asked.  
  
"What do you mean?" Clarke asked.  
  
"I mean...where will we live?"  
  
"I'm sure there will be plenty of places for us to live" Bellamy said.  
  
"Do you think we could live together?" Bjorn asked, "Just the three of us?"  
  
Clarke bit her bottom lip and looked at Bellamy. He couldn't read the expression on her face, but it was obvious that she wanted him to answer.  
  
"Yeah" Bellamy said, smirking at her. "We can live together."  
  
"Really?" Bjorn asked, his eyes lit with excitement as he looked from Bellamy to Clarke.  
  
"Yeah" Clarke said, a small smile on her face.  
  
"Do you promise?" Bjorn asked, looking back at Bellamy.  
  
He nodded, feeling his face heat up at the thought.  
  
Bjorn left them alone again, a smile on his face as he bid them a goodnight.  
  
And again, the people around them watched.

Some of them looked at them like it made them happy. Like Octavia, Lincoln, Miller and the rest of his friends. Others didn't care.  
  
But a few looked at them like what they were doing was wrong, even if they were just sitting out in the open with two feet of space between them.  
  
The thing that upset him the most was the fact that the people who looked at them like they were judging them were mostly focusing on Clarke. Like she'd done something wrong.  
  
She noticed.  
  
"Why do they keep looking at me like that?" she asked, once they'd had enough and decided to go on a walk.  
  
"I don't know. I can talk to them, if you want" he said.  
  
"No, don't do that."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because they'll think I put you up to it. They'll hate me more than they already do."  
  
"They don't hate you, Clarke. They just..."  
  
"They think I came between you and Gina on purpose. I know."  
  
"They'll get over it" he said, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
They would, he was sure of it. It made a few of them weary because Clarke was an outsider. And some of them cared for Gina. She was loved, in their village. She was kind and she was adored by many. It was only natural that they'd be uncomfortable with the idea of Clarke wedging herself between the two of them.

And yet, it pissed him off.  
  
She wasn't to blame. If anyone was at fault, it was him.  
  
The need to defend her washed through him, surprising him a little. He'd known most of these people for a lot longer, and yet, he knew he'd side against them if they ever voiced their judgement.  
  
They walked for a little while, both feeling a lot more relaxed now that they weren't under the scrutiny of others.  
  
The realization that they were alone for the first time since they'd verbalized their feelings for one another made him feel a little tense.  
  
He couldn't help the way his heart rate sped up a little when he realized that whatever they said or did would stay between them, now that they were finally alone.  
  
He pushed the thoughts away. They were making him feel a little dirty.  
  
But then she casually laced her fingers through his, lighting his nerves on fire. Making him think about all the other parts of her he wanted to touch.  
  
When they were far enough away, she asked him more questions about his life. About the things he'd done as a boy, about how he'd prepared for the journey.  
  
"How sure are you that it'll work out?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know. Pretty sure, I guess."

"Why?"  
  
"The Seer told me."  
  
"The Seer?" she asked, her voice dropping an octave.  
  
"Yeah. I asked him many times. Many different ways. And he told me that I would succeed."  
  
"Is everything the Seer says true?" she asked. He got the feeling that she'd grown nervous.  
  
"Yeah" he said. "But sometimes things change. The Gods can alter our courses. Change our lives. Why?"  
  
"No reason" she said, a little too quickly.  
  
He felt like she was lying. But he decided not to voice his suspicions. He was working on trusting her, and it wouldn't be right to accuse her of lying. Especially now that they were...something.  
  
Eventually, they had to head back.  
  
Once they finally saw the fires from the camp the others had made, she let go of his hand and he tried not to be bothered by how much it bothered him.  
  
"Sleep well" she said, ready to go in the opposite direction of him, to find Bjorn.  
  
And maybe it was selfish, but he couldn't help but reach out and grab her hand just as she turned to go.  
  
She looked down at their hands before looking up at him.

He took a timid step toward her, finally closing the space between them and placed a hand on the back of her neck.  
  
He brought his lips down to hers and closed his eyes, placing a chaste kiss on her lips.  
  
When he pulled back, her eyes were still open.  
  
"Goodnight" he said, letting go of her hand and her neck.  
  
He was a little surprised when he felt her hands on his hips, keeping him in place. He was even more surprised when she stood on her tiptoes, closed her eyes and placed a kiss on his lips.  
  
The only think that he could register was the hot feeling of her hands on his sides, the warmth of her lips on his.  
  
When she didn't pull away, he took another small step towards her and felt all of her body, all of her warmth pressed up to his.  
  
His hand went back up to her neck, keeping her in place as he deepens the kiss.  
  
He could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He could feel the tip of her tongue tracing his bottom lip before she finally pulled away.  
  
Her cheeks were red and her eyes were wide open, like she was surprised by what had just happened.  
  
"Goodnight" she said, looking up at him.  
  
It was harder than it should have been, watching her walk away.

* * *

 

**Part III Clarke**  
  
_What are you doing, Clarke?_ Raven had asked.  
  
_What are you doing, Clarke_? Finn repeated.  
  
_What are you doing, Clarke?_ she asked herself, trying to fall asleep that night.  
  
She'd done it. She'd finally kissed him. And she couldn't believe how it had felt. Unlike any kiss she'd ever had before.  
  
She could swear that she could still taste him on her lips.  
  
And no matter how fucked up she knew it was, she wanted to do it again. It took every ounce of self control she had to stay on the ground, to stay in her spot and to not go looking for him. World and all that resided in it be damned. She just wanted to kiss him again. She wanted to feel it again, the happiness and the wonder.  
  
The curiosity. _Did the rest of him taste like that, too?_  
  
She couldn't describe it. He tasted like the sea and the land. He tasted like joy. Like happiness. Like _home._  
  
And she wanted more.  
  
When he said that nothing could happened between them, that they had to be considerate, the first thing that her greedy mind had thought was _Why? What about what I want? What about how WE feel?_  
  
It was easy to forget about the colossal mess she was in when she was around him. It was ridiculous. Being around him should have made her feel worse. She was lying. She wasn't who she said she was. She was leading him to a trap. And yet, when she was around him, it felt as if all of it wasn't real. It felt like she was a normal girl, with normal thoughts and a normal life. Like all there was to her life was a tragic backstory and the new prospect of falling in love.

In her heart, she knew she had to tell him. She knew she had to put a stop to all of this and save them from the king, save them from _her._ But she knew that the truth also meant the end.  
  
And as terrible as it was, she wasn't ready for the end.  
  
It would come. Of that, she was sure. But she wasn't ready. She wanted another day, another moment of happiness _before_ the end.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was shorter than usual, BUT, I will update chapter 7 (titled "The End" for you curious kitties) VERY soon after this one. I had to get a little fluff out of the way. Yall know its a slowburn. Also, in the next chapter, things with Bellamy and Clarke will heat up BEFORE the end....do with that info what you will ;)
> 
> I promise to update soon!! Thank you all for reading and your amazing feedback. Thoughts? Questions or concerns? 
> 
> PS- I know Clarke is a badass. But we often forget that she really is an 18 year old girl. In this part of the fic, this is curious and hopeful baby Clarke. Reminds me of the quote, "the first casualty of war is innocence". This is innocent, falling in love 18 year old Clarke. She'll come into her own once the truth (and all the things that come with it) is out.


	7. The End

**Part I Clarke**  
  
Getting to know him was easy. And hard.  
  
It was easy, because no matter what she asked, he answered. She admired his confidence and his candor. But it was hard because she didn't always like the answers. And it was hard because sometimes she did.  
  
And to her it seemed as if every answer, every story pulled her a little closer.  
  
It was scary and it was thrilling.  
  
_This is it. This is what love feels like_ , she thought, watching him show Bjorn how to properly skin a rabbit.  
  
That was another thing she liked about him. He was good with Bjorn. Really good.  
  
He was never bothered by Bjorn's questions and he never got angry or annoyed by having to show the boy something more than once. He was teaching him how to fight and how to hunt. And sometimes, Clarke would hear Bellamy telling the boy stories. Tales of Gods and men that always had a happy ending.  
  
He kissed her again.  
  
And each time she kissed him back, it became harder and harder to pull away. To stop.  
  
The people around them were getting used to it. Getting used to watching them talk and laugh instead of scream at one another. It still made a few of them uncomfortable, she could tell. A few of the girls her age went out of their way to catch her eye and give her a scowl or glare at her until she looked away.

A little part of her was bothered by it. But that little part was overshadowed by how happy she felt whenever she was around Bjorn and Bellamy.  
  
Two nights after they kissed for the first time, they walked a little longer into the night and heard the sound of rushing water.  
  
She stayed at the back of the group, hoping for some alone time so that she could relax. As much as her skin yearned for the water, a part of her wasn't relieved. She knew that the sound would lead to a river, and that the river would drain to the sea. Following the river down would lead them to the end; it would lead them to Paris.  
  
She watched as the people around her grew excited and urgently followed the sound, going slightly to the left and ahead. She watched as a group of girls her age, including Raven and Octavia, chatted excitedly about the prospect of finally being able to wash their hair.  
  
She watched from afar, wishing she could join them. Wishing that she too was a normal teenage girl. And not who she really was.  
  
"Excuse me" someone from behind her said, shoving her to the side as they went past. It was a group of three girls. She was sure they were older than her. And she was sure that they were on one of the other boats. Suddenly, she recalled that one of the girls was named Roma.  
  
Clarke had seen her talk to Bellamy a few times.  
  
Bellamy and Gina.  
  
They giggled as Clarke stumbled to the side and tried not to lose her footing. Once she stood straight, she glared at the girls, now already walking away.

"Fuck you" she spat.  
  
"What did you say, bitch?" the girl in the middle, a pretty blonde, asked, turning to glare at Clarke.  
  
"I said fuck you" Clarke said. She used the most casual voice she could muster.  
  
All three of them looked a little surprised. Clarke was sure that they weren't expecting her to defend herself. But she'd never had any problem standing up for herself or others. And she hated bullies.  
  
The girl in the middle stepped forward and the other two joined after a beat, like they'd been used to following the girl in the middle.  
  
Clarke tried not to laugh.  
  
_Like a pack of wild dogs._

They didn't know she was the wolf.  
  
"And what makes you think you can talk to me like that?" the blonde said, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"What makes you think you can push me around?" Clarke asked.  
  
It didn't matter to her if she got her ass kicked. But she wouldn't let them push her around without a word.  
  
"I said excuse me" the girl said, a smirk on her lips as looked at Clarke from head to toe.  
  
"And I said fuck you" Clarke said. She knew it'd be a mistake to look away from the girl.

"So brave" the girl said, placing a hand on her sword. "I would be a little more careful if I was you. We're the ones who can actually use our swords."  
  
"Believe me" Clarke said, "I can use mine too."  
  
"Really?" the blonde asked, raising an eyebrow in mockery "Because from what we've heard, your talents don't include sword use."  
  
The other two girls giggled. Clarke clenched her fists. Yeah, they'd kick her ass. But she'd try to hit the blonde, at least once, to wipe that stupid smile from her face. Her own thoughts, the anger coursing through her veins surprised her. She was never a violent person. She'd never been in a fight. And here she was, a second from punching the girl in her nose.  
  
"Doesn't take much talent" the girl on the left said, "Being a whore."  
  
"What did you just call me?" Clarke asked, facing the girl.  
  
"Hey" Octavia yelled from a few feet away. "What's going on?"  
  
Clarke knew how it must have looked. The three girls had cornered her.  
  
"Nothing" the blonde in the middle said, turning away from Clarke and walking towards Octavia. "Just talking, is all."  
  
Octavia looked a little suspicious but she let the girls pass without another word.  
  
Once they had left, Octavia looked back at Clarke, still in the same position.  
  
She tried to relax, to slow her breathing. But she was angry. She was so fucking angry.

Taking a deep breath, she unclenched her fists and made her way to Octavia so that they could join the others.  
"Don't let it bother you" Octavia said.  
  
"It doesn't" Clarke lied.  
  
"Good. It shouldn't."  
  
They walked in silence until the reached the others. A wide and shallow river was the source of the sound they heard. Clarke looked down the river, noticing it took a slight curve before the water picked up.  
  
"People will always have something bad to say, Clarke" Octavia said suddenly. "Especially about women. I'm sure that whatever those girls called you, I've been called worse."  
  
Clarke nodded. It was kind of Octavia, to come looking for Clarke and to try and console her. Clarke couldn't remember why she hadn't liked Octavia before. She could see that the girl was a good friend, that she was caring.  
  
Even so, her conversation with the girls who had cornered her stuck with her for the rest of the night. She would catch one of them, or in some cases all three, glaring at her throughout the night. She glared right back.  
  
And when she wasn't thinking about the girls and glaring at them, she was relishing the feel of her body in the water. Washing away days of sweat and dirt was rejuvenating. She found herself thinking less and less about what had happened that afternoon. What the girl had called her.

"So, your hair really is blonde" Bellamy said from behind her.  
  
She was sitting by the river after spending over an hour washing her hair and her body.  
  
"I was beginning to think it was brown" he said, sitting down beside her. "But I guess that was all the dirt."  
  
"Shut up" she said, unable to stop herself from smiling.  
  
"I think we should stay here for a day or two" he said, "I've missed being clean. And it makes people feel better."  
  
"I think that's a good idea."  
  
"Are you okay? You've been kind of down today. More so than usual."  
  
It wasn't funny and yet she couldn't help but smile.  
  
"Yeah" she said, "Yeah. I'm okay."  
  
"Did something happen?"  
  
She thought about telling him right then and there. He looked at her, a concerned look on his face.  
  
He reached over and put a hand on her knee.  
  
"You can talk to me" he said.  
  
The touch was casual. The touch made her smile.  
  
"I'm fine. I just- I kind of got in an argument with a few of the girls."

"And argument?" he asked. "About what?"  
  
She had changed out of her clothes so that she could wash them, now wearing her pretty blue dress again. He sat beside her in nothing but his pants. She felt a little distracted by his bare chest, the muscles in his arms and the way his abdomen looked. She felt the urge to reach out and touch it, so she could see if it was soft like hers.  
  
"Clarke?" he asked, pulling her from her thoughts and making her face feel hot.  
  
She'd been staring. And he noticed.  
  
_Oh god._  
  
"Nothing. It was nothing" she said, looking away. "One of them did call me something nasty though."  
  
"What?"  
  
She looked over at him, hating the way even thinking the word made her feel.  
  
"She called me a whore" Clarke said. The word left a bad taste in her mouth. She rarely heard the word at home. But she knew what it meant.  
  
"Who called you that?" he asked. She could tell it made him angry. And him being angry made her smile.  
  
"It doesn't matter."  
  
"Of course it matters. Who called you that? Tell me."

"No," she said, placing her hand on his. "They just wanted to upset me. And if I tell you and you yell at them, they'll win."  
  
"I guess that's a good way to look at it" he said, smiling a little. "I can't believe I've never asked you this before, but how old are you?"  
  
"I'm 18" she said, smiling at him a little timidly.  
  
"Ah" he said, "Shit."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm 25. You're..." he began but didn't finish.  
  
_You're too young for me._  
  
It's what he was thinking, she was sure of it.  
  
_Our age difference is the least of my worries. There are so many other reasons we shouldn't be together_ , she thought. He would understand that, too. Sooner than she wanted.  
  
"So?'" she said, "You don't like me anymore?"  
  
She was teasing and he knew it.  
  
He gave her a little shove and she let out a laugh.  
  
"Shut up" he said, rolling his eyes.  
  
She loved the way his eyes lit up whenever he smiled. His smile was rare, but she'd been seeing it more and more the longer she stayed around him.

"That's a pretty dress" he said, pulling at it a little.  
  
"Really? If I recall correctly, the last time I asked you about it you said you didn't give a shit?" she asked.  
  
"Things change" he said, his eyes dropping to her lips.  
  
It surprised her a little when he didn't look away after a few seconds like he usually did.  
  
"Do- do you want to go for a walk?" she asked.  
  
It was getting late. And the sun had almost set.  
  
But really, the way he'd looked at her made heat pool low in her belly. She wanted to touch him and she wanted to be touched.  
  
She was tired of waiting.  
  
He must have noticed the look in her eyes. Or heard the change in her voice. Or felt the difference in her body language.  
  
His eyes roamed over her body and she felt like she was glued to the spot.  
  
"Alright" he said, looking back up at her. "Why don't you go tell Bjorn while I go get dressed?"  
  
She nodded, trying to keep herself composed when really she felt like she could throw up. She was nervous. And she was excited. And even though she wasn't sure if anything would happen, she could feel the anticipation making her hands shake.

"Bellamy and I are going on a walk" she told Bjorn, trying to use the calmest voice she could muster. "We'll-we'll be back soon. Stay with Octavia and Lincoln. Okay?"  
  
"Yeah" Bjorn said, smiling a little. "Have fun."  
  
"And remember that the Gods are always watching" Octavia added, a mischievous grin on her face.  
  
"Shut up" Clarke said, feeling her face heat up as Bjorn giggled. She turned to go.  
  
"They're going to have sex, aren't they?" she heard Bjorn ask.  
  
She walked away, feeling a little embarrassed. She watched Bellamy from afar, giving orders and talking to the people before looking around and finally spotting her.  
  
They could feel every single pair of eyes on them as they made their way down the river, going further and further from a group.  
  
Following the river, they turned and suddenly they were out of the eyesight of the others. Clarke exhaled, feeling herself relax a little.  
  
She wasn't sure why being around him made her feel completely at ease now. It was the total opposite of how she used to feel around him, guarded and weary.  
  
When he laced his fingers though hers, she felt that little spark, that little bit of excited energy making her chest swell. She was sure that she'd never get used to it.  
  
"So" he began, "What do you want to talk about today?"

"I don't really feel like talking" she said, letting her eyes linger on his lips while he looked down at her.  
  
Without discussing it, they walked further and further from their group in silence. She loved the way it felt, being comfortable enough around another person, not needing to fill the silence with their words.  
  
Her heart hammered in her chest with every step she took.  
  
Eventually, the sun set and they walked in darkness, the moonlight shining down on them.  
  
"Should we go back?" he asked eventually.  
  
She wasn't sure how far they'd gone. But she knew it'd be quite the walk back. And she wasn't ready. At some point, she felt the dread again.  
  
"Can we just stay here for a little while?" she asked.  
  
As much as she wanted to kiss him, to touch him, she knew it was time. She'd let things go on longer than she should have. But now, with Paris and the king and her father so close, she knew it was time for the end.  
  
"Alright" he said, taking a seat a few feet from the river.  
  
She sat down beside him and thought about the best way to tell him. She didn't know where to begin. When they'd set out, she'd been excited to get the chance to be alone with him. But the further they had walked, the more convinced she was that this was supposed to be her opportunity to tell him. Her last chance.

"What is it?" he asked, looking over at her.  
  
He must have noticed the look on her face.  
  
Again, she felt like she couldn't breath. Like the words were right there, right there on the tip of her tongue.  
  
_Bellamy, I'm a liar._  
  
"I..." she began, feeling the lump in her throat. It made her feel like she was actually choking on her words.  
  
_Just say it. Just tell him._  
  
"I..." she began again. She tried to swallow. To push the words out.

_Bellamy, I'm a traitor.  
_  
But he was looking at her like he cared. Like she wanted to be looked at.  
  
He waited.  
  
She noticed how long and dark his eyelashes were. The way his bottom lip was a little wet, like he'd just ran his tongue over it.  
  
_This is it,_ she thought. _This is the end.  He'll never look at me like that again._  
  
He reached out and pushed a strand of hair from her eyes.  
  
"Bellamy..."

He put his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her head towards his, crushing their lips together.  
  
She closed her eyes and let herself feel it, all of it. The warmth. The love. And something that tasted like the end.  
  
The thought of this being their final kiss made her eyes sting.  
  
_I'm not ready,_ she thought, getting closer to him and closing the distance between them.

_I can't. I'm not ready. I can't._  
  
She moved until she was in his lap, the feel of his tongue in her mouth and his body against her finally filling the craving for affection she'd longed for.  
  
She heard the sound of the rushing water. She felt the little chill in the air.  
  
But everything going on around her seemed to fade away, like they did the night she'd danced with him. The only thing she could feel and see and smell was him. Like they were the only two people on this earth.  
  
She felt his hands roaming up her thighs, her torso. She ran a hand down his back, putting the other one in his soft hair.  
  
They'd kissed before. They'd hugged. He'd placed a hand on her hip and her back. But this was different. She could feel it again, the excitement and the anticipation, urging her on.  
  
They were pressed to one another and it still wasn't enough for her.  
  
She grabbed the hem of his shirt, lifting it over his head before placing her hungry lips back on his.  
  
His grip on her became a little tighter. Her kisses became more urgent, more messy.

He kissed her neck and she let herself be greedy, running her hands down his back and up his arms and linger on his chest. Finally being able to touch him should have made her feel better.  
  
And yet, it only made her long for it even more so than before. She couldn't bring herself to let go of him. She wanted more.  
  
She grabbed the bottom of her dress and he let go of her hips, leaning back a little.  
  
He kept his eyes on hers as she lifted the dress over her head.  
  
They were both breathing heavy, their chests heaving as she threw the dress to the side and looked back at him.  
He finally looked away from her eyes and let his own linger over her body.  
  
She felt like she should feel a little self conscious, a little embarrassed, letting him see most of her naked body.  
  
But she didn't.  
  
And when his eyes came back up to hers, with his teeth biting down on his bottom lip, she couldn't wait any longer. She crushed her bare chest to his, closing the bit of space between them.  
  
All she could feel was the warmth of his skin, the warmth of his hands as they explored her body, not leaving a single inch untouched.

He pushed her forward and suddenly, she was on her back, feeling the weight of his body on her own.  
  
He kissed down her neck, making his way down to her breasts as she arched her back.  
  
No matter how much she liked the feel of his lips and his hands over her body, it wasn't enough. She let out a little needy moan, feeling his tongue tracing over her nipple.  
  
She had thought, she had imagined that when this day came she would have wanted to take things slow. She could feel her body growing tense. She wasn't sure how he was so relaxed, how he had the will power to take his time when all she wanted to do was fuck him.  
  
"Bellamy..." she whined, raising her hips a little.  
  
He placed his hands on her hips, pinning them to the ground as his mouth finally wandered from her breasts to her soft belly.  
  
She could feel the heat pooling at her core, yearning to be touched.  
  
The lower his lips went, the more tense she grew. The anticipation making her clench her teeth as he finally leaned back and dragged her panties off.  
  
When he finally pressed his tongue onto the place she wanted it most, she looked up at the sky.  
  
She noticed one particularly bright star right above her in darkness.

* * *

 

**Part II- Bellamy**  
  
He couldn't wait anymore.  
  
No matter how much he'd wanted to, he couldn't. And she couldn't either, if the heat and wetness gathered between her legs was anything to go by.  
  
And she tasted better than he thought she would.  
  
She tugged at his hair, urging him on. He had wanted to take his time, to make this as good for her as it was for him. He felt her shutter as he stuck two fingers inside of her, crooking them a little and keeping his tongue pressed firmly to her clit.  
  
He noticed the way her hands went to her sides, grabbing at the grass and earth under her fingers.  
  
As much as he liked to fuck, this was his favorite part. Listening to her whimper and moan, feeling her legs shake a little when he touched the spot deep inside her that made him smile. He could feel her muscles growing rigid, coiling and ready to spring.  
  
She placed her hands on his shoulders, her fingernails digging into his skin.  
  
When she finally came, clenching around his fingers, she let out a moan and shuddered underneath him. He knew, in that moment, that he'd never get the way she looked out of his mind.  
  
Her bottom lip was bright red, little beads of sweat shined on her forehead and her pale chest rose and fell as she came down. He watched her for a few moments, wanting to remember this moment.  
  
He wasn't sure why, but he felt like should.

When she finally relaxed, staring up at him with bright and excited eyes, he stood on his knees and pulled his pants down.  
  
She let her eyes linger on him, biting her bottom lip like she knew it drove him a little crazy.  
  
He brought his lips back down to hers, feeling her small hands running down his back.  
  
He scooted up until he was right at her entrance, feeling like he couldn't wait anymore.  
  
"Bellamy wait" she whispered. Taking his lips off of her was harder than it should have been.  
  
He looked down at her, noticing that she looked a lot more nervous than before. Maybe even scared. As much as he wanted to fuck her, he knew something was wrong.  
  
"I..." she began, looking a little embarrassed. "I've never..."  
  
He waited for her to finish the sentence but she didn't.  
  
"Oh" he said, pulling away a little, realization washing over him. "Oh, shit. Okay. We don't have to."  
  
"No" she quickly said, shaking her head a little. "I want to. I really want to. Just...just be gentle, okay?"  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
He wasn't sure how himself felt about it. As much as he wanted to have sex with her, he didn't want her to do anything she'd regret.  
  
"I'm sure" she said, placing her hands on his chest. "I want it. I want it to be you."

He felt a little embarrassed about how her words made him feel.  
  
"Alright. But if you change your mind, just tell me to stop, okay?"  
  
"Okay" she said, wrapping her hands around his neck and pulling him closer.  
  
They kissed for a few minutes, a lot more slowly than before. A lot more relaxed.  
  
He slowly pushed into her. He could tell it hurt her a little, no matter how reassuring she tried to be.  
  
It was a lot harder than he thought it'd be, keeping himself from fucking her like he wanted to fuck her. But she looked so vulnerable under him, like this was more emotional than physical for her. And maybe it was.  
  
So he took his time, letting her get adjusted to the feeling of him inside of her. Letting his hands and his mouth roam over her body.  
  
It felt a lot more intimate than any sex he'd ever had. And the way she kept her eyes glued to his, like he was the only thing in this forsaken world made him feel more exposed than he'd ever felt. Like she saw him in a way that no one had ever seen him before.  
  
When he felt it, only a few thrusts from coming, he pulled away.  
  
But she pulled him closer, hooking her legs around his thighs and bringing his head down until his forehead rested on hers.  
  
"It's okay" she whispered.

He kept his eyes on hers, feeling himself throb inside of her and come sooner than he wanted to.  
  
His orgasm ripped through him, making him thrust into her harder than before, unable to control himself.  
  
"I think I'm in love with you" she whispered, closing her eyes. "And I'm sorry."  
  
_What? What did she just say?_  
  
He was so consumed by her _I'm in love with you_ that he wasn't really even sure what she was apologizing about.  
  
He pulled himself out of her and let himself come down, keeping his forehead pressed to hers.  
  
"I love you too" he said, not even thinking about the words before they were out.  
  
He'd never told anyone that he loved them. Not a single person. But the words were out, and he couldn't take them back even if he wanted to. He'd never been a very affectionate person. He'd never been one to tell people how they made him feel. He was a man of action and not words.  
  
He turned onto his back, feeling raw and open.  
  
_I love you too._  
  
"Can we stay for just a little while longer?" she whispered from beside him.

"Yeah" he said. She turned on her side and put her head on his chest.  
  
And for some reason he couldn't explain, he suddenly felt very sad.

* * *

 

He woke with a start.  
  
He wasn't sure when they'd fallen asleep. It was well into the night, if the location of the moon was anything to go by.  
  
Clarke was still fast asleep in the same position they'd been in, her arm across his stomach and her head on his chest.  
  
And despite the chill in the air, and the fact that he was naked, he felt warm.  
  
He looked up at the sky, feeling like everything in the moment was right.  
  
But then he heard a rustle in the bushes up ahead and he remembered where they were.  
  
He slowly pulled himself away from her, grateful when she didn't wake.  
  
He found his clothes and put them on. He followed the sound he'd heard up the river. Whatever or whoever it was kept going, so he followed as quietly as possible.  
  
He couldn't have walked for more than ten minutes when he found the source of the sound.  
  
A young doe stood about five feet in front of him, on the edge of downward slope.

He didn't want to startle it. And as much as they needed the food, he didn't want to kill it. Even if he'd brought anything with him.  
  
He took a step towards the animal and a twig snapped under his weight.  
  
The doe's head snapped up and she spotted him. She watched him for a few seconds before turning her head and disappearing down the slope.  
  
He walked towards where she'd disappeared, wondering if the curve down would pose a problem for their party.  
  
When he finally reached the spot, he wasn't expecting the site before him.  
  
And it wasn't the steep way down the hill side, the trees or the gushing river.  
  
It was the lights. It was the wall.  
  
It was the city in the distance.  
  
It was far away but he was sure he'd found it.  
  
_Paris._

* * *

 

**Part III Clarke**  
  
"Clarke, Clarke wake up" she heard, feeling the hand on her shoulder shaking her awake.  
  
"B-Bellamy" she said, opening her eyes. They were in the same spot they'd fallen asleep at. She wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep, or why he was shaking her awake. Or why he was fully dressed while she was still naked.  
  
"What's going on?" she asked.  
  
"Get dressed" he said, handing her the long blue dress she'd been wearing. "You have to see this."  
  
Everything about the situation felt wrong.  
  
Her heart rate picked up, her stomach dropped.  
  
She wordlessly put the dress on.  
  
His eagerness only made her feel worse.  
  
He walked a few feet ahead of her, telling her to _walk faster_ and saying _you won't believe this_. And all the while, her heart pounded in her ears.  
  
"Look" he said, once they'd reached the top of a downward slope.  
  
His smile, the smile that usually made her feel light and happy, filled her with dread. She looked past his extended hand and finally saw what had made him so excited.  
  
"It's Paris" Bellamy said. "We've found it. We're here."

He sounded excited.  
  
And she'd run out of time.  
  
The smile on his face and his excitement dwindled once he noticed that she didn't share his enthusiasm.  
  
"What is it?" he asked, moving closer to her.  
  
They stood across from one another with Paris and it's lights in the distance.  
  
_This is it,_ she thought. _This is where it ends._  
  
"You can't go, Bellamy" she finally said, fighting to keep her voice even.  
  
"What? Why not?"  
  
"Look at the size of that city. Do you honestly think that...that 140 of you can take it?"  
  
"We don't have to take it" he said, "We just need to get inside and kill the king and his men."  
  
"It won't work" she said, shaking her head. All the while, she could feel her heart breaking.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because there are a lot more of them then there are of us!" she snapped, "Think about it! And look at that wall! Do you honestly believe you can take it?"  
  
"I know I can. One of us can take on five of them. We're vikings and they're-" he began, a little surprised by her outburst. "We'll wait until the middle of the night, tomorrow, and go. They might have the numbers. But we have the element of surprise."

Her heart rate wouldn't slow. It was almost painful.  
  
"You can't go, Bellamy" she said, feeling more desperate than ever. "You'll never get past that wall. They'll kill all of you."  
  
She looked at the ground, unable to look him in the eye anymore.  
  
He studied her for a few moments.  
  
"What's going on?" he asked, putting his hand under her jaw and lifting her head. He had a worried look on his face.  
  
She leaned into his hand and placed her own on top of his.  
  
"I'm really going to miss this" she said, feeling the warmth of his palm against her cheek.  
  
"Clarke..." he began, stepping closer to her. "What's going on?"  
  
She could feel the tears gathering in her eyes, making him look a little blurry.  
  
"You don't have the element of surprise. They know you're here. They know you're coming" she said, her voice creaky and broken. "They'll kill you, Bellamy. All of you."  
  
He looked at her for a few minutes. She could see the realization washing over him. The affectionate look in his eyes was slowly replaced by something more painful and more guarded.  
  
"And how do you know that?" he asked, fighting to keep his voice even.  
  
She didn't have it in her to answer. Her eyes dropped to the ground again.

"Clarke?" he said, pulling his hand away.  
  
She missed it as soon as it was gone.  
  
They stood in silence for what felt like an eternity.  
  
"It was you" he said.  
  
His voice sounded different.  
  
"You told them" he said.  
  
And still, she said nothing.  
  
"Clarke?"  
  
She finally looked up. But as soon as she did, she wished she wouldn't have. She didn't recognize the look in his eyes. She couldn't read the expression on his face.  
  
All she knew was that she didn't like it.  
  
She watched as his Adam's apple bobbed. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something. He didn't.  
  
He finally looked away and she felt a tear run down her face.  
  
"You're my mate, you know" he said, looking back at her.  
  
"W-what?"

"The Seer told me. I went to visit him the night before we left, to ask if I should take you. And he said I needed you. He also said that you were my mate" he said, "But you don't believe in mates, do you?"  
  
She opened her mouth to say something. When she realized there was nothing to say, she closed it again.  
  
"And even if you did" he began, "It' wouldn't be me. I'm not a king. Or a lord. Or a knight. I'm a viking from the other side of the sea."  
  
"Bellamy" she whispered, reaching out to grab his arm.  
  
But he moved out of her reach.  
  
"It wouldn't be me" he said. She hated the look in his eye.  
  
He pushed past her and left.  
  
She wasn't sure how long she stood there, with tears freely streaming down her face and her hand clutching her chest.  
  
It was the thought of Bjorn that finally brought her back to reality. She had to see him one last time, even if the vikings decided to kill her for being a traitor. She had to say goodbye.  
  
She ran back, pausing only to walk when her lungs felt like they would explode.  
  
Eventually she knew she was close, and she knew that Bellamy had probably reached them by now. And even though she was scared, she knew she'd never be okay if she didn't see Bjorn one last time. If she didn't get the chance to apologize.  
  
She heard them before she saw them.

There was yelling, and arguing, and it scared her enough for her to pick her pace up and run as fast as she could towards them.  
  
When she was finally close enough to hear them, she stopped in her tracks.  
  
"You can't be serious!" a man yelled at Bellamy. "We did not come all this way for nothing!"  
  
Bellamy turned away from the man and glanced around the group. She'd never seen him look more angry.  
  
"I am the fucking earl. You followed me here. And I say we're going back!" he yelled.  
  
"But Bellamy, we're so close!" a woman Clarke didn't know yelled.  
  
"Yes, but Paris will still be there when we come back. We're not ready" Bellamy said, turning to look at the people around him. "If we go forward, we will all die. I know it. And this is my fucking journey. Those are my fucking boats. You are all my fucking subjects. And I say we're leaving. So pack your shit."  
  
"Bellamy, it's not fair" Octavia began. "We can do this!"  
  
"No we fucking can't!" he snapped. "We're leaving. All of us. I will not repeat myself."  
  
Octavia looked hurt. Clarke was pretty sure that she'd never heard him yell at his sister like that.  
  
"Fine" she said, glaring at her brother.  
  
"If anyone says another fucking thing in protest" he began, glancing around the group "They are going to wish they hadn't."

"What's going on?" Clarke asked Bjorn. She hadn't even seen him make his way to her. And yet there he stood, by her side like he'd been there all along.  
  
"He says we can't raid. That they will kill us. That we have to leave and come back with a better plan" Bjorn whispered.  
  
Clarke looked around, noticing Jasper, Monty and Lincoln all leaving to go in different directions. A lot of the others were just now waking up.  
  
"Where are they going?" she asked.  
  
"They're going to tell the others to go back" Bjorn said.  
  
"Did he say why?"  
  
"He said he found Paris. That it's bigger than we could imagine, that we can't take it with our numbers. That we aren't ready."  
  
_Why? Why hasn't he told them about me yet?_  
  
She noticed Finn and Raven staring at her, a question in their eyes.  
  
She stood glued in her spot beside Bjorn. Not sure of what to do or what to say. He hadn't told them she was a traitor.  
  
What was she supposed to do now? Would he let her go back with them? Would he tell the others? Was she supposed to go home?  
  
She felt more confused than ever.

She couldn't go back to Paris. If she went back, the king would know the others were near. He might send his men to kill them.  
  
And she couldn't follow Bellamy back to Arkadia, could she?  
  
The people around here were packing up, getting ready to leave. No one spoke a word, but she could see the disappointment and anger in their eyes. They'd come all this way for nothing.  
  
"Stock up on food while we make our way back" Bellamy yelled from the front of the group. "We have a long way to go."  
  
Clarke watched as he made his way into the woods without another glance behind him. The people around her followed.  
  
"What are you waiting for?" Bjorn asked, looking up the her with his sleepy blue eyes. "Let's go."  
  
He put his hand out. He was always a lot more childlike when he was sleepy. He acted brave and older than he really was, but when he was sleepy, he'd cuddle up next to her or place her hand on his head so she could run her hands through his hair while he slept.  
  
She put her hand in his and they followed the others.  
  
She wasn't sure what was going on, or what would happen next. All she knew was that she was heartbroken, but relieved that he'd listened and made them turn around.  
  
He hated her.  
  
But saving him and the other people she'd grown to care for was worth it.

And even though it hurt, losing whatever had built between them felt _right_. She had to pay for what she'd done. She knew losing him was only the beginning.  
  
There was a lot more she would lose, too. She was sure of it.

* * *

  
They marched on for days. On the way here, Bellamy would let them stop to rest and eat. But now he seemed determined to go on until the people around him complained.  
  
The only time they stopped to rest was at night when they slept. And even then, they'd wake even earlier than before. As weary as they were, not many people had the courage to step forward and tell him to stop.  
  
A few nights after they started, one of the men in their group challenged Bellamy. He talked of weakness, of shame to the Gods.  
  
It was the first time Clarke had witnessed how violent he could get. After he'd had enough of the arguing, things escalated and he and the man actually fought.  
  
Clarke had to look away. She couldn't watch. She didn't know this side of him and she didn't want to.  
  
After that, the man, along with the rest of the people in their group, accepted that they had to leave. No one spoke up in protest again.

Clarke told Finn and Raven. She had to. They couldn't understand why Bellamy hadn't told the others about what he knew. Clarke was sure that he hadn't told anyone, not even Octavia, because they still treated them the same way.  
  
Finn and Raven worried, but Clarke could tell that they were grateful for it. She wasn't sure how long it'd last. He might just be waiting to go home before exposing them.  
  
But all three of them knew they had no choice but to go back to Arkadia. Even if they stayed behind and waited to go home until the vikings left, the king would kill them for being traitors. She knew he would.  
  
Her father would most likely pay for her treachery with his life.  
  
Part of her felt like she deserved that, too. She should have never come to Arkadia. She should have never agreed to the kings terms. And maybe if she would have told them earlier, before they left, things could have been different. Maybe they could have worked together and thought of a way to save the people on both sides.  
  
But she hadn't. And it would be her cross to bear.  
  
Bellamy hadn't talked to her since that night. He hadn't even looked at her. She wasn't sure how that was possible, how he could avoid her that well, but he did.  
  
And every time she thought about talking to him, approaching him and demanding his attention, she couldn't do it.

Yeah, there was a lot more to the story. Things that might make him understand why she'd done what she did. Why she hadn't said anything sooner. But she couldn't bring herself to go to him.  
  
As bad as she felt, she knew he felt worse.  
  
A week into their journey back and not a single word between them, she watched as he left to join one of the other groups.  
  
"Why?" she had asked Octavia.  
  
"He just wants to check on them. He'll join us in a few days" she said.  
  
Despite the fact that Bellamy hadn't said anything about her being a traitor, the change in their relationship was obvious.  
  
A few people had questioned her about it, like Octavia and Monty and Jasper. And each time, she'd come up with a bad excuse about the obvious distance between them.  
  
Bjorn asked more than anyone. He noticed it that first night. Bellamy pushed him away too.  
  
"I'm not stupid!" Bjorn yelled the night Bellamy left. "So why don't you just tell me the truth? Do you not trust me?"  
  
"I do trust you" Clarke said, "But sometimes things just don't work out."  
  
"But why? You are supposed to be together!" he whined.  
  
Clarke opened her mouth to give him another excuse, like all the ones she'd given to the others, but she couldn't.

Bjorn must have understood.  
  
Clarke turned away from the boy, laying on her side, hoping that he'd let it go and fall asleep.  
  
She felt his little arm around her waist.  
  
"I'm sorry" he said. "Whatever it is, I'm sorry you're hurting."  
  
"Why are you sorry?" Clarke whispered, "You haven't done anything."  
  
"I know. But I hate seeing you like this" he said.  
  
Clarke felt like she could cry again. She couldn't remember ever feeling this bad.  
  
"He is a fool for hurting you" Bjorn said. "But it will be okay. Everything will be okay in the end."  
  
"How do you know?" she asked.  
  
"Because" he said, nuzzling a little closer to her, "It's fate."

* * *

 

The people around her relaxed in Bellamy's absence. They began to talk, to joke like before. A few people were still upset, but the others were more accepting. Some of them were even more excited than before.  
  
"Think about it" Murphy said, "Now we know the terrain. Bellamy has seen the city. We have knowledge of it. We can plan our raid. We can get more people and then take the city. It's the smartest option."  
  
A few people nodded in agreement, saying that going home and coming back stronger was _for the best_. That it was the _best way to ensure success._  
  
She knew they couldn't stay in Arkadia. She'd already informed the king of where they were.  
  
She hadn't told Bellamy that. But she knew she'd have to.  
  
Thinking about his reaction made her shutter.  
  
Not only had she betrayed him, but she'd told the king about where he resided. Where his loved ones lived. There was no doubt in her mind that the kings men would come for him and those closest to him.  
  
He'd hate her even more than he already did.  
  
She knew she'd have to talk to him, eventually. She'd have to tell him.  
  
He would never look at her the same way. They way he'd looked at her the night he told her that he loved her, too.

When he came back, days later, he was just as angry as he'd been when he'd left.  
  
She tried to summon the courage to talk to him. But every time she took a step in his direction, the fear in her chest kept her from it.  
  
A few nights later, he snapped at Bjorn.  
  
"What is wrong with him?" Bjorn had asked her after. She could tell that his feelings were hurt. "Why is he treating me, treating us this way?"  
  
"I don't know" she lied. She knew. "But I'll talk to him."  
  
Bjorn's feelings, the hurt all over his face finally gave her the courage she needed to talk to him.  
  
It was late in the night, and he'd gone off to sleep away from the others just as he'd been doing since they started the journey back. And even though she was nervous and afraid, she was angry more than anything.  
  
He could treat her this way. She knew she deserved it. But Bjorn? Kind, innocent Bjorn who's only mistake was ending up between the two of them? He didn't deserve it.  
  
"Why are you treating Bjorn like this?" she asked, standing a few feet away from him. She knew he wasn't asleep, despite the fact that his back was to her. She noticed the way his body went rigid at the sound of her voice. "He hasn't done anything. You can hate me. You can ignore me. But he...he isn't a part of this. You need to apologize to him."  
  
"I know" he said, not bothering to face her.

It wasn't what she'd expected to hear. She hadn't expected him to say anything at all.  
  
She left, not knowing what else there was to say.  
  
The next day, she noticed Bjorn walking at the front of the group right beside Bellamy.  
  
When they stopped for the night, she questioned him about it.  
  
"He apologized" Bjorn said, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
"What did he say, exactly?"  
  
"He just said that he was stressed and that he was disappointed. That it wasn't anything I did."  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
"Not really. Mostly he just apologize for how he's treated me. I told him I understood. It took a lot, I know, to make us turn around. I know he think's we're all disappointed in him."  
  
"Oh" was all she said.  
  
"I told him that we weren't. And the people who didn't agree that this was the right choice were idiots. Any man with a brain knows this is the best thing for us."  
  
Clarke nodded.  
  
After that, Bellamy stopped acting so hostile around Bjorn and a few of the others. She heard him apologize to Octavia, to his friends and the man he'd beat, claiming he was just upset about the situation.

He still ignored her, though.  
  
She wasn't sure how long they traveled. And despite the fact that Bellamy no longer seemed angry, she didn't feel any better.  
  
It was as if she didn't exist.  
  
She noticed that he didn't act the same around Finn or Raven either. He knew they were just like Clarke. That they'd been lying the entire time. He ignored them, too.  
  
But he didn't expose them.  
  
_What the hell are you waiting for?_ she'd wanted to scream. _Just tell them!_  
  
She was grateful for it, for him keeping the information to himself. But knowing he knew and could tell the others at any moment was making her anxious.  
  
The journey back to the boats went by a lot quicker than the journey from them. Their pace was one of the reasons behind it. But so was the fact that they rarely ever stopped. When they reached the waterfall on the way back, Bellamy gave them an hour. That was it.  
  
And just when she'd had enough, when she was tired and miserable enough to have the nerve to approach him, he left again.  
  
She couldn't deny that a part of her did feel better, though. Yeah, the others were still clueless. But she'd saved them. That meant something, _didn't it?_  
  
They didn't have much to eat, since they had to try and save all of the food they found for the long journey home. Clarke's back began to ache, the bag she carried on her back had doubled in weight.

That made her feel better, too. Like she deserved the misery.  
  
After a couple of weeks, they finally reached the shore. Clarke's group was the last to arrive. She spotted Bellamy with the others almost as soon as she'd spotted the boats.  
  
"What the fuck took so long?" he asked Octavia.  
  
"We were further than the others, Bellamy."  
  
"So was I and yet I managed to make it earlier" he said.  
  
"What's wrong with you? Why are you being such an asshole?" Octavia spat. "You're the one who made us go back!"  
  
"And what the fuck would you have done? Gone forward and died for nothing?"  
  
"No!" Octavia yelled, "We all agree that this was for the best. But we're all just as disappointed as you are, Bellamy! And you don't see any of us acting like you!"  
  
"Take it easy" Lincoln said, stepping between the two.  
  
"Everyone on the boats" Bellamy yelled, "Now!"  
  
Slowly the groups separated and made their way to the boats. Clarke and Bjorn lingered on the shore, waiting for the others to get on.  
  
When she noticed that Bellamy was clearly planning on getting on a different one than the one they'd come on, she felt her heart sink a little.  
  
She'd missed him. She'd missed his company and his presence, even if he hated her.

"Where's he going?" Bjorn asked, looking up at Clarke.  
  
"I don't know" she said. Before she could stop herself, she made her way to him with Bjorn on her heels.  
  
She stopped when she was a few feet away. And even though it was childish, she looked at Bjorn, silently telling him to be the one to ask.  
  
"Are you coming with us?" Bjorn asked.  
  
Bellamy turned and looked at Clarke for the first time since their fight.  
  
She looked down at her feet, hating herself for being so weak.  
  
"No" Bellamy said. "I'm going with them."  
  
"But why?" Bjorn whined.  
  
"I need to check on the others" Bellamy said. Clarke knew it was a lie. That it was an excuse. That really, he just didn't want to be around her.  
  
"Can we join you?" Bjorn asked.  
  
Bellamy stepped forward and placed a hand on the boys shoulder.  
  
"No" he said, "I need you to stay in my place. Someone has to be in charge, right?"  
  
"Me?" Bjorn asked. Clarke looked at him, noticing the excitement in his eyes.  
  
"Yeah" Bellamy said, "I'll tell them that you're in charge. Just remember what I taught you, about being a leader."

Bjorn looked at Clarke, a big smile on his face.  
  
"Can I visit you?" Bjorn asked, "If I have questions?"  
  
"Of course" Bellamy said, half smiling at the boy. "You can visit whenever. Now go join the others. They need you."  
  
To Clarke's surprise, Bjorn stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Bellamy's torso.  
  
"Thank you" he said.  
  
After that, he eagerly ran off, not even waiting for Clarke.  
  
She watched him go before turning to face Bellamy.  
  
To her surprise, he was looking at her.  
  
The look on his face was the same as it'd been the night they met and most of the nights after. Weary and guarded. And she hated it.  
  
"Can we talk for a minute?" she asked.  
  
"Sure" he said, "What is it that you want to talk about?"  
  
"I know you're upset, and that you have every right to be. But there's more that I-"

"I don't care" he said, cutting her off. "I don't care about your reasons. I was right. You are one of _them_."  
  
He said it like it was the worst thing in this world, being one of _them._ And maybe to him it was.  
  
"Bellamy, you don't understand. I did it to save my father, he needs-"  
  
"Your father?" Bellamy asked. "I thought you said that he was dead?"  
  
"No, the king took him and-"  
  
"I don't even fucking care" he said, shaking his head.  
  
"Then why haven't you told them? Why are you letting us come back with you?" she asked, moved to anger.  
  
"Because" he said, narrowing his eyes and taking a step towards her. "Because you _are_ one of them. And you have information. Don't think for a second there's anything more to it. If you weren't of any use to me, I'd tell them all and let you face their wrath."  
  
His cold tone and the cruel look in his eyes made her forget about all the reasons she had missed him. She didn't know what to say in response.  
  
"And unfortunately, I need you" he said, "But when this is all over, you'll be at the mercy of the vikings you and your people hate so fucking much."  
  
With that, he turned his back to her and left.  
  
She'd never felt so hurt in her life. She stood there as every ounce of warmth was drained from her body.  
  
It felt like he'd reached through her rib-cage and ripped her heart out right before her eyes. And she knew that whatever happened in the days to come, whatever life held in store for her, she'd remember this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love angst. I'm sorry to those of you who don't. I had to heat things up between them, because no matter what happens after this, they've lit a fire and it might be hard to put out.
> 
> The truth is out. They are going back to Arkadia. What do you guys think will happen? Will the others find out? What about the king? What will he do now that Clarke has betrayed him? Lots of love and hate, anger, bonding and fighting is coming your way. Maybe even a little hate sex?? Who knows. 
> 
> Thank you guys for taking the time to read and for your feedback. I love it! :)


	8. Hearts Don't Break

**Part I Bellamy**  
  
The journey home was uneventful. And where the journey here had been exciting to the people, the journey back was disheartening and disappointing.  
  
They were coming home with nothing. No better life for his people, like he'd planned. All he had was a mere idea of their threat.  
  
_Odin gave his eye to acquire knowledge,_ one of the men on the boat had said. He was a little older, and Bellamy didn't know him very well. But the man, Sinclair, had been very close to Kane so Bellamy knew he could trust him.  
  
He'd spent an hour convincing the people that what they were doing was right. That it was the smart thing to do. Go home, think of a better plan, prepare and then raid. It would take longer, but the outcome would be better. Sinclair was sure of it.  
  
And despite the fact that he was disappointed, and despite the fact that he felt like a failure, he knew Sinclair was right. Odin did give his eye to acquire knowledge. And Bellamy was prepared to give much more.  
  
If he wanted to change their world, he'd have to think like a man and not a boy.  
  
And men were patient. They thought before they acted. His impatience was his greatest weakness, but he'd learned the hard way that nothing worthwhile came easy or fast.  
  
He lost himself in thoughts of the future. In thoughts of revenge.  
  
He had to make up for all the time lost. All the time lost spent thinking about Clarke. Hating her, liking her, being in love with her, and then hating her again.

And hate her, he did.  
  
He was sure that there was more to the story, like she'd said. A tragic story involving her father and her life. But he didn't want to hear it.  
  
Nothing she could ever say would make any of this right. She was one of them, one of the people responsible for all the pain and suffering of the people on the other side of the sea. No, she wasn't _personally_ responsible. He was sure of that. But she was one of them.  
  
He should have never given her a chance. He should have never let his guard down.  
  
Most of the time, it was easy to hate her. The journey home was a physical reminder of her treachery.  
  
But with each passing day, the anger dwindled and the hate subsided, leaving only resentment and bitterness in its wake.  
  
Some nights, when it was dark and he was drunk, he let himself think about her.  
  
He wondered why she'd done what she did. Why she'd lied for months. Why she'd finally decided to tell him the truth and save them from their fate.  
  
Some nights he'd just think about her smile. Or the way her hand had felt in his.  
  
But then the morning would come and he'd remember that he wasn't supposed to think about those things.

Bjorn came to visit every few days, not caring about the swim. Some nights, he'd stay and sleep right next to Bellamy.  
  
His presence helped. He was always reassuring, reminding Bellamy that this was _the right choice._  
  
"How's Clarke?" he asked one night, when he was too drunk to stop himself.  
  
"She's okay" Bjorn said, shrugging a little. "I think that she just can't wait to get home."  
  
_Home._  
  
Arkadia wasn't her home. She didn't belong there.  
  
"What makes you say that?"  
  
"She's been kind of different" Bjorn said.  
  
"How so?"  
  
"I don't know, exactly. But she hasn't been the same since we left."  
  
Bellamy nodded, taking another drink.  
  
"Why don't you talk to her anymore?" Bjorn asked.  
  
Bellamy didn't know what to tell him.  
  
"You shouldn't treat her this way" Bjorn said, a sad look on his face.  
  
And still, Bellamy said nothing.

"She loves you."  
  
He hated the way the words made him feel, even in his drunken state.  
  
"Yeah? How do you know?" he slurred, feeling his eyes getting heavy.  
  
"She asks about you every time I come back" Bjorn said.  
  
_That doesn't mean shit_ , he wanted to say. But he only shrugged.  
  
"You shouldn't treat her this way" Bjorn repeated, "That's not the way you're supposed to treat the person that loves you."  
  
The closer they got to home, the better the people started to feel. They talked of what the others would say, how they would react when they found out that they'd found Paris. That Bellamy had seen it and that they would go back again. That they'd go back and take it.  
  
He himself started feeling better, now that the people around him weren't looking at him through disappointed eyes anymore.  
  
As disappointed as he was to go home the same person he left home as, a little part of him was happy about it.  
  
It took them less time to get home, too. Mostly because he didn't give them night breaks. They continued rowing throughout the night, no matter how many dirty looks he got.  
  
As soon as Arkadia came into sight, the people cheered. They'd missed their loved ones. A lot of them had left husbands and wives and children and friends behind. Bellamy had left some friends, yes, but the people closest to him had come with him so he couldn't share their excitement.  
  
There was one person he really wanted to see, though.

* * *

 

 **Part II- Clarke**  
  
When Arkadia came into view, she let out a sigh in relief and she wasn't even sure why.  
  
_Mom,_ she tried to tell herself. Yes, her mother was there. They'd be reunited again. At least she could see one parent.  
  
But in a strange way, she felt as if she had missed Arkadia itself. She'd only lived there for two months so she wasn't even sure why. Paris was her home. Well, it was. Now she didn't really have a home.  
  
The last words Bellamy had spoken to her rang through her mind.  
  
She was sure that he'd tell them, soon enough. But he was right. She had lived in Paris for 18 years. She knew the city and all the things about it. He needed her, if he was going to succeed.  
  
_Don't think for a second there's anything more to it_ , he'd said. And deep down, she knew that was the reason he let her stick around. But a small part of her, the small childish part with hopes and wishes had hoped and wished it wasn't the only reason.  
  
But she'd had a lot of time to reflect on the journey back.  
  
She'd come to terms with what she'd done. And she knew she would have to live with it.  
  
But she would make up for all the years of taking and the months of lying with the only way she could. She'd help them rid their people of the king and give them a better life. The idea was the only thing that made it easier to live with herself.

She'd been taking all her life. She'd been taking and never bothering to question, never thinking about those who had to go without while she lived her soft life.  
  
And she was done.  
  
A huge crowd gathered once they'd spotted the boats. Clarke could tell that some of them looked excited while the others looked confused.  
  
She hoped that they would be understanding, like the people on the boat had become. It was more difficult than it should have been at first, listening to them complain and voice their disappointments in Bellamy. But eventually, they accepted that it was the only way. That they had to come back.  
  
She watched from afar as Bellamy told the group waiting what had happened. He kept it brief. And even though they looked disappointed, they told him they understood. They told him that they were glad everyone was okay, that they were back.  
  
She got off the boat and made her way up the short path that led to the village. A few people stayed behind to take the boats elsewhere. Clarke heard them say that it was because they had to keep them hidden in case the kings men showed up for their debts.  
  
They still had no idea that if the kings men came, they'd be there for a lot more than just their debts.  
  
The thought made her shiver.  
  
There would be a fight, she just knew it. And it was for that reason that she had to put her personal feelings aside and talk to Bellamy. She had to tell him the rest of the truth, even if he didn't want to hear it.

Bjron grabbed her hand and pulled her to the side so that they could let the others through first. She wasn't sure what he was waiting for, but once she saw Bellamy at the back of the group she understood.  
  
_Oh god._  
  
"Hey" Bjorn said, waving to Bellamy. He stopped and waited until the others passed. After that, they were the only three people left.  
  
"Hey" he said, sounding a little somber. Or maybe he was just tired.  
  
"So, where is your home? Show us the way" Bjorn said.  
  
"What?" Clarke and Bellamy said at the same time.  
  
"Your home" Bjorn said, "You said that we could live together."  
  
"I meant in Paris. Not here" Bellamy said.  
  
Clarke hated everything about the conversation.  
  
"So...you-you don't want us?" Bjorn asked. He sounded a little hurt.  
  
"Bjorn, you can live with me and my mother" Clarke said, placing a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Or you could live with me" Bellamy said.  
  
Clarke glared at him.  
  
"That's not happening" she said.  
  
"Why not?" Bellamy asked. She could tell that he was already angry. But so was she. He was not going to take Bjorn away from her.  
  
"Because he should live with me" she said.  
  
"Why? You live with your mother. I live alone. It'd be better for him."  
  
"Why can't we all live together, like you said?" Bjorn asked, looking between the two of them.  
  
"That's not happening either" Clarke said.  
  
Bellamy could be angry. He could hate her. But the time apart had helped her keep her longing for him rooted somewhere deep down. She'd accepted that whatever they had was gone, and that they could only go from here.  
  
"But you promised!" Bjorn whined.  
  
"I'm sorry" Bellamy said, "But that was before."  
  
"But why? I get that...that you guys don't love each other anymore but you can still be friends" Bjorn said.  
  
"You can just live with me and visit him when you want to" Clarke said, looking down at him.  
  
"Or he could live with me and visit _you_ when he wants to" Bellamy said, narrowing his eyes.  
  
"He's closer to me" Clarke snapped.  
  
"Who says? I think only he knows who he's closer to!" Bellamy yelled back.

It felt like those first couple of weeks all over again. They were both glaring at one another, their fists clenched at their sides.  
  
"You are both liars" Bjorn said, shaking his little head. "Why-why can't you put aside your differences and keep your promise?"  
  
He sounded hurt. It made some of Clarke's anger dwindle.  
  
She bent down and put her hands on his face.  
  
"I'm sorry" she said, and she meant it. "But you have to choose."  
  
"Please" Bjorn whined, "Please don't make me choose."  
  
She could see the tears in his eyes, threatening to spill over at any second.  
  
"We're sorry" Bellamy said, stepping forward and placing his hand on Bjorn's shoulder. "But we'll both be around. You just...you have to choose."  
  
"Don't make me" Bjorn said, glancing between them with his watery eyes.  
  
Clarke let go of him and stood straight. It hurt her, watching him like this. He'd always acted so tough, so brave. And now he was finally acting like a ten year old and she wasn't used to it.  
  
She didn't know what else to say.  
  
She looked at Bellamy and he looked back. He looked as sad as she felt.  
  
"I'm sorry" Bjorn said, wiping his eyes. "I'm sorry that I'm crying. I'm just so upset."

"Don't apologize for that" Clarke said, feeling a lump form in her throat.  
  
"I'm not going to choose" he said, lifting his head and looking at them. "I-I guess I will just have to go home. To Kattegatt."  
  
"What?" Bellamy said, "No, Bjorn."  
  
"I won't let you make me choose" he said, turning on the spot and walking away.  
  
Clarke and Bellamy watched him go for a few minutes.  
  
Bellamy let out a sigh and walked after the boy.  
  
Clarke watched as Bellamy caught up to Bjorn and crouched down.  
  
She couldn't hear what he was saying. Bjorn's back was still turned to her. She wasn't sure if she should join, or just wait and see what happened.  
  
Maybe Bellamy was telling him he should go live with her and her mother?  
  
She hoped so.  
  
After a few minutes, she noticed Bjorn nodding before Bellamy got up.  
  
They walked back to her and she held her breath.  
  
"I have a few things to take care of" Bellamy said once they were close. "Why don't you show him the way to my home? You know where it is."  
  
"What?"  
  
Bellamy let out a frustrated sigh.

"Take him to my home. It should be open. You two...you two can take my room."  
  
_What the fuck? He actually expects us to live with him?_  
  
"Let's go" Bjorn said, grabbing her hand with a smile on his face.  
  
Clarke let him lead her away, a little surprised by the turn of events. She wasn't sure if it would actually happen. There was no way they could actually live with one another. But they had to put Bjorn's needs first. At least for now.  
  
They could figure out the rest later.  
  
They made their way through the village, people greeting them on all sides. Clarke tried to smile back, to say hello. But she knew if that they knew anything about her, they wouldn't be treating her this way.  
  
_Oh well,_ she thought, _t_ _hey'll know soon enough.  
_  
She was too tired to care about tomorrow and what would come next. Mostly she just wanted to sleep, and thinking about the fact that she'd be sleeping in a bed (even if it was his bed) made her excited.  
  
Once they were close to Bellamy's home, Clarke noticed Gina opening the door and going in.  
  
_Oh god._  
  
She'd managed to avoid the woman the entire trip. It wasn't hard, since they were on different boats. But just seeing her made Clarke feel guilty all over again.

Bellamy had said that he lived alone, so Clarke figured Gina was probably getting anything she might have left there before they'd gone.  
  
Clarke pulled Bjorn back to stop him.  
  
She felt like a coward, but she wasn't ready to face Gina yet.  
  
"Why don't we go visit my mother first? I want to introduce you" she said.  
  
"Okay" Bjorn said, a smile on his face.  
  
They made their way in the opposite direction.  
  
Clarke thought her mother might have been with the healer since she hadn't been waiting with the others, but she figured she should stop by their home first and grab a change of clothes. She didn't have many, but the clothes on her were old and raggedy now.  
  
She didn't bother knocking. She opened the door and found herself a little startled when she found her mother inside.  
  
She was sitting at the table they kept in the front room. And to Clarke's surprise, Marcus Kane sat across from her mother.  
  
"Clarke?" Abby said, her face surprised.  
  
"Hey mom" Clarke said, studying the scene before her. What the hell was Kane doing in their home? Why was her using one of their mugs?  
  
"What are you doing here?" Abby asked, her eyes wide.

"We had to come back" Clarke said. She couldn't tell her mother everything. Not with Bjorn and Kane around. "There were some complications. So we're back. Everything is okay though" she added.  
  
Her mother closed the distance between them and hugged Clarke.  
  
It didn't last very long.  
  
"Who's this?" Abby asked, looking at Bjorn.  
  
"This is Bjorn" Clarke said, "He's my..."  
  
She didn't know how to finish the sentence. He wasn't her son, even if it felt like he was.  
  
"Hello" Bjorn said, picking up on Clarke's hesitation. "Nice to meet you."  
  
He extended a hand and Abby took it a little wearily, glancing between Clarke and the boy.  
  
"I should go" Kane said, "I've got to see Bellamy."  
  
"No" Clarke said, "He's busy. I just came by to say hello and tell you that we were back. I'm just going to grab a few things."  
  
She went past her mother and past Kane into the small bedroom. She grabbed the few pieces of clothing she owned and a hairbrush. Her only belongings.  
  
"Where are you going?" Abby asked once Clarke made her way back.  
  
"We are going to live with Bellamy now" Clarke said.

Kane and Abby looked at one another, surprised and confused.  
  
It made Clarke want punch them both.  
  
"Let's go" she said, grabbing Bjorn's arm and leading him out the door.  
  
"Clarke, wait!" her mother yelled, catching up to them. "Honey, talk to me. I just got you back."  
  
"We're tired" Clarke said, "We can talk tomorrow."  
  
She walked away without another word.  
  
As happy as she was to see her mother, the scene she'd walked into had angered her.  
  
Yeah, they were just talking. They were sitting across from one another. But the scene was so domestic. Too domestic to be casual.  
  
What the hell was her mother doing? Didn't she care about Clarke's father at all?  
  
"Are you upset?" Bjorn asked.  
  
"No" Clarke said through gritted teeth.  
  
_I am not upset. I'm fucking livid._  
  
But it wasn't like she could tell Bjorn, or anyone else for that matter. Her mother was supposed to be a widow. None of the others knew about her father.

They made their way back to Bellamy's home. The door was closed. She could only hope that Gina had gotten whatever she had came for and left.  
  
Clarke opened the door and stepped inside, pausing so she could listen.  
  
But the only noises were coming from the people from the other side of the door.  
  
Bjorn stepped in and closed the door behind him.  
  
For a little while, they both looked around.  
  
It was a small, cozy home. There was a room in the front for sitting. There was a fireplace and a wooden table with chairs. A place to sit in front of the fire. There was a washroom with a big wooden tub. And finally, a bedroom.  
  
There weren't many things inside. Just a few random items around the room, with a large wooden bed in the very center. There was a wooden desk on the other side with an assortment of things on it.  
  
She was a little curious. But she figured that she'd have time to go through all of his stuff. Now, she just wanted to sleep. She was glad that she'd remembered to bathe before reaching the shore.  
  
She changed out of her clothes and found Bjorn something to wear. It was one of Bellamy's shirts. And it hung on the boy, almost coming down to his knees.  
  
And even though the sun hadn't even set, they crawled into bed beside one another.  
  
She knew it wouldn't last long, but for a little while she was happy. Happy, because they'd been able to keep their promise to Bjorn and he now laid beside her, looking content and sleepy.  
  
It was worth it. No matter how bad it made her feel, laying in Bellamy's bed. Being in his home when she knew that she wasn't welcomed.

* * *

 

 **Part III Bellamy**  
  
"I thought you said I would succeed!" Bellamy yelled.  
  
"Yes" the Seer said, "But I did not say when."  
  
"She's a fucking traitor!"  
  
He was pacing around the cave, but if the Seer was bothered by his anger, he didn't show it.  
  
"She almost led us to a trap. She's been lying the entire time! You-you said I needed her!"  
  
"Yes" the Seer said, "For if she would have not been there to tell you to go back, you would have gone forward and died."  
  
"You knew?" Bellamy asked, "You knew she was a traitor, didn't you? The entire fucking time?"  
  
"She is a traitor. But to whom?"  
  
Bellamy shook his head. He was tired of the Seer's vague answers. He'd known that the Seer's prophecies weren't always word for word. He was a cunning man, Bellamy knew.  
  
He gave the Seer his blood and left without another word, feeling stupid for believing the man. He'd been tricked. Lied to. Deceived.  
  
And by more than one person.  
  
He thought about the way he felt that night when he'd found Paris. He'd been so excited, so happy.

And after, walking away from her, he'd felt like his heart was breaking.  
  
He always hated that expression. Hearts didn't break. They got weak. They gave out. They stopped pumping blood. They were pierced with swords. They were crushed by weight, by pressure. But they didn't break.  
  
But that night, it felt like his heart had slowly began splitting in two. He should have never trusted her. He should have trusted himself, his gut and his instincts. He'd known from the start that she wasn't who she said she was. And a part of him must have know that she was sent by the king, that she was from Paris.  
  
He'd let himself get distracted by her smile. By her long blonde hair and the warmth of her skin. Her voice and the way the dimple in her chin disappeared whenever she laughed.  
  
He stormed through the village, heading straight home to kick her out. He'd let his feelings for Bjorn cloud his judgement.  
  
She was a traitor and he was letting her sleep in his home.  
  
His visit to the Seer had only made him more angry.  
  
He didn't care about the consequences. He'd kick her out, keep her at an arms distance until he could use her. And then he'd let the Gods decide her fate.  
  
It was dark, and he figured she and Bjorn were already asleep. He'd have to wake her without waking Bjorn. It was cruel but he'd figure out a way to convince the boy it was the only way.

He gave himself a few minutes to calm down. He was angry. He needed to control himself if he didn't want to wake Bjorn, mostly because he knew the boy would find a way to convince him to let her stay.  
  
Taking a deep breath, he opened his bedroom door.  
  
The little lantern he kept in the room provided just enough light for him to see them sleeping on his bed. They were under the covers of his thick blanket. Clarke slept on the left corner of the bed on her side, her arm draped around Bjorn who was snuggled up right next to her.  
  
He'd noticed how much they looked like one another in that moment. Their blonde hair was the same shade. They both had dimples in their chins, chubby cheeks and Bellamy knew that if their eyes were open, they'd be the same shade of blue as well.  
  
Bjorn, even at ten, was just a foot shorter than she was.  
  
Watching them sleep, looking so peaceful and like they'd been there all along made his anger fade away.  
  
Clarke looked like his mother, even if she was only eight years older than he was.  
  
They looked like a family.  
  
The site made his heart ache. And a small part of him wondered what it would be like to lay down on Bjorn's other side. There was enough room for him to do so, almost like they slept that way on purpose.  
  
He swallowed the urge down and closed the door behind him, going to his front room and making his bed there.

In the morning, the sound of laughter woke him.  
  
He rolled onto his side, his back aching a little, to locate the source.  
  
Clarke and Bjorn sat at the table across the room. The table he'd made and kept in his home for years.  
  
"Oh no" Bjorn said, hiding a smile behind his mug. "We've woken the beast."  
  
Clarke glanced up from her spot across the boy and looked at Bellamy for the fraction of a second before looking away.  
  
"What's so funny?" Bellamy asked, sitting up.  
  
"Clarke can't cook" Bjorn said.  
  
Bellamy rose and went to wash up in his bathroom. There were a few things he wanted to say about the comment, mostly about how it was probably because she'd always had people to cook the food they'd stolen in Paris. But he couldn't. Bjorn, like the rest of the others, still didn't know about who Clarke really was.  
  
When he came back, Clarke sat at the table alone.  
  
"Where's Bjorn?"  
  
"He went to my mothers for eggs and milk" she said, cradling the mug she held against her chest.  
  
"Couldn't get them yourself?" he asked, sitting down across from her. "Then again, you are used to taking shit from others."

She pressed her lips in a hard line. He recognized the gesture. It was something she did when she was trying to stop herself from saying whatever she wanted to say. The fact that he knew that made him angry.  
  
He'd changed his mind about kicking her out. Only because of Bjorn. But that didn't mean he had to be nice to her when Bjorn wasn't around.  
  
"There are some things that I need to talk to you about" she said.  
  
She let go of the mug and placed her hands under the table. He could tell that she was nervous.  
  
"Whatever it is" he began, "I really don't care."  
  
"Well you should" she snapped. "And it's not just about me, Bellamy. You're in danger. You all are."  
  
"Why?" he asked, despite himself.  
  
"I.." she began. She looked away from him. She looked ashamed.  
  
He felt his stomach drop. Whatever it was, it was bad.  
  
"What did you do?" he asked. His heart rate sped up.  
  
He waited for her to go on but she said nothing. And she still wasn't looking at him.  
  
"Clarke?"

"I-I'm sorry" she said, her voice cracking. "But you can't stay here. You have to leave. All of you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"He knows you're here, Bellamy. He knows about all of it" she said, looking away.  
  
She seemed adamant about not looking at him.  
  
"He'll come for you. For all of you. You can't be in Arkadia when he does."  
  
_All of you._  
  
So the king knew about him. About his home.  
  
Not only had Clarke lied to him for months, but she'd endangered every life in this village.  
  
Bellamy stayed quiet, thinking about what this meant.  
  
He thought of Octavia. Of Murphy and Miller. Of Jasper, Monty and Gina. All the kids. The elderly.  
  
He clenched his jaw and tried to remember why he'd decided to let her stick around.  
  
Suddenly the door opened and Bjorn stepped in carrying a basket.  
  
_Oh yeah, that's why._  
  
"Let me help you with that" Clarke said, rising to her feet.

"No" Bjorn said. "Why don't you two sit here while I make us something to eat?"  
  
"You don't have to, Bjorn" Clarke said.  
  
"I want to" he said, clutching the items he held.  
  
She sat back down and for a moment they were all silent.  
  
Bellamy was still thinking about what she had told him. What the news meant for him, for the people he loved.  
  
"You two have done a lot for me" Bjorn said, looking at his feet like he was a little uncomfortable. "You have showed me a kindness I cannot repay. The least I can do is...is make you something to eat."  
  
Clarke swallowed thickly. For some reason, she looked like she was going to cry.  
  
"Alright" she said.  
  
Bellamy rose to leave.  
  
"Where are you going?" Bjorn asked.  
  
"I'll be right back" Bellamy said. He needed to get away. He wasn't sure if he could control himself.  
  
He stepped outside and went around the cottage. He leaned against the wood and took a few deep breaths. The worst part about the situation was that she'd made a liar out of him, too. He couldn't tell the people. He couldn't discuss his options or ask for advice. He had to make the decision.

Staying meant fighting. Fighting meant there was a possibility of losing.  
  
But he'd never run from a fight.  
  
And he wasn't going to start now.  
  
He gave himself a few more minutes, thinking about what his decision to stay could bring.  
  
"Hey" Clarke said, startling him a little.  
  
"What?" he snapped, annoyed that she'd found him. It wasn't like he'd been trying to hide. But he wanted a few minutes of peace. Just looking at her face reminded him of everything she'd done. The mess she'd put him in.  
  
"I just...I wanted to see if you were okay" she said.  
  
"I'm fine" he said, standing up straight and moving past her.  
  
But she grabbed his forearm to stop him.  
  
"Bellamy, you have to go" she said, her voice pleading. "All of you."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere" he said, looking down at her. "None of us are."  
  
"Bellamy, he will come for you" she said, "Do you have any idea what that means?"  
  
"They've come before" he said, yanking his arm out of her grasp. " _You_ were the one on the other side, remember?"  
  
"They'll kill you!"  
  
"Then they'll kill me" he said, "I'm not afraid of death."

And it was true. He'd never been afraid of death. If he was going to be honest with himself, death was something he often thought of. He wondered what it would be like. If Valhalla was real, and if he'd meet his father there.  
  
But lately, he'd been thinking about other things that might be waiting for him once his time came. Like darkness. An eternity of nothing, while his body composed deep in the ground.  
  
It wasn't his own death he feared. It was the death of those around him.  
  
"What about the others?" she said. She sounded desperate. "What about Octav-"  
  
"Shut the fuck up" he snapped, "Don't you fucking dare bring her or anyone else into this."  
  
"But it isn't just about your life!"  
  
"So? Why the fuck do you care?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at her. "You had no problem before. You came here with the intention of giving us over to the king. Nothing's changed."  
  
"I have!" she exclaimed, "I've learned, Bellamy! I had no idea...I had no idea that you lived like this. I was always told different. I didn't know they came and took from you. But things have changed for me."  
  
"Well, nothings changed for me. If they come, we'll be waiting for them. I'm not running away."  
  
He left her standing there, with her mouth open and her eyes disbelieving.  
  
When she finally came back inside, she wordlessly sat down across from him and they ate their meal in silence.  
  
"Thank you" Clarke said afterwards, placing her hand on Bjorn's shoulder.

"Don't" Bjorn said, smiling at her and Bellamy. "I'm the one who is thankful."  
  
After that, they fell into a routine of sorts.  
  
All the others had left. They'd gone home to their own villages with promises to be back to rendezvous. They'd report their findings to the others in their perspective villages and come back with reinforcements.  
  
Bellamy, Kane, and the other leaders talked of their plans in detail almost every night.  
  
They'd have to stock up on supplies and build a fleet of ships before they could leave again. It would take months. Maybe even a full year, but the people around him seemed excited.  
  
And all the while, all Bellamy could think about was the arrival of the kings men. They should be coming any day now. And even if they weren't coming to attack, they would be coming to collect their debts.  
  
He casually tried to bring the subject up a few times, with those closest to him.  
  
"We need to be ready for a fight" he said one evening.  
  
"What makes you say that?" Lincoln asked.  
  
"We don't know how much they know about us" Bellamy said, "For all we know, we could have been spotted. And if that's the case, they might be coming for more than their debts."  
  
It seemed like a plausible idea. Something to consider. He knew the others were at least thinking about it. They exchanged dark, worried glances at one another while Bellamy's message sunk in.

"Then we better get ready" Octavia said, looking at her brother. He hated that he wasn't being honest with her. But he couldn't trust her to remain calm. She'd be the first person to call for blood if she found out that Clarke, Abby, Raven and Finn were from Paris. Bellamy was sure of it.  
  
After that, they spent a lot of time making weapons and readying the people in their village. They trained. They channeled their anger into practicing. A few of them even seemed eager, like they were hoping that there would be a fight.  
  
He avoided spending too much time at home.  
  
At home, Bjorn cooked and Clarke cleaned. She taught Bjorn about healing while he taught her how to pickle food and weave blankets. She taught him how to read and he taught her about the Gods and the history of the land they lived on.  
  
But somehow, it all seemed to work.  
  
The thought of battle and the journey that was to come distracted Bellamy from his own feelings. He trained Bjorn. And eventually Clarke started joining them. Although she and Bellamy kept their distance from one another, avoiding all physical contact.  
  
One morning he woke up and noticed a drawing of Bjorn nailed to the wall. He never seen such a detailed and more realistic drawing.  
  
And, he had to admit, his home had never felt more like a _home_ before. There was always wood in the fireplace. Dried tea leaves and a vase of fresh flowers every other day. Food on the table when he came home for the night and fresh water. He still slept in the front room, but Clarke had made his makeshift bed a lot more comfortable with the quilts she'd sown.  
  
At night, they ate dinner together and even if Bellamy was too angry to speak, Bjorn would get words and a laugh or two out of him almost every night.

Weeks passed and still, there was no sign of the king or his men.  
  
It drove him mad, the waiting. He'd given people shifts, waiting down by the shore at every hour of the day for a sign of their arrival.  
  
Most nights Bellamy laid awake, long after Clarke and Bjorn had gone to bed for the night. The longer he had to wait, the more days that passed, the less he slept.  
  
One night, he heard Clarke opening the bedroom door hours after she'd gone to bed. He kept his eyes on the ceiling as she silently walked to the front room. The only noise that alerted him of her presence was the scrape of the chair as she pulled it out to side down.  
  
He wished he would fall asleep, but he couldn't.  
  
"What does the king want with your father?" he asked despite himself. No matter how hard he tried not to think about it, it was something he thought of often. What had happened to her, to make her so willing to risk her own life and come to the other side of the sea?  
  
"What?"  
  
"You said he had your father" Bellamy said, still looking up at the ceiling. "Why? What does he want with him?"  
  
She was silent for a little while.  
  
And then he heard her getting up. She sat down across the fireplace, only a few feet away from where he lied.  
  
She looked at the fire for a long time before finally speaking up. She told him about her father, about his role on the kings council. She told him about the first king, and the one after. The story of her fathers arrest and the deal she made with the king.

Afterwards, he wasn't sure how to feel.  
  
He wanted to be angry. A part of him was. He wished he hadn't asked at all. But he knew that he had to hear it, eventually.  
  
He said nothing.  
  
And after she realized she wasn't going to get a response from him, she went back to bed.  
  
He went back to ignoring her as well as he could.  
  
But then one night while they were eating, on a particularly dark and gloomy evening, Bjorn made a comment that Bellamy couldn't stomach.  
  
"It's almost like..." he began, picking at the food on his plate and staring from Bellamy to Clarke.  
  
"Like what?" Clarke asked.  
  
"Like we are a family" Bjorn said, a small smile on his face. "You are the parents...the parents I longed for."  
  
Clarke looked like she had tears in her eyes and Bellamy felt more uncomfortable than he'd ever felt in his life.  
  
"I am not your father" he said, "And she definitely isn't your mother. Don't say such childish things."  
  
He knew the words were cruel and that his tone was cold. He could tell he hurt the boy, just based off of the way the smile dropped from his face.

"I-I.." Bjorn stammered. He closed his mouth and shook his head. "I'm sorry."  
  
Clarke glared at Bellamy like she hated him and he glared right back.  
  
When he couldn't take it anymore, he rose from the table and left.  
  
He went to the Commons and got drunk for the first time in the weeks since they'd gotten back, in hopes of forgetting the conversation.  
  
He laughed and drank with his friends, and all the while his heart felt heavy.  
  
Waiting until the dead of night, he stumbled back home, hoping that the two had gone to bed so he could avoid their eyes.  
  
But as soon as he opened the door, the first thing he noticed was Clarke.  
  
She sat at the kitchen tabled in the long nightgown she usually slept in. He could see the fire in her eyes almost as soon as she looked up.  
  
He looked away and stepped through the door. He began undressing, wanting nothing more than to lie down and go to sleep.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?" she asked from behind him.  
  
"Quite a few things, I suppose" he said, taking his shirt off.  
  
"Why the fuck would you say something like that to him? He's just a kid, Bellamy."  
  
She stood behind him and he turned to face her.

"So? What I said is true. You aren't his mother. No matter how much you like pretending to be" he slurred.  
  
"Are you drunk?"  
  
"Yeah" he said, "And?"  
  
She scoffed.  
  
"You can hate me. You can insult me. But you cannot treat him like that" she said, "How would you feel if you were in his position?"  
  
"At least I'm being honest with him" he said, "He doesn't even know who you are. If he did, he sure as fuck wouldn't want to call you mother. And you know it. That's why you're still pretending."  
  
She looked like he'd slapped her.  
  
"You fucking asshole!" she yelled, placing her hands on his chest and shoving him back.  
  
"Be careful little sheep" he said, smirking at her.  
  
She stepped forward and shoved him again, he stumbled back.  
  
"You've treated me like shit for weeks!" she yelled, "But Bjorn has nothing to do with this!"  
  
He could tell that she was angry. But he was drunk, and he found the whole thing a little comical.

"I don't give a fuck if you're angry with me" she said, pushing him again, "But you will not take it out on him ever again!"  
  
She placed her hands on his chest again, ready to shove him but he grabbed her wrists and kept her in place.  
  
"Let me go!" she yelled, fighting to pull her wrists free.  
  
He let go and she pushed him back again. And this time he lost his footing and ended up falling backwards. He landed on his makeshift bed and laughed at her weak attempt.  
  
"What is wrong with you?" she yelled, "Do you not care for him at all?"  
  
She loomed above him, her chest heaving with anger and her cheeks red.  
  
"Of course I care" he said, leaning on his elbows "Why else would I let your traitorous ass lay in my bed?"  
  
She lifted her hand like she was going to hit him but as soon as she was close enough her grabbed her arm and pulled her down.  
  
She landed in a heap on top of him.  
  
He flipped her over and pinned her down by her shoulders.  
  
"Do not" he began, "Ever raise your hand to me. Never again."  
  
She glared at him, her long blonde hair spread out behind her.  
  
Her eyes dropped to his lips and she relaxed underneath him.

"What it is?" he said, smirking down at her, trailing his eyes over her body. He let go of one shoulder and ran a hand up her thigh. "Want me to touch you?" he whispered, "Fuck you and make you forget about what a selfish woman you are?"  
  
Her eyes came back up to his and she shoved his other hand off of her shoulder. She placed both hands on his chest and pushed him off of her.  
  
"Fuck you!" she yelled, rising to her feet. "Don't ever touch me again!"  
  
He stood up and took a step towards her.  
  
She clenched her fists at her side and he glared at her, daring her to try and fight him again.  
  
It was then that they noticed Bjorn running towards them.  
  
"Stop it!" Bjorn yelled, running to stand between them. He put his hands out, like he was trying to keep them apart. "Stop it right now!"

They glared at one another, one of Bjorn's hands on each of their stomachs.  
  
"You are acting like children!" Bjorn yelled, looking between the two. "Stop it right now!"  
  
They both relaxed at his words. And as Bellamy's anger faded, he realized how funny the situation was. The ten year old was calling them childish.  
  
"I get it, okay?" Bjorn said, putting his arms down. "You two hate each other. I get it. Just go back to ignoring one another because I can't take this anymore!"  
  
Clarke put her head down and Bellamy looked away, a little embarrassed about how little the child made him feel.

"I'm disappointed in both of you" Bjorn said. He glanced at Bellamy and then at Clarke. "Grow up and apologize to one another."  
  
With that, he turned on the spot and stomped back to the bedroom.  
  
"Why did we decide to keep him?" Bellamy slurred.  
  
Clarke's head snapped up, but once she noticed the playful look on his face, she relaxed.  
  
"I don't know" she said, trying to hide her smile.  
  
"I'm not going to apologize" Bellamy said as he laid back down and glanced up at her.  
  
"Well I'm not either" she said, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"Then I guess we have nothing more to talk about."  
  
"I guess not."  
  
He turned on his back and she turned away.  
  
Moments later, he heard her opening the bedroom door. He was drunk enough to not be bothered by what had happened.  
  
Still his heart remained heavy.

* * *

 

The next morning, he woke with a pounding headache.  
  
Bjorn made them breakfast and all three of them ate in silence. Eventually the headache began to fade and the only thing he felt was guilt.  
  
Guilt for what he'd said to Bjorn. Guilt for how he'd treated Clarke.  
  
He didn't know what to do or say around her, so he settled for fixing his relationship with Bjorn first.  
  
"Go get dressed" he said, looking at the boy.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I want to take you somewhere" he said, standing up and going to his washroom.  
  
When he was dressed, Bjorn waited for him by the door.  
  
"Do I need to bring anything?" he asked. For some reason, it felt like he was keeping his distance. Like he was guarded.  
  
It only made Bellamy feel worse.  
  
"No" he said. "Let's go."

To his surprise, Clarke didn't say a word. He'd expected her to ask where they were going or why. But she remained silent as she cleared the table and cleaned up after them.  
  
They made their way through the village in silence. Bellamy led Bjorn up the mountain, opposite of the direction from the Seer's cave. They walked in silence until they made their way to a small overlook.  
  
It was a little place, right in the middle of the woods. It provided them with a clear sight of the village bellow and the mountains and woods surrounding Arkadia.  
  
Bellamy sat down and Bjorn joined him. The woods were faded green and flourishing. It was the end of summer, Bellamy's favorite time of year.  
  
"I used to come up here every day as a boy" he said, "And now that I am a man with more important things to do, I can only come a couple of times a month."  
  
"Why did you come here?" Bjorn asked.  
  
"For peace" Bellamy said. "Here, I could sit and think about whatever I wanted to. Whatever was bothering me. And there'd be no one around to interrupt me. Sometimes I'd talk to the Gods. Or just marvel at the nature."  
  
"So why did you bring me?" Bjorn asked, knitting his eyebrows in confusion.  
  
"I wanted to show you this place so that you could come here if you ever wanted time alone" he said.  
  
Bjorn nodded.  
  
"I also brought you here because I wanted to apologize for what I said."

"There's no need to apologize" Bjorn said. "You were only...you were being honest. You don't have to apologize for that."  
  
"No, I wasn't being honest" Bellamy said. "I was angry and I took it out on you. And I know I shouldn't have and that I need to apologize for that. I hope you can forgive me."  
  
"Alright" Bjorn said, nodding and picking at the grass.  
  
They sat in silence for a little while, with nothing but the sound of the wind surrounding them.  
  
"I didn't really know my father" Bellamy said, "I was so young when he died. But I longed to know him. I asked my mother about him all the time. And the others in my village. But no matter how much they told me, it wasn't enough."  
  
Bjorn turned to look at him but Bellamy kept his eyes on the site before them.  
  
"But I was lucky. I eventually met a man....a man who provided with me knowledge and advice. A man who grew to care for me the same way I cared for him."  
  
"Kane?" Bjorn asked.  
  
"Yeah" Bellamy said. "Kane became my friend. A man I learned to trust and a man I went to for whatever I needed."  
  
He'd never felt comfortable talking about his feelings. But it was easier with Bjorn. A lot easier than it'd been with most people. Maybe it was because he was a child. Or maybe it was because he'd reminded Bellamy of himself.

"I want to be that for you" Bellamy said, looking over at the boy. "I want you to come to me when you need advice. When you need anything. And I know that...that I'm not your father. But I want to be that for you."  
  
Bjorn put his head down and stared at his hands.  
  
"I am sorry for what I said. It is not the way I feel, not at all" Bellamy said, "I care for you. I hope you know that."  
  
Bjorn nodded a little, and when he finally looked up Bellamy could see the tears gathered in his eyes.  
  
"Alright" he said.  
  
He brought his arm up and wiped the unshed tears from his eyes.  
  
"Alright" he repeated.  
  
After that, they sat in silence.  
  
They parted ways once they got back to the village. Bjorn went home and Bellamy decided to visit the group that had started building another boat. Since they had to be kept out of site, they were hours away. He asked Miller and Murphy to join and together, the three set out.  
  
He'd missed spending time with his friends. Yeah, they'd been there on his journey but he'd been so consumed by the idea of Paris and his time with Clarke that he hadn't really had time to _talk_ to his friends.  
  
When they finally got back home the next night, Bellamy felt better than he had in weeks. The time with Bjorn and his friends had made him feel like he used to before the threat of the king loomed above him.  
  
He'd figured Clarke and Bjorn had gone to bed as he made his way home. He was a little surprised to find them wide awake, sitting at the table playing some sort of game.  
  
"Bellamy!" Bjorn exclaimed, "You're home! How was your trip?"  
  
"Good" Bellamy said. He couldn't help but feel warmth rush through him at the boy's excitement. He made Bellamy feel like he'd been missed.  
  
"Do you want to play with us?" Bjorn asked.  
  
Bellamy sat down at the table and looked at the game they were playing.  
  
"I don't know what that is" he said.  
  
"It's called Tafl" Bjorn said, "I'm surprised you've never played. But that's okay, it's easy! I can teach you. I taught Clarke. She still can't beat me though."  
  
Bjorn smiled at Clarke and she rolled her eyes.  
  
"But I'm getting better" she said, "Right?"  
  
"Right" Bjorn said.  
  
And even though he was tired, he stayed up and listened as Bjorn explained the rules of the game and how to play it. Bellamy watched Clarke and Bjorn play for a while and eventually, he understood enough to take Clarke's place.  
  
"I'm going to bed" she said, standing up and giving Bjorn a kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Sleep well" Bellamy said before he could stop himself.  
  
She looked at him, a little suspicious and a little surprised.  
  
"Thank you" she finally said. Her eyes flickered to Bjorn before she met his gaze, silently letting him know that it wasn't what he'd said to her that she was thankful for, but for what he'd said to Bjorn.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm...living together? Raising a child? What will come of this? 
> 
> What did you guys think? I know parts of this were painful. But we know Bellamy can hold a grudge. And as he says in the fic, Clarke was the one on the other side. As he says in the show, 'forgiveness is hard for us'. They've put Bjorn in the middle, but he will remain the voice of reason.
> 
> What about Bellamy's visit to the Seer? That was the reason he needed to bring her. He wouldn't have gone back otherwise. What about the Seer's other prophecies? They will come to light sooner than you think.
> 
> Next chapter is called "A Gift For Clarke".....what do you guys think she'll be getting? If you've been paying attention...you might already know.
> 
> Last but not least- THAT FUCKING PREMIERE?!? HOW AMAZING?!
> 
> PS- Thank you guys so much for continuing to read this fic and for your feedback. It means as much to me as Bellamy does to Clarke and vice versa :D <3 <3 <3


	9. A Gift For Clarke

**Part I Clarke**  
  
As much as she hated to admit it, Arkadia was starting to feel like her home. More of a home than Paris had ever been.  
  
Some days, she knew it wasn't real. These people still didn't really know her, they didn't know the _real_ her. But they seemed to like the girl she was pretending to be.  
  
She took her place as their healer alongside her mother. She treated the cuts and scrapes, the wounds and all other results of their training.  
  
She herself began training with the others. It was tough at first, a few of the shieldmaidens still felt a little weary about her, being an outsider and all. But quite a few of them were taken with her. They helped her train and before she knew it, they considered her a shielmaiden, too.  
  
When she wasn't spending her time with Bjorn or healing, she was with her new friends. She got to know them better. She grew closer to Octavia, to Jasper and Monty and Lincoln. They accepted her and made her feel as if she was one of them even though deep down she knew she wasn't.  
  
Some evenings during training she'd get a glimpse of just how dangerous they could be. The people Bellamy told her she'd be at the mercy of when the time came. And even though the thought filled her with dread, a part of her secretly longed for it.  
  
When she wasn't thinking about her own death, she was thinking of the death of those around her and the death of her father. The king would come for them and she was sure of it. And he wouldn't only be coming for Bellamy and those who followed him, but he'd be coming for her and her mother. Raven and Finn. Traitors to Paris and therefore enemies of the king.  
  
The only thought that gave her any kind of hope was what the Seer had told her, all those months ago. He said that she would see her father again. 

But if that was true, than so were the other things he'd told her.  
  
_You shall bear no children of your own._  
  
_Be true about your intentions, for if they are brought to the light without your knowledge or free will....you will grow old alone and full of regret._  
  
As much as she loved her father, she didn't want to think about what her future might hold for her if the Seer was right. She'd already grown full of regret. But she didn't want to be alone.  
  
And she knew that no matter what she said or did, she'd never get Bellamy to leave. He was going to stay and fight if it came to that. Even if it meant his death. She knew she'd never convince him otherwise so she stopped trying.  
  
Despite the worry, the depression and the misery that resided in her mind and her soul, some days she felt happy.  
  
She had friends. She had Bjorn.  
  
Her relationship with her mother had suffered. Most days Clarke went out of her way to ignore her mother. Her father could still be alive, breathing and being tortured in Paris. And her mother was here, spending her time with Marcus Kane.  
  
And just like Clarke, she was pretending. Pretending to be someone she wasn't.  
  
It was easier for Finn and Raven. They fit in here. They had friends. They had no ties to Paris.  
  
But it was different for Clarke and Abby. And no matter how much she didn't want to, a part of Clarke could understand why her mother was acting the way she was. Clarke herself had been that way, too. She held off on telling Bellamy the truth, only in fear of losing the bond that had built between them.

But she'd lost it anyway. Clarke was sure that her mother would lose it, too. And she resigned to let her mother feel the happiness she herself had felt, even if it wasn't real, because she knew it would eventually end.  
  
Bjorn was the light in her life.  
  
He made her feel happy. He made her feel like she was good, even if she knew she wasn't.  
  
Things with Bellamy were...complicated. Some days she felt like she hated him almost as much as he hated her. And other days, she didn't hate him at all. She lay awake at night, thinking about their short time together. Thinking about how happy he'd made her and wondering if anyone would even make her feel that way again.  
  
Sometimes she'd secretly think about what might have been. What might have happened if she'd told him sooner. Or if he'd ever forgive her and they could move past this. Past what they were now, something she didn't even know how to describe. They weren't friends, or lovers, or enemies. But he let her stay. And some nights, they'd stay up and play games or talk with Bjorn and she found herself feeling happy with whatever _it_ was that they were.  
  
Those nights, she had to remind herself that he still hated her even if it felt like he didn't.  
  
And on the few rare occasions that she let herself get lost in the thought of all of the things that could have happened between them if they weren't who they were, all she felt was misery.  
  
It was stupid, she knew. But she couldn't stop herself from feeling sad about all the things that she'd lost.  
  
'Lost' wasn't the right word. To lose something, one had to have it first. 

_But we're mates,_ she'd think, staring up at the ceiling while Bjorn slept beside her. _This isn't supposed to be our fate._  
  
She finally understood what Octavia had meant when she told her about how being mates didn't mean there was a happy ending, all those months ago.  
  
On the days when he felt like the Bellamy she got to know during those few short weeks on the kings land, she thought about what he'd do if she kissed him or told him that she still loved him. But no matter how much she wished for a different outcome, her mind always came back to the same one; him, not believing a word she said and ignoring her love as he'd been doing since they'd gotten back.  
  
So she went on, spending her days pretending. Pretending like her friendships were real. Pretending that the love that still resided somewhere deep in her heart wasn't there.  
  
One night, she came home later than usual. Murphy had somehow managed to rip three fingernails off during training and she spent an hour trying to figure out how to help him. Eventually she broke down and went to her mother. Asking for her help left a bad taste in Clarke's mouth.  
  
When she got home, she noticed Bellamy sitting at the table alone.  
  
"Where's Bjorn?" she asked.  
  
"He went on a scouting trip with Octavia and Lincoln" Bellamy said. "He won't be back until tomorrow. I told him he could go. I hope that's okay with you."  
  
"Oh" she said. "Yeah, um- it's fine."  
  
But it wasn't fine. She hadn't been separated from him since they'd gotten back.

She took a bath, hoping that the separation anxiety would wear off. _He'll be back tomorrow_ , she reminded herself. Besides that, she and Bellamy hadn't been alone in a very, very long time. That made her anxious for more than one reason.  
  
After washing up, she dressed for bed but decided to eat with him anyway.  
  
They were both silent throughout the meal.  
  
"So" she began. The silence was deafening. And it only made her miss Bjorn more. "How is everything going? With the boats and stuff?"  
  
"Fine" he said, not bothering to look up.  
  
"When will you visit the others? To check on their progress?" she asked, hoping it'd get a longer answer out of him.  
  
"I don't know. Why? So you can update the king?" he asked.  
  
Some days he still said things like that, reminding her of her treachery. And it still hurt as much as it always did. But she figured he knew it did and that's why he'd bring it up every once in a while.  
  
"That's not fair" she said, trying to control her anger. "You know I haven't-"  
  
"I don't know shit. You might be lying again. Pretending like you're on our side?"  
  
"Why the fuck would I tell you everything if I was lying? Why wouldn't have I just gone back to Paris if I was pretending?"  
  
"I don't know. You tell me. You're the one with all the secrets."

"I am so fucking sick of you!" she screamed. "How long are you going to punish me for that? I came clean, Bellamy! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"  
  
"It doesn't mean anything" he said, his voice completely calm. "You only came clean when you had no other choice. And I'll stop punishing you when he's dead. Or I am. Whichever comes first."  
  
She rose from the table. She felt as if this was the final straw. The final bit of frustration that brought forth all the sadness and anger she'd been feeling for the past two months. It pushed her over the edge and she felt as if she couldn't control herself anymore.  
She grabbed the vase full of flowers that sat in the middle of the table and screamed as she threw it against the wall behind him.  
  
The vase shattered and the water and the flowers landed on the floor.  
  
He didn't even flinch.  
  
She screamed again as she put her hands on the edge of the table and used all her strength to flip the table over, all the contents landing on the floor with a loud crash.  
  
She stood with her hands at her sides and her chest heaving, glaring at him and hating him for being so calm.  
  
"Feel better?" he asked, rising from the chair.  
  
He kept his eyes on her as her flipped the table back into an upright position.  
  
He kneeled down and started picking up all the things that had fallen off.  
  
She stood there, trying to calm herself down as he cleaned the mess on the floor and the mess behind him.

When he was finished, he sat back down at the now empty table and raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Are you done?" he asked, "Or do you want to break anything else, like, let's say, my legs?"  
  
"Don't tempt me" she said through clenched teeth.  
  
"Why are you so fucking mad anyway?"  
  
"Because you're a dick! That's why!"  
  
"It's never angered you that much. So what is it?"  
  
She swallowed thickly and looked away from him. As much as she didn't want to tell him about how angry she was at her mother, a part of her wanted to talk to someone about it.  
  
"It's my mother" she said.  
  
"What about her?"  
  
"She's-she's acting like my father is already dead."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"She's been spending a lot of time with Kane."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So?" she snapped, turning to look at him. "My father could still be alive! And she's here with-with that man! Pretending like my father doesn't exist!"  
  
"They're friends" Bellamy said, rolling his eyes.

"They're more than friends! I'm not stupid! She's...she's pretending to be someone she isn't. She's fooling that man and my father!"  
  
"Well..." Bellamy began, "I can't say I'm surprised. What's the saying?" he said, smirking at her, " _The apple does not fall far from the tree_?"  
  
Her mouth dropped.  
  
"Fuck you!" she yelled, feeling even more angry than before.  
  
She stepped towards him and thought about what the shieldmaidens had taught her about facing an opponent that was twice her weight.  
  
"How dare you-"  
  
"Stop right there" he said, standing up straight when she was only a few inches away from him. "And remember what I said about you raising your hand to me."  
  
"Or what?" she said, narrowing her eyes and stepping closer. "What the fuck are you going to do?"  
  
She lifted her head and glared at him. He glared down at her and she could practically feel his chest heaving in anger.  
  
"I'm not scared of you" she said, "You can't intimidate me."  
  
"Maybe you should be" he said. When he took a step toward her, she took a step back before she could stop herself.  
  
She planted her feet and stared at him.

She couldn't remember the last time they'd gotten so close to one another. And even though she thought that she should be frightened or intimidated, she wasn't. She knew he'd never lay a hand on her.  
  
Before she knew what she was doing, she stood on her toes and placed her lips on his.  
  
What felt like the fraction of a second later, he took a step back and glared at her.  
  
Her mouth dropped. Even she couldn't believe what she'd done. She wasn't even sure why she'd done it. It was like her body had done it without her heads approval.  
  
"I-I.." she stammered.  
  
She shrank under his scrutiny but she couldn't look away. Couldn't force her mouth to speak.  
  
To her surprise, he stepped forward and closed the distance between them, cupping her jaw in his hand and crushing his mouth to hers.  
  
And even though a part of her knew it was wrong, she couldn't make herself pull away. She pulled him closer and he deepened the kiss.  
  
His tongue licking into her mouth sent a shiver down her spine and she eagerly grabbed at the material of his shirt, pulling his body closer to hers.  
  
Everything moved so fast, she wasn't even sure when she'd decided to lift the shirt over his head and before she knew it, his bare chest was against her. She raked her nails down his back, feeling a throb between her legs.  
  
He tugged her head back by her hair and kissed down her neck, biting it a little when her nails dug into the flesh of his back.

He grabbed the soft material of the long nightgown she wore to bed and tugged it over her head. It landed in a heap on the floor and he brought his lips back down to hers.  
  
She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist when he lifted her up. He kept his mouth on hers as he took a step towards the table and placed her on it.  
  
She couldn't help it. Everything was moving so fast and all she could feel was him. Everything else about who they were and what they were vanished as he placed a hand on her chest and pushed her onto her back a little roughly.  
  
He ran his hands up her thighs and pulled her underwear off before she could catch her breath. His lips came back down to hers and she ran her hands through his hair. His hands glided over the soft skin of her sides and her breasts.  
  
Grabbing her hips, he pulled her to the very edge of the table before stepping out of the rest of his clothes. She grabbed the sides of the table for something to hold on to as he placed himself between her legs.  
  
It felt different this time. She was wet enough for him to easily push into her, nothing to stop him this time. She let out a moan and he grunted a little as he slid all the way in. And this time, he didn't take things slow like he had the first time.  
  
She let herself enjoy the feeling of him inside her. She hadn't even realized how much she'd craved the feeling until then.  
  
To her surprise, he kept kissing her. His tongue making her feel a different type of dirty.  
  
When she opened her eyes, she noticed that his were closed.  
  
The grip he had on her hips became harder, pulling her towards him to meet each thrust.

She tried to keep quiet so he wouldn't know just how much she'd missed the feeling, how much she was enjoying herself.  
  
Oh my god, she thought, letting out a loud moan when he hit a particularly good spot.  
  
He pulled out of her and for a second she was worried that he'd come to his senses. But he only grabbed her hand and pulled her up.  
  
He kept his eyes on her body until she stood on two feet in front of him. Then he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around, placing a hand on her back and gently pushing her forward until her head and her chest rested on the table.  
  
He put a leg between her thighs and pushed one to the side a little.  
  
She missed the feeling of him inside her, letting out a quiet needy moan just before he pushed into her again.  
  
He grabbed her hips again and she thought about how good it felt, feeling his hard muscle snap into her soft flesh each time he pushed into her.  
  
She crossed her arms behind her back and she felt one hand leave her hip to grab both of her wrists.  
  
She realized what all the rage about sex was. She couldn't remember the last time something had made her feel so physically good. Something about the position made it feel like he'd gone a lot deeper into her than the position before.  
  
"Bellamy" she whined, biting down on her lip so hard she was pretty sure she could taste blood.  
  
Her hips violently snapped into the table but even that felt good.

He put a hand in her hair and tugged her back until she stood semi-straight. She put her hands on the table to balance herself as his hand slid from her hair to the spot between her legs.  
  
The pressure of his fingers and the feeling of him inside of her finally pushed her over the edge. Her thighs shook and she clenched down around him, feeling her orgasm wash over her in waves.  
  
She hoped that the neighbors that lived around them had gone to bed. If they hadn't, there was no way they wouldn't have heard the sounds she made as her body went flaccid and she laid back down on the table.  
  
He put his hands on the table at her sides and her hips snapped into the table so hard she was pretty sure they would bruise. She felt his chest on her back as he came, shuttering a little from the force.  
  
He caught his breath before finally pulling out and backing away from her. Feeling the wetness drip down her thighs brought her back to reality. She stood up straight and grabbed her nightgown before going to the washroom to clean up.  
  
When she was dressed, she tiptoed into the bedroom feeling a little cowardly for not wanting to look at him.  
  
She got under the covers.  
  
And as good as he had made her feel, she couldn't stop the tears from gathering in her eyes when she realized that this time felt different in more ways than one.  
  
The first time, he fucked her like he loved her and this time he fucked her the way she imagined he fucked anyone else.  
  
He hadn't looked her in the eyes. Not once.

* * *

 

 **Part II Bellamy**  
  
He wasn't sure when Bjorn would be back, but he figured the boy would find him even if he'd avoided being home.  
  
He didn't want to be home. At home, he'd have to look at her. And he wasn't ready to, as stupid as it was. He'd had no problem looking at the women he'd slept with. Even if he never slept with them again, he'd still greet them in public and speak to them when he wanted to to.  
  
But he wasn't ready to face her and if the way she'd snuck off to bed was anything to go by, she wasn't ready to face him either.  
  
Eventually, he knew he had no option but to go home for the night, no matter how busy he'd been trying to keep himself.  
  
As soon as he stepped inside, he noticed Bjorn and Clarke at the table.  
  
Bjorn got up and ran towards him, surprising Bellamy a little when he wrapped his little arms around Bellamy's waist.  
  
"How was your trip?" Bellamy asked, running a hand through the boy's wet blonde hair.  
  
"Great!" Bjorn exclaimed, "I have so much to tell you about."  
  
"Alright. Let me wash up first" he said.  
  
He avoided looking at Clarke as he made his way to the bathroom, feeling like an idiot. He couldn't really even understand why he was behaving this way. She was one woman. He'd fucked plenty.  
  
He sat down at the table, feeling his cheeks heat up a little.

 _Great. How the fuck am I supposed to eat here now?_  
  
He wished he'd picked a different spot. Like the floor or maybe against the wall. Not the place they sat every evening, the place they ate their dinner.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
Bjorn launched into his tale, telling Bellamy about his scouting trip with Octavia and Lincoln. Bellamy tried to listen and nod, speak up and keep him going. The longer he talked the better.  
  
He glanced at Clarke while Bjorn kept on. He noticed that she wasn't wearing the usual nightgown she wore to bed. That now she was in an large, unflattering thing that resembled a potato sack. The nightgown she usually wore was modest but it fit her in all the right places. This other one just plain ugly. He wondered why she'd decided to wear it.  
  
She seemed keen on avoiding his gaze, staring at Bjorn the entire time Bellamy studied her.  
  
"That's great" Bellamy said as Bjorn wrapped the story up. "I'm glad you had a good time."  
  
"Me too" Bjorn said, "But I'm tired from the long journey. I'm going to bed."  
  
He placed a kiss on Bellamy's cheek before placing one on Clarke's.  
  
"I'm right behind you" she said, rising from the chair.  
  
"What's with the new nightgown?" Bellamy asked when Bjorn was out of earshot. "Afraid your other one would tempt me too much?"  
  
"Fuck off" she said, rolling her eyes.

"Whatever" he said, shaking his head. Did she really think that highly of herself? That her exposed arms would fill him with lust? "About last night-" he began but she cut it off.  
  
"You don't have to say anything about it" she said.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I know what you are going to say."  
  
"And what's that?"  
  
"That it was...that it was wrong. That we made a mistake and that it won't happen again. I know. So just save it, okay? I don't feel like fighting with you and I don't need you to insult me anymore than you already have. Goodnight."  
  
She walked away and his agitation dwindled.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
It wasn't like she was wrong. He did want to tell her those things. It was a mistake. A stupid, one time thing that happened because despite all that happened between them, he couldn't deny that there was a part of him that was attracted to her. But he chalked it up to the fact that he'd been so busy lately that he hadn't had time to get laid. She was around and she wanted it.  
  
It had felt different.  
  
He couldn't look her in the eye. Mostly because he remembered the first time they had sex, all he'd looked at was her eyes. And she'd looked right back.  
  
And like an idiot, he told her that he loved her. **  
**

But the night before wasn't about love. It had been about the tension that had built between them. He figured it had to happen. That they both had to get it out of their systems.  
  
Yet, he felt like a shitty person, sitting there and not refuting the things she thought he'd say.  
  
The next few days that passed, he tried and failed to push the thought of her away.  
  
As angry as he'd been at her for being a traitor, a part of him was just angry that she had to be who she was. If she wasn't from Paris, if she'd been who she was claiming to be, he knew that they'd be together. That maybe things between them would have only grown and that he'd love her even more than he did.  
  
But they were childish thoughts. He was a viking and she was from the other side of the sea. They could never work.  
  
A few nights after they had sex, he got drunk in the Commons and decided to fuck one of the girls he used to on a semi-regular basis before he'd gotten with Gina. He figured that to forget about his night with Clarke and to avoid nights like that in the future, he should fulfill his needs before going home.  
  
They left the Commons and made their way to her home since he couldn't take her back to his. Not with Clarke and Bjorn there.  
  
"I thought you were with that blonde bitch?" she said, dropping to her knees and eagerly pulling his pants off.  
  
"We're not together. Not like that."  
  
And all the while, the sounds she made didn't make him feel like they used to. He'd hoped that fucking someone else would help him forget about fucking Clarke and even so, it was her he thought about while he was inside of someone else.  
  
He didn't go home that night. **  
**

The next day, he woke later than usual and avoided going home yet again. He kept himself busy all day. Doing all the physical labor he could handle.  
  
By the end of the day, every muscle in his body hurt.  
  
He went to the Commons for another drink.  
  
"Hey man" Miller said, "Rough day?"  
  
"Yeah" Bellamy said, drinking the ale like his life depended on it. He wanted to be a little drunk before going home, just in case she wasn't asleep.  
  
"Clarke came by looking for you last night" Miller said, taking a seat beside him.  
  
"What?" Bellamy asked. _Why would she do that?_  
  
"She was worried when you didn't come home" Murphy said from his other side, "But we told her you were....a little preoccupied." Murphy smirked and Bellamy felt like he could have punched him if his muscles weren't aching so much.  
  
"Thanks" he said, taking another sip. It wasn't like he wanted to keep it a secret from her. But for some reason it made him feel bad. Like he'd cheated on her. Which was completely ridiculous. They weren't together. He wasn't committed to her and she wasn't his. He could do whatever he wanted. Just as she could.  
  
But the thought of her with someone else made him clench his jaw.  
  
Eventually he went home, hating himself for feeling angry at the idea of her with someone else.  
  
She and Bjorn were sitting at the table, just like every other night. Bjorn invited him to join and they sat around, playing Bjorn's game.

Clarke avoided his gaze. And whenever she spoke, it wasn't directed at him.  
  
It bothered him more than it should have and before he could stop himself, he tried to get her to talk to him directly.  
  
"How was your day?" he asked. It felt like the worlds dumbest question. He'd never asked her about her day before. But for some reason, he wanted to know that she wasn't any more upset with him than she usually was.  
  
"It was fine" she said, focusing on the game.  
  
"What'd you do?" he asked.  
  
"What I do every day" she said, "I trained. I healed. I cleaned and I spent time with Bjorn."  
  
And still, she wouldn't look at him.  
  
He gave up and bid them a goodnight. They went to their room and Bellamy laid down, hating himself for worrying about how she felt.

The next few days, he ignored her and she ignored him.  
  
The only time they spoke to one another was during their evenings with Bjorn. The more time that passed, the better Bellamy felt. This was how things between them were supposed to be. They were supposed to go on, ignoring and hating one another until the time came for them to work together to bring the king down. And then he was supposed to tell the others the truth and leave her to her fate.  
  
"Bellamy!"  
  
He turned on the spot, the sound of panic in the voice that had yelled his name made his stomach tie in knots.  
  
"What is it?" he said. He'd been busy helping the blacksmiths in their shed.  
  
"There's-" Jasper said, fighting for air like he'd been running for a long time. "There's a boat. They're- they're here."  
  
Bellamy felt all the air leave his lungs.  
  
The kings men had come for their debts.  
  
He didn't wait a second before running home and getting his armor. He wanted to find Clarke, to tell her to lead Bjorn away but she was nowhere to be found.  
  
He didn't have time to waste.  
  
He grabbed his sword and shield and ran down to the shore where the kings men always landed, a group of about thirty people trailing behind him.

The boat was still a good distance away, so Bellamy yelled out commands and told the others to prepare.  
  
But he felt a little confused.  
  
If the kings men were there to attack, he was sure that there would be a lot more of them than just the men who could fit on one boat. And there was only one.  
  
Something about the situation felt _off._  
  
He waited at the head of the group as the boat came closer and closer.  
  
When it was close enough, he could only spot six men on it. Usually, only about ten came when they were there to collect their debts.  
  
_What the fuck is going on?_  
  
"Maybe he doesn't know" Octavia said, "And now we're waiting here, looking like we're ready for a fight."  
  
"Swords and shields down" Bellamy yelled. They weren't here for a fight. He was sure of it.  
  
When the boat was close enough, a man stood at the very edge and greeted them.  
  
"What the fuck is going on?" Octavia asked, looking to Bellamy.  
  
"I don't know" he said through clenched teeth.  
  
"We come not for your debts!" the man yelled, "But in search of a traitor."  
  
_I'm right fucking here_ , Bellamy thought. He took a step forward and stood in front of the people behind him.

"We will not collect your debts this time as a sign of gratitude" the man yelled. "You are no threat to the king. He wishes to prove his....flexibility. His generosity. So all we ask is that you find the traitor and bring them forward."  
  
The others around him murmured in confusion.  
  
"Clarke Griffin" the man said, "Is the traitor we seek. Bring her forward now and we will leave in peace. As a sign of generosity and a proof of his mercy, the king will allow you to go forth debt free for an entire years time. Give us the girl and we will not return until the year has passed."  
  
Bellamy felt like his heart had lodged into his throat.  
  
"Clarke? Clarke Griffin?" voices around him murmured.  
  
"What does he want with Clarke?" Octavia asked.  
  
"Think wisely about your answer" the man said, now looking directly at Bellamy. "For if the traitor is not handed to us, the next time we come it will be for more than just your quarterly debts. We will come for blood. Is a Parisian worth the blood of your people?"  
  
Bellamy swallowed past the lump in his throat, feeling anger coursing through his veins.  
  
"We'll see you in three months" he said.  
  
"Are you sure that is your final answer to the kings generous offer?" the man said.  
  
"I'm sure" Bellamy said, keeping a tight grip on his sword.  
  
"Alright" the man said.

The others had gone very quiet.  
  
"One more thing" the man said before reaching down and throwing a square wooden box overboard. "Please give this to the traitor and tell her that the king sends his regards."  
  
The man turned away. Every single person on the shore stared after the boat in disbelief, watching it sail away.  
  
He'd imagined this scenario many times. But he'd never imagined it would happen like this.  
  
Bellamy trudged into the sea and picked the wooden box up from underneath the water.  
  
"Bellamy? What the fuck is going on?" Octavia asked. The others were all staring at him but he found it hard to look at any of them.  
  
He pushed through the crowd, wanting nothing more than to go home when he noticed Bjorn standing at the edge.  
  
"What is he talking about?" Bjorn asked, a pained and confused look on his face. "What does he mean? Why did he say she was a Parisian?"  
  
"She's from Paris, isn't she?" another person asked from behind him.  
  
Bjorn ran off and as much as Bellamy wanted to follow he knew he had bigger problems to worry about.  
  
He turned back to the group.  
  
"I will explain everything shortly" he said.  
  
"Explain now!" Jasper yelled.  
  
"I will explain- I just, I need to-"

"She's a traitor!" someone yelled from the side.  
  
"What about the people who came with her?" Harper asked.  
  
"Everyone shut the fuck up!" Bellamy yelled. "I said that I would explain and I will. First lets go to the Commons. I'll hold a meeting and I will tell you everything."  
  
He didn't wait for them to respond. He picked the box back up and headed up the shore, feeling like his heart would give out at any moment. This was his worst fear. That somehow, they'd all find out before he wanted them too.  
  
And the box he held in his hands felt like it was weighing him down, even thought it wasn't heavy. Whatever was inside was for Clarke. Whatever it was, he was sure it was bad.  
  
He walked ahead of the group. He could still hear them talking about what had happened, bouncing theories off of one another.  
  
When he finally spotted the Commons, the first thing he noticed was Clarke and Bjorn.  
  
_No. No. No._  
  
_She can't be here._  
  
He was glad that he'd spotted them first, that the others were well behind him.  
  
But as he got closer, he heard them arguing.  
  
"You lied to me!" Bjorn yelled, "You're one of them, aren't you?"  
  
"Bjorn, what are you talking about?" she said.  
  
They still hadn't seen Bellamy approaching.

"That's why the kings men came! They said they came for the traitor, Clarke Griffin! That you were a Parisian!" Bjorn yelled.  
  
Even from a few feet away, he could see the panic on her face.  
  
She clutched her hand to her chest.  
  
"Bjorn, please you have to-"  
  
"You lied to us! You lied to me! You're one of them!"  
  
Bjorn had tears streaming down his face. He shook his head and ran away from her.  
  
"Bjorn!" she yelled, running after him.  
  
Bellamy watched them go, grateful that they were out of site.  
  
"What are you waiting for?" Kane said from behind him. "Get inside" he added, a stern look on his face.  
  
Bellamy went into the Commons and stood quietly at the front of the room, waiting for the others to file in. He laid the box down at his feet.  
  
The more people that came, the harder his heart pounded.  
  
The room was almost full. About fifty to sixty people around him. He was grateful that the whole fucking village hadn't decided to come.  
  
"What the fuck was he talking about, Bellamy? Who is she and what does the king want from her?" Octavia yelled.  
  
"Who cares?" a man across the room yelled. "Who cares who she is and what she's done. We need to find her and hand her over to the king."

"We are not doing that" Kane said from beside Bellamy.  
  
"Why not?" someone else in the room asked.  
  
"Yeah! Didn't you hear what he said? We wouldn't have to pay our debts for a year!" an older woman in the front yelled.  
  
"We are not sending an innocent girl to her death just so we can have more food and supplies for ourselves!" Kane yelled.  
  
"But she's not innocent!" someone yelled back. "We all heard him. He said she was a Parisian. She's one of _them_!"  
  
"She's been lying to us, hasn't she?" Octavia asked. "That's why no one has ever even heard of her village. They made it up, didn't they?"  
  
So many people were talking at once that Bellamy felt like his head would explode.  
  
"Everyone shut up!" he yelled.  
  
But suddenly the doors to the Commons opened and Clarke stepped through.  
  
The people were parted, she had a clear path to Bellamy and all he could think was _why why why?_ _Why did she have to come?_  
  
She looked around in confusion as the whole group went silent. Her eyes were red like she'd been crying. She clutched at the material of her long blue dress.  
  
"There she is!"  
  
"Traitor!"

"That's her! That's the Parisian!"  
  
"Traitor bitch!"  
  
So many people were speaking up that Bellamy couldn't focus on who'd said what. Then again, it wasn't important. His heart hammered in his chest and she stopped looking around.  
  
Her eyes landed on the box at his feet as the insults grew in intensity.  
  
She looked up at him like he was the only person in the room.  
  
And he realized that this was the first time he'd ever seen fear in her eye. She was afraid. She looked at him and he could almost hear her screaming at him in her mind. _Do something! Help me!_  
  
Suddenly a man pushed through the crowd and grabbed her by the hair.  
  
"Traitor bitch!" he yelled, yanking her head back. "We are not dying for you!"  
  
A few days before, one of the younger girls in the village had shown Clarke how to dye her hair. She came home that night with the last few inches of her long blonde hair dyed pink. Bellamy couldn't help but think how pretty the color looked.  
  
He saw it now, spilling forward as the man yanked her by the hair again.  
  
It was that little detail, the little bit of pink that shook Bellamy from whatever kind of trance he'd been in.  
  
When he came to, all that he could feel was pure rage.

It filled every cell in his body and swam in his veins. It made him see red. Adrenaline shot through him, made him feel as if his heart had begun beating so fast he was sure it'd give out any second.  
  
He stomped towards the man, clenching his fists so hard he was sure that his bones would break.  
  
The man spotted Bellamy walking towards him and still, he hadn't let her go.  
  
Not that it would have made a difference.  
  
Bellamy punched the man so hard his head snapped back. On reflex, he'd let go of Clarke's hair and covered his face with his hands.  
  
Engulfed in a rage he'd never felt before, Bellamy tackled the man to the ground and brought his fists down again and again.  
  
He heard a sickening _snap_! and he wasn't sure if it was the mans bones or his own. If they were his own, he couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel anything but the rage.  
  
He punched and he punched and he punched, despite all the blood and the yells and screams around him.  
  
It wasn't until he felt arms bigger than his own around his waist, pulling him off of the man.  
  
He was pretty sure that it was Lincoln who had pulled him off of the man. He wasn't sure how much time had passed. He caught his breath and stood up straight, feeling the blood drip down his knuckles.  
  
It was so quiet in the room that he could hear the sound of the blood dripping onto the floor.  
  
He looked around the room. Half the people looked at him in confusion. The other half looked at him like they were afraid. Like they'd finally seen the monster that lived deep within his mind.  
  
"I am the fucking earl!" he yelled, turning in a circle so he could look at every part of the room. "This is my fucking village! I am in charge here. Not you. Not you. Or you" he said, pointing to random people in the room, "And not him" he said, finally pointing to the man that laid on the ground.  
  
"If anyone" he yelled, still looking around "And I mean _anyone_ , touches a single fucking hair on her head, they will answer to me."  
If any of them had anything to say, they didn't.  
  
They remained quiet, staring at him like the monster he knew he was.  
  
Clarke stared at him, too. Her eyes wide in shock. Her hand still clutching her chest.  
  
But then she looked past him and spotted the box once again.  
  
She took a deep breath and stepped past him, going to the front of the group and dropping onto her knees.  
  
Not one person in the room spoke as she opened the box.  
  
Bellamy took a step towards her and suddenly she fell forward, her nails digging into the wood of the floor.  
  
"No!" she screamed, "No! No! No!"

She shook her head and dropped it. And then she lifted it and let out a scream that made him close his eyes.  
  
Octavia stood to the side and peered into the box.  
  
She looked up and met Bellamy's gaze. A pained expression on her face.  
  
Clarke continue to sob as he took another step forward until he was right at her feet.  
  
He looked down.  
  
Inside, there was a head.  
  
A man's head. The flesh had already begun to decay. The smell of it drifting in the air, making Bellamy want to gag.  
  
But even the smell wasn't the worst part. His eyes were wide open. And they were the same shade of blue as hers.  
  
"Bjorn, you shouldn't be here" Octavia said from beside Bellamy.  
  
Bellamy turned and noticed Bjorn walking towards them.  
  
"What-what is going on?" he asked, sounding younger than Bellamy had ever heard him sound.  
  
Octavia stepped in his way but he pushed past her.  
  
"Let me through!" he screamed.  
  
Octavia stopped fighting and let him pass.

Bellamy watched as the boy sank down to his knees beside Clarke. He wasn't even staring at the head. Instead, he looked at Clarke. Sobbing on her hands and knees.  
  
Bjorn looked up at Bellamy with tears in his eyes. Just the site of her crying was enough to make him cry, too.  
  
He put his little hand on her back.  
  
When she didn't acknowledge it, he bent forward and wrapped his little arms around her neck, pulling her head towards him until she finally gave in and leaned into him.  
  
She continued crying, not even bothering to get up as the boy held her in his little arms.  
  
Silently, the others filed out of the room, dragging the mans body after them.  
  
And then, it was only the three of them.

It wasn't anger that Bellamy felt. Or rage. 

It was sadness.

He reached for her before he made the conscious decision to do so.

But at the last second, he pulled his hand back.

Nothing could console her now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh. I told you guys there were some dark times ahead. I gave yall a warning. Next chapter is possibly worse....depending on how you look at it. Our princess has her problems....And Bellamy DEFINITELY has some issues to work on. What will ever make him change?
> 
> A few of you were right. Clarke's gift was her fathers death. In the earlier chapters, I gave you a hint. When Octavia told Clarke about the "gifts" her mother received from the king, both were death.
> 
> I suspect a few of you will have questions about the kings motives and why this happened, especially since the Seer told Clarke that she would see her father again. Here is a snippet from the next chapter for those of you that are curious about his prophecy about Clarke's father:
> 
> "You said I would see him again!" she yelled at the man.  
> "Those were not my words" the Seer said.  
> "Yes you did!" she screamed. She wasn't even sure what she was doing here. She had thought that she didn't believe in the Seer and his sight. But somewhere along the way, she started to believe.  
> "You will lay eyes upon your father once more" the Seer said, flashing her his sharp teeth in a wicked smile. "You asked if you would see your father again and now you have."
> 
> ......I warned you guys that he was shady. Or Jasper and Monty did.
> 
> The next chapter is called "What The Seer Had Foretold". His prophecies will come to light. And maybe a few more things.
> 
> Thank you guys for reading and for the fantastic feedback on the last chapter. I've been VERY busy lately so I haven't had time to update as fast as I usually do. Thank you for sticking with me. 
> 
> PS- That was some damn good content last episode, amirite???? Anyway, please know that even if Bellarke doesn't become canon on the show...it's canon in this fic and in my heart :D


	10. What The Seer Had Foretold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets dark and sad. Even for me, lover of angst and darkness. Final warning people!!! Mature themes ahead. You were warned. Don't hate me.

**Part I- Clarke**  
  
"You said I would see him again!" she yelled at the man.  
  
"Those were not my words" the Seer said.  
  
"Yes you did!" she screamed. She wasn't even sure what she was doing here. She had thought that she didn't believe in the Seer and his sight. But somewhere along the way, she started to believe.  
  
" _You will lay eyes upon your father once more_ " the Seer said, flashing her his sharp teeth in a wicked smile. "You asked if you would see your father again and now you have."  
  
"You son of a bitch!" she yelled.  
  
It was true. She had laid her eyes upon her father once more. A present from the king himself.  
  
She'd been tricked.  
  
But it was her own fault, she realized. Jasper and Monty had warned her about the Seer. About the way his words had a double meaning. About how she had to phrase her questions just right if she wanted an honest answer.  
  
She cut a deep gash into her palm and handed him the blood he so eagerly wanted.  
  
But just before she left, the Seer spoke up again.

"Clarke Griffin" he said.  
  
"What?" she yelled, turning to glance at him.  
  
"I have a message for you and only you" he said, "I want you to remember it."  
  
A cold chill washed through her.  
  
"What is it?" she asked, feeling too uneasy to stop herself.  
  
"Only the dead can get into Paris" he said.  
  
"What does that mean?" she asked.  
  
_Only the dead can get into Paris?_  
  
"You will know when the time is right" the Seer said.  
  
She left after that, knowing that he wouldn't answer any of her questions. She thought about what the message could mean. She thought about what use the phrase would be to her. But nothing made sense.  
  
It'd been a week since she had received her gift. And today she'd finally been angry enough to visit the Seer, to ask for answers about why he'd lied to her. But he hadn't lied. He'd told her the truth.  
  
She walked through the village, making her way home. Every single person she encountered stared at her like she was a wolf.

_'I am a wolf'_ she'd said to Bellamy all those months ago. _'And don't you fucking forget it.'_  
  
She really was a wolf. And even if he had forgotten, the people around him would be there to remind him of it.  
  
She dropped her eyes, hating the way she could feel them all staring at her. All the people who'd been kind to her before now treated her like the traitor she was.  
  
But Bellamy's outburst and the message after the outburst had kept them at bay. They stared daggers at her, yelled nasty words, spit on the ground when she walked by, refused her help but she hadn't been attacked since that night.  
  
Her mother, Raven and Finn were treated in a similar manner.  
  
The other three had tried to explain to the people. Tried to tell them that they'd been unaware of the things the king was doing to them, but to no avail. To a few people, the words meant something. The fact that they'd turned on the king meant something. But that was a few people.  
  
For the most part, they were hated.  
  
So she'd failed her father and all the people in Arkadia hated her. It stopped feeling like her home once she realized that she was no longer welcome.  
  
But it wasn't like she had anywhere else to go.

Despite the fact that her mother, Finn and Raven were also hated, she took the brunt of most of the hate. She'd made herself seem like the leader of their small group when they arrived to Arkadia all those months ago. And now, she had to take responsibility for their treachery. It was her decision to come, after all.  
  
"I don't care who she is" Bjorn had yelled one night. The two of them had made the mistake of going to the Commons. And there, a group of five cornered them and threw every kind of insult at Clarke.  
  
But Bjorn, being the soul he was, had stood in front of her and yelled at the group.  
  
"I don't care who she is" he said, "Or where she comes from. She's done us a great favor by not turning us over to the king when she had every opportunity to do so!"  
  
The people scoffed and told him that he was just a child. That he didn't know anything.  
  
"And you do?" he asked, "You are treating her like the enemy even though she saved all our lives. So piss off and leave us alone."  
  
Clarke felt a little ashamed, having a ten year old defend her. But she couldn't deny that it didn't make her feel better, knowing that he was on her side. Knowing that he still loved her despite the fact that she was from the other side of the sea.  
  
The others she'd been close to were a lot less forgiving. Lincoln was the only one out of their group that had come to visit Clarke the day after she'd gotten her fathers head as a gift. He offered his condolences, stating that he understood and that he didn't blame her for who she was. Something she had no control over.

The others pretty much stopped talking to her all together. Monty and Jasper made a few weak attempts to try and talk to her. To try and act like nothing had changed but she could feel the distance between herself and her two friends. The others didn't even try.  
  
She knew that the only way they'd get over it (if they ever got over it) would be with time. Time, and her help in bringing down the king. Something she was determined to do. The thought of revenge helped her. Some days it was the only thing, besides Bjorn, that made her want to keep going.  
  
Bellamy treated her differently, too. He was kinder. And she hated it.  
  
"Stop that!" she yelled one night, after a particularly pleasant dinner. Bjorn had gone to bed and Bellamy had asked her if she wanted to play Bjorn's game.  
  
"Stop what?" he asked, a confused look on his face.  
  
"Stop treating me like this! I know you're only doing it because you feel bad for me. I got my fathers head delivered to me. I know you think I deserve it, just like the others do. So stop pretending!"  
  
When he didn't have anything to say, she stomped off and went to bed.  
  
Bjorn was the only person that she felt comfortable with.  
  
She didn't want to talk to her mother. And in a weird way, Finn and Raven no longer felt like her friends, either. She knew it was her fault. She distanced herself from them because she knew what they had thought. That it was all her fault. That she'd brought all this upon them. They tried to convince her otherwise but she wasn't sure that she could believe them anymore. It was her idea to come. And it was because of her that they'd been caught. They had to feel some sort of resentment, some sort of anger towards her even if they acted like they didn't.

Surprisingly, the relationship between her mother and Kane hadn't changed. She would see them around the village, walking together. She'd even seen her mother smile once.  
  
So the weeks passed and autumn turned to winter. Clarke felt more alone than ever, but at some point she stopped caring.  
  
She didn't care if they hated her. No one could hate her more than she hated herself. She'd brought all this on. She'd gotten her father killed and who knows who else.  
  
One morning she woke from a nightmare, covered in sweat and ran outside.  
  
She vomited until her body began to shake, feeling weaker than she'd ever felt in her life.  
  
That same afternoon, she noticed a change in the village. The people around her were staring at her more viciously than usual.  
  
"Parisian bitch" a girl her age yelled at her. She walked towards Clarke and pushed her so hard that she stumbled back and landed on her ass. "Why should we all die for you?"  
  
Clarke looked around noticing that a few people looked away from the situation, pretending like they weren't seeing what was going on. The others just continued to glare.  
  
Clarke rose to her feet and stared at the girl.  
  
"Get away from her" Raven yelled, walking up to stand beside Clarke.  
  
"Neither of you belong here" the girl sneered, "We should kill both of you and send your bodies to the king."  
  
"Well, we're right here" Raven said, taking a step towards the girl.

The girl spit at Raven's feet and walked away.  
  
That night, Clarke waited for Bellamy to come home. She was sure that something had happened.  
  
He looked a little surprised to find her waiting. Usually she didn't.  
  
"What happened?" she asked.  
  
He sighed and sat down across from her.  
  
He reached into his pocket and pushed a piece of paper towards her.  
  
She opened it and read the little message, written in perfect handwriting.  
  
_"As a show of my generosity, I am providing you with my last chance of mercy. Find the traitor, Clarke Griffin, and bring her to me. I will pay the man (or men) who bring her to me their weight in gold. The village that finds her first will go debt free for an entire years time._  
  
_And if you bring her to me (alive) along with her companions, Abigail Griffin, Finn Collins and Raven Reyes, your village will go debt free for three years time. And I will double the gold for each traitor._  
  
_I will give you a years time to find the traitors and bring them to me._  
  
_King Cage Wallace"_  
  
Clarke's hands began to shake as she read the letter again. And again.

"He knows I'm in Arkadia. Why would he send this and not his men to look for me?" she asked.  
  
He said nothing.  
  
"Bellamy?"  
  
"Because...after they left, I had a letter sent to the king stating that you'd left us as soon as we'd gotten back. All of you. Fearing for your life and all that shit. I didn't think-" he cut himself off.  
  
"You didn't think what? That he'd go this far? That he'd probably send this message to every single village on the other side of the sea?" she asked, anger building in her chest.  
  
"No. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking."  
  
"You weren't thinking at all!" she yelled, rising from the table.  
  
"What the fuck do you want me to say? Should I have handed you over, is that it?" he yelled back.  
  
"Yes!" she screamed. "You should have given me up when you had the opportunity! Now he wants all our lives! And everyone knows it!"  
  
"Are you seriously fucking mad at me?" he yelled, "For wanting to protect you?"

"Hah! ' _You have information. I need you. Don't think for a second there's anything more to it'_ That's what you said!" she yelled, "I didn't forget that, Bellamy. So don't act like you did this for me. And you could have used my mother. Or Finn or Raven. But you weren't thinking about that. You were thinking about what I did and how I'd pay for it. How I'd be at the mercy of the Vikings. You said that. I remember. And it's for the exact same reason that he wants us all now. He knows we have information!"  
  
She hated that her lip began to quiver. She wasn't sure why she hadn't been able to control her emotions lately. Today, she'd let that girl push her around without saying a word. And now she felt like she could burst into tears just thinking about what he'd said to her, all those months ago.  
  
"Is that really what you think of me? After-after all this time?" he asked, standing up.  
  
"It's what you said. And now you've gotten my mother and my friends killed. They'll kill us if they don't send us to the king first. And then you won't have anyone to help you take Paris. Don't act like you did it for anyone other than yourself."  
  
"Fuck you" he spit. "Fuck you. Turn yourself over if you want to. I don't give a fuck anymore."  
  
He stormed out of the door without a glance back.  
  
She felt her knees buckle. She sank down into the chair and put her head in her hands.  
  
_Why did I just say those things?_ she wondered. She hadn't meant them. Not at all.

* * *

 

**Part II- Bellamy**  
  
They had a little less than a year. In that time, they'd have to have everything ready and raid Paris. The king wouldn't be expecting it, Bellamy was sure. And if the people on the ground were spotted, they might think that the Vikings were there to bring the king his traitors.  
  
And by the time they would spot the boats, it would be too late.  
  
He didn't want to leave home, not while things still seemed so tense. Not only were the four traitors being treated terribly, but the people in his village had started to doubt in him, too.  
  
He'd heard what a few of them were saying behind his back. That he was weak. That his decision to wait and keep the traitors was a foolish one.  
  
But those who had started to doubt in him didn't let it show. Not to him, anyway.  
  
However, most of the people in his village agreed that waiting to raid until they had a larger party was for the best. It was his decisions to not give the traitors up to the king that bothered his people.  
  
And every time he explained that they needed them, that they had knowledge and insight on Paris and the king, it would sound weak even to his own ears.  
  
So he didn't want to leave. But he had to go to the neighboring villages and check on their progress. Besides, he knew there were people here that he could trust to keep the others in line. He had Kane and Lincoln. Miller. Even Octavia, though she wasn't speaking to him.  
  
_'You lied to me for weeks!'_ she'd yelled the last time they spoke. ' _I can't believe you don't trust me_ ' she'd added in a much quieter, much more hurt tone.  
  
So he went home to pack his things. The small group that would be going with him waited, so he didn't have much time. He hugged Bjorn and told him that he'd be back in four weeks.

On his way out, Clarke spoke up.  
  
"Bellamy wait!" she yelled.  
  
He turned around and she hugged him but he didn't hug her back.  
  
"I'm sorry for what I said the other night" she said.  
  
"I don't care."  
  
He left without another word. He'd been going out of his way to shield her from the others. Scolding anyone who so much as looked at her wrong. And he'd been trying, really trying to put his feelings aside and be the friend he knew she needed.  
  
And still, she saw nothing more to him than a man who only wanted to use her. Yelled at him for trying to help and met every kind gesture with a scowl on her face.  
  
He didn't owe her anything.

* * *

 

The four weeks away from home helped his mood, he had to admit. It was nice, being in places where the people still looked at him with hope and kindness. At home, he was either being judged for his own decisions or the decisions of others. Being away from them, even his sister, made him feel a little better about the shitstorm his life had become.  
  
But he'd missed Bjorn, more than he thought he would. And a little part of him missed Clarke, too.  
  
When he finally got back, the first person to greet him was Bjorn. Running towards him and jumping into his arms, making him feel like he'd actually been missed in the place he called home.  
  
Bjorn led him to the Commons and there he ate and drank with his friends as he filled them in on the progress of the other villages. A few of them were acting a little strange, glancing at one another with knowing looks but telling him everything was fine when he asked if anything had happened.  
  
More people were going to come than he'd thought. It filled him with hope, knowing that even if the people in his own village didn't believe in him, the others did.  
  
He filled them in on the plan.  
  
They would leave at the end of the spring. It would be a surprise. They'd come at Paris from both sides. And Bellamy was sure that they'd take it.  
  
When he and Bjorn made their way home, Bellamy grew a little nervous. He wasn't sure which Clarke he would find.  
  
She had waited up for them, sitting by the fire and knitting a pair of kids gloves. Bellamy knew they were for Bjorn.  
  
One look at her told him all he needed to know without asking.

It wasn't that she looked different. She still looked the same, for the most part. Her hair was longer. All the pink was gone.  
  
It was it look in her eyes. Cold and distant.  
  
Bjorn filled her in on everything she'd missed while Bellamy washed up and got ready for bed.  
  
Clarke went first, so he took the opportunity to ask Bjorn about how things had been with her.  
  
"Pretty much the same" Bjorn said, shrugging his shoulders. "Most of the people here still don't like her. But she has me. She's got me and a few of her other friends so I think she's okay."  
  
Bellamy nodded.  
  
Then next morning, he caught up with Kane. They went for a walk through the village. And after they'd caught one another up, Bellamy couldn't help but ask about Kane's relationship with Abby.

Clarke had been right. Her mother and Kane were slowly but surely becoming more than just friends. Bellamy wondered how Kane could have forgiven her so easily.

"She's my friend. She's lost her home, her husband. The last thing she needs is for her friends to be angry at her too" Kane said that morning.

Bellamy raised an eyebrow but kept his thoughts to himself.  
  
"One decision does not define a man" Kane said. "We didn't chose this life, Bellamy. Just as they hadn't chosen theirs. We cannot blame others for things that are out of their control."  
  
Bellamy nodded, thinking about how everything Kane said spoke to him in ways that other voices couldn't.  
  
"I think you should marry her" Kane said.

"What?" Bellamy asked, turning to look at Kane. _What the fuck is he talking about? Marry who?  
_  
"It's the right thing. And you can always work past your differences" Kane said.  
  
Bellamy shook his head. Just when he was thinking about what a smart, wise man Kane was, he had said the stupidest thing Bellamy had ever heard. Yeah, he and Clarke had a sort of partnership. But how the fuck would getting married solve any of their problems?  
  
"That's the craziest thing I've ever heard" Bellamy said. "We don't even like each other."  
  
It wasn't true. Despite everything, he liked her.  
  
He loved her.  
  
He swallowed and shook his head. He hated thinking about just how fucking much he loved her. He loved her, after all this time and everything they'd said and done to one another, he fucking loved her. He loved her and he hated it.  
  
"It isn't just about you anymore" Kane said. "You need to think about this. How do you expect to raise a child if you can't even get over your anger at one another?"  
  
"He's hardly a child" Bellamy said. It was true. Bjorn was only ten but he was smarter than most of the adults that Bellamy knew. They could raise him just fine. Bjorn already knew that he and Clarke wouldn't have that type of relationship. "And it's not like he's really our child."  
  
"I'm not talking about Bjorn" Kane said, looking at Bellamy with a confused expression on his face.  
  
"Then who the fuck are you talking about?" Bellamy asked.  
  
Kane stopped walking and Bellamy turned to look at him.  
  
_What the fuck is going on?_  
  
"I-I thought she told you..." Kane said.  
  
Bellamy didn't know what was going on. Why the look on Kane's face just seemed to grow more confused by the second.  
  
"Told me what?" Bellamy asked. For some reason, his heart rate sped up. "Told me what, Kane?"  
  
"I'm sorry" Kane said, shaking his head. "Forget-forget what I said."  
  
He seemed flustered and uncomfortable.  
  
"Told me what?" Bellamy repeated, his anger growing by the second.  
  
"It's Clarke" Kane said. He swallowed thickly before adding "She's...she's pregnant."

* * *

 

He'd been home for three days, feeling almost as angry as the night he'd beat the man for grabbing Clarke by her hair and calling her a traitor bitch.  
  
Three fucking days. And not a single word from her.  
  
After Kane had told him, Bellamy had felt like his knees had given out. Like his stomach had dropped and all the air had been sucked out of his lungs.  
  
He waited for three fucking days, trying to get her to talk to him. And still, she said nothing.  
  
On the third night, he asked Lincoln to convince Bjorn to eat dinner with him and Octavia in their home.  
  
He couldn't wait anymore.  
  
They ate dinner in silence. She seemed suspicious about Bjorn's absence but she didn't comment on it.  
  
"Do you have anything to tell me?" he finally asked through clenched teeth.  
  
His hands shook. He was so fucking angry.  
  
"What?" she asked, looking up at him with a confused look on her face.  
  
"I said, do you have anything to tell me?"  
  
"Not really" she said, shrugging her shoulders.  
  
And even though he knew he shouldn't, he picked up the plate before him and threw it against the wall. Not the one behind her. But the one on his left.  
  
The plate shattered and she jumped in her seat.

"Will you ever stop fucking lying to me?" he yelled, rising from his chair.  
  
She glared at him for a few seconds before looking down at her hands.  
  
"It doesn't matter, Bellamy" she said, in a much quieter voice than he'd been expecting to hear.  
  
"What doesn't matter? The fact that you're pregnant? Or the fact that you haven't told me? That I had to hear it from someone else?" he yelled.

"Any of it" she said, rising to her feet and leaving the room.  
  
"No fucking way" he yelled, following right after her. "You don't get to walk away from me. Not after this."  
  
She walked into the bedroom and he followed.

"Why the hell do you even care now?" she asked, turning to face him and crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"How the fuck can you even say that? You- you're carrying my child, too."  
  
"You stopped caring for me a long time ago. I don't expect you to start caring now. I don't want your fucking pity because I'm pregnant."  
  
"I stopped? _I_ stopped?"  
  
She didn't respond. He continued to stare at her, waiting for an answer.  
  
_Say something! Say anything!_  
  
_How could she think that?_

"Kane forgave my mother, you know" she said. "Almost as soon as she told him everything. He was angry but he forgave her. He said it was because-" her voice broke, "Because he loved her."  
  
He hated what she was implying.  
  
"I wish you had loved me that much" she said, looking down at her feet.  
  
_But I do! I do fucking love you!_

But he only clenched his jaw.  
  
"It'll never work out" she said, her voice creaky and her eyes distant. "It'll never work out."  
  
He shook his head and walked away from her. He couldn't believe just how cruel his fate could be. He loved a woman he was supposed to hate. A woman who he was sure had loved him at some point, too. And now she was pregnant. And she had a huge target on her back.  
  
And his inability to forgive her for what she'd done had made her think that he stopped loving her.  
  
And it would never work out.

* * *

 

Despite how mad he'd been, he tried to put it aside. Even if things would never work between them, Kane was right. It was about more than the two of them.  
  
So he tried to remain calm around her. He didn't pick fights. He still scolded the people who looked at her wrong.  
  
He beat the shit out of another man who called her a traitor bitch. She hadn't told him. It was Bjorn. He'd come to Bellamy almost immediately after the encounter and Bellamy didn't wait a minute before making an example out of the man.  
  
He felt like he was on edge, all the time.  
  
And he knew it annoyed Clarke, the amount of times he'd check on her during any given time of day.  
  
But sometimes, she'd say ' _Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you for checking'_ with a smile on her face and he could swear that his heart would skip a beat.  
  
And yet, the smile seemed sad. Like for some reason, she knew she was doomed.  
  
He couldn't explain why and she'd offered no explanation.  
  
He figured it was because of the way most of the others still treated her. No, they didn't yell at her anymore. But they didn't treat her like the used to.  
  
Or maybe it was for the same reason he lay awake at night; their fates would keep them apart. Things would never work between them no matter how much he wished they would.  
  
After a few weeks, he noticed a small bump. A bump so tiny that to most people it would just look like she'd eaten a large meal. But he knew.  
  
As soon as he noticed it, he went outside and threw up.  
  
But when he came back in, he pretended as if all was well and prepared a warm bath for her.

One particularly sunny winter afternoon, she said she wanted to go on a walk. Bjorn told her about the spot that Bellamy had shown him. Before they set off, Bellamy asked if he could join.  
  
"Sure" Clarke said. She gave him a small, timid smile that reminded him of the way things were before. The way things were in the beginning.  
  
His heart skipped a beat and he turned away to get dressed.  
  
Together, they made their way to the small overlook and spent the afternoon on the snowy ground. Bjorn played in the snow, coaxing Bellamy and Clarke into joining after a while.  
  
It was the happiest day he'd had in months.  
  
The next morning, he and Bjorn ate breakfast together while Clarke slept in late.  
  
After a while they went outside to chop wood for a fire.  
  
And even though it was a day like any other, Bellamy couldn't explain why he began to feel bad. And not just the typical kind of bad he usually felt.  
  
He felt dread. Desperation, even. And he couldn't explain why.  
  
When they were almost finished, a blood curling scream came from inside of their home. When he heard it, he was already running inside. Almost like he'd known it was coming.  
  
He ran to the bedroom and opened the door.  
  
“Get out!” she screamed. She picked up an empty wooden bucket that was laying beside her and threw it at him. “Get out!”  
  
But he couldn’t move. He didn't even flinch as the bucket hit him.

The site of her, sitting on the floor in a puddle of blood, with tears streaming down her face broke his heart.  
  
He’d known what it was like to be in pain. He’d been beat up, he’d broken bones and been cut and stabbed in different places by different swords. But he had never in his life felt a pain like this. It shook him to the core.  
  
It hurt to look at her but he couldn’t look away.  
  
He took a few small steps towards her.  
  
“Just go” she said, shaking her head. Her long blue nightgown was covered in blood. She put her hands on her stomach. “Get out.”  
  
But he couldn’t leave.  
  
He sat down behind her, feeling tears gather at the edges of his eyes. He hadn’t cried since he was a boy.  
  
He placed an arm around her and for a second he was worried that she’d pull away.  
  
But she leaned into him, putting her face on his chest.  
  
“It’s okay” she mumbled against his shirt. Her tears soaked through it in seconds.  
  
He looked up and noticed Bjorn standing in the doorway, his eyes wide in shock as he took the scene in.  
  
“It’s okay” she mumbled against his chest, “I knew I could never have the child. No matter what I did. The Seer told me long ago that this would happen. But I…I was hoping that I could cheat the fates.”

He put a hand on her head, stroking her hair and pulling her closer. He placed his chin on top of her head while she began to cry in earnest. Tears slid down his own face.  
  
“Shh” he mumbled, listening to her sob.  
  
She pulled away.  
  
“Go away” she said, “Just-just go away.”  
  
But he couldn’t. He stayed sitting behind her. Bjorn silently walked over until he was sitting on her other side.  
  
He was sure that up until now, he’d never known true heartbreak.  
  
But he felt it now, in this moment, watching her pain and knowing there was nothing he could do to fix it.

* * *

 

He sat in the Commons during the middle of the night. Bjorn sat beside him.  
  
Clarke was fast asleep at home. He'd checked on her before he left.  
  
The others around him didn't have much to say. What was there to say, anyway?  
  
Kane held Abby's hand while she let a few tears stream down her face. Jasper and Monty sat silently in the corner. Octavia, Lincoln, Miller, Raven, Finn and Murphy all sat around them.  
  
They'd all heard what had happened.  
  
Abby had come to help Clarke but all the people in their vicinity had heard her screaming.  
  
Bellamy took a long drink from his cup, thinking about the horrible day he'd had. And he knew that his pain didn't even compare to the pain that Clarke must have felt.  
  
Even if she knew it would happen, it didn't make it hurt any less.  
  
He finally understood why she'd been acting the way she had been. She'd known from the start. It must have surprised her, getting pregnant in the first place. And he could only imagine how it must have felt, being given a shred of hope before having it so violently stripped away.  
  
He had thought that when she'd said it would never work, she was talking about the two of them.  
  
"If you could ask the Gods something right now" Bellamy said to no one in particular, "What would you ask?"  
  
No one spoke up for a while.  
  
"What would you ask?" Murphy finally said.  
  
"I would ask them why they give with one hand" he said, "And take with the other."  
  
No one had anything to add.

"If they exist at all, that is" he said.  
  
"Bellamy" Octavia said, "Don't say such things. Of course they exist."  
  
"Maybe they do" he said. He knew that he shouldn't. But he was drunk and he didn't care. "Or maybe they are just mans creation. Mans creation to give them answers they are too afraid to give themselves."  
  
"Bellamy stop" Octavia said.  
  
"Why? In fear of what they'll take from me?"  
  
He got up. He hated wallowing in his own misery. Especially since he knew that his pain couldn't match Clarke's.  
  
He took Bjorn by the hand and led him home.  
  
Once inside, he banished all thoughts of why he shouldn't. He laid down beside Bjorn with Clarke on the other side.  
  
All he wanted was to be there for her. He knew nothing he said or did could make the situation any easier for her. But he wanted to be there. Even if she didn't need him to be.  
  
Bjorn's little snores filled the room as he laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling and marveling at the cruelty of the world.  
  
Clarke was a good mother to Bjorn.  
  
He turned to look at her in the darkness. Her eyes were wide open and she was staring at him.

He didn't know what to say so he said nothing. Part of him prepared for her to speak up and kick him out. But she didn't.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" he finally whispered.  
  
She thought about her answer for a few minutes before nodding her head.  
  
He got up and she followed, tiptoeing out of the room.  
  
They walked to the front room and sat down across the fire.  
  
"I'm sorry for not telling you before" she began, wrapping her arms around her middle. "But I knew that- that if I told you, it would mean that the Seer was right. And I...I had hoped that it wasn't true."  
  
"You don't have to apologize" he said, "I understand what you mean."  
  
And he did.  
  
"I just....I kind of didn't want to tell you in the first place. Because a part of me knew it would happen. I guess I should be grateful that it happened so soon. That the Gods hadn't made it last longer. I can't image how it would have been if-" she cut herself off.  
  
He wasn't sure when she'd started believing in the Gods. And yet here she was, talking of their plans for her.  
  
"Fuck the Gods" Bellamy said.  
  
Her head snapped up and she stared at him.  
  
"How can you say that?"  
  
"I don't care anymore. If they are real, then why do good people suffer so much while the bad prosper?"

She was  _good._ He knew she was.

"I-I don't know" she said.  
  
"Neither do I" he said.  
  
They sat in silence for a little while.  
  
"I know this doesn't mean shit, but I'm sorry. For everything. I shouldn't have-" he began but stopped.  
  
There were so many things he shouldn't have done. He didn't know where to start. There were so many things he wanted to apologize for. So many things he wanted to take back.  
  
"I'm sorry, too" she said. "But none of this is your fault. This is my fate. It's my cross to bear for all the things I've done."  
  
"Don't say that" he said. He couldn't believe she actually thought that.  
  
"But it's true" she said, turning to look at him with tears in her eyes. "And I don't mean just the things I've done here. Telling you the truth and saving you all was the first good thing I'd done in a long time, Bellamy. I'm paying for the life I led before. The more I think about it, the more I feel like deep down I'd known all along. I knew and I chose to ignore it. I even ignored it when I heard my father talking about how unjust it was. I ignored it and now I have to pay."  
  
"Don't say that" he repeated. He could feel an ache in his chest.  
  
"It's true" she said, "My father. The way people treat me and everything that has happened since I came here. It's all happening to me because I have to pay for what I've done."  
  
"Clarke, please, just.. just don't..." he couldn't stop his voice from shaking.

"It's okay, Bellamy. It hasn't broken me" she said, shaking her head. "If anything, it's finally woken me up. I know that...that I have to make things right."  
  
He didn't know what else to say. If he was sure of anything, it was that she hadn't deserved this. Any of it. From losing her father, to the way he and the others had treated her, to the Seer's prophecies and the cruelty of the Gods.  
  
"I'm going to bed" she said. She rose to her feet and walked away.  
  
He stayed by the fire, feeling worse than he'd ever felt in his life.  
  
"And Bellamy?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thank you for everything" she said. "Thank you for loving me."  
  
Her _thank you_ sounded a lot like a goodbye.

* * *

 

The next day, he tried to keep himself busy. He knew that physical labor would keep his mind off of all the things that were bothering him.  
  
But the urge to check on Bjorn and Clarke became too hard to ignore. Something told him to go home and within minutes he found Bjorn standing beside Kane and Abby in front of his home. He knew something was wrong even before he saw the tears on Bjorn's face.  
  
"What happened?" Bellamy asked. He heard his heart pounding in his ears.  
  
"She's left" Bjorn said, staring up at him like he was angry.  
  
"When?" Bellamy asked. He didn't bother asking who, or why. He knew.  
  
"Just a little while ago" Bjorn said, wiping the tears from his face.  
  
Bellamy didn't think twice before finding the closest horse and getting on.  
  
"Which way did she go?"  
  
"That way" Bjorn pointed.  
  
Bellamy kicked and the horse took off. As soon as they were at the edge of the village, he spotted her about twenty feet away. She must have just left if she'd only gotten that far.  
  
His own horse sped up and in a short time, he came up to the side before stopping the horse right in front of the one that was pulling the small cart she and an older gentleman sat on.  
  
He jumped from the horse, feeling so angry he found it hard to breath as he walked up beside them.  
  
"You were going to abandon me?" he asked, "You were going to leave without saying a word?"

The man looked at Clarke and she looked down at her hands.  
  
She took a deep breath before turning her head to look down at him.  
  
"I didn't think I could bear it" she said.  
  
"What about Bjorn?"  
  
"His life is here. He couldn't abandon all of you for me."  
  
"Where are you going to go?" he said, fighting to keep his voice even. The last thing he wanted to do was yell at her again.  
  
"It's better if you don't know" she said. "But I'll come back. I'll come back in the spring and help you take Paris. For right now I just need to go."  
  
"I don't give a fuck about Paris!" he yelled, his resolve breaking in seconds. "I don't give a fuck about being king! I-I..."  
  
She looked at him through watery eyes.  
  
"All they do is insult and humiliate me. I have no choice but to leave you."  
  
His anger faded, replaced by sadness and maybe even a little desperation.  
  
"I'll come back in the spring. I need to do this for myself, Bellamy. I can't stay here anymore. They don't want me here" she said, looking towards Arkadia.  
  
"I don't want you to go."  
  
She looked at him for a few seconds before looking away.  
  
"It's fate" she said, swallowing thickly. 

Suddenly he noticed something in his peripheral vision. Bjorn ran towards him like he was running for his life. His cheeks red and his long cloak whipping in the wind.  
  
Clarke followed Bellamy's gaze and they waited in silence until Bjorn reached them.  
  
"I have changed my mind" he huffed, "I am coming with you."  
  
He climbed onto the cart and sat beside Clarke.  
  
Bellamy felt his heart sinking.  
  
"I wish-" Clarke began, putting her arm around Bjorn's waist. "I wish that you could join us" she said, looking at Bellamy. "But I know that you can't. Your fate lies here. But we will come back. And hopefully by then things will be different."  
  
"Clarke, I-I want you to stay. Please come back with me" he said.  
  
"Take care of them. Look after my mother. We will meet again" she said.  
  
"Clarke-"  
  
"It's fate, Bellamy."  
  
And with that, she looked away and told the man to go forward.  
  
Bellamy stayed glued to the spot, watching them go.  
  
Clarke and Bjorn turned to look at him and just before his vision became blurry with unshed tears, they both turned away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I told you this would be a dark fic. 
> 
> So, how much do you guys hate me? What do you think of Clarke's decision to leave? Will Bellamy let her and Bjorn go like that? What about the Seer's parting words to Clarke? What do you think they mean?
> 
> I know this was sad but you know what they say- it's always darkest before the dawn. 
> 
> As a sidenote- there will be a big battle. Characters will die. But I would never, ever kill Clarke or Bellamy. Not in this fic anyway, lol. Keep that in mind ;D


	11. My Heart Was Broken A Long Time Ago

**Part I- Bellamy**

 

He lasted three days. Three full days and two nights before getting on his horse and going after them.  
  
Those three days had been the worst of his life. He couldn't find comfort in his friends. And his home no longer felt like a home, not without Clarke's presence and the sound of Bjorn's voice.  
  
He sat at the table on the third night, feeling more alone than he'd ever felt in his life.  
  
_I wish that you could join us. But your fate lies here._  
  
She was wrong. His fate wasn't here. His fate was with her and Bjorn, wherever they might be.  
  
So he visited Kane first and told him that he was going after them. He told his friends.  
  
He promised he'd be back soon even though he wasn't sure if he really would be. Clarke needed to leave and he understood that. If she didn't want to come back, he'd go to wherever she was.  
  
The first place he went to was Kattegatt, even though he knew it was a long shot. But it was a large village. They could easily hide there. He lost two weeks just getting there. But after a few days in the village, he knew it wasn't the place they'd gone to.  
  
He set out again.

He knew what the others would think of his abandonment. But he wanted to do something selfish, just this once. He wanted to act on _his_ feelings and his feelings alone. He'd give them his life, soon enough.  
  
He traveled for weeks, going from village to village. And each time he left without finding them, he sank a little further into a pit of despair.  
  
After five weeks, and still no sign of them, he made his way home.  
  
It was stupid for him to think that he could find them. They could be anywhere. He'd have to wait until spring.  
  
But as he got closer to home, instead of taking a right that would lead him to Arkadia, he took a left. The feeling was too strong to ignore.  
  
He didn't know of many villages that resided to the left, but he figured if he'd been gone for this long, he might as well keep going.  
  
It was another two weeks before he found them.  
  
They had gone to Polis. A small village he rarely heard a thing about. There weren't many people. And it was located in a very discreet part of the land. The closest village to Polis was a weeks travel away. And that was on a running horse.  
  
But it made sense for them to go somewhere small, some place that was often overlooked because they didn't have much to offer.  
  
By the time he arrived, it was well into the night. He wasn't sure how his arrival would be awaited, so once he was close enough he got off his horse and traveled on foot.

They were in the very middle of the woods, so cut off from the others. And even from a safe distance he could tell that there weren't many people.  
  
For some reason, there were a lot more women than there were in other villages. In fact, no matter where he looked, all he saw were shieldmaidens. He spotted a few men here and there, but for the most part, it was all women. All different ages.  
  
A second before he planned to expose himself and make his presence know, he saw Bjorn.  
  
It was dark but the fires on the torches around the small area made him sure that it was Bjorn. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Clarke walking beside him.  
  
They were walking towards him. Not him, not really. He could see group of about twenty women gathered in a large circle just a mile ahead of him.  
  
Clarke and Bjorn were talking about something and Bjorn had a smile on his face.  
  
When they reached the group, a few people parted to make room for them to sit at the very center.  
  
They sat down and Clarke poked at the girl sitting next to her.  
  
The girl, a beautiful brunette turned her head and smiled at Clarke and Bjorn.  
  
And then the girl kissed Clarke.  
  
After pulling away, they smiled at one another.

And suddenly Bellamy felt like an intruder. He'd been planning on stepping forward and calling out. But seeing the look on Clarke's face made him step back into the shadows.  
  
He shook his head, suddenly feeling like it was a mistake to come here. He turned away without a second glance and made his way back to his horse.  
  
He rode home, knowing that it was what he was supposed to do.  
  
She looked happy.

* * *

  
**Part II- Clarke**

  
Her head snapped up.  
  
"What is it?" Bjorn asked, noticing the look on her face.  
  
"Nothing I-I just..." she began but didn't finish. Instead she rose to her feet, telling the others that she'd be right back.  
  
A strange feeling had washed over her and for some reason, she walked straight ahead. Almost like something was pulling her towards the woods. She didn't know what it was. But it felt like a tiny string was tugging her forward by her heart. It was almost a little painful.

She stood at the edge of the small village and looked out into the dark woods. There wasn't anything to see.  
A familiar feeling washed over her.  
  
Sadness.  
  
She wasn't sure why she'd felt it. The past seven weeks of her life had been nothing but good. A lot better than the last two months in Arkadia.  
  
Here, she'd been accepted. Welcomed, even. The man who had brought her and Bjorn had told them about this place. A small village full of mostly shieldmaidens. There were only about sixty of them, and that was including the eight men. But the man had told her that it was a peaceful place. A place that welcomed different kinds of people.  
  
And the people there really were different.  
  
Most of them had come from outside villages for a variety of reasons. The first person Clarke met was a girl named Emori.  
  
When she explained to Clarke that a lot of the women here had ran from their homes, much like Bjorn, Clarke had asked her why she had left her home.  
  
"My people didn't see me as an equal" she said.  
  
"Why?" Clarke asked.  
  
Emori silently took off the glove she was wearing and exposed her right hand. Her two front fingers were longer than the other three. And they weren't really two fingers. More like one large one, looking like two stuck together.

"They kicked you out for that?" Clarke asked. She couldn't believe it.  
  
"They didn't kick me out" Emori said, "I left. I was tired of the way they treated me."  
  
Clarke nodded. That, she could believe. It was the same reason she'd decided to leave Arkadia. No matter how much it had hurt to go.  
  
"What about you?" Emori asked.  
  
"I'm a traitor to the king. A runaway. This is my son, Bjorn."  
  
Bjorn looked up at Clarke with a small smile on his face.  
  
"Nice to meet you" Emori said. "I'll take you to our leader."  
  
And that's how it all started.  
  
In the seven weeks since she'd arrived, she got to know all the people in Polis. Some had come there by choice, like Emori. Others had been banished. A few were on the run. And some just came to distance themselves from whatever it was that bothered them.  
  
"I hate the fighting" a woman with tan skin and curly brown hair said. "I couldn't take it anymore. All my people did was rove and raid. I couldn't handle the life so I left."  
  
Clarke nodded, elbowing Bjorn in the process when she noticed him rolling his eyes.  
  
"My name is Luna" she said, extending a hand. "At this is my partner, Derrick."  
  
"Nice to meet you both" Derrick said from beside her.  
  
Luna placed a hand on her stomach.

"I swear I just felt it" she said.  
  
Clarke looked at her in confusion.  
  
"No wait, it's just a stomach ache" she said, smiling at Derrick.  
  
"That would make more sense. Considering you're only a few weeks pregnant" Derrick said from beside her.  
Clarke cleared her throat and looked away.  
  
Not even a full second later, she felt Bjorn's small hand in hers.  
  
And now she stared into the woods, trying to figure out what had brought her here in the first place.  
  
She went a little deeper but nothing seemed to change. All she heard was the crunch of the dead leaves below her boots and the cold wind howling around her.  
  
She sat down on a fallen tree and looked up at the sky.  
  
The night was clear, giving her a beautiful view of the stars. Coming here and staying here felt right. She felt as if she could learn a lot from the women who resided in Polis. She'd already made friends with most of them.  
  
She'd already grown close to a few of them, like Emori and Luna.  
  
She had left so that she could get some space from all the things she'd done. Looking at the people in Arkadia had only reminded her of the life she'd led. But being here with new faces and new people who didn't know about everything she'd done and all the things that had happened to her made her feel like a different person.

She didn't feel so weighed down. And she'd slowly begun to accept all the things that the Gods had subjected her too. At 18, she felt like she'd suffered enough for a lifetime.  
  
There were people who had it worse, she realized. She'd begun to stop thinking about all the things she'd done wrong and started to think about all the things she'd done right. The list was short but she planned to make it a lot longer than the list of her wrongdoings.  
  
She would go back to Arkadia eventually. A part of her even yearned for it.  
  
But hopefully by then, she really would be a different person.  
  
She felt a little embarrassed when she felt the tears gathering in her eyes. She missed Raven and Finn. Jasper and Monty. Lincoln. Her mother. Hell, she even missed Octavia and Kane.  
  
But Bellamy, she missed the most.  
  
She closed her eyes and conjured him in her mind. The memories would never be as good as the real thing but at least this way, it kind of felt like he was there with her.  
  
It was stupid, childish even, to feel sad at the thought of him. But for some reason, she had felt like he was near and when she couldn't find him, she realized that it must have been her own longing that had made her feel that way.  
  
She had friends. She'd met someone.  
  
And yet his absence felt like a phantom hole in her heart. Like a piece of it had suddenly disappeared and the valves in her heart were trying to grow, trying to fill the small space with their presence and yet, it remained empty.  
  
She swallowed the feeling down.

They would be together soon enough. Not like they were before. She had to accept it. And even if they could never be together in the way they had both wanted to (at some point), they were still mates. He'd forever be a part of her, just as she'd forever be a part of him.  
  
But Octavia was right.  
  
Sometimes it just can't be.  
  
She pushed the thoughts of him away and made her way back to her friends. She'd already told them about who she was.  
  
And she'd told them of her plans in the spring. Bellamy's plans.  
  
They hadn't fully decided yet, but quite a few of them were at least considering joining her. The thought made her smile.  
  
When she returned to Arkadia, she'd be a different girl. And she would surprise them all by bringing a group of fierce shieldmaiden's with her.

* * *

 

**Part III Bellamy**

  
He threw himself into the work of preparing for the journey. He helped build the boats, the weapons and he helped stock supplies. He visited the villages surrounding Arkadia and helped there too.  
  
Being away from home helped.  
  
But he had to go back even if he didn't want to.  
  
At home, their presence lingered everywhere even if they were no longer around. He couldn't even sleep in his own bed.  
  
He hoped that whatever they were doing, they were happy. And every time he got the urge to go back to Polis, he thought about the way Clarke had smiled. He hadn't seen her smile like that since they'd come back from Paris.

She was happy and he was sure that his presence would ruin it.  
  
He hoped that she'd found whatever she'd been after. That she was getting whatever she needed and that the thoughts of all the things she'd left behind didn't weigh her down. If it was peace or a better sense of self that she was after, he hoped that she'd found it.  
  
And on the days where he let the more wounded, more selfish part of him take control, he hoped that she would find her way back home.  
  
Even if they couldn't be together like he wanted them to be, he still wanted her around. Before she became a lover, she'd been his friend. And even after that ended, she'd become something more. Friend was too simple of a word to describe what they'd been.  
  
She'd been his partner **.** His equal. His home.

But he would settle for friend when she came back.  
  
He focused on fixing his relationships with the people in Arkadia. He worked on his relationship with Octavia. And some days, he went to the overlook and thought about all the things that he'd done wrong. He didn't linger on the thought of what could have been, if he would have been different. Mostly he thought about all the things that would be, now that he felt like a changed man.  
  
As much as he missed Clarke and Bjorn, they weren't the only people in his life.  
  
So he worked on telling the people he cared for what they meant to him. He worked on treating people they way they deserved to be treated. And he tried to learn from his mistakes.  
  
His mother had been wrong. His impatience wasn't his greatest weakness, although it was one of them. His inability to forgive and his tendency to hold a grudge were his greatest weaknesses. And he spent a lof of time thinking about how to avoid doing the things he'd done in the past, like letting his anger make him say and do things he'd come to regret.  
  
Maybe if he would have been more forgiving, more understanding like Kane, they would have stayed. And since he couldn't change the past, he'd work on avoiding that in the future.  
  
By the time that spring had arrived, he could almost feel a difference. Not only in Arkadia but in himself, too.  
  
He felt more excited than he'd ever been in his life. Even more so than when he had went on his first journey, almost a year ago.  
  
He'd worked so hard on pushing the thoughts of Clarke and Bjorn away that now, now when he knew it was almost time for them to come home, he wasn't sure of what to expect.

Had they missed him? Did they still look the same? He was sure that Bjorn must have grown quite a bit in the (almost) half a year that they'd been gone. Would he still think the same of Bellamy? Or had he found another father figure?  
  
The thought filled him with anxiety.  
  
He shook his head. What a childish thing for him to think about. If he'd been replaced, he could accept it. He had to come to terms with the idea of someone new taking his place in more ways than one. If it hadn't happened, he'd be glad for it. But if it did, he wanted to be prepared.  
  
Spring was long awaited for more reasons than one. The winter had been harsh this year. But the spring had brought life and light to the land.  
  
He could almost feel the difference, walking through Arkadia. The atmosphere was lighter in a way. The people were more cheerful and the mountains around them bloomed and thrived with greenery and food.  
  
He knew that people would start arriving soon. They would be leaving from more than one place, but Arkadia would be one of the bigger locations for the rendezvous before the journey. People from all over would be coming, making their tents in the woods surrounding Arkadia and helping them with final preparations.  
  
One night, he found himself meticulously cleaning his home. He cleaned every once in a while, but tonight was different. He didn't like that he felt so excited. For all he knew, Clarke and Bjorn might not even come to his home. They might already have plans of their own.

The thought made him stop cleaning.  
  
He studied the drawing of Bjorn that was still nailed to the wall. When he found himself staring at it only a few nights after they'd left, he wished he had thought to ask Clarke to leave a drawing of herself, too.  
  
He shook his head. It was a childish idea.  
  
Even so, the idea of them coming back to Arkadia but not coming home made him feel sadder than he'd felt in weeks.  
  
_Fuck it._  
  
It would be enough just to see them. They didn't have to come home if they didn't want to. He just wanted them near.  
  
He grew more and more nervous with each day that passed. People had started to arrive but still, there was no sign of Clarke and Bjorn.  
  
She had said that she would come back.  
  
He had never even considered what would happen if she didn't. He pushed the thought away. He'd never considered it and he wasn't about to start now.  
  
They were okay. They'd come back. They had to.  
  
And then, on a chilly spring afternoon, he spotted Abby running towards him. She had the biggest smile he'd ever seen on her face.  
  
"They're coming!" she yelled.

"Did you hear that?" Raven asked from beside him. "She means Clarke, doesn't she?"  
  
He looked at her and returned her smile. He'd grown closer to her and Abby in the past few months, since he'd been working on forgiveness.  
  
"I think so" he said.  
  
"Jasper! Monty! Octavia!" Raven yelled. "They're here!"  
  
The three ran out, trailed by Finn and Miller. Together, all six of them ran after Abby. They had missed Clarke and Bjorn, too.  
  
The rest of them had a lot of time to reflect on everything that had happened during Clarke's absence. Bellamy would overhear one of them, and in some cases all of them, talking about her.  
  
Bellamy tried to control himself. He was the earl, after all.  
  
But every step he took after them was faster than the one before.  
  
Eventually, the small group gathered at the entrance to Arkadia and waited.  
  
Bellamy could see a large group heading towards them.  
  
"Who are all those people?" Octavia asked, looking at Bellamy.  
  
"I have no idea" he said.  
  
Eventually the group couldn't wait anymore, so they decided to head towards them so they could meet the newcomers halfway down the hillside.  
  
Bellamy's heart hammered in his chest and he willed himself to calm down.

The others didn't even bother hiding their excitement. But a part of him felt a little guarded, not knowing what to expect.  
  
To his surprise, Clarke was at the very head of the group.  
  
And fuck it, she'd never looked so beautiful.  
  
Her long blonde hair was down, strands of it flying across her face in the wind. She was dressed in sturdy shieldmaiden clothes. A long black jacket and and dark pants. Her head was held high and she walked towards them with a confidence he hadn't seen since before they had gone to Paris.  
  
When he finally tore his eyes away from her, he noticed Bjorn at her side.  
  
Bellamy was right. He had grown. But his face still had that childlike look to it, all chubby cheeks and bright eyes. His hair was longer, too.  
  
Bellamy wondered if he was still the same child he was when he'd left.  
  
And like he had known what Bellamy had been thinking, the boy broke from the group and ran towards him at full speed, reminding Bellamy so much of the day they'd left.  
  
In less than two minutes, the boy crashed into him and wrapped his arms around Bellamy's waist.  
  
Bellamy swallowed past the lump in his throat as Bjorn squeezed harder.  
  
He could feel something soaking through his shirt.  
  
"Bellamy" Bjorn said, looking up at him.

"Bjorn" Bellamy said, looking down at the boy.  
  
He looked up and by that time, Clarke and her group of what he judged to be about fifty people stood right across from him.  
  
The others had been excited but now they all stayed quiet, unsure of how to proceed.  
  
Bjorn finally let go of Bellamy and stood to his side, looking towards Clarke just as Bellamy himself was.  
  
"Bellamy" she said. He couldn't read the expression on her face and it made him a little nervous.  
  
"Clarke" he said.  
  
But then he noticed the way her bottom lip began to quiver a little.  
  
"Bellamy" she repeated, like she couldn't really believe that he was standing before her.  
  
He didn't have time to brace himself as she ran forward and crashed into him, wrapping her arms around his neck while he tried to regain his balance.  
  
For a second his arms stayed at his sides.  
  
But then he snapped out of the disbelief and wrapped his arms around her. And for a little while, he closed his eyes and silently prayed that this really was real. That she was here.  
  
He felt her pressing her warm lips onto the skin just right above his collarbone.

He'd forgotten that the others stood by watching them hug a lot longer than necessary. But he couldn't help it.  
  
She finally pulled back and looked at him like she was searching for something.  
  
"Welcome back" he said.  
  
Her eyes were glassy but her smile was bright and genuine.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
He'd missed her smile.  
  
Suddenly a person to their side coughed and both of them looked at Bjorn. He raised his eyebrows and looked around, silently reminding both of them that there were other people around.  
  
"Mom" Clarke said, spotting her mother and stepping towards her.  
  
After that, she and Bjorn took turns hugging all those who had waited for them.  
  
"So" Murphy said, "What's with the army?" nodding towards all the people behind Clarke.  
  
"Oh" she said, "How foolish of me. I'm sorry. These are my shieldmaidens and they're here to help."  
  
"Your shieldmaides?" Octavia asked.  
  
"Yeah" Clarke said, nodding. "I'm their countess."  
  
"What?" a few people exclaimed at the same time.

"You? The countess?" Jasper exclaimed.  
  
"Don't sound so surprised, you fool" an intimidating but beautiful woman from behind Clarke said. A few of them began to laugh.  
  
"Yeah" Clarke said, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"How did that happen?" Miller asked.  
  
"It's a long story" Clarke said, "And I'll tell you all. But we've been traveling for a long time and we'd really just like to rest for a little while."  
  
"Alright" Bellamy said, "Murphy, why don't you and Miller show these sheildmaidens where they can set up camp? Afterwards, if any of them are hungry take them to the Commons."  
  
Murphy and Miller stepped forward.  
  
"This one looks like a thief" a short woman with a tattoo on her face said, pointing at Murphy.  
  
"Yeah" Clarke said. "Keep an eye on him."  
  
"Well you look like a thief too" Murphy said, smirking at the girl. "What's your name?"  
  
"Emori" the girl said. "Alright. I'll keep an eye on this one. You didn't tell me that the boys here were so damn cute, Clarke."  
  
A few people laughed and slowly the women and few men that had come with Clarke left.  
  
"I hope it's okay that I brought them" Clarke said.

"Of course it's okay" Bellamy said.  
  
The remainder of the group began to walk back to the village. As much as Bellamy wanted to talk to Clarke and Bjorn, he knew he'd have to wait. The others kept talking over one another, asking her about Polis and what had happened.  
  
"The countess before me died a few months ago" Clarke said. "She told them that I was in charge before she died."  
  
"Wow" Raven said, "You must have really proved yourself."  
  
"She did" Bjorn said from beside Bellamy.  
  
But when they entered the village, Clarke stopped and told them that she would join them later. That as much as she had missed them, she and Bjorn were tired.  
  
The others said their goodbyes and pretty soon, it was only the three of them.  
  
"I guess we better head to the others" Clarke said, looking at Bjorn. He nodded.  
  
"What?" Bellamy asked.  
  
Both Clarke and Bjorn looked up at him and he felt a little out of place.  
  
"I mean- I just thought that..." he began.  
  
"Oh" Clarke said, "Oh."  
  
"It's fine I just-" he began.  
  
"No, I just figured you-" she started.

"I mean you could-" he tried again.  
  
"I didn't think-" she said before cutting herself off.  
  
Her cheeks turned a little red and Bellamy looked away. He could feel the tips of his ears burning.  
  
Bjorn looked between the two of them, fighting a smile.  
  
"What I was so gracefully _trying_ to say" Clarke began, "Was that I just figured you expected us to join the others."  
  
"It's not what I expected" he quickly said.  
  
She smiled a little timidly and nodded.  
  
"You are both still so childish" Bjorn said, rolling his eyes. "Clarke and I want to go home, Bellamy. And you want us to. So why don't both of you just say what you feel?"  
  
He walked away, shaking his little head and clucking his tongue.  
  
"Shit" Bellamy said, staring after the boy. "He's even more of a smartass than he was before he left."  
  
"You have no idea" Clarke said.  
  
He looked back at her but she was already staring at him. A bright smile on her face.  
  
"Lets go home" she said.  
  
And together, they followed after Bjorn.

* * *

 

Having them in his home again filled him with a joy he wasn't expecting to feel. He'd been waiting for them, all this time, but once they crossed the threshold he let himself feel just _how much_ he had missed them.  
  
They both looked around. He wasn't sure what they were expecting to find. Everything was as they'd left it.  
  
"This place hasn't changed at all" Clarke said, taking her jacket off and hanging it on the back of a chair at the table.  
  
And even though it didn't really mean anything at all, it made him happy.  
  
"What had you expected?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"Well" she began, looking around a little, "It's a lot cleaner than I imagined it would be."  
  
He smiled before he could stop himself.  
  
"As much as I have missed you" Bjorn began, stepping closer to Bellamy and grabbing his hand, "I really am tired. I must go to bed."  
  
He reached over and put his other hand in Clarke's.  
  
"I am so glad to be home" he said, looking between Clarke and Bellamy. "I am so happy that the Gods have brought us back together again."  
  
Bellamy smiled at him. He wasn't sure if it was the work of the Gods, but whatever it was, he was grateful.  
  
"Sweet dreams" Clarke said, placing a kiss on Bjorn's cheek.

They watched him walk away. Bellamy was a little surprised. He thought that she'd follow but she didn't.  
  
"So" she began once they heard the door to the bedroom closing. "How are you?"  
  
_How am I? How am I?_  
  
He wanted to tell her that he was happier than he'd ever been in his entire life. But he decided against it.  
  
"I'm alright" he said instead. "How are you?"  
  
"I'm alright, too" she said, a smile on her face.  
  
She walked past him and knelt down across the fireplace, tending to the barely burning fire.  
  
He wordlessly joined her.  
  
"Has anything changed? Or are we still leaving soon?"  
  
"That's the plan" he said.  
  
"And is everything ready?" she asked.  
  
"Don't you want to sleep?" he asked, "I know you're tired. I can tell you everything tomorrow."  
  
"No" she said quickly. She blushed a little before adding, "I mean, I'm not that tired. I just...I'd like to take the opportunity to talk. I know we'll probably be busy the next few days."  
  
"Oh" he said. "Well if you're sure."

She sat back down on the floor, getting comfortable as he updated her on the progress they'd made in Arkadia as well as in the other villages.  
  
She kept asking questions and he kept answering. The bags under her eyes made him pretty sure that despite what she said, she was tired. But he'd missed the sound of her voice, so if she wanted to keep pretending like she wasn't tired then he would let her.  
  
When he'd finally caught her up and answered all her questions, they sat in silence for a few minutes before she asked him about how it'd been in Arkadia. She asked about their friends, what they'd been up to.  
  
She had seemed a little surprised by the group she found waiting for her. But Bellamy knew that no matter how they felt before she'd left, the time without her had helped some of them get over whatever it was that had changed their thoughts about her.  
  
He'd heard them speaking of her and Bjorn, even Octavia, more than a few times. Her absence had the same affect on them as it had on him. They began to miss her. And even if there were still a few people in Arkadia who didn't like her, the important people did.  
  
He talked for what felt like hours but she made no move to end the conversation.  
  
Eventually he himself grew tired, and no matter how much he wanted to stay awake, his eyes grew heavy. This was one of the best days of his life. He didn't want it to end.  
  
But he reminded himself that they'd have tomorrow. And they day after that. And hopefully many, many more after that.  
  
"We should probably go to bed" he eventually said, no matter how much he didn't want to.  
  
"Don't you want to know about what I've been up to?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course" he said. He felt a little guilty. He'd talked the entire night. "Of course I do."  
  
She laughed.  
  
"I'm just teasing you" she said, a playful smile on her lips. "I know it's late. We can- we can talk more tomorrow?"  
  
She phrased it like a question. Like she was going to let him decide if they would talk tomorrow.  
  
"Tomorrow it is" he said, smiling at her.  
  
She rose and bid him a good night.  
  
But on her way to the bedroom she turned around to find him staring after her.  
  
He dropped his eyes.  
  
"Bellamy?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm really glad I'm home" she said.  
  
His heart lodged into his throat. Before he could even try to respond, she turned away and went to bed.  
  
She seemed different. Kind of like the Clarke he'd first met and not the Clarke he'd lived with those last two months before she left.  
  
Even though she hadn't told him anything about what she'd been up to, he could tell that something had changed. She no longer had that distant look in her eyes. She seemed...happy. So unlike the tortured soul he'd been living with.  
  
It made him smile to himself.  
  
He didn't know what had happened to her. He wasn't sure if he'd like it. But seeing her like she was before, before life had worn her down made him happy. No matter what it was, he was glad for it. Even though the past six months without her and Bjorn had left him feeling empty, he was sure that it'd been worth it.  
  
She'd found whatever she'd been after.  
  
And now she was home.

* * *

 

They didn't get much time to talk the next day. Almost as soon as she'd woken up, she went to her shieldmaidens.  
  
But he understood. She was a leader. She had responsibilities.  
  
He made time for Bjorn. Even though he had things to take care of, he put them off as long as he could so that he'd have time to catch up with Bjorn.  
  
They walked together to the overlook Bellamy had shown him and sat there for a couple of hours.  
  
Bjorn told him about what he'd been up to since they'd gone. Bellamy told him about what had happened in Arkadia.  
  
But on the way down, Bjorn seemed a little distant and Bellamy started to feel a little nervous.  
  
"How come..." Bjorn began after a while, "How come you never came to look for us?"  
  
He looked sad and Bellamy felt an ache in his chest.  
  
"I did" he said.  
  
"What? When?" Bjorn asked.  
  
"Almost as soon as you left" Bellamy said. "But I couldn't find you."  
  
He didn't want to admit that he'd been in Polis that night.  
  
"Oh" Bjorn said.

But after that the distance disappeared and he was the same, cheerful boy that Bellamy had come to love.  
  
And he was like a magnet. Wherever Bellamy went, Bjorn followed. He didn't leave his side for a minute. It was almost as if he was trying to make up for the long absence. But it made Bellamy happy.  
  
That night they ate together in the Commons, along with a few of their friends as well as some of the shieldmaidens that had come with Clarke.  
  
Bellamy and Bjorn walked in a little later than the others. The place was packed but they made their way to a table that most of their close friends sat at. They made room for Bellamy and Bjorn.  
  
"Luna" Bjorn said to the woman beside him. "This is.." he hesitated, looking up at Bellamy. "This is my father, Bellamy."  
  
Before Bellamy could collect his thoughts the woman spoke up.  
  
"Ah" she said, "So this is Bellamy? I've heard a lot about you. I hope you can live up to the expectations" she said, smiling at him.  
  
"I hope so too" he said, smiling back.  
  
It made him happy, knowing that Bjorn had talked about him to his new group of friends.  
  
Bellamy slowly got to know a few of Clarke's closest new friends. A few of them stuck out to him. Like Indra, a quiet but fierce woman. She and Octavia seemed to get along well. Anya, another quiet but more guarded woman. Emori, the complete opposite. She sat beside Murphy and teased him all night.

And all the while, Bellamy felt himself almost unconsciously paying attention to Clarke. And even though a part of her was different, the things he had loved the most about her were the same. Like the way she spoke with confidence and the way her presence demanded attention. The easy way she talked and the smile on her face.  
  
Yeah, a part of her was different. But for the most part she was still the same person he'd grown to care for.  
  
They stayed and chatted for hours. And whenever he looked up to find her staring at him from a few seats down, she'd smile and hold his gaze.  
  
When it was finally time to go, he walked with her and Bjorn. After Bjorn went to bed, they stayed up like they had the night before and talked.  
  
This time, he was the one asking the questions and she was the one that talked for hours.  
  
She told him about her life in Polis, about all the people she'd met and the things she'd done. He could tell that a lot of the positivity surrounding her had come from the time she'd spent there, the people she'd met and the thing's she'd learned.  
  
He kept waiting for her to mention the girl he'd seen her with, all those months ago. The girl she kissed and smiled at. But she said nothing and he didn't push her.  
  
But she was being so open about everything else that a part of him had started to wonder why she hadn't said anything.  
  
He hated to admit it but when they'd arrived, after he had drank her and Bjorn in, he looked around for the woman but he couldn't spot her. And he didn't see her in the Commons either. Was she here at all? He wanted to ask but he wasn't sure if it was his place to, anymore.

Before they went to bed, she surprised him yet again by putting her arms around his neck and holding him for a few minutes.  
  
The hug was a lot more peaceful than their first one had been. She held him longer than he thought she would but he made no move to let go. He'd missed her so fucking much.  
  
After pulling apart, they said goodnight and she went to the bedroom. Bellamy laid down, wondering how it could possibly feel like she'd never been gone. Like she'd been there all this time and tonight was no exception.

* * *

  
The next morning, he took her and a small group of her shieldmaidens to the boats. They wanted to see. They were excited and pretty soon some of their excitement had rubbed off on him.  
  
"Why did you come if you were tired of fighting?" he asked Luna on the way there. Bjorn and Clarke had basically told him all of their stories; the stories of the women who had come with Clarke. He found hers particularly interesting. Especially since here she was, getting ready for a fight when it was the exact thing she'd run from.  
  
"A friend of mine convinced me" she said. "She convinced me that this was the right thing to do. I told her that it wouldn't make any difference, if I came of not. I am one woman, after all. But she reminded me victory stood on the back of sacrifice. My feelings are not a high price to pay if we can really make the lives of our people better."  
  
Bellamy nodded, thinking about the woman's words.  
  
"But after this" she said, "I'm done."

"Me too" he said.  
  
He hoped it was true. He hoped that after this, he'd never have to fight again. He still meant what he'd said to Clarke all those months ago. He didn't want to be king. But his personal wants and needs weren't a priority now. His people needed him.  
  
Clarke made her way to him and they walked together for the rest of the way. They spent a little time by the boats. The shieldmaidens seemed impressed and he could tell that it was getting to some of the men who had helped build them.  
  
Jasper in particular. Bellamy watched him trip over his own two feet when one of the girls complimented him. Bellamy was pretty sure that her name was Maya. He hadn't really talked to her, she seemed a little shy. But she and Jasper bonded and the site made Bellamy happy.  
  
On the way back, he watched as Jasper clumsily tried to explain how he and Monty designed the structure of the boats while Maya listened.  
  
Clarke had walked up beside him and noticed.  
  
"They really seem to be hitting it off" she commented.  
  
Bellamy nodded.  
  
"So do they" she added, nodding towards Murphy and Emori.  
  
Bellamy smiled. He'd never seen Murphy so smitten.  
  
"Have you found anyone?" she suddenly asked.  
  
He thought about the day she left and all the days after. Had she hoped that he had?

"No" he said, looking straight ahead.  
  
She nodded and they continued on in a comfortable silence.  
  
He thought about asking her, too. Even though he knew she had. But she'd asked with a casual voice and he was pretty sure that if he asked, his voice would be anything but casual.  
  
They ate in a big group again. Bellamy found himself feeling very hopeful. The shieldmaidens and the others who had come would be a great asset.  
  
After dinner, he sought Bjorn out and together they went for a walk.  
  
They talked about a few random things before Bellamy finally got the courage to ask about what he really wanted to ask about.  
  
"Did she find someone?" he asked.  
  
He didn't have to explain. Bjorn knew what he meant.  
  
"Yeah" Bjorn said, nodding and looking over at him. Bellamy couldn't read the expression on his face but his heart sank all the same. He'd seen them. He knew she had but even so, just hearing it made him feel a little sad.  
  
"Well what happened? Why isn't she here?" Bellamy asked. He realized that he'd basically given himself away with the question.  
  
"She died" Bjorn said.  
  
Bellamy stopped in his tracks.

"What?"  
  
"She died" Bjorn repeated.  
  
"When? How?"  
  
"Almost three months ago" Bjorn said.  
  
_Three months ago?_  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"She got sick" Bjorn said, shrugging his shoulders. They started walking again while Bellamy waited for the boy to go on.  
  
"She was the countess" Bjorn said, "And I think that she fell in love with Clarke almost as soon as we got there. After a while, Clarke let her in and they had a few short weeks together before she got sick. Before she died, she told her people that Clarke would take her place."  
  
As sad as he'd been to hear that she really had found someone, now he only felt sadder. She'd found someone and they too had been taken from her.  
  
He wondered how she'd taken it but he decided not to ask Bjorn. Clarke would tell him if she wanted to.  
  
They went back to the Commons and spent a few more hours with their friends. Once they went home Bjorn went to bed and Clarke and Bellamy stayed up.  
  
"Let's go to the sea" Clarke said. She was a little drunk. "It's been so long."  
  
"Alright" Bellamy said and together they made their way down to the water.

They sat on the ground and talked for a while. Still she made no move to bring up the girl.  
  
"Why haven't you found anyone?" she suddenly asked, looking over at him through glassy eyes.  
  
The sudden change in topic surprised him and he wasn't really sure how to answer the question so he just shrugged.  
  
She waited.  
  
"I don't know" he said. It wasn't true but he didn't think he had it in him to tell her.  
  
Clarke nodded and took another sip of the wine she'd brought with them. She passed it to him and he took a few drinks, hoping it would calm him a little.  
  
"Why haven't you told me about her?" he asked before he could stop himself.  
  
She looked at him like she knew it was what he'd been wanting to ask.  
  
"There isn't much to tell" she said.  
  
She stayed quiet for a few minutes and he didn't push the subject.  
  
"We met. Shared a few short weeks together and then she died" she said. Her voice sounded a little closed off, like she didn't want to talk about it.  
  
He nodded and looked away, watching as the water came closer and then backed away.

"She's not the first person I've lost" Clarke said after a while. "And somehow I doubt she will be the last. I mourned for her and I moved on. Just as I did for all of the other things I've lost."  
  
He felt that familiar ache in his chest, thinking about all the things she had lost. All of the things she'd been through.  
  
"But still" he said, "It must've broken your heart."  
  
She was quiet for a few minutes, looking past the water like she saw something he didn't.  
  
She finally turned to face him and he saw a sad look in her eyes. The same look that he was pretty sure she saw in his.  
  
"It didn't" she said, "My heart was broken a long time ago."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, REALLY appreciated all the comments on the last chapter. As upset as some of you may have been, I hope you trust me enough to know that I plan to make up for the darkness and the angst by the end of this fic.
> 
> Anyway! They're reunited! What do you guys think of the new relationship between Bellarke? The time apart really helped them grow and learn how to come back together. And how about Bellamy's decision to go after Clarke, only to leave her be once he did? Clarke's time away? The intro of some new characters? And the last scene between them? Where will I take things? Hmm.
> 
> Next chapter is called "The Vikings Are Told of Clarke's Death."
> 
> I know, I know. I'm evil. Stay tuned to find out! 
> 
> And as always, thank you all for reading and for your wonderful comments :) xoxo -angsty girl


	12. The Vikings Are Told of Clarke's Death

**Part I- Clarke**  
  
He was different.  
  
She couldn't explain in what way, exactly. His smile was still the same. He still felt like the same person. But something about him was different.  
  
On the way to Arkadia, she'd thought about him more than she'd care to admit. Wondering which version of him she'd find. Wondering if he'd still be the same person she'd left behind.  
  
Most of him was. But she couldn't deny that some part of him had changed, even if she couldn't put her finger on it. She'd thought that hearing him talk about what he'd been up to would have given her some sort of idea of what had changed him but it hadn't.  
  
Whatever it was, he seemed...better. Whatever had happened to him in the months she and Bjorn had been gone had changed him and before she could stop herself, she asked Octavia about it. Maybe there was something that he'd been keeping from her?  
  
She'd been a little surprised to find all of her old friends waiting for her. She felt a little cautious at first. But coming home to them waiting for her with open arms and smiles on their faces made her happier than she thought it would.  
  
The resentment and anger that had come with her betrayal had disappeared and pretty soon she found herself relaxing. Happy that things finally felt like they'd felt before.  
  
"What do you mean?" Octavia asked.

"He seems a little different" Clarke said. Clarke had noticed that Octavia and Raven had mended their relationship. And now the three sat together at the edge of the woods, watching a large group train.  
  
"Don't we all?" Octavia asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I guess so" Clarke said. It was true. Most of the people she'd left behind did seem different. Stronger, in a way.  
  
"I think" Octavia began, looking out at the water, "I think that you and Bjorn leaving kind of...woke him up I guess."  
  
Clarke waited for her to elaborate but she didn't.  
  
"He's better" Clarke finally said. Maybe time away from her was what he needed, just as she'd needed time to herself away from all the people here.  
  
"He is" Octavia said, looking over at her.  
  
A part of her had wished that she'd been here to see it. Whatever it was that had changed him. But maybe it wouldn't have happened if she wouldn't have left. If her absence somehow made him happier, then she was happy for it. Despite the fact that she felt like a different person, and the fact that she finally accepted herself, a part of her had wondered if she would have been able to do the same thing here. Maybe she could have, if she had learned to forgive herself.  
  
But she'd left and now she had to accept that their lives had moved on without her. They could tell her their stories but she'd never really know what it was that had changed all of them.

Just as they'd never really know what she'd been through. They were all different people and they had to get to know one another again.  
  
They went back to training.  
  
Later that evening, she sat next to Luna, waiting for the rest of their friends to join. She noticed that Luna had been a little on edge that day and Clarke wanted to ask why.  
  
"It's nothing" Luna said. But then her eyes searched the room until they landed on Derrick, a few tables away.  
  
"Did something happen?" Clarke asked. Luna and Derrick had pretty much been stuck to one another's hips since they'd gotten to Arkadia.  
  
"We got in a fight" Luna said. "He thinks that I should stay behind when you guys leave."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Isn't it obvious?" Luna asked, running a hand over her now swollen belly.  
  
Clarke thought about the best way to phrase her answer for a little while.  
  
"Maybe he's right?" she suggested, "I mean, it's a long journey. And it'll be a bloodbath even if we do succeed."  
  
Luna glared at her but Clarke stared back. It was something she herself had been wanting to bring up.  
  
"If Bellamy wanted to leave you behind, would you stay?" Luna asked.

Clarke felt a little taken aback by the question. By what Luna had implied.  
  
"Didn't think so" she said before rising to her feet and leaving the room.  
  
The days pass while they wait for the remainder of the group that would be joining them. Clarke trains and spends her time trying to get to know all the people she left behind. Her shieldmaidens slowly begin to bring their walls down, accepting and even befriending some of the people in Arkadia.  
  
The site of her old friends and her new friends bonding during training and during their evening meals makes Clarke happy. And it fills her with a hope that she wasn't expecting to feel. Surely with all of these people by her side, they could bring the king down.  
  
The few hours that she gets to spend with Bellamy and Bjorn without the presence of anyone else are the sweetest. In a weird way, she feels as if she'd never really left. Everything between the three was almost the same.  
  
Almost. But not quite.  
  
Because now, she didn't feel that distance that had grown between her and Bellamy after the night she finally told him. Now, there was no distance. And it wasn't like the time they had spent on the kings land, either. Then, she'd constantly been plagued with guilt.  
  
For the first time since they'd met, they were finally on the same page. The same wavelength. With no secrets and no animosity between them.  
  
It made her happy and it made her afraid.  
  
After losing so much, she was afraid to gain anything new. Having something also meant having the opportunity to lose it. But as much as it scared her, she couldn't let herself get away. She couldn't put the wall back up. She couldn't distance herself.

But she found herself thinking about one of the very first real conversations she'd had with Bellamy. She thought about what he said, all that time ago, about how it was better to live happy and die than live unhappy and die anyway.  
  
They would all die. She was sure of it. It was the when she wasn't sure of. But if her death would come before, after, or during their raid of Paris, she wanted to die knowing that she hadn't hidden away from life.  
  
So they got to know one another again. They trained and they talked late into the night.  
  
It was true, what she'd told him. Her heart had been broken a long time ago. But coming home, to Arkadia, was starting to mend whatever it was that was broken.  
  
She forgave her mother and all the people who had treated her badly. Even if a few of them didn't deserve her forgiveness, she did. So she accepted the apologies and went on feeling lighter than she'd felt in a long, long time.  
  
She came home late one evening, just a few days before they were supposed to leave. She'd been in the Commons, trying to settle a dispute between a few of her shieldmaidens and some of the new vikings that had arrived. She didn't know them very well, but they had come from Azgeda. From what little she knew about them, she knew that they had a reputation as being one of the more ruthless viking villages.  
  
She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that at first she hadn't noticed Bellamy sitting by the fire.  
  
She was a little surprised to find him. It was pretty late in the night.  
  
"Hey" she said, sitting down beside him. "Why are you still awake?"

"I couldn't sleep" he said.  
  
She nodded as she thought about the best way to approach the topic that had been bothering her for the past few days.  
  
"So, there's something that I've kind of wanted to talk to you about" she began. "Those...those vikings, from Azgeda? I'm not sure if..."  
  
He turned to look at her but his expression was almost bored. Or maybe he was just tired.  
  
"I'm not sure if we should let them come" she said.  
  
That got his attention.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Have you seen them? Heard some of the things they have been saying?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah. And?"  
  
"They don't just want to kill the king and his men, Bellamy."  
  
He turned away.  
  
"We can't trust them not to kill civilians. They're innocent" she said.  
  
"Not all of them are" he said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing" he said, shaking his head. "I know. I understand. But it's not like I can leave them behind. We need as many willing warriors as we can get. The more I think about what you've told me about Paris the more sure I am that we need men like them."  
  
They'd held a meeting a few days ago. Clarke, Finn, Raven and Abby told Bellamy and his council everything they knew about Paris. Besides the wall surrounding the city, the biggest advantage the king had was that his castle was in the very heart of the city. The vikings would have to go through the city, no matter what side they came from, just to get to him. If they could get to him, at all.  
  
"I know that-that you want to save as many of them as possible. I want that, too. But no matter how I look at it..."  
  
He didn't finish the sentence. He didn't have to. She understood. No matter how they looked at it, a lot of people would have to die. Clarke was sure that it wasn't just the kings men that would put up a fight. The civilians would fight for their city, too. Just as the people here would fight for their home.  
  
"Maybe you could talk to them?" she suggested.  
  
"And say what, exactly?"  
  
"I don't know!" she exclaimed. Why didn't he understand?  
  
"You don't understand" he said, almost like he knew what she'd been thinking.  
  
She stood up and walked away. She hated being told that it was her that didn't understand. Especially when she was sure that it was him who didn't.  
  
"And what is it that I don't understand?" she asked. They hadn't argued in a very, very long time. She didn't want to start now. So she focused on controlling her voice.  
  
"You don't understand what kind of position I'm in" he said, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
"Actually, I think it's you who doesn't understand, Bellamy. You've never been to Paris. I was the one who grew up there. I know, I know, that most of the people in that city deserve to be saved."  
  
He rose, too. And pretty soon they were standing across from one another.  
  
And there it was again. That invisible wall that would keep them apart. No matter how much time she spent here, despite the fact that Arkadia had become her home, she was from one side of the sea and he was from the other.  
  
It had always been there, that wall. From the moment she'd gotten here, no matter if they were hundreds of feet away from one another or pressed so close no space was visible between them. It had faded and she had forgotten about it, so happy to be by his side again. But now it was here, reminding her that it'd never really left.  
  
"That's exactly why you don't understand" he said.  
  
She shook her head, willing herself to calm down. She been expecting him, out of all people, to stand firmly by her side on this.  
  
"Don't be angry with me for saying that" he said, "I don't mean it in a hurtful way."  
  
"How the hell can you even say that? I thought that you, out of all people, would understand? Would side with me on this?" she exclaimed.  
  
"I know" he said, "But you're not the only person that expects me to side with them, Clarke."  
  
That made her deflate, the thought of him siding with her just because of whatever it was that they were.  
  
"I just.." he began. He sighed and sat down, shaking his head a little. "I don't know what to do."  
  
She sat down across from him. As upset as she'd been, she wanted to help him work through whatever it was that he was struggling with.

"I say you don't understand because you don't" he said, looking at her from across the table. "You've lived with us for a year. You've been subjected to the...the cruelty of the king for a year. But some of us have been subjected to it our entire lives. Some of them have lost everything imaginable because of that man. And I'm not trying to...to lessen the importance of the things you've lost but...you're not the only one."  
  
She looked down at her hands. She knew that. She knew that there were people here that had lost, that had suffered a lot more than she had.  
  
"And I'm not saying that makes it okay for them to go to Paris and kill every single person there. I know that there are innocent people there. I know that. But I also know that there are a lot of people who knew the truth but turned the other cheek because they were safe. Because they were fed and taken care of while hundreds of us went without. And even so, I don't think they deserve death" he said.  
  
He sighed and put his head in his hands.  
  
"But I am just one man. If I talk of mercy and forgiveness, they'll think me weak. And even so, I'd do it but once we get there it's not like...not like I can control them. I can't be responsible for their actions. They want revenge. They want me to give it to them. So what am I supposed to do?" he asked, lifting his head and looking at her again. "What can I do?"  
  
She realized a second later that he really was asking, that it wasn't a rhetorical question.  
  
"I-I don't know" she answered. And now she honestly didn't. When the men of Azgeda talked, they talked only of their revenge. But now she realized that she really didn't understand. She couldn't understand because she had been the one at the other end of their suffering.

"If there was a way for me to...to kill the king and those closest to him before they noticed our presence, I would do it. Then maybe there'd be less bloodshed. But the people will fight as long as they think they have a chance. And they'll think they have it until we can reach the king and his men. So no matter which way I look at it....people will die. It's either going to be us or them" he said.  
  
She felt a strange feeling wash over her at his words. He was voicing her thoughts, all those months ago, when she'd been battling with herself about her actions. She'd thought the same thing, _us or them._  
  
"I choose them" he finally said.  
  
He rose from the chair and went to his makeshift bed, telling her that the conversation was over without really telling her.  
  
No matter how much she wished it wouldn't, sleep ran from her that night. Her conversation with Bellamy replaying over and over in her mind.  
  
_Us or them._  
  
_If there was a way for me to..._  
  
_I choose them._  
  
And no matter how long and hard she thought about it, there was no easy way out. No right decision. No good option.  
  
The closer they got to their departure, the more uneasy Clarke began to feel. Even if they won, even if they succeeded, there would be casualties. She had accepted all the things she'd lost but she wasn't ready to lose anything else.

She hadn't gotten a chance to talk to Bellamy alone since the night they'd talked about the men from Azgeda. They'd both been too busy and too tired to stay awake most nights. They were making the final preparations and they each had a lot to do.  
  
The night before their departure, they sat in the Commons, celebrating with their friends. And despite the fact that the two of them had been a lot more worried than the people around them, the excitement was hard to ignore and pretty soon they had found themselves drinking and laughing with their friends, talking of the adventure that would become a reality at daybreak.  
  
At some point, people were drunk enough to want to dance.  
  
Clarke sat at the corner of the room with a few of her friends, watching the people in the very center of the room stumble and dance in their drunken state. And no matter how worried she had been, she couldn't help but feel happy. Happy, watching her old friends and her new friends celebrate and dance with one another.  
  
She wanted to remember this night. She wasn't sure if they'd ever get another one like it. And if they would, it wouldn't be for a while.  
  
So she relished in the happiness. Content, in her little corner of the room. Watching the people she loved most enjoy their lives.  
  
At some point, she finally noticed Bellamy watching her from the other side of the room. She knew that he'd been as worried as she had. Maybe even more so. But there he sat, right across the room, wine in hand and a smile on his face.  
  
He didn't look away like she expected him to. Instead, he watched her. A playful look in his eye and a smile on his lips.  
  
And just like that, she felt it again.

She thought about the night they'd danced, almost a year ago, and the way the space between them had felt.  
  
It felt the same, even though they were different people now.  
  
She held his gaze and smiled back, silently telling him that she was thinking about it, too.  
  
After that, the feeling was too hard to ignore. She kept looking up, finding his eyes in the crowded room and feeling happy to find that most of the time he was already looking at her.  
  
No matter now many people approached him, no matter how many people she talked to, their eyes kept finding one another's.  
  
The butterflies flapped their wings in her stomach again and the wine made her feel more confident, more flirty than she'd felt in a long, long time.  
  
She appreciated the feeling. She was 19 years old. She'd suffered through more than her fair share of misfortune. She wanted to feel light and happy. She wanted to feel all the things she was supposed to be feeling, at her age.  
  
Tomorrow would come and she would remain a leader with responsibilities. But she wanted to feel young and normal, if only for one night.  
  
She figured that he felt the same way. She hadn't seen him so...so happy, so relaxed, in a very long time. She watched from the corner as he put the wine down and danced with Abby, with Raven and with Murphy. He laughed. He smiled. And it made her happier than it should have.  
  
Eventually she approached him with a new kind of confidence.  
  
"Do you want to go for a walk?" she asked.

The playful look in his eye, something she so rarely saw, hadn't vanished and he agreed. They walked from the Commons, Bellamy stumbling a little, and made their way down to the shore.  
  
The boats were out and visible to their left. Ten sleek, beautiful boats.  
  
They sat down beside one another and spent a few moments studying them. They really were beautiful. But they were also a reminder of what was to come. Neither one of them had thought of a solution to the problem that had kept both of them awake. But Clarke was glad that someone understood. That someone felt the same way she was feeling. And she was glad that it was him.  
  
"Do you ever think about what might have been?" she asked, the wine loosening her tongue and making it easier for her to say the things that she'd only been thinking up until that night.  
  
"What might have been?" he asked, looking over at her with hooded lids and glassy eyes.  
  
"With us?" she asked, finding it a lot easier to look at him. More so than ever before.  
  
"Oh" he said, turning away and looking out at the water. "Yeah. Sometimes."  
  
"Really?" she asked. And even in her drunken state, her heart skipped a beat.  
  
"Yeah" he said.  
  
"What do you think about?" she asked, urging him on. She wanted to know if he'd ever thought of the things she had.

"I think about what would have happened if you would have told me sooner. When you got here, for instance. I think about what would have happened if I would have forgiven you sooner. I think about what would have happened if you wouldn't have left at all" he said, sounding a lot more comfortable than she'd thought he'd sound, admitting those things to her.  
  
"What do you think would have happened?" she asked.  
  
"I don't really know" he said, shrugging a little. "Not much point in looking back, right?"  
  
"Right" she said, nodding her head. "And what about now? What happens now?"  
  
"Well" he began, "I don't know that either. I don't know if we'll make it out of this alive. But if we do...I guess we can figure it out then."  
  
She suppressed a laugh but couldn't hide her smile. She was pretty sure that they were the only two people in the world who could talk about their deaths like that.  
  
"What's so funny?" he slurred. But he was smiling, too.  
  
"Nothing" she said, leaning back on her hands. "Nothing at all."  
  
"What do you think will happen?"  
  
"I don't know" she said. And she didn't. "They will want you to be king. But I'll still be Clarke."  
  
"You know I don't want to be king" he said.

"Even so. That's what they will want from you. That's what they'll expect...and even when you're not the king anymore, you'll still want the same things you told me you wanted a long time ago."  
  
"What did I want?"  
  
"You said you wanted to come home. Build a home in the woods. Have a family of your own" she said, recalling what he'd told her all those months ago. The thought made her sad. He wanted a family of his own. And she couldn't give him that.  
  
"Things change" he said, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
"Yeah?" she asked. She felt like he'd only said it for her benefit. He knew she could never have children.  
  
"Yeah" he said.  
  
She stared out at the water. It really did seem like it was fate. Them, being parallel lines that were supposed to run by one another but never cross. Be close, but never together.  
  
"Fuck I just.." he began, looking over at her.  
  
"Just what?" she asked.  
  
"I just really wanna kiss you right now" he slurred.  
  
"I-I'm not sure that would be a good idea" she said. Even though she was drunk, she couldn't help the blush that crept it's way up her chest.  
  
"And why not?" he asked, like he was completely unphased by her rejection. "I've kissed you before. I think you liked it."  
  
She smiled despite herself.  
  
"I did" she said. "But that doesn't mean it would be a good idea. I've-I've got nothing to offer you, Bellamy. I can't give you the things you want. It's fate."  
  
"Fuck fate" he said, looking up at the sky. "Fate is just an excuse to give up. Stop fighting for whatever it is that you want."  
  
"Yeah?" she asked. Despite the morbid conversation, she couldn't help but smile. She hadn't seen him so relaxed, so at ease in a long time. "And what is it that you want?"  
  
He thought about it for a few minutes before answering.  
  
"Right now, I just really want to fucking kiss you" he said, smirking at her. "And who knows? Maybe we'll both die in Paris. I don't want to die before I get another chance to kiss you."  
  
"You are such a jackass" she said.  
  
"Maybe so" he said. "But you know I'm right. Do you really want to die, knowing that you passed up an opportunity to kiss me again?"  
  
"Wow. Someone sure does think highly of himself."  
  
"How?" he asked.  
  
"You're basically saying that if I die, my last thought will be of you and your fucking kiss?"  
  
"Well, I am a really good kisser."  
  
She shoved him and he fell onto his back, laughing all the while. She laid down beside him and looked up at the sky.  
  
"You do realize that this might be our last night in Arkadia?" she asked. "We might not come back."  
  
"I know" he said, looking up at the sky just like she was.  
  
They laid in silence for a while.  
  
"Everything will change" she said after a while. "No matter what happens in Paris. As soon as we leave tomorrow, things will be different."  
  
The thought made her sad. Even if the outcome was for the best, even if life would be better for their people, things would never be the same.  
  
"I know" he repeated. "Which is exactly why you should kiss me right now. Who knows what tragedies tomorrow will bring?"  
  
She looked over at him, wondering how in the world they'd gotten to this place. How their completely different lives had led them to this very moment, together, with the greatest journey of their lives only hours away.  
  
"Alright" she said.  
  
_It's the wine. It must be._  
  
"Really?" he asked, raising an eyebrow but smirking at her all the same.  
  
"Yeah" she said, "Go ahead and kiss me. Before I change my mind."  
  
He laughed, shaking his head a little while she smiled at him.  
  
"How about you kiss me?" he suggested, still laying flat on his back.  
  
"Fine" she huffed, turning on her side.  
  
She pushed all other thoughts away and let herself be a drunk 19 year old girl, laying underneath the stars on a warm spring night.  
  
She rose on her elbow and leaned over until her face was only a few inches away from his.  
  
"Hold on" he said, an easy smile on his face, "I want to remember this."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It might be the last time I kiss Clarke Griffin. I'd like to remember it. Something to think about before I die" he slurred.  
  
She rolled her eyes but smiled wide all the same.  
  
"Okay" he whispered. "I'll let you kiss me."  
  
"What? This was your idea!" she exclaimed.  
  
_It must be the wine_. There was no other explanation for why they were behaving like this. Like two flirty teenagers and not two people planning on changing the way of their world tomorrow.  
  
"Shut up and kiss me already" he said.  
  
And before she could think twice, she dropped her head, pressing her lips to his.  
  
They were a lot warmer than she'd remembered them being. She held her lips on his for a few seconds. And even though she could feel the curiosity, the longing and the heat bubbling in her stomach, she pulled away.

* * *

 

**Part II- Bellamy**

  
As drunk as he was, kissing her made everything stop.  
  
When he opened his eyes, his surroundings stood still and quiet and all he could see was her pale face in the moonlight. Her cheeks were flushed even though they couldn't have kissed for more than five seconds.  
  
Kissed wasn't even the right word. It was really even a kiss. She had placed her lips on his a before he knew it, it was over and she was pulling away.  
  
But he was drunk. And all the reasons he shouldn't do what he wanted to do faded away. All he could think about was what it felt like to kiss her again. To have her here, safe. To feel her presence again. He had missed her so much. And despite all the things she'd done, they lying and informing, he knew that he was more at fault than she was.  
  
If he'd been understanding, maybe even kind to her when she had first gotten there, if he had shown her that vikings weren't all the bad things that she'd been told that they were, then maybe she would have confided in him sooner. If he would have tried to understand, if he would have been forgiving, then maybe she wouldn't have left at all.  
  
And because he wasn't, she'd left and he'd lost almost six months with her. He could die in less than that. Because of what he'd done, if he really did die in Pairs, he'd have to die knowing that he pushed her away for things that were out of her control. He lost the only thing that really mattered in their life; time.  
  
Time he'd never get back. No matter how much he wished he could.  
  
With that in mind, he gingerly put his hand on the back of her head, stroking her hair and wishing that time would stop. He waited for a moment, searching for any sign of hesitancy on her part. When he got none, he pulled her head down and brought her lips to his once again.  
  
He felt it. The same feeling he felt the few times he had kissed her before this.  
  
Longing. Lust. And maybe even a little desperation. Knowing that a lot of time together wasn't guaranteed.  
  
She went a little stiff. He waited.  
  
If she wasn't ready to kiss him, really kiss him, then he'd give her time even if they didn't have much left.  
  
But then she seemed to relax, her lips parting slightly and he took it as a sign. He pressed her even closer, letting his tongue trace her bottom lip.  
  
And finally, he kissed her like he'd been wanting to kiss her since she'd left. Longer, if he was going to be honest with himself.  
  
The kisses were slow and curious, but once her mouth parted a little, he couldn't find it in himself to stay relaxed. He slid his tongue into her mouth, the wine making him feel warmer than he'd felt in a long while, grabbing at her hair and keeping her head in place.  
  
The feeling of her tongue against his own sent a bolt of electricity through him, making him feel even drunker than he felt before the kiss.  
  
Something hungry clawed in his chest as he slid the hand from her hair to her back.  
  
She must've felt it too because not a second later, she crawled on top of him, straddling his hips and keeping him pinned to the ground.  
  
He grabbed her hips as she ran her hands up his chest, their kisses getting more frantic by the second. He slid his hands underneath her shirt, grabbing the warm flesh on her hips. Feeling her grind against him gave him the courage to let his hands wander a little further up her sides.  
  
"Hey! Who's down there?" a voice yelled.  
  
They both jumped at the sound. Clarke pushed off of him and landed on her ass, now sitting beside him instead of on top of him.  
  
"Oh! It's just Clarke and Bellamy!" Jasper yelled from a few feet away.  
  
They heard a few more voices, along with the loud trampling of boots coming their way.  
  
Bellamy stared up at the sky, trying to control his breathing. He closed his eyes, trying to will away the feeling. They'd only kissed. Barely touched at all. And yet, he couldn't recall the last time he'd felt so hot.  
  
"Yeah it's just us!" Clarke yelled back.  
  
She ran a hand through her hair and looked to her other side.  
  
"What are you two doing down here?" Octavia asked, taking a seat right between them.  
  
"We-we were just talking" Clarke said. "About the trip tomorrow."  
  
"That right?" Octavia asked, raising an eyebrow and looking between the two of them.  
  
Luckily, the others began sitting down around them and the topic, or accusation, was dropped. Instead, they sat on the shore with their closest friends.  
  
It felt right, ending the night with the people they'd gone on the first journey with. As glad as Bellamy was for the support of all of the others, the others who had traveled long and far to join him, he knew that he couldn't do this without the people now gathered around him.  
  
They talked and drank, laughing too loudly and teasing one another. Bellamy silently studied each of them. His amazing little sister. Lincoln. Jasper and Monty. Miller and Murphy. Raven. And Clarke.  
  
He needed his group. His people.  
  
"Where's Bjorn?" he asked.  
  
"He went to bed. Said he wanted to be well rested for the journey. And then he called us idiots for not wanting to do the same" Murphy said.  
  
They laughed and spent a few more hours together. No one said it, but Bellamy knew that they were all thinking the same thing he was. That they might not get another chance to do this again. And even if they all miraculously survived, who knew when or if they'd ever come home?  
  
So they stayed until they knew it was time to go. They each slowly rose to their feet, standing in a circle.  
  
"I just-" Bellamy began.  
  
"Oh, here comes the speech" Murphy said, elbowing Miller in the process.  
  
"No speech" Bellamy said. And he didn't feel embarrassed for what he was about to say. Maybe it was because he'd finally become comfortable with telling people how he felt. Or maybe it was because he was drunk. Probably a mix of the two. "I just want to say thank you. All of you. You've been great friends. The Gods blessed me when they led me to you."  
  
The others began to look around at one another. No one found the topic funny or lighthearted. They all understood why he was saying it.  
  
"And if the Gods part us" he said, "Be it by our lives or our deaths, I just want to tell you that I deeply care for each and every one of you. You are all very special to me. Whatever tomorrow holds, I will forever remember this time of my life, growing up in Arkadia with you all, as the best part of it. So thank you."  
  
They remained quiet for a few moments, letting Bellamy's words sink in.  
  
And then Clarke spoke up.  
  
"We need each other" she said, "All of us. We can do this. I know we can. Together."  
  
At that, they started hugging one another.  
  
Bellamy hugged each and every one of them, something he'd never done up until this night. Slowly, the group began to break apart and head back to Arkadia. Bellamy lingered, watching his friends go. Clarke took her place beside him.  
  
"You really believe that?" he asked once the group was far enough away.  
  
"I do" she said.  
  
He draped an arm around her shoulder and she put hers around his waist, watching their friends disappear.  
  
"Let's go home" he said.  
  
Together they walked, slightly stumbling, to their home.  
  
Once inside, Bellamy finally felt all the effects of the drinks he'd had. He began to undress, his eyes glued to his bed. He had just put his hands on his shirt, ready to take it off when Clarke put her hand on top of one of his. She laced her fingers through his and pulled him down the hall with her.  
  
She opened the bedroom door to reveal a snoring, fast asleep Bjorn right in the middle of the bed.  
  
"Stay with us" she whispered.  
  
His eyes felt heavy but he felt his heart flutter.  
  
"Alright" he whispered back.  
  
She changed out of her clothes and Bellamy tried to keep his head turned in the other direction. He took off his shirt and boots, laying down on Bjorn's left. He kept his eyes closed but he felt her weight as she laid down on Bjorn's right side.  
  
It felt unusual, sleeping with them. He was so accustomed to sleeping alone.  
  
"Bellamy" she whispered.  
  
He turned his head in her direction. He could barely see her in the darkness.  
  
"Yeah?" he whispered back.  
  
"Sleep well" she said, bringing her arm up. Her hand rested on Bjorn's back.  
  
"You too."  
  
He shifted until he was comfortable, lying on his side and facing her.  
  
Just before falling asleep, her brought his own hand up and placed it on top of hers.

* * *

 

**Part III Clarke**

  
They were ready to leave.  
  
Last night, excitement was in the air. It was still in the air, but now it was tinged with a little terror. She wasn't the only one who felt it. This time, it was guaranteed that they would find Paris. And with Paris came the fighting. There were men and women who anticipated it. Who only grew more excited by the idea.  
  
But there were others that felt terror and worry. A few of the ones who had never been in a real fight. A few of the ones who had never been in the open water. And a few, like Clarke and Bellamy and a couple of others. The ones who knew there would be a fight but didn't crave the bloodshed that some of the people with them seemed to.  
  
Clarke watched warily as the leaders of Azgeda, a scary looking man named Roan and his equally scary looking mother, joined his group on their boat.  
  
"What are you waiting for?" Indra said from beside her. "Let's go."  
  
She nodded to the boat on Clarke's left. In it were most of her shieldmaidens. The women who followed her.  
  
Clarke looked to the boat a few miles away from the one Indra was now getting on, watching her mother and Kane make their way onto it. She could see Raven and Finn on it. Octavia. Lincoln. All of her other friends.  
  
She finally noticed Bellamy standing across from it, still on the shore.

He looked up and met her gaze. And like an invisible force was pulling them to one another, they each took a step forward at the same time. They walked towards one another and met in the middle.  
  
She hadn't even thought about this part.  
  
"You ready?" he asked, looking at the boat she knew was hers to take.  
  
"I guess so" she answered, looking at the one she knew he'd be on.  
  
"Well...then I guess this is goodbye" he said, "For now."  
  
And when he smirked at her, some of the weight lifted off her chest and she found herself smiling back.  
  
"For now" she said.  
  
She stepped closer until she could wrap her arms around his waist. She didn't even care that the others would be watching. It didn't matter.  
  
"I wish that I could come with you" she whispered.  
  
He pulled away and looked at her.  
  
"I do, too. But your duty lies with your people. I understand."

She thought that she'd been in control of her emotions, after everything that she had been through. But even so, she could feel that familiar prickling behind her eyes, telling her that the tears were preparing to gather.  
  
"I'll see you soon" she said, giving him a curt nod before turning away. She was a leader now. She had responsibilities. She didn't have time to dwell in misery or think about what she wanted. Now, she had to think about what the others deserved.  
  
Bjorn decided to go with Bellamy. Clarke understood. She'd had Bjorn all to herself for the past few months, and she knew that he had missed Bellamy.  
  
He tried not to talk about him much, during their time in Polis. But sometimes she would overhear him telling someone in Polis about his brave and fearless viking father.  
  
Eventually she joined her shieldmaidens and together, they set off. The people who were going to land on the ground had to leave first. That was quite a few of them. But the majority would be staying behind and leaving in a couple of days, since they'd be the ones storming Paris from the water.  
  
This journey to Paris was a lot different than the first one. This time, she was headed there with the intention of bringing it down instead of protecting it. This time, she was being honest about who she was and why she was going. And this time, she went as a leader instead of a follower.  
  
But even though she was now determined to save the lives of the people who lived on the outside, there were still lives that she wanted to protect in Paris. The king and his men were not on that list. But the thousands of civilians that lived within the wall surrounding Paris were.

She knew she wasn't the only one. There were people that wanted to do this with as little bloodshed as possible. But there were others, a much larger group, that wanted the blood to flow freely on the streets of Paris.  
  
Her thoughts and her dreams were plagued with all the lives that were sure to be lost. But no matter how long or hard she thought about it, she could not come up with a solution that would put the fighting to a quick end. The king's castle was in the very heart of the city. The kings men were station on the wall and the water boarder, along with various positions in the city.  
  
To get to the king, they would have to take them down on each side and every step of the way into the city. She thought about the children. The people that she encountered on a daily basis. The elderly. The kind.  
  
A lot of them would become the casualties of war.  
  
To some it wouldn't matter. The blood of a Parisian wasn't worth much. But to her, and the people she loved most, it would matter. If she didn't die fighting, their lost souls would stay with her forever.  
  
And yet, she remained strong. Her shieldmaidens would think her weak if she let her thoughts be known. What kind of leader mourned for enemies she hadn't even lost yet?  
  
So she remained calm. Her commands were clear and her voice unwavering. But all the while, she thought and thought about what she could do.  
  
She missed Bjorn. He swam to their boat to see her once on their journey. But when she realized how far the distance was, from Bellamy's boat to her own, she told him not to come back. She missed her mother. Raven and Octavia. All her other friends. And she missed Bellamy.  
  
She had been away for six months and it had hurt. The journey on the water only lasted a few weeks and even so, she missed him more than ever before. At night, she thought about what had happened between them the night before they left. More often than not, she found herself thinking about what would have happened if they wouldn't have been interrupted. And each time she did, she only missed him more.  
  
What if they were torn apart? What if the chaos that was sure to come with the fighting tore him from her? Would they ever get to spend another night together? Laying side by side? Would she ever get the chance to kiss him again?  
  
She shook the thoughts away. They were childish thoughts and she had stopped being a child a long, long time ago. Her fate, as well as his, was in the hands of the Gods. If they were intended to be with one another, they would be.  
  
_Fuck fate_ , Bellamy had said. She often thought about what he was thinking. Did he still feel the same way? Did he really believe that his fate was in his own hands?  
  
By the time they landed on the shore, she had managed to push all thoughts of him away.

But seeing his face once her feet were on the ground again brought all her childish thoughts back. It took every ounce of self control that she had not to run towards him and kiss him the way she wanted to. She settled for briskly walking towards him and Bjorn.  
  
But no matter how much she craved his presence and a few quiet minutes alone, she didn't get them.  
  
Instead, all of the leaders held a meeting and discussed their plans. Bellamy's group would be leaving first, with Clarke's and Roan's following shortly after. They would do the same thing they did last time, walk far enough away from one another to remain discreet if they needed to be, but close enough to reach one another within the hour if something came up.  
  
And again, she put the needs of her people ahead of her own and watched her friends leave without her. She stayed behind with her group, waiting for the right moment to follow. All the while wishing that she could be with Bellamy and Bjorn.  
  
But she was the countess of Polis and her obligations lied elsewhere.  
  
Her disdain for the vikings that had come from Azgeda only grew in the limited amount of time she had to spend around them. They were the savage vikings she'd feared as a little girl. They let their blood lust be known and it filled her with dread.

Marching through the woods, she reminisced about her time with Bellamy and Bjorn. She thought of their many conversations and all the thing's they'd done, almost a full year ago.  
  
After a few days, the longing was too strong to push down and she left her group, stating that she would be back very soon and leaving Indra in charge as her second. She spend almost a full day with them, her friends and the people she now considered her family. It wasn't enough but it tamed some of the unease that she was feeling. She saw her own wariness reflected in Bellamy. In the way his eyes looked worried and the tense stance he held. She smiled at him, hoping it would reassure him and she was positive that the smile he gave back was his attempt to do the same thing.  
  
They got no time alone, and before she knew it, she had to head back.  
  
He stayed behind with her as their group kept going forward, seeming to crave a minute alone as much as she had.  
  
"Have you thought about...about that thing we talked about? The people in Paris?" she asked.  
  
"Of course I have" he said, running a hand through his unruly hair.  
  
There wasn't much else to say about the situation. Of course he's thought about it. But that doesn't change anything.  
  
"I wish we could.." he began.  
  
Her heart rate sped up even though she knew it shouldn't. Wishing wasn't something two people in their positions were supposed to do.

"Maybe.." she began, "Maybe when this is all over...we could..."  
  
She wasn't sure how she wanted to finish the sentence. There were so many things she wanted to do with him.  
  
"Yeah" he said, "Maybe."  
  
They stood in silence for a few minutes. She knew it was time to go. She had to head back and he had to go forward.  
  
"I have to go" she said.  
  
"I know" he replied. But he took her hand in his all the same, keeping her there. "I know. But I wish that you didn't."  
  
She stepped towards him and he wrapped an arm around her. And for a few minutes, she forgot about who they were and the weight of their world on their shoulders. She let herself enjoy the feeling of being held, listening to his heart beating strong in his chest.  
  
Wordlessly, they pulled apart.  
  
She wasn't sure why it still hurt. They'd said goodbye to one another more times than she wished were true, and it still hurt.  
  
Walking back to her group, she let the more selfish part of herself that still resided somewhere in the new, stronger Clarke take it's toll on her. Her shoulders slumped and she let herself think about how unfair all of this was. How she wished that they had met in another world, or another lifetime.

Once back to her own group, she banished all thoughts of her own misfortune and focused on the mission. They marched on for days, sometimes they'd even jog. The people were eager to get the blood flowing. And she was eager to put an end to everything. No matter what happened.  
  
Bjorn visited her a couple of times. It made her happy. But it also took away the excuse, the opportunity to leave her group and join her friends. Even so, seeing his face relaxed her and reminded her of why she was doing this.  
  
She was doing it for all of the Bjorn's on the other side of the sea.  
  
_But what about the Bjorn's on this side?_ a quiet voice in a darker part of her mind asked.

* * *

  
The next time she saw Bellamy, he came to her.  
  
His group had reached the peak. They had spotted Paris. And now all they had to do was wait.  
  
Clarke's group was close. Even so, they had to veer to the left, so they wouldn't be gathered in a huge crowd. They had to wait and she would still be separated from Bellamy and Bjorn. They needed him, just as her group needed her, now more than ever.  
  
When he came to see her, they argued for the first time since she'd gotten back. They were both on edge about what to do. Neither had a good idea. Bellamy had resolved to let the whole thing happen and try to save as many lives as they could.

Clarke knew it wouldn't do much. It wasn't enough. They'd be too focused on their own lives, and the lives of the people that had followed them, to worry about the residents of Paris.  
  
"What the fuck do you want me to do?" he yelled. "We are not going back."  
  
"I never said that you should!"  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"I don't know!" she yelled.  
  
"Well neither do I!" he yelled back.  
  
He left shortly after and she stopped herself from following.  
  
There had to be something that she could do. There had to be.  
  
Bellamy's words from all those nights ago replayed over and over in her mind.  
  
_If I talk of mercy and forgiveness, they'll think me weak. And even so, I'd do it but once we get there it's not like...not like I can control them. I can't be responsible for their actions. They want revenge. They want me to give it to them. So what am I supposed to do?_  
  
_If there was a way for me to...to kill the king and those closest to him before they noticed our presence, I would do it. Then maybe there'd be less bloodshed. But the people will fight as long as they think they have a chance._  
  
_And they'll think they have it until we can reach the king and his men. So no matter which way I look at it....people will die._

_It's either going to be us or them._  
  
He'd said it and she understood now more than ever. Even so, it left her without an idea.  
  
_It really is going to come down to us or them,_ she desperately thought. And no matter how much she wished it weren't true, a part of her knew it was.  
  
They reached the end of the line and settled in to wait. Once the scouts Bellamy had sent to watch for the boats let them know of their arrival, Bellamy would send people to tell them it was time.  
  
She laid wide awake under the stars, thinking about what was sure to come in less than a day. She replayed his words over and over.  
  
And then, all of a sudden, it wasn't his voice she heard in her head.  
  
It was the Seer's.  
  
_I have a message for you and only you,_ he had said. _I want you to remember it._  
  
_What is it?_ she had asked.  
  
_Only the dead can get into Paris._  
  
_What does that mean?_  
  
_You will know when the time is right._  
  
She shot up, her eyes wide.  
  
_Only the dead can get into Paris._  
  
She knew what she had to do.

* * *

 

**Part IV Bellamy**

  
He woke with a start just before he heard the voice that was yelling his name.  
  
A cold chill washed through him.  
  
He got up quickly. He'd walked away from his group, hoping to get a little alone time to collect his thoughts. Now he wished that he hadn't left them. Whatever had happened was bad. He could hear the cries and the whimpers, the yelling, even though he was a little ways away.  
  
He ran through the woods to find all the people in his group completely unhinged. A few people were yelling, trying to get answers. A few people were crying.  
  
He turned his head to spot whoever it was that was calling his name.  
  
He made his way towards the sound, noticing his closest friends gathered in a circle. They were crowding around Abby and Raven, sitting on the ground wrapped around one another. He looked around and suddenly everyone was looking at him.  
  
"What happened?" he asked to no one in particular.  
  
Their tear streaked faces stared back at him but no one spoke up.  
  
Finally, a figure moved in his peripheral vision and he noticed Bjorn wordlessly stepping up beside him.  
  
"What happened?" he repeated. His heart beat so fast and so hard, he was pretty sure the people around him could hear it.  
  
"It's Clarke" Bjorn said.  
  
His stomach dropped even before he heard the rest of the sentence. A lump formed in his throat and all of his muscles tensed.  
  
"She's...she's dead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN.DUN.DUN.
> 
> What do you guys think happens next? I know there wasn't TOO much Bellarke in this chapter but the slow burn burns on. And right now, they have much bigger concerns. Next chapter is ALL about the big battle. I'm so excited I will try to post it earlier. It's titled "All His Angels". Any predictions?
> 
> Thank you guys for sticking to the fic in these trying Bellarke times, lol. I sincerely appreciate all the feedback I've been getting. Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment. <3 :)


	13. All His Angels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of violence in the next two chapters. You were warned. Also, this has been my favorite chapter to write- thus far- and I really hope that you guys like it.

**Part I- Clarke**

  
The Seer had told her the message was for her and her only. But she couldn't do it alone. If her plan was going to work, she needed a few people on her side. As much as she wished that it could have been Bellamy, Raven, her mother and her other friends, it couldn't be.  
  
They were far. She couldn't risk being overheard. And if her plan was going to work, those closest to her would have to believe it. They'd have to believe that she was dead. The others would look to them, after all.  
  
And maybe her death would give them the strength they needed to bring the city down.  
  
In the end, after hours of internal debate, she'd decided on three people. She was already risking a lot by not keeping the idea to herself, like the Seer had told her to do. But she couldn't do it alone.  
  
In the end, it was Bjorn, Indra and Emori that she had told of her plan.  
  
She now laid in a simple wooden box.  
  
The box was in her tent, which now belonged to Indra, her second in command. She looked up at the wooden board, the light coming through the cracks illuminated her makeshift coffin.  
  
She'd learned a lot about viking rituals and the way they had done things during her time in Arkadia and Polis.

She let her three accomplices in on the plan, stressing the importance of their funeral rituals. If her plan was going to work, the others had to believe it.  
  
Bjorn must have reached them by now.  
  
The thoughts of how her friends would react made the guilt almost unbearable. She thought of her mother. She'd lost Clarke's father and now, she'd lost her daughter as well.  
  
She thought of her friends. She thought of Bellamy.  
  
The guilt ate her whole but she swallowed down the urge to move. She laid as still as a statue. She was in a long white dress. It wasn't what she'd hoped she'd be wearing during a war, but it perfectly concealed the three swords that rested beneath her legs. And anyway, she wasn't supposed to be dressed for war. She was dressed for a funeral.  
  
She hoped that by now, Bjorn had told them of Clarke's wishes.  
  
Suddenly, she heard someone entering the tent and walk towards the box she laid in.  
  
"They're here" Indra whispered.  
  
Clarke took a deep breath and closed her eyes.  
  
"Let me through!" she heard her mother yell.  
  
In a matter of seconds, the sound of footsteps filled the large space.  
  
"I want to see her" Abby yelled. "She's my daughter!"  
  
"That may be so" Indra sharply said. "But she is more than just a daughter. She is our countess. And we have our beliefs. Beliefs your daughter accepted. You can say your goodbyes. But we cannot disturb the dead."

After that, the whole place was silent.  
  
"It-it doesn't make sense" Abby croaked. "She was fine a few days ago. How-how did this happen?"  
  
"The boy told you" Indra said. "The Seer told Clarke that she would die upon arrival to Paris."  
  
"But how?!" Abby screamed.  
  
"That answer is with the Gods" Indra said, "It cannot be answered by healers or men of any kind."  
  
Clarke listened as her mother took a few steps towards the box she laid in. She heard her mother drop to her knees and drape her body on top of the box. Abby's cries almost broke her resolve. She gritted her teeth and fought the tears now gathered behind her closed lids.  
  
"I-I'm so sorry" her mother cried.  
  
"Don't be" Indra said. "She died a warrior and she will be remembered as such. This is her fate, Abby. She was meant to die so that we can live."  
  
"When-when are you taking her?" Abby asked.  
  
"As soon as everyone has said goodbye."  
  
After that, a steady stream of people filed into the room in pairs and sometimes one by one. Some of them talked to her, telling her that they were sorry. That they hoped to see her in Valhalla. Others were so quiet that she couldn't really tell who it was, standing on the other side.  
  
Her resolve was tested yet again, when a weeping Raven and Finn came inside to say their goodbyes. Then again, when Lincoln and Monty and Jasper came in to say their farewells.  
  
Quite a few of them were angry, like her shieldmaidens. Her death was the final straw. They were ready to fight. Ready to get revenge.  
  
After a while, the people stopped coming.  
  
Those who had wanted to say goodbye did so and Clarke knew it was almost time to put her plan into action. But after a few minutes of silence, she heard someone coming into the tent.  
  
"It's me" Bjorn said.  
  
"Keep your voice down" Indra snapped.  
  
"Sorry" Bjorn whispered. "I just- I came to tell you that he's agreed. That they will respect your wishes."  
  
Relief washed over her. She found herself feeling grateful for having Bjorn by her side. He was as convincing as he needed to be. The first part of her plan had worked.  
  
She found herself waiting for what felt like hours. She waited for Indra to quietly tell her that it was time. That she was being taken to Paris. But she also waited for the one person that hadn't come to see her.

Maybe it was too painful for him. Maybe he was too busy, now having a new plan to execute. Either way, his absence made her feel sad for a variety of reasons. But a part of her was grateful. She wasn't sure if she could continue on, pretending that she was dead to the world when she was very much alive in her wooden box, if he came.  
  
"It's almost time" Indra whispered.  
  
"We are leaving within the hour" Emori said.  
  
"Who all is going?" Bjorn asked.  
  
"Just Emori and I" Indra answered.  
  
Suddenly a sound at the entrance made them all go quiet.  
  
"I was beginning to think that you wouldn't come" Indra said.  
  
Who ever it was stepped into the tent and walked until Clarke could hear them stop dead in their tracks, only a few feet away from where she lied.  
  
"Can I have a minute alone?" Bellamy said. Just hearing the sound of his voice made a lump form in her throat. She closed her eyes again, willing herself to stay calm. The last thing she needed was for him to find out that she was alive.  
  
"I don't know" Indra said. "Can we trust you to abide by our rules?" She stepped forward, now standing between Bellamy and Clarke's casket.  
  
"Who the fuck do you think I am?" Bellamy asked, his voice full of anger.  
  
The room went quiet and Clarke could almost feel the tension in the air.

"Alright" Indra finally said. Clarke listened as she stepped to the side. "Say your goodbyes and prepare. We are taking her within the hour. Get your men ready."  
  
Clarke listened as three pairs of footsteps exited her tent. She waited, wondering if he would speak or remain silent as most of the others had. She hoped so.  
  
"I'm so angry with you" he said, his voice sounding broken and more defeated than she'd ever heard it sound. "You have left me yet again."  
  
He took a step forward and she fought the urge to open her eyes, to try and spot him through the tiny cracks in the wood.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?!" he yelled.  
  
She heard a loud crash. He must have thrown or kicked at something in the tent.  
  
"How can I- what am I-" he stuttered, using the quietest tone she'd ever heard him use.  
  
He dropped to his knees beside her box and placed his hand on top of it.  
  
For a few minutes, he didn't say anything at all. She wondered if he was crying.  
  
"If you have died and gone to heaven" he began, "Then we will never meet again."  
  
She heard him draw in a slow breath.  
  
"I have a feeling your God would object to me visiting you in heaven" he said. She could almost hear the quiver of his lip.

He let out a quiet cry and she clenched her hands into fists at her sides, fighting the urge to call out to him. She heard a soft thud as he placed his head on top of the box, right above where her head laid inside.  
  
"And yet" he began, "Yet I think Odin will ride like the wind and take you to Valhalla, where you belong. And there, there we will meet again and fight and drink and.....and love one another, for I have never stopped loving you. Not for one moment. I wish.." he whispered, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence. "I wish that I could join you but I can't. I have to avenge your death and I have to save our people. I know that is what you wanted of me."  
  
She could feel the tears sliding down the edges of her eyes. She fought the scream that was rising in her chest.  
  
"I..." he whispered, "I had a vision of you, you know. Right before we left home the first time. I barely knew you and I had a vision of you and our home. You-you were telling me to come back and I didn't listen."  
  
He was quiet for a few moments. He lifted his head and stood up.  
  
"You and I..." he began, "We were born to be together."  
  
He walked away without another word.

* * *

 

 **Part II- Bellamy**  
  
He wiped the tears from his eyes and left the tent.  
  
He had thought that he'd become the master of pain. Of grief. He'd been hurt more times than he could recall. He'd been beaten and subjected to more pain than he thought he could handle. He watched his mother wither away until she was nothing but skin and bones. He'd watched his sister cry. He'd sat by Clarke and watched as the blood on her dress , blood from their unborn child, dried up on the soft blue material.  
  
But he'd never felt anything like this.  
  
Hollow.  
  
He'd felt his heart break but now, it wasn't broken. It didn't exist at all. It was a hole. A pitch black galaxy hiding behind his ribs, sucking every ounce of warmth and life from his bones.  
  
Every single pair of eyes around him were trained on him.  
  
"Get ready" he said, his voice sounding strange even to his own ears.  
  
And after a few moments, it wasn't grief that he felt pouring out of the hole in his chest. It was rage. He'd never felt more empty. But he'd also never felt more angry. Angry wasn't even the right word. The heat and the darkness washing through him now were unfamiliar. And despite it, he could feel himself growing cold.  
  
"What's the plan?" Miller asked from beside him.

After Bjorn had told him about Clarke's death, he had felt like every single wisp of air had suddenly been sucked from his lungs. His muscles and his organs felt like the blood had abruptly stopped reaching them; like his heart, they too were dying.  
  
Bjorn told them all of what had happened. How, months ago in Polis, the Seer had told Clarke that she would die upon arrival to Paris. That her death would be the only thing that would guarantee their success.  
  
He felt like giving up right then and there. Turning his back on the people that eagerly watched him and letting the Gods decide their fates.  
  
"This is what she wanted" Bjorn quietly said.  
  
Bellamy couldn't find it in himself to feel angry at the child for keeping the information to himself. There were so many other feelings fighting for his attention that anger at Bjorn didn't make an impression on him.  
  
_But we could have found another way!_ Octavia had yelled, like she knew it was what Bellamy had wanted to say. He'd wanted to. But he had found it hard to speak. To breathe. To do anything but be plagued with the thoughts of Clarke, all alone. Her body cold and so far away from his.  
  
After about an hours debate, he realized that he couldn't just walk away and give up no matter how much he wanted to.  
  
Clarke was gone.  
  
But the others weren't and they needed him, even if she no longer did.

It was decided that they would respect her wishes and execute the plan that she had been silently planning all along. Indra and Emori would take her body right the the huge front doors of Paris. Her death, her gift to the king and the vikings alike, would serve as a distraction. They would take her body to Paris and present it to the king.  
  
The thought made Bellamy sick.  
  
For a moment, he was tempted to leave them all behind and go to Paris by himself.  
  
_It's what she wanted_ , Bjorn repeated at Bellamy's protest.  
  
He couldn't save her. He couldn't take it back. But he could respect her final wishes, even if he didn't want to.  
With his voice cold and hatred in his heart, he told them of the plan one last time.  
  
They would take her body to Paris. And while the king would be distracted with his present, the traitor he so eagerly wanted, the vikings would surround Paris. They would get over the wall. They would break down the door.  
  
The vikings arriving from the sea side would storm the city from the other side, and together, they'd push and kill their way to the very heart of the city. Right to the doorsteps of their beloved king. Her death was the final piece of the puzzle. The distraction they needed.  
  
He stood by as the others prepared. He no longer felt sad. He didn't feel anything.  
  
His emptiness would be filled by the blood of king and his men. He didn't care about what happened after. He would tear the city apart. He would get the man on his knees and take pleasure in making him pay for all of the things that Bellamy had lost. And he would take every single life that stood in the way of him getting his revenge.

The crowd buzzed with nervous energy, tinged with anger and sadness.  
  
About an hour later, he heard shuffling coming out of the tent and he knew it was time. He turned away, unable to watch as Indra and Emori carried the box on their shoulders.  
  
He closed his eyes even though he had turned away.  
  
Clarke. His friend, his lover and his mate, laid in that box. Her body remained but her soul was lost.  
  
Gone.

* * *

 

**Part III- Clarke**

  
She stayed in her casket all the way to Paris. They couldn't risk her being spotted by Parisians and vikings alike. It was uncomfortable, the cramped space. But she was sure that Emori and Indra felt even worse, carrying all her weight down the slope and to the wall.  
  
"Almost there" Indra said after what felt like hours.  
  
Clarke pushed the thoughts of her loved ones away. Now, more than ever before, she had to remain calm and collected. So many lives depended on it.  
  
"Who goes there?" a loud voice yelled from above.  
  
"Indra from Polis" Indra yelled, "Along with Emori, also from Polis. We have come to see the king!"  
  
"Why?" the angry voice yelled.  
  
"We have brought him the body of the traitor Clarke Griffin!" Indra yelled.  
  
For a while, everything went quiet. She could tell that Emori and Indra were just as nervous as she was, despite the fact that neither of of them had spoken for quite a while.  
  
Suddenly she heard a familiar sound.  
  
As a young girl, she would often stand from a distant vantage point and watch as the huge front doors at the very center of their wall opened. She'd watch as the men filled out, getting a glimpse of the land beyond their wall.

 _Where are they going?_ she would think.  
  
She heard the same familiar sound now, along with heavy footsteps.  
  
"We have no weapons" Emori stated, her voice tinged with panic. The guards were no doubt pointing their own at the two women.  
  
"Put the box on the ground" a man said.  
  
Clarke felt herself being laid to the ground. She took a deep breathe and braced herself. She heard the sound of her makeshift casket being opened. Firelight from the torches that the guards surely carried danced in the slits of her eyes before she shut them completely./  
  
_This has to work._  
  
"This is the traitor" Emori said.  
  
"How did you find her?"  
  
"She came to our village looking for help" Emori said.  
  
"The king said he wanted her alive" the man said.  
  
"She didn't come quietly" Indra said. "She fought us. We had no choice but to kill her. Better dead than not at all, correct?"  
  
The man mumbled something Clarke couldn't decipher.  
  
"We wish to take her ourselves" Emori said, "So that we can reap the rewards of the kings promise. Just the two of us. Will that be a problem?"

Clarke could tell that she was using her innocent voice. A voice Clarke rarely ever heard. But it must have been convincing, because in a matter of minutes her box was being shut and lifted into the air by Indra and Emori.  
  
"Show them the way to the kings castle" a man said.  
  
It was late into the night. The usual sounds of civilians milling through the city were absent. She heard a few sounds here and there. A few voices and a few gasps. Other than that, she only heard the sound of footsteps as they carried her through the city.  
  
From what she could tell, only two guards were following them.  
  
_Fucking idiots!_ she thought to herself. Sometimes, the idiotic beliefs of men worked in her favor. No doubt that the kings men had taken a look at Emori and Indra and deemed them as nonthreatening.  
  
The thought made her smile and filled her with confidence. She picked Emori and Indra for three reasons. One, she was close to them. Two, she trusted them. And three, they could each slice a mans throat in the blink of an eye.  
  
They carried her through the city for longer than she thought they would. But she had been gone for over a year. She couldn't remember specifically how long the journey was, from the wall to the kings castle.  
  
But eventually, they made it.  
  
"Wait here" one of the men said. Clarke listened as he walked away from them, leaving his companion and the three women behind.

They waited in silence. A part of Clarke was afraid that the man with them would hear her heart pounding in her chest. She tried to relax but the adrenaline coursing through her veins made it impossible.  
  
After a while the guard returned and told them to follow.  
  
They walked a short distance. When she felt the slight shift and heard Emori and Indra's panting, she was sure that they were being led up the stairwell that would lead them to the grand hall. And at the end of the grand hall, the throne room waited. Perhaps the king was already seated on his golden throne?  
  
Clarke took a few deep breaths, trying to calm her body down. The next part was also the most important.  
  
Eventually she heard the doors to the throne room being opened, and in a matter of minutes, her body was being put on the ground.  
  
"Your Majesty" Indra said, "We have brought you a gift."  
  
Clarke held her breath and tried to listen.  
  
"So I am told" Cage's snake-like voice said. Just the sound of his voice sent a chill down her spine. "Who are you?"  
  
"I am Indra and this is Emori" Indra said, "We are from Polis."  
  
"Polis?" Cage asked, "What was the traitor doing in such a place?"  
  
"She was on the run" Indra said, "She came to us pretending to be someone else. We eventually found out who she was."  
  
"Sounds like the coward" he said.  
  
Clarke listened as he stepped down from his throne and made his way towards her.  
  
She held her breath.  
  
Suddenly the top was being lifted and she fought the urge to squint even though her eyes were closed, due to the bright light.  
  
"It's her" Cage whispered.  
  
Everything went quiet for a couple of seconds before his voice rang through the throne room.  
  
"It's her!" he exclaimed, his voice jubilant now. "It's really her!"  
  
He let out a menacing laugh.  
  
"You have brought me the traitor!"  
  
"We hope this pleases you, Your Majesty" Emori said. "We could not find the others. Not yet, anyway."  
  
Clarke held her breath when she felt something coming towards her. The king ran his hand through her long blond hair. It made her sick but she was grateful that he hadn't touched her skin.  
  
"It's her" he whispered.  
  
He must have turned away because suddenly Emori let out a small cough.  
  
That was it. It was the signal Clarke had been waiting for.  
  
She moved the hand that laid at her side and gripped the hilt of the sword lying closest to her left.  
  
A second later, Indra coughed and Clarke knew it was time.  
  
She gripped the sword as hard as she could, her eyes opening and burning as they adjusted to the light. Not a second later, she used all her force to push herself up and suddenly she wasn't lying the the box anymore. She jumped from the box and stood tall and straight as a few of the kings guards gasped in shock.  
  
Before they could so much as blink, Clarke stepped towards the king, grateful that he had turned his back to her.  
She yanked him back by his hair and twisted him around, her sword going to his throat at the same time.  
  
With her body shielded by his, she turned until they faced the crowd in the room.

"Nice to see you again, Your Majesty" Clarke whispered in his ear.  
  
She was happy, but not surprised, to see that Emori and Indra had grabbed the two remaining swords. They stood by her side with their swords raised.

"Drop your weapons" Clarke said.  
  
The king was a little taller than she was. But any advantage he might have held over her disappeared with the sharp sword she now held at his throat.  
  
The guards, about ten of them, faced her with their swords raised.  
  
"I said drop your weapons!" Clarke yelled.  
  
She pressed the blade closer to the kings throat. One swipe of her arm and she'd slit his throat before he could let out a cry.  
  
"Do as she says" Cage said, his voice shaking.  
  
One by one, the kings men dropped their swords. Clarke used all the strength of her left leg to kick at the back of the kings knee. He cried out and dropped to his knees in front of her. She held her sword firmly against his throat, careful not to slice it by accident.  
  
"Take ten steps back" she yelled.  
  
The kings men did as they were told.  
  
"Turn around" she yelled again.  
  
A few of them looked unsure, looking between her and the king. Cage gave a subtle nod of his head and they each turned around. Clarke looked to her sides and nodded at Emori and Indra.

Silently, the two women advanced towards the kings men.  
  
"I want you to watch this" Clarke said, giving Cage's short brown hair a hard tug.  
  
The first two men didn't even have time to react before they were pierced by the swords Emori and Indra held in the hands. The next two had just enough time to turn around before they too fell to the ground with their hands clutching whatever part of their anatomy was stabbed.  
  
The other six put up a fight. But they had no weapons and they were not prepared. It was only a matter of minutes before Indra's angry scream filled the room as her sword found it's home in one of the kings men's eyes.  
  
"She's always been a little dramatic" Clarke said, her voice playful.  
  
Suddenly they heard pounding at the door. Clarke placed her hand over the king's mouth.  
  
"Don't even think about it" she said, using the most threatening voice she could muster. "Tell them that everything is okay and that we're coming out. Tell them."  
  
She lifted her hand from his mouth and gripped his hair a little tighter.  
  
"It's-it's okay" Cage yelled, "I'm okay. We're coming out."  
  
Clarke nodded to Indra and Emori. The two woman slowly unlatched the door as Clarke tied the kings hands behind his back and roughly yanked him to his feet. She stood in the very center of the doorway and braced herself.

The doors opened and she tightened her grip on her sword, the blade still placed against the kings neck.  
  
"Don't do anything stupid" she said, facing the twenty men now gathered on the other side of the door. "And no one has to die."  
  
It wasn't true.  
  
"Against the wall, all of you!" she yelled.  
  
When they made no move to do as she had commanded, she inched the sword even closer to the kings neck and he let out a desperate yelp.  
  
"Do as she says" he said.  
  
Slowly the soldiers parted and separated in half, ten men against the two walls of the grand hall.  
  
"Where are you taking me?" Cage asked as Clarke stepped forward.  
  
"The highest tower" Clarke said, pushing him forward.  
  
Emori and Indra followed behind her, their swords raised. Almost at the edge of the group, Clarke noticed a particularly fidgety man reaching for an arrow.  
  
"Do you think you can shoot me before I slice his throat open?" she asked the man.  
  
His hand dropped, his eyes glued to the kings neck and the very shiny sword pressed against it. When she was at the edge of the group, she turned around and faced the men.  
  
"Get into the throne room" she said, "All of you."  
  
They looked a little hesitant. A little angry. And a little skeptical. But another yank of the kings hair and slowly, one by one, they made their way into the room. Indra and Emori closed the doors behind them, but not before taking the key from the other side and locking them in. It wouldn't keep them in for a long time. But Clarke knew she wouldn't have a lot of time anyway. All she could do was hope that by the time they broke the doors down, she'd be in the highest tower.

Slowly, they continued down the corridor and Clarke watched for any sign of an ambush. They really had been surprised. They were unprepared for such an attack.  
  
Suddenly, Clarke heard a pair of footsteps running towards them. Before she could speak up, the young soldier turned the corner and found them.  
  
"Your Majesty! Paris is under attack! There is a great heathen army just-" he stopped, finally noticing the scene before him.  
  
Relief washed through Clarke. Her allies were here.  
  
And shortly after the relief, she felt dread. If they were here, then the fighting had already begun. The blood was already spilling.  
  
"Your Majesty?" the soldier asked, putting a hand on his sword.  
  
Clarke looked at Indra who gave her a subtle nod in response.  
  
Moments later, Clarke stepped over the body and continued on the path.  
  
They clung to the shadows. And they were quiet. The king made more noise that she thought he could, being tied up and taken as a prisoner.  
  
They were so close.  
  
Despite the fact that she hadn't been in the castle for years, Clarke still remembered her way around. They were only a corridor away from the stairwell that went into the highest tower. If she could just get there, she could force the king to call for a cease fire. The fighting would end.

A door to her left opened and a woman stepped through. She looked vaguely familiar but Clarke couldn't place her. Clarke didn't know why she was here or who she was.  
  
"Cage?" the woman said, her voice incredulous. "Wha-"  
  
"Loralei" Cage quickly said, "Go to the tower! Tell them to fight! Tell our people-"  
  
Clarke brought her knee up and slammed it into the side of his ribcage. But the woman's eyes widened and she ran away.  
  
"Guard him!" Clarke yelled, pushing Cage to the side and running after the woman.  
  
She could have sent Emori or Indra, but they didn't know where the woman was going. Clarke did. She reached the stairwell and ran so fast her lungs felt like the could burst. The stairwell spiraled up and up and Clarke felt her legs growing weak.  
  
But she was so close.  
  
By the time she reached the door that led to the small overlook, she could hear the woman yelling to the crowd below. She could hear the response from the crowd, too. Without a second thought, Clarke grabbed the woman by the hair and pulled her back inside the tower.  
  
The woman, Loralei, tried to fight back but she was weak.  
  
"Stop!" Clarke yelled, pulling the woman back and slamming her elbow across the woman's nose for good measure.  
  
She screamed and covered her face with her hands.  
  
"Tell them to stop!" Clarke yelled, now pointing her sword and the woman.  
  
The woman put her hands down and stared at Clarke with such disdain that Clarke suddenly remembered where she'd seen the woman. Loralei Tsing. She was a healer. She worked with Abby.  
  
"I said tell them to stop" Clarke said, using a calmer tone, trying to catch her breath.  
  
"No" the woman said.  
  
And to Clarke's surprise, she didn't seem afraid.  
  
"Tell them" Clarke said, stepping forward and pressing the tip of her sword into the woman's chest. Right where her heart was.  
  
"I said no."

Clarke pressed the sword further and the woman grimaced. And yet, she remained defiant.  
  
"I'll kill you" Clarke said. "Tell them or I'll kill you."  
  
"I'm not going to tell them" she said, "And you're not going to kill me."  
  
Clarke tried not to let her surprise show. Why was this woman not afraid?  
  
"I know you, Clarke. You're one of us. You aren't a viking. You can't kill your own people" Loralei said.  
  
Clarke swallowed thickly and pressed the sword in deeper. The woman screamed and tried to run away. Clarke grabbed at the back of the woman's shirt and pushed her against the wall.  
  
"Tell them!" she screamed, placing her sword across the woman's neck. "Tell them that the kings been captured and the battle is over! Tell them!"  
  
"No."  
  
Clarke felt anger and desperation clawing at her chest. The woman wouldn't budge.  
  
"The king won't either. We'll die before we tell them to stop fighting" she said, a wicked smile on her face. She reminded Clarke so much of the king himself. Maybe she was his wife? Maybe that's why the soldiers would listen to her?  
  
Clarke shook her head. She'd already wasted so much time. And this woman only made things worse. And she obviously wouldn't budge.  
  
"Then I'm sorry" Clarke said.  
  
A second later, a hard jerk of her left hand left a deep gash in the woman's neck.  
  
Clarke cringed as the blood shot out of the woman's carotid artery, spraying her right side with blood. The woman dropped to the floor and Clarke stepped out of the door.  
  
She looked down and finally got a glimpse of the battle going on right outside.  
  
"Stop fighting!" she yelled.  
  
But her voice was drowned out with the screams and the sounds of fighting. It was pointless. She could never get them to stop by herself. She turned and got a small glimpse of the sea from her vantage point. She couldn't see much, not in the position she was currently in. But from what little she could see, it looked like the vikings had landed on the other side.  
  
They were closing in on the castle but the streets were already red.  
  
There were bodies everywhere. And for a few seconds, Clarke let herself feel scared. But then the seconds were gone and she reminded herself that her people needed her.  
  
The couldn't hear her from the top of the tower. The king would never tell them that it was over.  
  
She ran down the stairs, her mind desperately trying to come up with something that would put an end to the fighting.  
  
She couldn't kill the king. Not just yet. She wasn't the only one that had a say in his death.  
  
_But maybe_....she thought, running straight for Indra and Emori.  
  
Maybe she could show them that the battle was over.  
  
Maybe seeing the king on his knees, with her sword against his neck would convince his men and the citizens of Paris that the fight was over.

* * *

 

**Part IV- Bellamy**

  
Chaos.  
  
In every direction he looked, it was chaos.  
  
He felt it coursing through his veins as he drew his sword.  
  
The climbers had reached the the top of the wall. Bodies, both Parisian and viking alike, were being thrown and falling off the top. Alive and dead. Bellamy had ordered them to cut down the biggest tree his eyes could spot. While the climbers made their way up with arrows and rocks coming down the side, six men used the tree to break the doors down.  
  
And now the vikings were in.  
  
Some civilians ran. Some stayed to fight. It didn't matter.  
  
Death was everywhere.  
  
Once he stepped through the threshold, an eerie calm washed over him. He gripped his sword in one hand and his shield in the other, surrounded by his allies and facing the enemy. He could see the large pillars of the castle, peeking out above the various buildings within the city walls.  
  
He had finally come to Paris.  
  
And a group of about fifty men were running towards him.

He braced himself and lifted his sword, a tiny tilt of it giving the vikings around him a message. They ran forward to meet the group and he joined.  
  
The first man he encountered was only a few years older than he was. The second, much younger. He killed both, just the same.  
  
His ears were filled with the sounds of swords clashing. Metal meeting metal. Metal meeting wood. Metal meeting flesh. The yells, the screams made no difference. They only drove him forward. He cut and slashed and shielded his way through the group. The others around him did the same.  
  
He had been right. They were unprepared. He could tell, just seeing the looks on the faces of the soldiers and the civilians alike. They pushed forward, fighting and killing those who stood in their path. And it wasn't just the screams of his enemies he heard, but the screams of his allies as well. Even so, he didn't stop moving forward and fighting whoever was in his path.  
  
He kept his eyes on those closest to him.  
  
Octavia, Lincoln, Murphy, Miller, Jasper, Kane, Raven and Monty. He'd told them to stay close. They were the only people he truly didn't want to lose sight of.

Clarke's shieldmaidens could take care of themselves. He could spot a few of them, here and there, fighting alongside him.  
  
He'd made Abby stay. They would need her healing gifts later. But more importantly, someone had to watch over Bjorn. Someone had to make sure that he stayed well beyond the wall, until all the fighting was over. He'd been angry, tears streaming down his face, when Bellamy firmly told him to stay. Even so, Bellamy couldn't trust the boy to listen this time. But Abby would be there to stop him from running off and finding Bellamy amongst the chaos.  
  
It wasn't until they'd reached the cities inner circle that things took a turn for the worse.  
  
By then, the Vikings had spread far and wide, fighting the citizens and the kings men alike. He couldn't see past the castle. He didn't know if his allies had reached the shore. But he hoped they had.  
  
Despite the fact that he fought longer than he'd ever fought in his entire life, the angry fire burning within him and propelling him forward didn't let him feel the ache of the fight. If anything, he grew more and more bloodthirsty the closer they got to the castle. And even though he felt like he had nothing to loose, seeing a large group of kingsmen coming out from inside the castle sent a little bolt of fear through him.  
  
They were running straight towards him.  
  
The people around him noticed and turned to look at him with eager looks on their faces. Waiting for his command.  
  
"Let them come to us!" he yelled.  
  
He gripped his sword a little tighter and braced himself.  
  
When they were about twenty feet away, the kings men stopped. A few people voiced their confusion but Bellamy caught on. He knew.  
  
"Shield wall!" he roared, and within minutes, his own shield was up. Those around him gathered close and raised their own shields. Not even a minute later, he could hear the arrows flying.  
  
They pierced the shields around him.  
  
More and more vikings joined his small group and pretty soon, he felt like he couldn't breath. Stuck in the middle of the group, about a hundred deep.  
  
"Forward!" he yelled, and the people around him listened.  
  
Slowly, their shields still raised high, they inched towards the group. A few arrows made their way through the small openings that the shields couldn't cover. People were struck, but not fatally enough to ruin the shield wall. They pressed forward, the arrows coming faster and more clumsily with each step the group took. Once Bellamy knew they were close enough, he yelled for Monty, Octavia and Lincoln.  
  
The three got into position.  
  
"Break!" Bellamy ordered, and suddenly the shield wall broke apart at the front, exposing his three best archers. They three of them sent arrow after arrow at the group before them. Twenty men dropped to the ground before they knew what hit them and within minutes the shield wall was closed again.

It was then that men in front of them started breaking from the group, running right to the vikings.  
  
The months of training had paid off, Bellamy realized. Not only were his people good fighters, but they fought well together. They could anticipate one another's moves. It was enough to save one another. Bellmy yelled and the group broke apart, meeting the kings men with their weapons raised.  
  
Blood covered the city. It was everywhere he looked. On the cobbled ground beneath him, on the marble walls of the most fascinating buildings he'd ever seen.  
  
He understood why they wanted to protect this place. It was, without a doubt, the most beautiful place Bellamy had ever seen.  
  
But less beautiful now, with the blood and bodies around him.  
  
He didn't feel like himself. Killing the people before him didn't make him feel bad, like the thought of it had a few short weeks ago. And it didn't make him happy, like he thought it would, only a few hours ago. It didn't fill the gaping hole in his chest.  And even so, he couldn't stop.  
  
He stabbed and slashed his way through the group with the help of those behind him. The castle was close. They were slowly but surely surrounding it. He could see the front doors from his spot, about twenty feet away. In a moment of distraction, he studied the doors. The king was so close.

Suddenly Miller jumped in front of him and blocked the sword that had been coming straight for him.  
  
"Are you out of your mind?" Miller yelled, "What the fuck are you doing?"  
  
Bellamy shook his head and snapped out of the trance, fighting like his life depended on it. Which it did. And then, he caught site of a familiar color in his peripheral vision.  
  
He turned and noticed Bjorn and Abby running through the crowd and towards the castle.  
  
_What the fuck?_  
  
Fear shot through him. What were they doing here? Why would Abby disobey his orders? Why was she here with Bjorn? Endangering his life like that?  
  
They were far away, sticking to the walls of the marble buildings around the castle. He took a step forward, ready to go after them, when a familiar scream made him look back.  
  
Octavia was on the ground, her arms shaking with exertion as she tried to push the man off of her.  
  
Instead of going to Bjorn and Abby, Bellamy ran back to his sister. Abby and Bjorn weren't in immediate danger, not just yet, but his sister was. He didn't think twice before grabbing the man from behind, pulling him off of Octavia and slitting his throat.  
  
"O" Bellamy said, reaching forward to help his sister up.  
  
"Bellamy" she sighed, blood dripping out of her mouth and threw her arms around him like she'd forgotten that they were in the middle of a war. It seemed like the closer they got to the city, the worse the fighting got.  
  
Suddenly a voice drowned out all the others. A woman yelling from the tallest tower of the castle.  
  
"Soldiers! Citizens of Paris! Show no mercy! Fight to the death! Protect Paris with your lives!" she screamed.

The citizens and kings men screamed at her words, pushing the Vikings back. Bellamy looked up to spot the woman, wondering who she was. The last thing he spotted before he got back to fighting was the woman being violently pulled back into the tower.  
  
Had someone gotten inside? Why was the woman motivating the Parisians? Where was the king?  
  
He didn't have much time to think about it. He looked around but Bjorn and Abby were nowhere to be found. He and Octavia faced three men. The first man swung his sword down and Bellamy brought his own up, effectively stopping the man. As worried as he was for his sister, he focused on the fighting. The only way he could save her, the only way he could protect her, was to win.  
  
The two bested the three, but not before Bellamy's leg was sliced open.  
  
They pushed forward again and more bodies fell to the ground. He was no more than ten feet away from the castle when the front doors opened and another twenty soldiers ran out.  
  
Initially, it made him angry. It was another twenty bodies he'd have to get through just to get to those doors. But then he noticed they left the doors open and a new wave of adrenaline rushed through him. He screamed at the top of his lungs and ran forward to meet the men, trailed by his viking army.  
  
He fought and fought and fought.  
  
"Bellamy!"

The scream came from behind him and he couldn't help but turn to look.  
  
Jasper was on his knees, holding Maya. Her face was bloody but the arrow in her chest was what he noticed first. Jasper looked up at him, with tears in his eyes, silently begging him for help.  
  
Bellamy swallowed thickly and turned away.  
  
There wasn't anything he could do for her. There wasn't anything anyone could do.  
  
Turning away, he finally noticed something other than the chaos. He noticed the tragedy. Turning in a circle, he realized it was everywhere.  
  
Raven screamed on her hands and knees a few feet away from him, begging Finn to stay alive as the red stain on the front of his shirt grew bigger and darker. Blood dripped from Anya's mouth as she looked down at the sword piercing her abdomen. Countless people that had followed Bellamy here now laid on the ground, the bodies already growing rigid with death.  
  
Kane screamed, watching an axe find it's home in Sinclair's chest. Luna clutched one hand to her bloody throat and the other to Derrick's arm, his eyes open and distant on the ground beside her.  
  
Bellamy didn't know where to look anymore. Or who to go to. Or what to do.  
  
"Bellamy!" Roan yelled from beside him. "To the doors!"  
  
He swallowed thickly and spotted the doors once again. His path was blocked by the people still well enough to fight. He pushed through the crowd, trying to put as much distance between himself and the dead behind him.

He was only a couple of feet from the bottom of the stairwell that led to the front doors of the castle when he found his path blocked by something unusual.  
  
Someone.  
  
It was a girl.  
  
Her back was turned to him. She was fighting one of the kings men. Her sword was raised in her left hand and her shield was held tightly by her right. Her blonde hair fell down her back in perfect waves.  
  
And she was in a dress. A white dress. He could see the patches where blood had soaked through it. He vaguely wondered if it was her own.  
  
Everything around him suddenly faded away and all he could see and hear was the girl in front of him.  
  
Suddenly the man she'd been fighting with screamed and Bellamy watched as the girl yanked her sword out of the mans chest.  
  
The blood from her sword dripped to the ground and she threw her shield to the side.  
  
He stepped forward.  
  
He reached out, his fingertips only an inch away from grazing the blonde hair of the girl before him. 

 _So close._  
  
But then a pain unlike he'd ever felt ripped through him, starting at the very top of his head.  
  
His hand dropped.  
  
He'd been hit from behind.  
  
He could feel the sharp pain making it's way from his head down his spinal column. He could feel his legs going flaccid. He could feel something hot and thick, quickly sliding down the sides of his head, spreading through his clothes and drenching his shoulders.  
  
The next thing he felt was a sharp stab going right through his abdomen.  
  
His legs gave out and the only thing he registered was the fact that he was falling, falling, falling.  
  
The blood gushed down his face, making it hard to see his surroundings tilting until he wasn't staring at the blonde hair anymore.  
  
He drew in a slow breath, staring at the night sky, watching it grow darker and darker.  
  
And then, it wasn't the dark sky he was looking at, but Clarke's face.  
  
It was far away and it was blurry, but it was her. She had a deep gash over the bridge of her nose. Blood covered the right side of her neck and the top of her white dress. She was yelling but he couldn't hear her.  
  
She was getting further and further away, the darkness that had swallowed the night sky was swallowing her as well.

 _Stay_ , he thought. And then his eyes closed.  
  
He willed himself to open his eyes, to see her one last time. But when he opened his eyes, it wasn't Clarke's face he saw.  
  
It was his mothers, smiling down at him.  
  
And then it wasn't his mother, but Octavia, running towards him on her chubby toddler legs. Her little hands spread wide, like she wanted to be held. And then it was Kane's face, laughing at him with his eyes crinkled. Then it was Lincoln, walking beside him in a green dense forest. He saw Monty and Jasper. Murphy and Miller. And then, it was Bjorn's face he saw, looking up at him like he didn't want to miss a thing Bellamy said.  
  
And finally, he saw the face he'd been waiting to see.  
  
He saw Clarke, standing at the edge of the water, her blonde hair whipping in the wind. Her left hand extended, waving at him and beckoning him to come home.  
  
He closed his eyes.  
  
They were with him. All of his angels.  
  
The next time he opened them, he was standing alone in a grassy clearing.  
  
He looked forward and saw the huge golden doors of Valhalla. They were open. He could hear the laughter, the fighting coming from inside.  
  
His heart pounded in his chest as he took a step forward.

 _Bellamy!_  
  
It was her voice.  
  
He turned away from the golden doors and looked back. The voice had come from behind him.  
  
But there was nothing there.  
  
He faced forward again and took another step towards the doors.  
  
_Bellamy!_  
  
He looked back and still, he saw nothing.  
  
Everything was pulling him towards the doors. They looked welcoming. The sounds were familiar and the glow emitting from between the doors filled him with light. With happiness.  
  
But he couldn't take another step forward.  
  
Suddenly, the golden doors seemed very far away. He felt too tired to follow. They went further and further away from him.  
  
_Bellamy!  
_  
He closed his eyes.  
  
He had one last thought before the darkness engulfed him once again:  
  
_I don't want to leave her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He looked back.
> 
> What did you guys think of the battle? Of the shifting POV and Clarke's death? Bellamy's goodbye? The next chapter is called "Who Wants To Be King?" Any theories? What happens now?
> 
> Thank you guys for sticking through the death and the darkness. I hope you trust me enough to give Bellarke the kind of ending they deserve. And thank you for continuing to read this fic and provide me with feedback. Some of you have gone out of your way to provide it and I sincerely appreciate it.


	14. Who Wants To Be King?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning- more violence in this chapter.

**Part I- Bellamy**

  
_Soft._  
  
It was the first word he thought of, emerging from the darkness that had engulfed him.  
  
_Soft._  
  
He could feel something soft beneath his finger tips. And the more he focused, the more he felt it. There was something soft under him. He could feel it, behind his back and under his legs. He moved his fingers and grabbed at whatever it was. It felt nicer than any material he'd ever felt.  
  
He opened his eyes.  
  
The room was dim. The first thing he noticed was the canopy above him. The sheer white material hung down from the ceiling and covered the bed he was laying in on all sides.  
  
_Where am I?_  
  
The back of his head throbbed and every single part of his anatomy felt sore. There was a particularly hot, painful area around his abdomen that screamed in protest as he tried to sit up.  
  
The next thing he registered was a voice. It was quiet but it was close. Through the fabric, he could make out a figure sitting a few feet away from him, directly across from a fireplace that lit the room up.

He quietly scooted forward. The movement was small but it shot pain through his entire body. He reached forward and pushed the material out of the way so that he could get out of the bed.  
  
With his heart hammering in his chest, he stood up from the side of the bed and stared at the figure across from him.  
  
Her back was turned to him and she was singing so quietly he could barely make out the words. He willed himself to move forward but he couldn't. He just continue staring at the back of the girls head as her song came to a close.  
  
As soon as the final word was out, she turned her head and looked at him.  
  
He couldn't breathe.  
  
"You should lay back down" she quietly said. "You're not well enough to walk."  
  
He couldn't force his mouth to speak words.  
  
_How? How is she here?_  
  
"You should lay back down" she repeated, turning her head back around.  
  
It was then that he finally noticed that she was holding something. He took a step forward, feeling lightheaded but being unable to stop himself. And then another.

She sat a few feet from an enormous fireplace, on a white furry rug with her legs crossed.  
  
In her lap, there was a baby. And in her arms, she held another. Two small infants wrapped from feet to shoulders, their eyes closed.  
  
"How-" he began, his voice coming out creaky. He cleared his throat and tried again. "How are you here?"  
  
"I'll tell you everything" she said, shifting to put the baby down on the rug. She took the second one from her lap and laid it down beside the first. "But you really need to lay back down."  
  
He stayed standing, a million thoughts and questions running through his head.  
  
She stood and went to the other side of the room, picking something up off of the floor. She turned around and walked back to him, carrying two small wooden cradles. She ignored him and he stood by, watching, as she padded the cradles before placing a baby in each one. She rocked the tiny cradles for a couple of minutes and when she was finally pleased with her work, she looked up at him.  
  
"Bellamy, please lay back down" she said.  
  
"What happened? How-how are you still alive?" he asked, refusing to move from his position.  
  
A part of him had started to wonder if this was a dream.

And if it was, he wasn't sure if he wanted to wake up.  
  
She sighed in frustration.  
  
"Can you just stop being stubborn for five seconds?" she asked in an exasperated tone. "We-we barely saved you as it is."  
  
He couldn't look away from her. He was afraid that if he did, she would disappear all together.  
  
"Look" she said, standing up, "I promise I will explain everything. I'm sure that you have a lot of questions. And I know that you're probably mad at me. But you need to lay back down."  
  
And still, nothing made sense to him. He wasn't mad because he couldn't explain what was going on. Why would he be mad?  
  
She looked back down at the babies one more time before stepping towards him. She grabbed his hand and warmth washed through him. He looked down at their hands and gave hers a little squeeze. He could feel it. She really was there. And not dead and gone like he had thought.  
  
Suddenly, everything came rushing back.  
  
Her death. The fight in Paris. His angels. The blonde hair he almost touched. And her face, bloody and right above him right before the darkness had swallowed him whole.  
  
"What happened?" he whispered, searching her eyes for some sort of answer.  
  
"I'm not saying a word until you get back in that bed" she said.

He finally tore his eyes away from her. The grip she had on his hand reinforced the fact that she was still with him. He looked around the room. He'd never been in such a nice place. The walls were made of stone and the mantle around the fireplace was made of marble. The bed behind him was huge, all white fabric and fluffy pillows. There was a large wooden dresser and a vanity table with a large mirror across from the bed. Shelves, lined with books. Paintings hung on the walls and a various supplies laid around the room.  
  
"Where are we?" he asked.  
  
She raised an eyebrow, giving him a stern look and setting her mouth in a hard line.  
  
He sighed and looked towards the bed. She turned and walked towards it, pulling him behind her. She moved the sheer canopy to the side and turned to look at him. He sighed again before crawling in and laying down on his back.  
  
A white bandage covered his abdomen. And he was in soft, light pants that he was sure didn't belong to him.  
  
After a few seconds, she crawled in after him and laid down on her back, leaving a foot of space between them.

He tried to collect his thoughts. He had so many questions. He didn't know where to start.  
  
"This is my room" she said from beside him.  
  
"Where's Octavia?" he suddenly asked. "Where are Bjorn and the others?"  
  
"They're okay" she quickly said. "Bjorn is just downstairs. Octavia and Lincoln are with him."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
She was quiet for a few moments.  
  
"I don't know where to start" she finally said.  
  
He turned to look at her. She was staring at the ceiling.  
  
"Maybe start with how you're still alive?" he suggested.  
  
As confused and as worried as he was, he wanted to know. He wanted to know because the last time he was conscious, he'd been swallowed by grief brought on by her death.  
  
"Only the dead can get into Paris" she said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Only the dead can get into Paris" she repeated, turning to look over at him. "It's what the Seer told me a long time ago. I didn't understand what it meant until the night we got here."  
  
He had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.  
  
He continued to stare at her, waiting for an answer. She sighed and explained everything to him. Her visit to the Seer. The message and what it meant. How she faked her own death so that she could get into Paris and get to the king before the others. How she pretended to be dead until the king received his present. How, with the help of Emori and Indra, they were able to capture the king.  
  
She told him about the queen, a woman she knew and a woman she killed. She explained that after that, she had come out of the castle, hoping to put a end to the fighting by putting the king on his knees and having him at her mercy. She told him about turning around and finding him on the ground beside her, bleeding out from his head and his abdomen.  
  
"What happened after that?" he asked.  
  
"I found my mother and Bjorn. Bjorn had told her that I had faked my death to convince her to join the fight. I helped her stop the bleeding. And then I got the king on his knees. We'd already overpowered them, by that point. But that's when it finally stopped" she said, a sad look on her face.  
  
"What happened to the king? And his men?"  
  
"He's locked away in the castle. Under surveillance, of course. The city is secured. The kings guards are...are gone."  
  
"Gone?"

"They were executed shortly after I presented the king" Clarke said, looking away from him.  
  
"And the citizens of Paris?"  
  
"The ones who tried to fight back were...were exposed of, as well. Some of the others fled. The ones who stayed behind...Well, some of them are still alive. Mostly women and children."  
  
He reached forward and laced his fingers through hers. He still couldn't really believe that she was here. That she was alive. Hell, he couldn't believe that he was still here.  
  
"I'm sorry" he said, thinking about the way the blood washed down the streets like rain water.  
  
"Why are you sorry?" she asked, looking over at him.  
  
"I-I didn't want it to happen like this."  
  
"I know" she said, giving his hand a little squeeze.  
  
He didn't bother asking about who all had made it. He wasn't sure if he could handle hearing the answer. Just thinking about all the death he witnessed before he blacked out made his chest ache.  
  
"I'm sorry for not telling you" she whispered. "The Seer told me that the message was only for me. I had to tell Bjorn. And Indra and Emori. I wish it could have been you but-"  
  
"You don't have to apologize" he said, cutting her off.  
  
And then he finally let himself feel all the grief, all the sadness that had consumed him when he had heard of her death.

He turned on his side and faced her, feeling more fragile than he'd ever felt in his life. He reached out and cupped her cheek, pulling her head towards his until their foreheads touched.  
  
He closed his eyes. He could feel the tears burning behind his closed lids as the grief and sadness were replaced with gratitude. He let himself feel it, so grateful that she was alive and breathing beside him. And not dead and gone like he had thought.  
  
"I'm sorry" she whispered again.  
  
He opened his eyes to find her watery blue ones staring back at him. He didn't have words for the relief, the longing washing over him.  
  
And because he didn't know what to say, he kept his mouth shut and his forehead pressed to hers, breathing her scent in and silently thanking whatever God or Gods had allowed him to be alive for this moment.  
  
He finally pulled away and laid down on his back. The pain ripping through his body didn't make an impression. For the first time in a long time, he was happy to be alive.  
  
He thought about everything that she had told him, putting the pieces together until he could get a gist of the story. Of what had happened.  
  
"The babies?" he finally asked.  
  
"They're- they were Luna's" Clarke said. He could hear the pain behind the words. Even if he hadn't seen Luna, clutching her bloody throat and Derrick, the pain in Clarke's voice would have told him enough.

"They're premature" Clarke whispered. "But I-I had to save them. She wanted me to. But I couldn't-I couldn't save her and-" her voice cut off.  
  
He looked at her again and saw the tears streaming down the sides of her face.  
  
"Come here" he said, extending his arm.  
  
She scooted closer until she was pressed up against his side. She hid her face in the crook between his neck and his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her back as he felt the tears hit his skin.  
  
"I-I couldn't save her" Clarke choked out. "So-so many people. I couldn't-I couldn't save them, Bellamy." Her quiet cries wracked her body until she shook beside him.  
  
There wasn't anything he could say to make her feel better and he knew it. So he settled for holding her and being there. He would remind her of all the lives that she had saved, but he would save it for another day. Tonight, they would mourn for the ones they lost and tomorrow, he would remind her of all the good things she'd done. All the lives she saved.  
  
Eventually her tears dried up and her body calmed down.  
  
And just when he thought that she might have fallen asleep, a quiet cry came from one of the babies and her head snapped up, like she'd been preparing to hear it.  
  
"Let me" Bellamy said, moving to get up.  
  
"No" Clarke said, shaking her head and putting a hand on his chest, forcing him back down. "You need to rest. You're not well enough. The last thing I need is for you to get hurt again."  
  
He looked at her determined face and wondered how in the world he'd been lucky enough to have the privilege of being cared for by her.  
  
"Besides, I could use a break" she said, sitting up and looking down at him, "From keeping you alive."  
  
And to his surprise, a tiny smile made it's way onto her face.  
  
Just before she moved to get out of the bed and tend to the babies, he reached out and grabbed her hand.  
  
She turned back to look at him, a question in her eyes.  
  
"Thank you" he said, "For keeping me alive."

* * *

 

**Part II- Clarke**

  
She stayed inside for a full five days after Bellamy had woken up. He had slept for about a day and a half. She couldn't leave his side, too worried that he'd die, so she brought the babies with her. And after he had woken up, the streets were still bloody and she didn't have it in her to take a step outside.  
  
Every time she thought about it, memories of the night they'd come to Paris would consume her. She would feel the memory of slitting the queen's throat and a few other king's guards. She would hear the screaming, the sounds of the rest of the king's guards and citizen's being executed.  
  
She'd remember having to step over the bodies of the Parisians and the vikings alike, some of them her friends. Her allies. Her shieldmaidens.  
  
She would remember finding Luna, barely conscious but whispering, quietly begging Clarke to save her babies. To care for and look after them in her absence. She'd remember the feeling of using her own sword to cut Luna's belly. She'd remember plucking her babies out, pulling them from the placenta and cutting their umbilical cords. Cutting all ties that they had with their dead mother.  
  
It was too much. She couldn't take a step outside without being engulfed by the grief and the tragedy of the battle. So she stayed inside, mourning for the ones that had been lost and the ones that had been left to grieve after them.

Her home, the home she shared with her mother and her father, seemed like a good place to stay. Even though the memories of her father lingered within the walls.  
  
Her closest friends, the ones that had made it, had been coming and going at their own leisure. While Bellamy was dead to the world, they had looked to her for orders. For direction.  
  
She'd had the king locked away until his fate would be decided. She'd stationed her viking army at various positions throughout the city. She designated and delegated, scheduled and ordered.  
  
And all the while, she stayed in the room with Bellamy, looking after him and the two babies that she would now take responsibility for.  
  
She'd had help from her friends. The ones who were well enough to help. They had been shocked, when they saw her in front of them the night of the battle. A few of them had even been angry. But her fake death was quickly forgotten about in the chaos and all the real death that followed.  
  
And each group of vikings, from their own respective villages, had chosen their own representative.  
  
Somehow she managed to keep herself together, not letting anyone see the cracks that had began to form in her armor. She hadn't cried at all. Not until the night Bellamy had woken up and some of the weight had lifted from her shoulders.  
  
It had felt a little cruel, finding him bleeding out in the street. He had thought that she was dead. But she was alive and he was the one who was dying.

When he had closed his eyes for the last time, she thought she had lost him. She called out, yelling his name and begged him to come back, to stay.  
  
He must have heard her.  
  
Even though she pleaded with him to take things slow, to stay in bed, he didn't listen. But he let her check his wounds and give him medicine, patch him up. He stood by, patiently, as she performed a full head to toe assessment on him, every six hours.  
  
She let him take on the responsibility of being in charge of Paris and the vikings, needing a break for herself.  
  
By the seventh day, things finally calmed down. The bodies were gone. Rain washed away most of the blood. Clarke finally left the safety of her home.  
  
They would have their first public meeting. But before that Bellamy and the representatives from other villages, as well as a few other people, had to hold a meeting in the castle. Clarke knew she had to be there. She left Abby with the babies as she walked from her home to the kings castle with Bjorn.  
  
"What do you think they will do to him?" Bjorn asked on the way there.  
  
"I don't know" Clarke lied.  
  
She knew. Bellamy had told her the night before. After the public meeting, there would be a celebration. A ritual.  
  
The Blood Eagle, they called it.

As soon as Bellamy had told her, she felt a wave of nausea rock through her. The representatives had decided on it and Bellamy had to oblige. She wasn't sure how he himself felt about it. And a part of her was afraid to ask.  
  
She had learned in Polis that the Blood Eagle was a rarely used ritual, saved only for the cruelest of men.  
  
The city would celebrate with wine and music. And then, when the time was right, the king would be led through the crowd, right to Bellamy. And in front of the entire city, Bellamy would execute the king by standing him up, his arms spread wide and tied to posts. He would then slit the kings back, pulling at the flesh until his rib cage was exposed. His ribs would be severed from his spine and pulled apart until they resembled wings at his sides.  
  
They made their way into the castle and to the throne room.  
  
Seeing the representatives gathered around the room made her feel a little tense. But that was nothing compared to seeing Bellamy at the very center. He wasn't sitting on the throne but he was standing in front of it.  
  
She'd known it was coming. She'd known as soon as she had come to Arkadia that his people would want him to be king. But seeing the representatives from all over gathered around him made her realize that it wasn't just the people from Arkadia that had wanted him on the throne anymore. But the people from all over.  
  
The first part of the meeting passed with a blur. There was talk of building settlements on the land beyond Paris. A place for the people on the outside who now lived on undesirable land to come to.  
  
That part, she appreciated. That part, she supported. She knew that a lot of the land on the other side of the sea was being swallowed by the water. The winters were harsh and the land wasn't farmable. This side of the sea had more than enough land to offer. The people could live good lives here.  
  
"And now" Bellamy began, "We must discuss the next course of action. You have all voted and I have agreed. We will hold the celebration tonight, and I will execute the king by the Blood Eagle."

At that, Bjorn gasped and turned to look at Clarke. She tried to keep her face as impassive as possible.  
  
"And then, tomorrow, the next king will be crowned" Bellamy said.  
  
He found her eyes and she looked at her feet.  
  
"That is something that I will leave to you all" he began, "Talk to your clans. Let the people tell you what they want and we can decide tomorrow."  
  
"Why?" a woman Clarke didn't recognize asked, "I think that we all know who we want on the throne."  
  
She looked around at the other representatives and a few of them nodded in agreement. Clarke felt her heart sink. She wasn't sure why. She had expected it.  
  
"Even so" Bellamy said, "There are other villages who aren't represented. I think- I think you all should consider all of your options before deciding."  
  
"I agree" another woman said. She stepped forward and Clarke felt her blood turn to ice. "I'm not sure the people understand that they have more than one option."  
  
She separated from the crowd and looked around.  
  
"Bellamy has done us a great service" she began, "But so has my son, Roan. I think that he should be considered for the position."  
  
A few people murmured and looked around.  
  
"He would be a great king" the woman said, "And I will supervise him, if need be. Bellamy might have been a great earl, but the position of king should be given to someone who wants it. Someone with more....experience."  
  
"Talk to your people, we will hold another meeting tomorrow" Bellamy said. And with a nod of his head, the meeting was over.

People started filing out. Clarke kept her eyes on the woman who now seemed to be arguing with her son.  
  
Clarke stood by as the others left. Once they were gone, she made her way towards Bellamy. He was talking to Roan.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't know she was going to do that" Roan said.  
  
"It's alright. The people need to consider their options" Bellamy said.  
  
He noticed Clarke and Bjorn walking towards him. Roan noticed, too, and said goodbye before leaving.  
  
"Bellamy" Bjorn said, looking up at Bellamy with admiration in his eyes. "They want you to be king, don't they?"  
  
"I don't know" Bellamy said, avoiding Clarke's gaze.  
  
"But they do!" Bjorn exclaimed, a huge smile on his face. "I knew it! I knew it! You will be king, Bellamy!"  
  
"I-I have to go" Bellamy said, running a hand through his hair. "I need to take care of a few things before...before the ritual."  
  
"So you're gonna do it?" Bjorn asked, "The Blood Eagle?"  
  
"I don't think I have a choice" Bellamy said, finally looking up and meeting Clarke's gaze.  
  
She gave him a nod in understanding and then watched him go.  
  
"He will be king" Bjorn said as they watched him walk away. "The best king."  
  
Clarke swallowed thickly.  
  
Looking at it from a political point of view, she could see why they wanted Bellamy to take the throne. He had united the villages and led them to Paris. He'd commanded an army and taken the city.  
  
And more importantly, he didn't want to be king. He wasn't power hungry. He had a good heart. He's exactly the type of person that she herself would want as her king. The type of ruler her people deserved.  
  
But looking at it from her point of view, as Clarke, it was the last thing she wanted.  
  
Partly because she knew it wasn't what he wanted for himself. And partly because she didn't want to give him up.  
  
And now she wasn't sure if either of them had a choice.

* * *

 

The meeting was held in the city center. Bellamy stood in front of the castle with the representaives around him. The city was full. People gathered in the streets, watched from the balconies and windows of their homes.  
  
He told them of the plans to build settlements across the land. To farm and live off the land, to make a life here instead of taking from the people who lived beyond the sea. The Parisians who stayed would be expected to conform to the viking lifestyle. Their life of taking was over.  
  
He talked about the importance of working together to build a better life.  
  
And for the first time, Clarke imagined the way life could have been if someone like him had been in power.  
  
He was good with his words. Clarke could feel excitement and hope in the air.  
  
He finished his speech and suddenly, Clarke didn't think the future looked so grim anymore. She understood now more than ever what the others saw in him.  
  
After he finished, he left to prepare for the ritual. People were chatting excitedly as Clarke made her way back home with her friends beside her. The celebration would start soon and she wanted a few hours of peace.  
  
She didn't feel like going. As much as she hated the king, she'd seen enough death for a lifetime. But Bjorn and the others wanted to go.  
  
And even though she'd renounced her title as the countess, her shieldmaides would expect her to be there. Since there were only about forty of them left, they'd decided to mend into the group that had come from Arkadia. They didn't need her to lead them anymore and she felt more relieved than she thought she would.  
  
She'd always had the qualities of a leader. She'd always wanted to lead.  
  
But after the past year and all the things that had happened, she wasn't sure if it was what she wanted anymore. Making decision on the behalf of others was harder than she thought it would be.  
  
She left the doors open behind her as she made her way inside, going straight to her mother and the two infants that laid in their cradles by her feet.  
  
"Everything go okay?" she asked, running her fingertips over the soft wisps of hair that covered the tops of their small heads.  
  
"Yes, Clarke" her mother said.  
  
Clarke hated the tone. But she decided to let it go. The last thing she wanted was to argue with her mother again. They'd argued the night before. Abby didn't think Clarke should be the one to take responsibility for the babies.  
  
"She wanted me to" Clarke had said.  
  
"You were there. That's why she said it, Clarke. She wanted you to...to save them. Not to be their mother" Abby had said.  
  
For some reason, the words were like a punch to the stomach. They hurt her and Abby noticed.

"I just mean..." Abby began, in a more tender tone. "You're 19 , Clarke. You don't know anything about raising a baby. You-you won't have time to look after them. You can't do it, especially not alone. I'm sorry, honey. But you can't."  
  
"Don't tell me what I can't do" Clarke had said, angry at her mothers insensitive words. "I can do anything."  
  
Instead of arguing with her mother again, she called for Bjorn. He was at her side within minutes. She handed one baby to him and took the other for herself, and slowly, they made their way upstairs.  
  
The chatter died with the close of her door and she let out a sigh in relief. It was all too much. She missed the quiet of the woods. The peace.  
  
Here, everyone spoke too loudly and everything was too close together. She was slowly beginning to feel like she was suffocating.  
  
The year of being away from Paris had been liberating. She had lived within these walls for almost 18 years and now she wasn't sure how she'd made it.  
  
"Do you think he'll get to come back with us tonight?" Bjorn asked.  
  
He didn't have to clarify. She knew exactly what he was asking.  
  
"I don't know" she honestly answered.  
  
They'd been in Paris for about eight days. And the most time they got to spend with Bellamy was the day and half that he'd been unconscious. Since then, he'd been so busy that he barely had time to spend with Clarke and Bjorn.

Some days he stopped by and checked in on her and Bjorn. He'd check on the babies. Clarke could tell that he felt guilty for not being around much. But his people needed him. Her feelings, and Bjorn's, weren't that significant compared to what some of the people needed from him now.  
  
Clarke wondered when he slept. He always seemed to be busy, answering questions and barking out orders.  
  
One afternoon, she went to her room and found him in her bed. He and Bjorn were fast asleep in the middle of the afternoon, right beside one another.  
  
The site made her smile. It was a memory she often thought of in the days that passed. It was one of the few ones that reminded her of why coming back to Paris was the right thing to do.  
  
She spent a few hours with Bjorn and the babies. They mostly just slept and ate and soiled themselves. They cried and she held them. It didn't feel like much but she could already feel her eyes growing heavy. She was grateful that Bjorn was with her.  
  
Eventually the sun set and the sounds of drums and other instruments came from outside. Clarke knew that the celebration had started. Even so, she took her time getting ready. After leaving her mother with the babies again, she grabbed Bjorn's hand and led him outside.  
  
Slowly, they made their way to the city circle. The place was crowded. People were out in the streets, dancing and enjoying one another's company.  
  
Torches were lit and music was played down every street. Girls danced with flowers in their hair and paint on their faces. Everyone seemed so happy that Clarke had to remind herself that this was an execution. Not a wedding.

She walked beside Raven and Bjorn, with Octavia and Lincoln trailing behind them. Raven was one of the few people, like Clarke, that hadn't wanted to join. But their friends had convinced them.  
  
Clarke had tried to make time for her friend. Losing Finn was hard on both of them, but Raven especially.  
  
Besides Raven, Clarke had found the time to check in on her friends every once in a while. Her shieldmaidens were grieving the loss of their own, including Anya, Luna and Maya. Her other friends were grieving for their lost ones, as well.  
  
But tonight people seemed more happy. Clarke figured that to a lot of them, the death of the king would really mean that it was over. That the years of debts and payment were done, that they were free. She could appreciate it. Just thinking about it made her feel better.  
  
They got as close as they could. But since it was so crowded, they were still a good ten to fifteen feet from the front of the castle.  
  
At the front, Bellamy stood on a platform with his hands behind his back and a stoic expression on his face. He was in a long, white tunic that Clarke figured was some part of the ritual. He was barefoot. And he stood between two wooden pillars. A simple table was beside him.  
  
He couldn't see her. At least she didn't think he could. He wasn't looking around. He was looking straight ahead.  
  
She stood in the crowd beside her friends, people watching and wondering just how gruesome it would get, when she felt someone come to stand beside Bjorn.

"Hello Clarke" Roan said.  
  
Clarke felt a little weary and guarded. She grabbed Bjorn's arm and pulled him closer to her side.  
  
"Hello" she said.  
  
"They had said that you died?" Roan said, his voice full of accusation. "I guess they were mistaken?"  
  
She didn't owe this man anything. It was because of him and his mother, along with the other ruthless vikings from Azgeda, that so many people had died.  
  
"I guess so" Clarke said.  
  
"So you survived your own death. And then you killed the queen and captured the king?" Roan asked. "That's what Bellamy tells me."  
  
Clarke didn't bother replying.  
  
"The angel of death" Roan said, glancing at her from head to toe.  
  
He didn't say it like an insult. His voice didn't make it seem like he was trying to hurt her. And even so, she couldn't explain why it hurt so much. She looked away and tried to swallow down the emotions.  
  
After another twenty minutes, the crowd in the middle parted and the king was led to Bellamy. Clarke wasn't sure where they had kept him before the ritual.  
  
The music was almost eerie, now that the people were quiet. Clarke felt surprised as she watched the king, dressed similarly to Bellamy, being led through the crowd peacefully. Maybe the people were restraining themselves because they had to?

Either way, no one spoke as he was led onto the platform.  
  
Clarke watched as Bellamy tied an arm to each post, leaving Cage standing and staring out into the crowd.  
  
And for a second, she could see the fear behind the defiant expression he usually wore.  
  
_Good_ , she thought. He should be scared.  
  
The whole crowd remained quiet as the eerie music continued. Bellamy didn't waste any time. He ripped Cage's tunic off, leaving his top half naked. He moved to the table and picked up a silver axe.  
  
Sweat coated Clarke's palms as she watched Bellamy step back and stand directly behind the king. He lifted his arm and brought the axe down in one swift motion.  
  
The king cried out and blood spattered Bellamy's white tunic and his face. He didn't seem phased by it.  
  
Clarke held her breath.  
  
Bellamy pulled the axe out and in a matter of seconds, he brought it back down.  
  
Clarke turned away.  
  
She couldn't watch. The sound of the king screaming as the axe found its way through his flesh and bone were starting to make her feel sick.

There were too many people around her. And the cobbled floor beneath her feet had patches of dark red that just wouldn't seem to wash away. And she could almost swear that she could smell the dead bodies, that she could hear the screams of all those that had died on the very ground she walked on.  
  
She ran through the crowd, fighting for air. She figured that if she could just get away, she'd be able to breathe.  
  
But there were so many people around her and she felt like she was suffocating.  
  
She could see a break in the crowd, an empty path to her left. It would take her longer to get home but she would be out of the crowd.  
  
She ran, gasping for air, until she finally reached the edge of the crowd. She slowed down and caught her breath. Placing her hands on her knees, she let herself rest for a minute.  
  
"Clarke? Are you alright?" Bjorn asked from behind her.  
  
"I'm fine" Clarke huffed. "Why didn't you stay?"  
  
"Checking on you is more important to me" Bjorn said, placing a hand on her back. "What is it?"  
  
Affection for the boy washed through her, and soon she found herself pulling him in for a short hug.  
  
"I'm okay" she said, "But thank you for checking."  
  
"Did the Blood Eagle upset you that much?" Bjorn asked, raising his blonde eyebrows.  
  
"No" Clarke said, shaking her head. "It wasn't that. It was-" but she cut herself off.  
  
"What?"

"Nothing" she said. "I think I'm going to go. You should probably head back, you might miss it."  
  
"That's okay" Bjorn said, shrugging. "Let's go."  
  
He held his hand out and she took it, smiling at him. They walked in silence for a little while before Bjorn spoke up again.  
  
"It's this place, isn't it?" he asked. "What happened here?"  
  
Clarke didn't understand why she felt surprised. Bjorn knew her better than anyone else. It shouldn't come as a surprise that he'd figured out what was bothering her now.  
  
"I think so" she said, looking over at him.  
  
They continued on in silence, the music and the sounds of celebration growing further and further away.  
  
"We don't have to stay, you know" Bjorn said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Here" Bjorn said while glancing around "In Paris. We don't have to stay."  
  
"Where would we go?" Clarke asked.  
  
"I don't know" Bjorn said, "I'm the child, remember? You're my mother. You're supposed to tell me what to do, not the other way around."  
  
Clarke let out a giggle and slung her arm around the boy's shoulders. He could always put a smile on her face.  
  
Once they were almost home, he stopped walking and looked up at her.  
  
"I mean it" he said, "We don't have to stay here if you are unhappy. I don't really like it here, either. We can...we can go to one of the new settlements? Or back to Arkadia? We could go anywhere in the world."  
  
Clarke felt a lump form in her throat.  
  
"What-what about the others?" she asked, fighting to keep her voice even.  
  
"Those who want to join us can. And if they don't want to....Well, then it'll be just me and you. Me, you, and the babies" he said, an unusually sad look in his eye.  
  
"But what about...what about Bellamy?" Clarke asked, hating that her voice came out weaker than she thought it would. "We need him."  
  
Bjorn looked past her, in the direction of the celebration. He didn't say anything for a few moments. And when he finally spoke up, she could see his eyes glistening with unshed tears.  
  
"We do" he said, "But they need him more."

* * *

 

She woke with a start.  
  
She'd come home and bid her mother and Bjorn a good night. They had gone off to the celebration while she took the babies to her room and put them to bed in their cradles, right beside her bed.  
  
The first thing she did was peek over the side of the bed. Her heart skipped a beat when she realized that the cradles were empty. She looked around her room and spotted Bellamy standing in front of the fireplace, his back turned to her.  
  
She relaxed and took a few deep breaths before climbing out of bed. Walking towards him in her bare feet, she cleared her throat, not wanting to startle him.  
  
He turned around and she spotted both babies. He held one in each arm.  
  
"Hey" she said, giving him a timid smile.  
  
"Hey" he said, a little sheepishly. He looked down at the babies in his arms and then back up at her. "I couldn't decide on which one to hold."  
  
Clarke smiled.  
  
"They could have taken turns."  
  
"I know" he said, "But then I would've had to decide which one got to be held first. It didn't seem fair so I settled for both."  
  
"Here" she said, holding her arms out. He passed one of the infants to her and they stood across from one another.

"Have you named them?"  
  
"Not yet" she said, "It's basically impossible to tell them apart anyway. But I guess I will, one of these days."  
  
They stood in silence for a while.  
  
"Did everything go well?" she asked.  
  
He nodded but didn't speak up. She looked him over, feeling grateful to find that he'd changed out of the white tunic.  
  
After a while, they put the babies back in their cradles.  
  
"Do you.." Clarke began, feeling a little awkward, "Can you stay tonight?"  
  
He nodded, giving her a small smile.  
  
She crawled into the bed, leaving him behind to change. After a couple of minutes, he crawled in behind her and laid down on his back.  
  
The things that they didn't say to one another weighed her down. She knew that they had to talk about it,. They had to talk about tomorrow and what would happen. But she couldn't find it in herself to speak up.  
  
She laid beside him, wide awake and staring at the ceiling.  
  
She turned to look at him in the semi-darkness, wondering what he was thinking about. Was he feeling weighed down, as well? Were there things that he wanted to say? Things he couldn't?  
  
He turned to look at her and the little space between them seemed to shrink. She was suddenly aware of how close they were, how alone they were. She could see the rise and fall of his bare chest.  
  
"Bjorn and I..." she began. A lump formed in her throat and she swallowed past it. "I-I think that we're going to leave."  
  
He turned away and stared at the ceiling again.

"I know" he said.  
  
She tried to read the expression on his face, his body language but she couldn't. She didn't know how he knew or how he felt about it. Or what the words meant to him.  
  
He turned to look at her again and her breath caught in her chest. He reached over and cupped her cheek, running his thumb across the soft skin just under the side of her eye.  
  
Her eyes widened in surprise when he shifted closer to her and placed his lips on hers.  
  
For a second, she couldn't really believe that he'd done it. But then the second passed and she could still feel his warm lips on hers. She parted her lips and kissed him back.  
  
They turned towards one another at the same time, closing the distance between them as their bodies pressed against one another's.  
  
His hand went from her cheek to her hair, running his fingers through it until it landed on the small of her back. He pressed her flesh closer. She let her hands explore his broad shoulders, pulling him as close as possible.  
  
And even though it had felt like they had been in the middle of a raging storm, everything seemed to calm down and fade away.  
  
The thoughts of tomorrow and all the things to come vanished as her hungry lips chased after his. She traced his bottom lip with her tongue and something changed. He pushed her back and shifted until he was on top of her, his lips more feverish and his tongue pushing into her mouth.

He ran a hand up her thigh and slipped it under her shirt, grabbing the soft flesh at her hips. The touch sent a bolt of electricity down her spine and she parted her legs, giving him room to wedge himself between them.  
  
He pulled away and looked down at her.  
  
"I love you, you know" he said.  
  
"I know" she said, pulling him down again.  
  
They kissed for a few more minutes and Clarke could feel the anticipation building in her chest.  
  
He sat back on his knees and she sat up, giving him an opportunity to lift the shirt over her head in one swift motion.  
  
She laid back down, now filled with a sense of urgency. She hooked her fingers through the waistband of her sleep pants and her underwear, raising her hips and pulling them down to her knees. His hands joined hers as he pulled them all the way off, throwing them behind him before getting back on top of her.  
  
They traded a few more kisses before his lips wandered away from hers, kissing her jaw and down her neck. She could feel the heat pooling in her belly as he explored te rest of her body with his hands.  
  
"Bellamy" she whined, placing her fingers on his waist. They sunk lower until she could grasp at the material of his pants.  
  
He sat back up on his knees, pulling his own pants down. He placed a hand on each of her knees and widened them a little before getting his lips back on hers.  
  
"Are you sure about this?" he whispered against her neck.  
  
She knew he was giving her an out. That if they really did this, it would only complicate things even more. But she'd missed having him so close. She'd missed the feeling of his body pressed to hers. And even though she knew it would complicate things even more, being with him now felt too right to pass up.  
  
"I'm sure" she whispered.  
  
As soon as the words left her lips, one of the babies cried out.  
  
They looked at each other in the semi-darkness. His eyes silently asking, _what now_?  
  
Not even a minute later, the second baby joined in.  
  
Clarke squirmed under him.  
  
"Let me" he said, getting his clothes back on.  
  
She watched as he crawled from the bed and took the infants into his arms, rocking them and holding them close. He walked to the fireplace and when his back was turned, Clarke put her own clothes back on.  
  
She laid down on her side, wondering if the timing was a coincidence or something more. Some sort of divine intervention.  
  
When he laid back down, she pretended to be asleep.  
  
_But they need him more._

* * *

 

She was wide awake by the time he slowly woke from his slumbers.  
  
They laid side by side, staring at the ceiling. Clarke remained quiet, trying to find the confidence to say what she needed to say. To do what she knew had to be done.  
  
"I have to go" he finally said. "The meeting starts at noon."  
  
She nodded her head, willing her mouth to say the words.  
  
"Are you going to come?" he asked.  
  
She nodded again.  
  
He crawled from the bed and she stood by as he got dressed. Afterwards, they fed the babies and held them for a while.  
  
She was running out of time and she knew it.  
  
When they put the babies back into their cradles, he looked up at her. He was waiting for her to speak and she knew she finally had to say it.  
  
She swallowed past the lump in her throat and wore the face she learned to wear as the countess and not just Clarke.  
  
"We can't let Roan or his mother take control of the throne. We can't trust them. We can't trust anyone" she finally said, working to make her voice as impassive as possible. "You should go. You should take the throne."  
  
She watched as his eyelids fluttered for a second, taking in what she had said.

At first, he seemed a little surprised. And then the surprise faded away, replaced by something that looked a lot like disappointment. He looked hurt. But within seconds, the look was gone.  
  
"Alright" he said.  
  
He looked back at the babies before facing her again.  
  
_You can't,_ she reminded herself. _You can't say it. You can't be selfish. They need him._  
  
He finally realized that she wasn't going to say anything else.  
  
He gave her a little nod, his mouth set in a hard line, before turning away and walking out of the room. As soon as the door closed behind him, she sank down onto the floor.  
  
Angry sobs wracked her body and she wrapped her arms around herself. It seemed as if no matter what had happened between them, timing would never be on their side.

* * *

 

She stood in the throne room, among the representatives and other random civilians.  
  
They'd voted.  
  
It was almost unanimous.  
  
And now she watched as Bellamy made his way to the throne.  
  
But right before he reached it, he turned on the spot and scanned the crowd. When his eyes landed on hers, he stopped searching.  
  
She swallowed down the emotions rising in her chest and gave him a final nod.  
  
And after that, he was crowned.  
  
He was the king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would have loved nothing more than to figure out a way out of this. For someone else to take the throne and the responsibility. But we know that Bellamy would do anything for his people. And Clarke would sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of the others. I would have loved to write an ending to this fic with Bellamy turning his back on everyone, and leaving to forge his own path with Clarke and his babies (and yes, that includes Bjorn, their first baby) but it didn't feel true to his character. I know this is yet another obstacle for them to overcome. But in canon, they were both willing to sacrifice their lives for their people. Their happiness. It didn't feel right to have them turn their backs on them now. I don't think any kind of stories should be dragged out. I want a good clean ending. But sometimes stories and characters write themselves. Fate tears them apart and brings them back together. I want them to get the ending that they deserve. It didn't feel authentic to end the story so I've got a couple more chapters to write after this. Please be patient with me.
> 
> That being said, how does it make you guys feel? Bellamy giving up his personal dreams for the sake of his people and Clarke doing the same? What do YOU think the ending holds? What are you hoping for? Did anyone recognize the "You should go" theme? 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. Thank you all for your encouragement. You guys are the best. <3
> 
> If you're itching for something else to read- you can check out part one (of two) of my new fic. You can find it under my works or search "Treading On Water, Cause I Never Learned To Swim". And yes, of course it's Bellarke.


	15. A New Beginning

**Part I- Bellamy**

  
His life didn't feel like his own anymore. He couldn't control the way he spent his time. And everything was fleeting.  
  
They'd be waiting for him as soon as he opened his eyes in the morning and they'd follow him to bed whenever he had enough energy to drag himself through the castle to his room.  
  
The representatives. The citizens. The vikings. The Parisians. People he'd never seen before, names he didn't know and faces he wouldn't remember.  
  
Always asking, always waiting.  
  
The days flew by, making his head spin. And they didn't change. So really, it felt more like one long day with short pauses between them. He didn't sleep much but when he did, he was grateful for the short reprieve.  
  
He tried to be happy about it. In the short time he'd been king, he'd already made a difference. Villages were being built beyond the wall. The boats were going across the sea and coming back with people who now had a new chance at life. People who could live on good land and make their living here.  
  
He tried.  
  
He pushed his personal life into the back of his mind. Thoughts of his feelings, his needs and wants only seemed to make things worse. They were mostly childish thoughts, anyway. And even when he'd been a child, he'd never lived like one.

He wondered how, after all this time, a small part of him had held out on the hope that things would change for him. That he could lead a new life. Because at the end of every day that passed, he was still the same person with the same life.  
  
Every time he felt like giving up, he'd think of the people that now expected something different from him. The people that were counting on him to go on and _stay on_ the path that the Gods had forged for him.  
  
He'd hoped, foolishly, that she would have asked him for something different. He wouldn't do it for himself, but he would have done it for her. If only she had asked.  
  
But she hadn't.  
  
And here he was.  
  
With a nod of her head, she'd told him to do it.  
  
It'd been a few weeks since he'd be crowned and he was finally getting used to it. The constant meetings, the writing of new laws, the reinforcing , the assigning and the designating.  
  
He'd barely see his friends, his family. Their faces were swallowed by the endless sea of people that came forward, looking to him for direction. For help.  
  
The only thing he kept track of was that Clarke and Bjorn hadn't left. The people closest to him hadn't either. They were still in Paris. But it'd been weeks and he wasn't sure how long it would stay that way.

He knew that she wanted to leave. He'd heard her cries that night. He saw the anxiety on her face as she walked through the streets of Paris.  
  
One night, an unusually quiet one, Octavia had come to visit him. He felt guilty for the lack of attention he'd been giving her lately, but every time he tried to apologize she told him that she understood.  
  
"Hey big brother" she said, wrapping him in a warm embrace.  
  
"Hey" he said. It still felt weird, meeting in the throne room. "How are you?"  
  
"Just peachy" Octavia said, a smirk on her face. She was having a hard time adjusting to this kind of life. She was a free spirit. She didn't like being confined behind the wall. Not that she had to stay.  
  
"I came by to invite you to dinner. Kings can eat, can't they?" she teased.  
  
"Shut up" he said, rolling his eyes and giving her a playful shove. He'd missed her so much.  
  
"Abby's house. Two hours, can you make it?" she asked as they slowly strolled out of the throne room.  
  
"I'll try to" he said.  
  
They continued on in a comfortable silence.  
  
"How are you handling things?" she asked.  
  
"Fine" he said. There was no point in telling her that he was mostly miserable. He'd made his choice and now he had to live with it.  
  
"Let's go outside?" she suggested.  
  
They walked until they were sitting on the front steps that led to the castle.  
  
"So the village looks great" Octavia said. "Kane and Abby should be leaving some time in the next couple of days."  
  
They'd begun building a few settlements. But there was one in particular that had stood out to him. One that he'd ordered to be built faster than the others.  
  
He'd decided to make Kane the earl of said village. And Kane had decided to name the first settlement The Ark, as a tribute to Arkadia. It was obvious to Bellamy that most of the people that had followed him from home planned to stay here, on this side of the sea, and he was eager to give them a new home.  
  
"I'm glad to hear that" Bellamy said. He meant it, for the most part. But the other part felt a little sad. He knew that the people who had come with him, the ones that didn't want to live in Paris, would soon be leaving. Kane included. He didn't want to think about who would follow him.  
  
It was less than a day's travel from Paris. But it was still too far for Bellamy. He'd been mostly confined to the castle. He'd barely left it's walls.  
  
"I think I'm going to go with them" Octavia quietly said.  
  
She looked over at him and he tried to mask the emotions that were surely washing over his face.

"It's just-" she began, "I can't stay here, Bellamy. I'm not...I'm not made for this kind of life" she said.  
  
He already knew that. She was a viking. She belonged among the woods, the grassy fields and the open waters. Not within the confines of a wall in a city made of stone.  
  
He nodded.  
  
"I understand" he finally said.  
  
"It's not that far. I'll- I'll come visit. Every couple of days, I promise."  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"You don't have to do that. I love you, O. But you've got your own life. You can make your own choices. My choices..." he didn't really know how to finish the sentence.  
  
"Yes, I can. But only because of you" she said, placing her hand on top of his. "You made that happen, Bellamy. And not just for me. For all of us."  
  
He nodded. It was one of the rare moments where his decision to take the position of king seemed like a good thing. He could give all of the Octavia's out there a choice.  
  
"Try to make it tonight" she said, giving his hand a squeeze. "I have to go."  
  
They shared a short embrace and pretty soon, he watched as his warrior viking sister left.  
  
He went back inside. He met with his council, men and women from villages across the sea and one from Paris.  
  
He figured that things would have to die down eventually. His plans had already gone into effect and things would settle down. He'd have time for his friends, his sister. His family. Himself.  
  
Now he had to put his people first and trudge through the first couple of months of this new life.  
  
_It'll settle down,_ he reminded himself. Sometimes it was the only thought that kept him centered.  
  
Three hours later, he was knocking on Abby's door. He hadn't been by in weeks. Usually Clarke and Bjorn would stop by with the babies and spend a little time with him if he wasn't too busy.

"You're late" Octavia said, opening the door and letting him in. "We started without you."  
  
Inside, two long tables had been pushed together in the center of the room. There were about twenty people inside, talking and laughing among themselves. The site made him happier than he'd felt in weeks.  
  
They were all there. All the people he loved.  
  
"Bellamy!" Bjorn yelled, rising from his spot and running towards him.  
  
He stopped a few inches away and bowed.  
  
"I mean, your majesty" he said.  
  
"Shut up" Bellamy said, giving the boy a playful shove as he tried not to laugh.  
  
A chorus of _Hey's_ and _Bellamy's here_ came from the group as he glanced around, saying hello and smiling at his friends.  
  
He spotted Clarke at the edge of the table, smiling up at him. He made his way around the table and they scooted down, giving him room to sit beside Clarke with Bjorn at his side.  
  
She held one baby while Abby held the other.  
  
"Hey" Clarke said. "I can't believe they actually let you come."  
  
"Me neither" he said, holding his arms out as she placed the baby in his arms.  
  
She motioned for Abby to give her the other one.  
  
"Bellamy feels guilty if he can't hold both of them at the same time" Clarke explained. Abby and a few of the others laughed.  
  
Bellamy rolled his eyes but accepted the second baby as well.  
  
He'd missed them. All of them.  
  
And for some reason, holding the babies always made him feel better about life. They didn't remind him of the tragedy of the circumstances under which they were born. They reminded him of the future. They reminded him of hope. So he held them whenever he got the opportunity to do so.  
  
He had the happiest night he'd had in months, with all his loved ones around him.  
  
They were hopeful and it rubbed off on him. Looking at all their faces, he was reminded of why he'd come to Paris in the first place.

Eventually Clarke and Abby took the babies to their cradles on the other side of the room. The party was loud but they needed to keep an eye on them.  
  
When Clarke sat back down, she gave his leg a little pinch and he turned to face her.  
  
"We named them, you know" she said.  
  
"Yeah? What'd you name them?" he asked.  
  
"Well, Bjorn did. Tell him" she said, looking past Bellamy to Bjorn.  
  
His cheeks turned a little red as he looked up at Bellamy.  
  
"We named them Eira and Edna" Bjorn said, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
"Yeah?" Bellamy asked. "Why those names?"  
  
"Eira, the merciful. Edna, the renewed spirit" Bjorn said. "We-we knew that Luna would have liked the meaning behind their names. And after all the shit we've been through, we needed a little hope around here."  
  
"Watch your mouth" Clarke snapped from Bellamy's other side.  
  
Bellamy laughed, ruffling Bjorn's hair and sheepishly smiling at Clarke. He thought about it, looking at the cradles across the room.  
  
"They're perfect" Bellamy said. "You've chosen well."  
  
Bjorn smiled and turned his attention to Murphy who sat across from him.  
  
"I told you he would approve" Bjorn said, sticking his tongue out at Murphy and throwing a stray pea at him. The pea hit him directly in the forehead.  
  
"One of these days I'm gonna kick your ass, kid" Murphy said. "And what did I tell you about embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend?"  
  
"I thought she told you not to call her that in public" Bjorn said.  
  
Emori let out a laugh and Clarke and Bellamy joined.  
  
The time passed faster than he thought it would. He laughed and smiled more that night than he had in the past couple of weeks put together.  
  
Towards the end of the night, Kane called them all to attention.  
  
He raised his glass and looked around the table.  
  
"To The Ark" he said, "And a new beginning."  
  
The rest of them raised their glasses and drank.  
  
Eventually, people started to leave. Bellamy lingered longer than he should have. He knew he had to go back but he wasn't sure when he'd get the opportunity to be surrounded by all his loved ones again.  
  
"Can I walk you?" Clarke asked after most of the people had left.  
  
The proposition surprised him. And it made a slow smile spread across his face.  
  
"Of course you can" he said.  
  
He bid Abby and Kane farewell. Gave his sister and Bjorn a kiss on the forehead. He glanced at the babies once more and finally, he left with Clarke by his side.  
  
They walked through the streets in the moonlight. Most people had gone to bed but he could still see lights here and there.  
  
"Did you have a good time?" Clarke asked.  
  
"Of course" Bellamy answered. "The best time."

She smiled a little and they continued on.  
  
Seeing the castle in the distance brought him down a little. But he really did have a good time. And he wasn't about to let his sour thoughts ruin the night.  
  
"You seem a little tense" Clarke noted. "Well, more tense than usual."  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"What is it?" she asked.  
  
"Octavia is leaving with Kane" he said, "And I assume others will follow."  
  
She nodded, her mouth set in a hard line.  
  
"The Ark is only a day away" she said, "Octavia will visit you. And you can always visit her, too. I'm sure she...she doesn't want to leave your side. But maybe it's for the best."  
  
He got the feeling that it wasn't just Octavia she was talking about. He turned to look at her.  
  
"If it'll make her happy," he said, "Then it is for the best."  
  
She looked away a second later and wrung her hands together, something he knew she did when she felt nervous. They continued on in silence.  
  
Once they were close to the castle, Clarke spoke up again.  
  
"Maybe you should do something to work off some of that tension" she stated, a little too casually.  
  
"Yeah?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Like what?"  
  
They hadn't been alone together since the night they almost had sex. Just the thought made his skin feel hot.  
  
"Well..." she said, "I do have one idea. But you might get a little sweaty."  
  
He groaned internally, wishing that they were alone and not out in the public. He stopped himself from reaching over and pushing her towards the closest wall he could find.  
  
"Yeah?" he asked. His heart rate sped up at the thought.  
  
"You know that tower?" she asked, pointing towards the castle. "The highest one?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You could run up the stairs. It's a bitch but it would definitely help" she said, a smile breaking across her face at the end of the sentence.  
  
He stopped in the middle of the street.  
  
"Seriously?" he asked.  
  
She let out a giggle and he shook his head. She knew exactly what kind of effect her words had on him.  
  
They walked up the steps that led to the front door but she stopped once they got there.  
  
"Are you.." he began, "Do you want to come inside for a bit?"  
  
"I don't know" she said, all traces of amusement now gone. "I don't think it would be a good idea."  
  
"Oh. Yeah" he said, shaking his head. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting. Now he only felt foolish for asking. "Alright."  
  
"It's...it's just that, things are so..." she didn't finish the sentence. He didn't need her to.  
  
"I know" he said.  
  
She'd said it all those weeks ago: he'd be the king and she'd still be Clarke.  
  
"I think I'm going to go with them" she quietly said.  
  
She was echoing Octavia and she didn't even know it.  
  
"Yeah" he said, "I figured you would be."  
  
"It's-it's just that I can't breathe here, Bellamy. I don't think I can live here anymore. And my mother and Raven- they're all going and I..." she said, her voice pleading.  
  
"It's okay" he said. "I know."  
  
"But maybe we could..."  
  
He waited for her to go on but she didn't.  
  
"Maybe I could-" she began again.  
  
Listening to her trying to find words to soothe him was almost as painful as her telling him that she would be leaving, too.  
  
"It's alright, Clarke" he finally said. "I get it. You don't have to explain it to me."  
  
She sighed and sat down on the steps. He joined her.  
  
"Do you think it'll ever happen?" she asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you think you'll ever have what you want?" she asked, "A home in the woods. Your own life? A family?"  
  
It sounded like she was asking him if he had any hope for himself. For his future.  
  
"I really hope so" he said, looking over at her.  
  
As far as he was concerned, he already had a family. They just didn't have him.  
  
"I have to go" she said, rising to her feet. "I'll come say goodbye before we leave."  
  
"Alright" he said, standing up directly across from her.  
  
"The Ark is just a day away" she said. He wasn't sure if it was him or herself that she was trying to reassure now.  
  
He nodded and stepped towards her, placing a kiss on her cheek.  
  
"Sweet dreams" he said after pulling away.  
  
"You too" she said, "Your majesty."  
  
She gave him a mocking smile and he rolled his eyes.  
  
"Bye Clarke" he said.  
  
"Bye Bellamy" she said over her shoulder.  
  
He stood there for a few minutes, watching her walk away. Wanting nothing more than to follow.

* * *

 

Two days later, they left.  
  
In the end, most of the others decided to go as well. They'd all come to say goodbye, in pairs and sometimes alone. Kane had come first. Their goodbye was political. But at the very last moment, Kane pulled him close and they hugged for the first time ever.  
  
"You made a difference" Kane said, putting his hand on Bellamy's shoulder. "And now we'll take it day by day, learning from today to give our people a better tomorrow. That's how we survive."  
  
Bellamy nodded.  
  
He kept reminding himself that The Ark was only a day away, like Clarke and Octavia had said. That he'd see them all very soon. That they would come back. And maybe he'd even get a chance to go to them.  
  
But when Clarke showed up with the babies and Bjorn, it became harder to soothe himself with the reminders.  
  
Bjorn seemed excited and it made Bellamy happy. He promised to come back and stay with Bellamy for a while. He kissed the babies goodbye and hoped that the next time he saw them, they'd still look the same. The thought of Clarke raising them alone took him to a dark place and he had to remind himself that she would have help from the others. And that this was her choice.  
  
"So...." she began, "I guess this is goodbye."  
  
"I guess so" he said.  
  
He wasn't sure why he wasn't used to it. They'd parted more times than he wished were true. And still, it hurt as much as it did the first time.  
  
Maybe even more so, now, knowing that he could have gone with her if he'd just had the courage to decide his own fate. To forge his own path. But instead he'd put his people first. And during moments like this, he almost regretted it. Almost.  
  
She pulled him in for a hug and he tried to let himself enjoy the moment. To savor it. To remember her smell and the way her body felt against his.  
  
They wouldn't be apart for long. He'd make sure of it. But even so, he wanted another memory to cling to while he waited. They parted and he watched her and Bjorn make their way down the steps once again.  
  
But once she was at the bottom of the stairwell, she came to a halt and turned around to face him.  
  
"I love you too, you know" she said, staring up at him.  
  
"Yeah" he said, "I know."

* * *

 

**Part II- Clarke**

  
The Ark was...different. It didn't feel like Paris and it didn't feel like Arkadia.  
  
_A new beginning_ , Kane had called it.  
  
For so many of them, that's exactly what it was.  
  
With so many people working away on the village, it didn't take them long to get things up an running. By the time that Kane and the others had shown up, many homes had already been built. As well as public meeting place, a smoke house, a small bakery, a blacksmith shack and a large healers cabin that Abby would be in charge of.  
  
There was plenty of land to farm. There were animals. The sea was only an hours walk away, giving them access to other kinds of food. Wells had been dug and crops had been planted.  
  
Clarke wondered how they managed to get so much done in the short amount of time that they'd been in Paris.  
  
"Bellamy wanted this place to be built first" Octavia had told her.  
  
There was still a lot of work to be done but things were off to a good start.  
  
She had decided to move in with her mother and Kane. It felt a little awkward at first. Kane was the earl. But he was also the man dating her mother. And even though Clarke no longer resented her mother or Kane, some days it still made her uncomfortable to see them staring at one another while she sat across the table.  
  
But then her mother would smile and Clarke couldn't help the warmth that spread through her. 

They offered to help her with the kids and she agreed. She knew that she couldn't stay with them forever. But it seemed like the best option, for now. She would work with her mother. She'd work with Kane, knowing that whenever he left for some reason or other, she would be in charge.  
  
And slowly, the village came together.  
  
Most of her friends were there. They had various jobs, making a living for themselves. A few of them still lived with their families but a couple of them lived together.  
  
Octavia and Lincoln shared a home just a little ways away from Kane's. Raven shared her home with Jasper and Monty. Murphy and Emori were nowhere to be found. But they dropped by every couple of weeks or so. Miller had decided to stay in Paris.  
  
After the first couple of weeks, they went back to Paris. It was only a few of them, and even though she had help from Octavia, Lincoln, Kane and Bjorn, Clarke found the whole trip stressful. It was only a day of travel. And since Clarke didn't feel comfortable taking the infants on horseback, she'd got to ride in a cart. But the summer day was hot and the babies became irritable fast. And Paris still made her feel like she was suffocating. The others didn't like it much, either, now that they'd gotten a chance to live in The Ark.  
  
But seeing Bellamy made her happy.  
  
And since she hated being in the castle, he stayed with them for almost an entire day at her old home.  
  
"You know someone will move in here, eventually" Bellamy said that night.  
  
The little crowd with them continued chattering.  
  
"I know" Clarke said.  
  
But strangely, the thought didn't make her sad. This was the home she grew up in. The place she last saw her father. But they didn't need it anymore. Someone else might.  
  
"So how are you liking The Ark?" he asked.  
  
"It's great" she said, "A new beginning."  
  
He smiled a little before his attention was claimed by Bjorn.  
  
They spent the night catching one another up. Kane told Bellamy about all the progress that had been made in their village while Bellamy told them what had been going on in Paris. They'd only be staying for a couple of days but even so, it felt good to have him by her side again.  
  
But at the end of the night, he still had to leave.  
  
And the rest of the time she was there, he barely had any time to spare.  
  
She grew agitated and had to remind herself that she'd made her choice. She'd told him to go and take the throne. And she couldn't take it back, even though a small part of her wanted to.  
  
Before they left, he came to visit them and say his goodbyes. He held the babies for a little while and made plans with Bjorn. He was going back to The Ark, but the next time they came he'd stay in Paris for a little while.  
  
"Do you think.." Clarke said, pausing to help Bellamy haul some supplies into the cart she'd come on. "Do you think you'll be able to visit soon?"  
  
"I don't know" he said. "There's still a lot of work to do here. I've sent people back to tell the others in the smaller villages about what happened. They should be back soon so..." he trailed off.  
  
She nodded, hoping that he couldn't tell just how disappointed she was.  
  
"Can you come back soon?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know" she said. "Traveling with them is kind of a hassle" she added, glancing towards the babies.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Right" he said, nodding.  
  
"But maybe..." she began. For some reason, she felt her cheeks flame. "Maybe I could come by myself in a few weeks? Just for a day or two?"  
  
"I'd like that."  
  
The shared a short embrace and before she knew it, it was time to go. She sat in the cart with her babies and Bjorn, waving goodbye as he watched them go.  
  
And again, she had to remind herself that she'd chosen this. 

* * *

 

Weeks passed and she developed a routine of sorts.  
  
Mostly she'd spend her time acting as a healer alongside her mother. With all the building they were doing, people got hurt a lot. Most days she brought the babies with her, so that she could feed them and keep an eye on them while she treated the various men and women that came and went.  
  
Some days, she would leave the girls with her mother if she wasn't working, or Octavia and Lincoln. Some days, a few of the others begged her to let them watch over the babies and she'd agree. For a little while, anyway.  
  
They were all busy, building their new home.  
  
They had enough to eat with the crops they'd planted and the meat that the hunting parties would come back with. More and more people were coming, now that they'd begun to make progress with the homes. It made Clarke happy.  
  
On the rare occasions that she had time to herself, she'd walk through the woods and think about all the things that had led her to this part of her life.  
  
There were a few things that she wished she could have done differently. But she was safe. She had a home. The people she loved the most were living their lives and for now, that was enough to keep her grounded. But she longed for the day when things would finally settle down. When the thoughts of all that had happened would no longer weigh her down. When they'd become just distant memories of things that happened in the past.  
  
Bjorn had left for Paris and even though she missed him, she was glad that he had gone. She was sure that Bellamy must have been lonely. A few of the others had visited him again, but she figured that it had to of hurt, not being able to stay with the people he loved.  
  
And one night during dinner, she made the mistake of bringing it up.  
  
She ate dinner with Kane and her mother. Octavia and Lincoln had joined. Lincoln had asked about Bjorn's absence and Clarke told him that she'd let him go to Paris with Indra so that he could spend time with Bellamy.  
  
"He must be lonely" she said. "We're all here and...Anyway, I think I'll go too, in a couple of weeks."  
  
"Well, he won't always be" Octavia said.  
  
"What do you mean?" Clarke asked.  
  
"He'll have to marry soon, won't he?" Octavia asked, looking towards Kane. "Have a family and all that. He can't live his life alone. Especially being king. He'll need someone to pass it down to" she added, her eyes darting towards Clarke.

"He's still young" Clarke said, "He's got his whole life ahead of him."  
  
"Well he can't wait forever" Octavia spat.  
  
For some reason, it rubbed Clarke the wrong way.  
  
"I never said he should" Clarke shot back.  
  
"You didn't have to" Octavia said.  
  
The others glanced around at one another, probably feeling awkward with the turn the conversation had taken.  
  
"Do you have something to say to me, Octavia?" Clarke asked. She couldn't even explain why she felt so angry all of a sudden. And she wasn't sure what it was that Octavia was angry about, either.  
  
"You're not doing him any favors, you know" Octavia said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You made your decision. You left. Stop going back there and-" Octavia began but Lincoln cut her off.  
  
"Why don't we just take it easy?" he said, placing his hand over Octavia's.  
  
"Stop what?" Clarke asked through gritted teeth. "Being his friend?"  
  
Octavia rolled her eyes and Clarke had to remind herself that Octavia was still the better fighter of the two.  
  
"So you wouldn't mind it, if he found someone?" Octavia asked. "If he stopped wasting his time, waiting for you?"  
  
Clarke worked to make her face seem as impassive as possible.  
  
"I never asked him to wait."  
  
"So it wouldn't bother you if he moved on? If he got married and had a family?" Octavia asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"No" Clarke said. "It wouldn't."  
  
"Does he know that?" Octavia asked.  
  
Clarke clenched her fists underneath the table. She wanted to say something but she was so fucking angry that she couldn't even think of what words to use.  
  
"That's what I thought" Octavia said, glaring at Clarke before turning her attention back to Kane.  
  
Despite her fight with Octavia and the words that kept her up at night, after a couple more weeks, she decided to go by herself anyway. Bjorn would be coming back with her but the thought of leaving the babies, even if it was only for a couple of days, left her with anxiety.  
  
Raising them had been a battle of it's own. They were still very young. They couldn't even lift their heads. But having to take care of them, having to worry for them left her a little exhausted despite all the help she had.

Even so, she couldn't imagine it any other way. They were hers and she was theirs.  
  
It wasn't until Bjorn had left that she realized keeping those babies had been her fate, just as it had been her fate to cross paths with Bjorn. The Seer did tell her that she would have three children.  
  
And it didn't matter to her that they weren't hers by blood. She was still the one that was responsible for them. And she would be the one to raise them.  
  
On her way to Paris, the anxiety died down and she thought about her future. She was satisfied with some of the aspects of her life.  
  
She liked being a healer. And the power she had, being Kane's second in command, quenched some of her leaderly needs without overwhelming her. She had enough power. But she didn't have to make life or death decisions anymore, and she was glad for it. She'd played that part from the time that her father had been captured up until they had taken Paris.  
  
She had her friends, her family.  
  
And the one part of her life that she wasn't happy with, she had no control over.  
  
Even if she could convince Bellamy to come home, she'd never be able to live with herself for putting her own needs and wants above what their people deserved.  
  
Some days she wondered when it would end. When she would no longer have to linger in the in-between of their lives. He would either move on from her, or she would from him. Or they would continue this- almost being something but not quite- until one of them had enough.  
  
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't convince herself to go back to Paris and stay for good. It wasn't a good place for her to be. And how would she raise three kids if she was miserable? Even if it meant that Bellamy would be with them? She knew that if she forced herself to go back, she might be happy with him for a while. But neither one of them wanted to be there. And it would only be a matter of time before they'd begin to resent one another for the choices that had led them there.  
  
So for now, she would settle on waiting and let the Gods decide.

* * *

 

**Part III- Bellamy**

  
Having Bjorn around improved his mood.  
  
He'd been a little lonely, despite the fact that he was almost always surrounded by people.  
  
Miller had been the only one that stayed. And even though the others visited often, he knew that they'd have to go back eventually and he would have to stay.  
  
So when Bjorn showed up and told him that he was staying for a while, Bellamy felt some of the loneliness dissipate. He tried to spend as much time with him as he could. He even took him to the meetings. He figured that Bjorn would be bored but he didn't say anything, eagerly following Bellamy around and participating in whatever it was that Bellamy had to do. He even seemed interested, during the meetings, often speaking up and offering his opinion.  
  
And after a couple of weeks, Clarke arrived and his heart fluttered with joy.  
  
It wasn't like it was before. They didn't feel at home in the castle. They didn't feel at home in Paris. But they were with him and it was more than he could hope for.  
  
After she'd gotten there, she slept in one of the random rooms within the castle. Her home had been occupied by another family so she didn't really have a choice.  
  
After she was rested enough, Bellamy made sure to tell his council not to bother him for the next two days. Unless there was an emergency, of course. He'd given them all of his time, these past couple of months. He figured he deserved a break.  
  
He walked through Paris with them, stopping whenever Bjorn came across something that peaked his interest. Merchants and vendors, a small place that sold sweets, places that made weapons and whatever else it was that Bjorn found interesting.  
  
Meanwhile, Clarke and Bellamy caught up on the progress of the kingdom.  
  
The more she talked about The Ark, the more Bellamy wanted to visit. He wanted to see the place that had been named after his home. He wanted to see how his friends were living and what they occupied their days with.  
  
That night, they strolled through the streets as music played and people relaxed after a long autumn day of work.

Bjorn had ran off to play with some of the kids his age and it made both Bellamy and Clarke happy. He didn't get a chance to be a kid very often. And he mostly spent his time with adults. They both figured he needed a break.  
  
They walked side by side, being greeted by the people in the streets at every turn.  
  
At one point, two teenage girls approached them and curtsied.  
  
"Your grace" one of the girls said, "I hope you are enjoying the night."  
  
She handed him a flower and he accepted it.  
  
"I am" he said, "Thank you."  
  
The girls giggled and walked away.  
  
Clarke scoffed from beside him.  
  
"What?" he asked, looking over at her.  
  
"Nothing" she said. But she crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
She started walking away but he grabbed her hand and made her turn around. She stood still as he took the flower he'd been handed and tucked it between the hair at the top of her ear. A pink blush crept it's way onto her cheeks and he couldn't help but smirk at her.  
  
She rolled her eyes but uncrossed her arms and they continued walking together into the night, talking about whatever came to their minds.  
  
After finding Bjorn, the three of them headed back to the castle. They bid Bjorn a goodnight while they stayed up talking for a couple more hours. By the time that she announced that she was ready for bed, he could feel his own eyes getting tired. He'd had such a great day with them and he didn't want it to end.  
  
But she was tired. He walked her to her room until halfway there, she asked him if the room with all the paintings was still in the castle.  
  
He'd explored the castle in the bit of free time he had. The day he stumbled across the room with the paintings and the sculptures, he spent a full three hours there.  
  
They decided to go there before bed. She explained to him that the king before Cage, his father Dante, had a passion for art. She'd told him about the time she spent in the room as a child, finding inspiration for her own artwork.  
  
Once inside, they walked through the room and pointed out their favorites to one another.  
  
He was studying a painting she'd pointed out as her very favorite in silence when she suddenly spoke up.  
  
"Have you met anyone?" she asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I asked if you'd met anyone" she said.  
  
"Why would you ask me that?" he asked. He couldn't deny that it made him a little angry. He didn't know what they were but they were something. And he had told her that he loved her. Even if they couldn't be together, she was the only person he'd had feelings for in a long, long time.  
  
"I don't know" she said, shrugging her shoulders. "There are a lot of pretty girls here. And I'm sure they'd like to be with you."  
  
He rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the painting.

_Where the fuck is this coming from?_ he wondered. They hadn't talked about it. But he was pretty sure that it was obvious. He was in love with her. Why would he even care about the women here?  
  
"So you haven't been with anyone?"  
  
He turned back to look at her again. Why was she asking him these questions?  
  
"Have you?" he asked.  
  
"No" she said. And for some reason, she seemed angry.  
  
"Neither have I" he said. "Why?"  
  
"Just wondering" she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're the king, after all. Don't kings typically need a queen?"  
  
Her voice made it seem as if she was accusing him of something. For a second, he wanted to remind her that she'd told him to take the throne despite knowing that it wasn't what he wanted.  
  
But he decided against it.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked instead.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Then why are you acting like that?"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
He sighed in frustration.  
  
"Like a child? Accusing me of, of-" he didn't know how to finish the sentence. He didn't want to say that she was basically accusing him of cheating on her because that would imply something. That would place a title on whatever it was that they were. And since he didn't know what it was, he couldn't say it.  
  
"I'm not acting like a child" she spat. "I just asked you a simple question."  
  
"Right" he said. "Stop being vague and just tell me what's bothering you."  
  
"It's nothing" she said. But he could see her nails digging into the sides of her arms. He waited, hoping that she'd tell him whatever it was that was bothering her.  
  
"I think I'm going to go to bed" she finally said.  
  
She moved past him, walking towards the door.  
  
"Come on" he said, catching up to her. "Don't be like that. Just tell me."  
  
"I-I'm sorry" she said, "I'm just tired. And a little frustrated. I don't know what came over me."  
  
"Those girls giving me a flower really must have pissed you off. I didn't know you were so possessive" he said, his voice teasing.  
  
"Shut up" she said, giving him a playful shove. But she seemed to relax as a smile made it's way onto her face.  
  
He walked her to her room.  
  
"Goodnight, Bellamy" she said, placing a kiss on his cheek.  
  
He wanted to spend the night with her. He contemplated about asking her to join him in his room but he quickly shot the idea down. He figured she'd would see it as an advance when really, he just wanted to sleep with her. He walked back to his room alone, wondering how long this would last- them, acting like friends when there obviously more than friendship between them.

* * *

The next day, he went with her and Bjorn to the opposite side of Paris. They walked down to the sea and spent the afternoon on the beaches across from the wall. It was the most relaxing day he'd had in months.  
  
He tried not to think about the lives they had to get back to tomorrow, when they had to go home and he had to go back to being king.  
  
That night, they ate dinner in the city and spent time with Bjorn. Eventually he went off to play again and they found themselves surrounded by young people their age.  
  
At some point, Roan and Echo approached them and sat down at the table they shared outside one of the structures that served wine and different types of alcohol.  
  
"Clarke" Bellamy said, "You know Roan. And this is Echo."  
  
Clarke and the girl exchanged nods, acknowledging each other but not speaking. He knew Clarke still had a problem with the vikings that had come from Azgeda.  
  
But lately, Bellamy had found himself in Roan's company a lot. He wasn't like the others. He was more understanding. And he seemed trustworthy to Bellamy. He often offered advice and seemed more compassionate than some of the other representatives. Bellamy had grown fond of him. And Echo seemed to follow Roan around a lot, too. So Bellamy found himself in her company sometimes. She was different. More ruthless. But not all bad.  
  
She started a conversation with Bellamy and he talked back. But he could feel Clarke growing tense.  
  
"Are we still on for tomorrow?" Echo asked, glancing at Bellamy.  
  
He'd made plans with her and Roan, along with a few others, to go beyond the wall for the first time since he'd become king. He couldn't go far, but the vikings from Azgeda had started building a settlement only a few kilometers from the wall and they wanted him to see the progress.  
  
"Yeah" he said, "We are."  
  
For a second, he was worried about how the words would sound to Clarke. He noticed that she gripped her cup a lot harder, making her knuckles paler than usual. He would just have to explain it to her once they were alone.  
  
"Great! I'm looking forward to it" Echo said, giving Bellamy one of her rare smiles.  
  
"Are you ready to go?" Clarke suddenly asked.  
  
"Uh, yeah" Bellamy said, noting the urgency in her tone.  
  
"Let me find Bjorn first" she said, rising to her feet. "I'll be right back."  
  
When they came back for him, Bjorn walked with Bellamy while Clarke seemed determined to walk ahead of them.  
  
_Shit,_ Bellamy thought. But he figured that as soon as Bjorn went to bed, he could tell her. He could explain that while he'd developed a friendship with Roan, his relationship with the other vikings from Azgeda was purely political.  
  
She slowed down once they got to the castle and they walked inside together. They walked towards the room she and Bjorn shared. Bellamy hoped that Clarke would stay behind and give him a chance to explain.  
  
They bid Bjorn a goodnight and Bellamy let out a sigh in relief when Clarke didn't follow.  
  
As soon as the door closed behind Bjorn though, she took off in the opposite direction.  
  
He followed.

He walked a few paces behind her, wondering where she was leading him. Probably to a place where she could yell at him in private without the others overhearing.  
  
As soon as he realized that she'd led him to the doors of his own room, he felt a little worried. The fact that she felt comfortable enough to take him there, and the fact that she hadn't spoken a word since they'd left the streets, made him realize just how mad she was.  
  
He unlocked the door and pushed it open, letting her inside first. He closed the door behind him and turned to face her.  
  
"Look, it's not what you-" he began, but she cut him off.  
  
Placing her hands on his chest, she shoved him back until he hit the door. She swallowed the rest of his sentence by placing her lips on his.  
  
They were warm and wet, but her kisses were rough.  
  
He felt completely taken aback.  
  
She'd never kissed him like that. She barely ever kissed him first at all.  
  
The small hands on his chest kept him pressed against the door as she licked into his mouth. The feeling of her tongue against his made him forget about whatever it was that he was trying to say.  
  
She pulled away and sank down to her knees, her hands going to the top of his pants.  
  
"Wh-what are you doing?"  
  
"What's it look like?" she asked, looking up at him with innocent eyes.  
  
She undid his pants and pulled them down.  
  
He always had something to say, but for the first time in his life, he was at a loss for words.  
  
She hesitated for a second before looking back up at him.  
  
"I've never done this before so...be patient" she said.  
  
"Clarke, you don't have to-"  
  
"I want to" she said, cutting him off and placing her hand on him. The other hand went to his hip to keep him steady.  
  
She licked her lips and glanced back up at him for a second before putting her mouth on him.  
  
He wasn't really sure about what had come over her. He didn't know why she was acting this way. It had to be something more than whatever had happened that night. But he couldn't find it in himself to ask.  
  
Her head bobbed and he couldn't help but fist her hair in his hand.  
  
He leaned his head back until he could feel the door behind him and stared up at the ceiling.  
  
She moved slowly, experimenting.  
  
After a few minutes, she relaxed, taking him in deeper. He ran a hand through her hair, silently urging her on.  
  
Her nails dug into the flesh at his hip and he looked down, watching her. Her eyes glistened but she stared right back up at him and he was pretty sure that he'd be thinking about this for the rest of his life.  
  
She finally pulled away, her cheeks flushed and her lips the prettiest shade of pink he'd ever seen.

"Was-was that okay?" she asked, her voice raspy.  
  
_Okay?_  
  
He nodded, reaching down to help her to her feet.  
  
And she surprised him, yet again, by pressing her body to his and putting her lips back on his. She grabbed at the material of his shirt and lifted it over his head. Pulling away, she grabbed his hand and turned the other way, scanning the room until her eyes landed on his bed. She tugged him forward and he stepped out of his pants and shoes, following right behind her.  
  
Once they reached the bed, she turned to face him again and lifted her own shirt over her head. He tried to keep his eyes on hers, trying to figure out what was going on in her head. But then she took the small pin from the undergarment she wore under her shirt and pulled it off.  
  
Maybe a stronger man could have kept his eyes on hers.  
  
But he couldn't.  
  
His hands stayed at his sides as she pulled her own pants off and kicked them to the side along with her boots. He took a moment to glance over her body, forcing himself to swallow down the urge to touch her. She took a small step towards him and the feeling of her bare chest against his made him lose the little bit of self control he had.  
  
His hands raked down her sides until he had a good grip on her. He hoisted her up until she could wrap her legs around his waist. He stepped forward and lowered her onto the bed, getting right on top of her and wedging himself between her thighs. He moved from his lips to the underside of her jaw, making his way down her neck.  
  
Her fingers dug into his forearm and he heard her gasp a little when he gently bit down on her shoulder.  
  
Holding himself up with one hand, he ran the other up her side and cupped her breast.  
  
She wrapped her legs around his waist and he moved to kiss her mouth again.  
  
"Are you sure?" he asked against her lips.  
  
"Stop asking me that" she huffed, "If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't be doing this."  
  
"No need to get snappy" he mumbled, moving his hand down her stomach. He placed his hand between her thighs, groaning a little when he realized just how wet she was.  
  
Placing a hand on the back of his neck, she pulled him down and licked into his mouth, sending a shiver down his spine.  
  
"Shut up and fuck me already" she said.  
  
And then he felt like all the blood in his body went straight to his cock.  
  
He didn't need to be told twice.

He dipped his fingers into the heat gathered between her thighs, spreading it around until she began to pant underneath him. His fingers went to her clit, giving it a little attention before sliding two of them into her. She moaned and bit down on her bottom lip, looking up at him with hooded eyes. He briefly wondered if she knew what kind of an effect she could have on a person.  
  
He crooked his fingers a little, looking at her face the entire time. He was pretty sure that he could come just watching her.  
  
She started to pant and he sat back on his knees, stroking his cock a couple of times before getting between her thighs again.  
  
She had her eyes closed and her hands were fisting the bedding beneath her.  
  
"Look at me" he said, rubbing the tip of his cock between her folds.  
  
She opened her eyes and parted her mouth a little, looking as eager as he felt.  
  
He pushed into her and she bit down on her lip again, like she knew it drove him fucking mad.  
  
He set the pace, slow first. Letting her body get adjusted. She moaned beneath him, pulling his head down and kissing and sucking on his neck. He sped up a little, her moans driving him a little wild.  
  
He'd forgotten just how good it felt, being inside of her. He let out a low, throaty moan right in her ear and she moved her hands from the bedding to his back, raking her fingernails down his shoulders.  
  
His arm began to ache from holding himself up. He pulled out and grabbed her hips, pushing her to the top of the bed. She gasped a little and he didn't think he had it in him to take things slow. Perching on his knees, he grabbed her hips and lifted them up a little. Leaning over her, he placed one hand on the headboard at the top of the bed and began to fuck her in earnest.  
  
Her moans became a little louder, urging him on. She place her hands above her head, pushing herself down so her head wouldn't hit the headboard.  
  
His other hand went to her mouth, sticking two fingers inside of it before bringing them down to her clit. He rubbed at it, gently, increasing the pressure as he went.  
  
She let out a particularly long, low moan and he felt her clenching around him as her eyes fluttered.  
  
He fucked her through her orgasm, harder than before, gripping her hips and pulling her towards him to meet each thrust.

He was only a stroke away from coming and at the last second, he remembered who they were and all that had happened between them the last time they had sex.  
  
He pulled out and came on her stomach, her chest.  
  
Sitting back on his knees, he gave himself a few minutes to relax, to catch his breath. Her chest rose and fell and her skin glistened with sweat.  
  
When he finally felt like he had come back down, he got up and went to the bathroom. He found something to clean her up with and made his way back to the bed. He wiped down her chest and stomach, making sure to get it all off of her. When he was finished, he laid down beside her.  
  
They were quiet for a few minutes before she spoke up.  
  
"What are you thinking?" she asked, a little timidly.  
  
He turned to look at her, noticing that she seemed nervous.  
  
"I'm thinking about all the sex we could have been having up until now" he said, smirking at her.  
  
And even though it looked like she tried to fight the smile that made it's way onto her face, it was there.  
  
"Jackass" she said, shaking her head a little.  
  
He laughed and shifted closer to her. She moved onto her side, placing her head on his chest.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" he asked.  
  
"Something Octavia said to me."  
  
"Seriously? You're laying on my naked body and thinking about my sister?"  
  
She let out a laugh and it was like music to his ears. He couldn't remember the last time he had heard her laugh and now he wished she wouldn't stop. She looked up at him with a blinding smile on her face.  
  
"I've missed your smile" he said, cupping her jaw in his hand, looking down at her.  
  
She smiled again and he felt his heart flutter.  
  
"What did she say to you?" he asked.  
  
She looked at him for a few moments with the smile still on her face.  
  
"You know what?" she said, "It doesn't matter."  
  
She laid her head back down on his chest and placed her hand right over-top of his heart.  
  
He realized, in that moment, that everything he had done up until this point had been worth it. She was worth it. He'd bring down a thousand cities if he had to, just to keep that smile on her face.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading!! And for your feedback, chapter to chapter.
> 
> The next chapter is called "The Promise Of Life" and it will be the FINAL chapter. I'm working on it. It will be long. And everything will come full circle. There will be tears. There will be angst. Some heartbreak. Even more love. Probably no blood. A visit to the Seer. And a small time jump. I'm ready. Are you?


	16. The Promise Of Life

**Part I- Bellamy**

  
After that, they were together.  
  
Well, as together as two people who lived a day's travel away from each other could be. She visited him when she could. But he still hadn't gotten the chance to go to The Ark just yet. He was working on it.  
  
But now, when she came, she came smiling. She still didn't touch or kiss him in public. But when she came, she'd spend the night in his bed.  
  
They didn't tell anyone. And the only person who probably knew was Bjorn. He didn't say anything about it, but Bellamy could tell. It showed in the way he'd sheepishly smile at them in the morning.  
  
And even though Bellamy still hated being king, he couldn't deny that the change in his relationship with Clarke made things better.  
  
Whenever she came, he'd always finish up a little early. Go to bed a little early. Rise a little later than usual.  
  
The few days she visited him every couple of weeks were the best days of the month. And it wasn't just the sex; although he really enjoyed becoming familiar with her body. It was the laughter, the talking, the laying beside one another and saying nothing. It was watching her sleep. It was seeing her face as soon as he opened his eyes.  
  
But now, saying goodbye was just a little harder. The days when she wasn't around seemed just a little longer.  
  
Even so, he was happy. Happier than he'd been in months.  
  
"What say you, Your Majesty?"

Bellamy shook his head. He'd been zoning out, thinking about the night he'd had with Clarke. The way she'd pushed him onto the bed, the way she'd pinned him down and straddled his hips between her thighs.  
  
"I-I'm sorry?" he said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.  
  
"The Kings Hand" the representative said. "Have you considered anyone for the position?"  
  
"Oh, uh..." he began, "I have, actually."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Roan of Azgeda" Bellamy said, nodding across the table to where Roan sat.  
  
His relationship with Roan had only grown and improved in the months since he'd become king. Roan was trustworthy. And unlike the other representatives, Roan was a friend. He didn't seem as lonely as Bellamy felt, but the two often spent time with one another. Miller was the only person who had stayed behind, but he had his own life. Roan, like Bellamy, seemed a little lost.  
  
They'd discussed it the night before. Bellamy had told him that he was considering him for the position. Roan had seemed a little surprised. And even though he'd had power in Azgeda, he seemed humbled at the prospect of being titled as the Kings Hand.  
  
Once everything was settled, they held a small ceremony for Roan.  
  
Bellamy couldn't help but be feel grateful. Roan was already a good friend. He was a good mentor and a trusted adviser. Bellamy was sure that he could trust him.  
  
After the ceremony, the two climbed the stairs to the highest tower.  
  
"Who would have thought" Bellamy began, staring down at the city below them, "That the two of us would be here, in this position" he said.  
  
The city was alive. More and more vikings from the other side of the sea had come to live on this side. Their people were everywhere, taking up the spaces that the Parisians had given up. Or lost.  
  
"I did" Roan said, glancing over at Bellamy.  
  
Bellamy turned to look at him.  
  
"I knew you would succeed" Roan said.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Roan nodded.

"I could see it" he said, "The way your people looked at you. The way my people looked at you. You deserve it."  
  
Bellamy looked away, feeling a little uncomfortable. He wasn't sure if he deserved it. Not when he had to kill his way to where he was.  
  
"So..." Bellamy began, wanting to change the subject. "I've been thinking about leaving for a few days."  
  
Roan gave him _that_ look. The look he gave him whenever Clarke was around. The look he gave him whenever Bellamy hinted about his desire to leave Paris.  
  
"Just for a few days" Bellamy quickly added.  
  
"Bellamy..."  
  
"I know" Bellamy said, "I know. But things have calmed down a lot. It's been months. Winter has nearly passed and we've done so much and I-"  
  
"I understand" Roan said. "But you know that...that this will never work."  
  
Bellamy leaned forward, his hands clutching the railing enticing them.  
  
"You're the king" Roan said, "And she doesn't want this kind of life."  
  
"Will you be able to handle things for a couple of days or not?" Bellamy asked, growing agitated. Roan was only voicing the words that Bellamy had thought about on a daily basis. And even so, it pissed him off.  
  
Roan stared at him for a couple of minutes. The look on his face told Bellamy that there was more he wanted to say. But after a while, he nodded and left the words unsaid.  
  
That night, he slept fretfully. As excited as he was, Roan's words kept snaking their way into his thoughts.

It was easy to ignore his own doubts and worries whenever Clarke was around. When she was with him, he didn't think about tomorrow. Why would he? When his today was perfect?  
  
But in her absence, the thoughts thrived. He knew they couldn't go on like this forever. One, or maybe both of them, would get tired of it eventually. And since he couldn't imagine a future with her by his side in Paris, he often thought of their future with him by hers somewhere else. But every time he imagined it, he couldn't envision the way there. Was he supposed to give up his title? Who would take his place? Would she even want that? How would he?  
  
He tried to push the thoughts away. In a couple of weeks, he'd surprise her. He'd been planning it for a while, his trip to The Ark. And things had finally calmed down enough for him to at least consider it. And now with Roan given the title as the hand of the king, he could leave knowing that someone he trusted would run things in his absence. He'd only be gone for a couple of days, of course, but Paris had fallen in less time than that. Burning cities to the ground was a lot easier than rebuilding them. But he'd waited for so long. And he'd worked so hard to create peace among the different groups residing in Paris. And he'd sacrificed his happiness for his people. They could handle a few days without him, couldn't they?

* * *

  
It wasn't until two weeks later that he left.  
  
He'd been beyond the wall a couple of times. But he'd never gone very far. The Ark was a day away. He'd be leaving Paris to fend for itself, with Roan watching over the city in his absence.  
  
At first, he felt a little anxious. They'd all worked so hard to give life to the city where so many had died. And even though things had calmed down, he wondered if the kings before him had left the city. And if so, were the people okay with it? Or did they see it as abandonment, even if it was for a short amount of time?  
  
After a couple of hours of travel, he began to relax a little. Roan was there. Bellamy trusted him to keep the order. And since he refused a large group to join him as guards, most of the people in the city wouldn't even know he was gone. He and Miller had gotten on their horses and left just before dawn.

They made their way across the land, using a map Kane had drawn as their guide. They chatted and only stopped once, so that they could sleep a little and let the horses rest. Bellamy could tell that Miller was just as eager to get there as he himself was.  
  
Even though he'd already missed Clarke, he had missed the others, too. He wanted to see Bjorn and the girls. He wanted to see his sister and Lincoln. He wanted to see if Jasper and Raven had moved on from their losses. He wanted to see all of his friends.  
  
He grew excited, wondering how they'd react to his arrival. He hadn't told anyone besides Roan of his plans. None of them knew he was coming.  
  
It wasn't until the next morning that they'd made it. Bellamy and Miller stopped at the top of a hill and looked down at the village. The site before him took his breath away. It was bigger that he thought it'd be. They'd obviously put a lot of time into building their home.  
  
He could see people milling around, starting on their daily chores and getting to work. They'd built so many homes, along with other structures that he was excited to explore. He could the area's where they'd planted crops behind their homes. Children running around, eager to play with one another.  
  
The slowly made their way down to the village. As soon as they were spotted, they were greeted with _hello's_ and affectionate glances from the villagers. Most of the people that had lived in Arkadia had settled here, and it made Bellamy happy to be surrounded by familiar faces.  
  
He'd just let go of his sister when he spotted Clarke staring at him from a couple of yards away.  
  
She looked surprised. And then confused.  
  
But as she started taking a few steps forward to get to him, the surprise and confusion gave way to excitement.  
  
She pushed forward through the small crowd that had gathered around him and he ignored all the other faces and voices around him.  
  
"Bellamy" she finally said, making her way past the crowd to stand across from him, "What are you doing here?"  
  
And she looked so happy and so excited to see him that he couldn't help but smile down at her.  
  
"I came to visit you, for a change."

She smiled back at him and it suddenly became hard for him to hold himself back. He reached forward, wanting nothing more than to kiss her. But she glanced around at all of the people watching their exchange and he remembered that he wasn't supposed to do things like kiss her in public. He dropped his hand, reminding himself that it wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want people to know that she was with him, in that way. They might start to expect something from her.  
  
"But how? I-I can't believe they let you come" she said. "Who's looking out for you?"  
  
"Roan" Bellamy said, watching the smile on her face falter a little. Even so, she nodded. He'd explained it to her, weeks ago. He'd explained that he trusted Roan, that he wanted him by his side.  
  
"Well, I guess I like him a little more now."  
  
The first few hours were a little hectic. There were so many people he hadn't seen in months. There were so many things that they all wanted to show him. Kane took him and Miller on a tour, taking them around the village and showing them all of the progress that had been made. And even though the place had reminded Bellamy of Arkadia, he couldn't deny that it was a much better place than his home. It only made him happier.  
  
After the tour, he spent a little time visiting his friends and acquaintances from back home. And even though he had missed all of them, he just wanted to spend time with his family. But he figured that he should at least go around and say hello and check in with everyone. He was the king, after all. And he didn't want anyone to feel neglected.  
  
Bjorn had weaseled his way to Bellamy's side, and he followed him around for the rest of the afternoon.  
  
And finally, _finally_ , Clarke had joined them and torn them away from the group under the premise of showing him the healers quarters that she and Abby ran together. After giving him a very brief tour, the three made their way toward the home they shared with Abby and Kane. Their friends would be joining them for dinner, but Bellamy was eager to spend a little time with his family.  
  
Inside, he held the twins. It scared him a little, seeing how much they had grown in his absence. They were no longer infants. They could even sit up on their own now, and it made him a little sad. He'd already missed out on so much, and he couldn't help but think about all the other thing's he'd miss out on.  
  
And because they weren't familiar with him, they pulled away and began to cry after coming into contact with him. He tried not to let it bother him, seeing how much more comfortable they were with Abby's face rather than his own. But it ate away at him for the rest of the night. Even the happy and reassuring glances from Clarke weren't enough to tame the unease growing in his stomach.

After dinner, he sat around and tried to enjoy the company of his friends. He was glad to see that so many of them had moved on from the past, that they'd begun building their lives here. It made him happy to hear about all the things they'd done, the lives they were leading.  
  
Octavia and Lincoln had their own home, their own responsibilities. Raven had moved on from losing Finn, but she still struggled with the injury she'd sustained during the battle. Murphy and Emori weren't around, but the others told him that they came to visit every so often. Monty and Harper were officially together. Jasper was still struggling with coming to terms with Maya's death. Kane and Abby were still together, helping Clarke raise three kids as well as dealing with the day-to-day struggles of running a village. Bjorn was finally able to live like a child.  
  
Altogether, they seemed good. Like they had a handle on things. It was the only thing that made him feel better about all the things he'd been missing out on.  
  
At some point in the evening, he left the main room and walked towards the back where he knew the kitchen was. He'd seen Clarke make her way there about fifteen minutes ago. And he wanted a moment alone with her, if only to place a chaste kiss on the lips he so often found himself thinking about.  
  
But as he got closer, he could hear two voices arguing in hushed tones.  
  
"You can't keep going back to that house, Clarke" he heard Abby say, "You've already wasted so much time, so many resources and-"  
  
"I'm done with this conversation" Clarke whispered back, sounding agitated.  
  
"It's all going to be for nothing" Abby whispered back. "He's never going to-"  
  
It was then that they heard him approaching. Both of their heads snapped up, turning to look at him at the same time.  
  
"Hey" he said, noticing the sad look on Clarke's face. He glanced towards Abby and she met his gaze with a hard stare.  
  
"Bellamy, can you help me bring these out?" Clarke asked, picking up a tray full of some sort of pastries and placing it in his hands. She grabbed the second one and made her way out of the kitchen.  
  
"What was that about?" Bellamy asked, following her back towards the front room.  
  
"Nothing" Clarke said, turning to smile at him a little.  
  
They rejoined the group and he saved his questions for later. He was sure that they'd been talking about him. And the way Abby avoided his gaze throughout the rest of the evening only made him more sure of it.  
  
Eventually, their friends left.  
  
"Is it okay for me to stay here tonight?" Bellamy asked, once the room cleared.  
  
"Of course it's okay" Clarke quickly said, helping her mother and Bjorn clear the room. "My room is just down the hall."  
  
He didn't miss the way Abby mouth was set in a hard line for the remainder of the night.  
  
Clarke shared her room with Bjorn and the twins. She left to put the babies to sleep and Bellamy spent a little time with Kane, Abby and Bjorn. Clarke rejoined them and the five talked into the night.  
  
Eventually, Bjorn fell asleep curled up next to Bellamy. And after saying goodnight to Abby and Kane, Bellamy picked the boy up and carried him to the room Clarke led him to. He set Bjorn down on the bed pushed up against the corner of the room before turning to face Clarke.  
  
Her back was turned to him while she got ready for bed. So Bellamy turned his attention to the small wooden crib across from the bed Bjorn slept in.

He watched the babies sleep for a little while, wondering if they'd always slept so peacefully.  
  
He felt Clarke coming up behind him, wrapping her warm arms around his waist.  
  
"They don't even recognize me" he said, staring down at them. "Then again, why would they? I haven't seen them in months."  
  
"They will" she mumbled against his back. "Just give them a little time."  
  
He turned to face her.  
  
"How?" he asked, looking down at her. "I don't have time. I'll be gone in a couple of days and they'll forget. The next time I see them, I'll be a stranger again."  
  
She had nothing to say. And he didn't expect her to.  
  
"What were you and Abby talking about?"  
  
"Nothing" she said, pulling away from him.  
  
"It was about me, wasn't it?"  
  
"I don't feel like talking about it" she said, turning away from him.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I just don't!" she snapped, turning back to face him. "Can you just drop it?"  
  
He glanced towards Bjorn, shifting a little in his sleep at Clarke's tone.  
  
"Look" she began in a quieter tone, "I don't feel like talking about, okay? I've missed you and my mother is the last thing I want to discuss right now."  
  
She moved towards him again, wrapping her arms around his waist, pulling his body against hers.  
  
"Have you missed me?" she asked, staring up at him.  
  
"Of course" he said, placing a hand on the small of her back.  
  
"I'm so happy that you're here" she said, placing her head on his chest.  
  
He wrapped his other hand around her, pushing his questions to the back of his mind.  
  
"So happy" she mumbled, planting a warm kiss on his neck. "I've missed you so much."  
  
Her lips traveled up the side of his neck. His fingertips dug into the flesh on her hip, feeling her tongue on the underside of his jaw.  
  
"Come on" she said, grabbing his other hand in hers, "I want to show you something."  
  
She pulled him after her and they left the room as quietly as they could. She giggled a little at the expression on his face as she led him through the front door and around the side of the house.  
  
"I can't really see anything" Bellamy said, glancing around. The back of the cottage was facing the woods and all he could really make out in the darkness was a small garden in one corner and a post with a silver wire for drying clothes in the next.  
  
"That's okay" Clarke whispered, pushing him against the wall. "There isn't anything I really want to show you."

He smirked at her in the darkness, feeling her eager lips back on his neck.  
  
His hands trailed over her body, pulling her close. He let out a sigh, all thoughts of anything besides her leaving his mind. She wrapped her fingers in his hair and pulled his head towards hers. As soon as his lips touched hers, he didn't care about anything else. Not the kingdom. Not the fact that he was far from home. Not that anyone could see or hear them.  
  
Her presence commanded that type of attention. And he lost himself in it.  
  
Before long, he had her pinned between the wall and his body. The long skirt of her nightgown pushed up to her hips, panting in his ear and making noises that he thought about almost every night.  
  
And at the end of the night, they joined Bjorn in bed. He laid between the two of them, with the babies just across the room. Bjorn snored and Clarke was at ease while she slept, so unlike the fitful rest that he was accustomed to whenever she came to Paris.  
  
_This is what my life is supposed to be like,_ he thought, staring up at the ceiling.  
  
And he felt that familiar feeling creeping up his spine as it often did when he thought about his life. Sadness and regret kept him from joining his family in that hazy dream world.

* * *

  
"Your Majesty, Miss Griffin is here to see you."  
  
Bellamy's head snapped up. He'd only come back to Paris two days ago. Clarke wasn't supposed to be here for another few weeks.  
  
He stood, instantly feeling nervous. Why had she come so early? He'd just left. Had something happened at the village? Were the babies and Bjorn okay? Was it Octavia?  
  
But as he made his way down to where she waited in the front hall, his worry was matched with excitement. Whenever she came, whenever he knew that he was only steps away from seeing her, excitement would flare in his belly like it used to when he was a teenager.  
  
He walked a little faster, feeling the smile make its way onto his face at the prospect of seeing hers. He couldn't wait to kiss her. Touch her. Hear her voice. Make her smile.  
  
But when he turned the last corner, it wasn't Clarke he found waiting for him.  
  
It was Abby.  
  
And just like that, his excitement faded. His worry became panic.  
  
"Abby" he said, closing the distance between them, "What are you doing here? Is Clarke okay? What happened?"  
  
"Everything's fine" she said, placing a hand on his forearm and giving it a squeeze for emphasis. "Clarke is good. Everyone else is, too."  
  
"Then what are you doing here?"  
  
He didn't care that the question was blunt. He considered Abby a friend, yes, but she wasn't someone whose company he sought out for no reason. And he was pretty sure that it was the same for her, as well. She didn't come here just to see him, as some of the others have. He was certain of it.  
  
"I came to talk to you" she said, "But I'm tired. I'm going to rest for a little while. Why don't you finish up what you are doing and we can spend a little time together?"  
  
"Alright" he said, eyeing her a little warily. She noticed.  
  
She gave his arm another reassuring squeeze, accompanied with a smile that didn't seem genuine and left him standing there, staring after her.  
  
Whatever she was here to discuss....he was sure he wouldn't enjoy it.

* * *

  
Some hours later, he found himself strolling through the streets of Paris with Abby by his side. Bellamy looked at her in surprise and suspicion once she'd wrapped her arm around his and smiled as they walked through the city.

"I always loved living here, you know" Abby said, glancing around. "So did Jake. We met when we were teenagers and one of the first things he told me about was how his father had helped build this city, like his father before him."  
  
People were milling around the city, finishing up their days. A group of kids ran past them, playing with one another.  
  
"Neither one of us had any interest in going past the wall" she said, "And I think we both planned to die here after a long life."  
  
He wasn't sure where she was going with the conversation. Abby rarely spoke of her late husband.  
  
"But Clarke, she was different. She used to sneak out when she thought we were both asleep" Abby said, a fond smile on her face, "But we always knew. And we always let her go because we knew exactly where she was going. She'd sneak into the castle and climb to the highest tower. She'd spend hours there, looking down at the city and past the wall. She's always been curious, questioning."  
  
They continued on, aimlessly turning down one street or another. He didn't think Abby had any destination in mind. It seemed as if she just wanted to see as much of the city as she could.  
  
"I've tried to enjoy my life beyond the wall. And I guess I do" she said, "But I can't deny that if it were up to me, we would have stayed here. Stone and marble are familiar to me. The woods, trees and dirt..." She trailed off.  
  
"Even so. The Ark is where Kane wants to be. Where Clarke wants to be. And where they are is where I want to be" she said, glancing up at Bellamy for the first time since they'd left the castle.  
  
He wasn't really sure what to say in response. So he said nothing. And they continued on in silence until Abby said they should turn around.  
  
She hadn't come to see the city. Or talk about her old life. Bellamy knew that she was there for more. That the words she'd really came to say hadn't left her mouth yet.  
  
Once they reached the castle, they climbed the stairwell and sat down on the very top step. For a little while, she was quiet, staring at the city. She looked like she was deep in thought so Bellamy said nothing, inclined to let her reminisce for as long as she wanted to.  
  
"I know you love my daughter" she finally said. And even though it was a sincere statement, Bellamy could feel the unease coiling in his stomach.  
  
"I know you do" she said, glancing over at him. "But loving someone isn't enough."  
  
He swallowed thickly, looking away from the eyes that he knew were harboring the same type of thoughts that often ran through his mind.  
  
"She deserves a full life, Bellamy" Abby said. And she sounded sad. "And I'm sorry, but you can't give her that. I know you want to. But you can't. And you're both- you're trying to make it work. And maybe for right now, it feels right. But she's not a child anymore. She's a woman. She has responsibilities. She has the kids. And she shouldn't be living like this."  
  
He wished the words would anger him. He wished he could think of a retort.  
  
"You need to break things off with her" Abby said. "I know you don't want to. I know she doesn't want you to. But I think you should think about what you both need. You've made your decision. And I'm grateful for what you've done, as many of the others are. But my daughter deserves more. And I think you know that."  
  
And again, he had no words to refute the things she was saying. Because he knew her words were coming from her heart. He knew they were sincere. He knew that she was only trying to help.  
  
"I'm not trying to hurt you" she said, placing a hand on his knee. "I care about you, Bellamy. You've done a lot for me and my daughter. But I care about her more. She should be moving on with her life. Forgetting the things that have happened in the past. I want you to let her."  
  
She stood, rising to her feet.  
  
"I only came to talk to you" she said, "I must head back. But I really hope you do the right thing."  
  
He watched her go with a lump in his throat and sadness in his heart.

* * *

  
It wasn't until three weeks later that Clarke finally came back.  
  
And the usual excitement he felt at her arrival was missing from his chest. He turned the corner, saw her face, and felt dread coursing through his veins.  
  
It only made him feel worse to see Bjorn at her side.

He tried to plaster a convincing smile onto his face. He hoped she couldn't see past it, like she often would, to the countless nights he'd laid awake after Abby's visit. He hoped she couldn't read his thoughts when she looked into his eyes and smiled the way she always did when she saw him.  
  
He considered every facial expression, every move he made. He willed his muscles to relax. His shoulders to slump.  
  
He spent time with them, trying to act as he'd acted all these past months so that she wouldn't know. He pushed the thoughts away. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't. And before long, he excused himself. Pretended to be busy just so he could get a few hours alone.  
  
And when she crept into his room in the dead of night, he was wide awake.  
  
She crawled into bed beside him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He felt her warm lips on his back, placing little kisses on his shoulders.  
  
"I know you're not asleep" she whispered.  
  
He turned to face her, finding comfort in her arms. He held her longer than he should have and kissed her even though he knew he shouldn't.  
  
And for a little while, she helped him forget.  
  
But then her kisses turned more hungry. He hands more curious. She pushed him onto his back and straddled his hips between her thighs.  
  
"Clarke..." he started, feeling her lips on his neck. Leaving a mark like she always did to remind him of her presence until she came back.  
  
"Stop" he tried again.  
  
But her lips only moved from his neck to his own lips, swallowing his words and silencing the room.  
  
When her hand slowly began trailing down his chest, he grabbed her wrist.  
  
"Stop" he said, finding his voice again.  
  
"What is it?" she mumbled against his neck.  
  
"Get off."  
  
She lifted her head, staring at him in the darkness.  
  
"Get off" he repeated.  
  
She sat up, still straddling his hips, and stared at him in confusion.  
  
"Get off of me" he said, placing his hands on her hips and pushing her to the side.  
  
He crawled out of bed and faced the wall, feeling every single doubt he'd had run through his mind.  
  
"What is it?" she asked from behind him, "Did-did I do something?"  
  
He took a deep breath, willing himself to stay calm. To tell her what she needed to hear.  
  
"I think you should go" he said, finding it too hard to turn and face her.  
  
He listened as she crawled from the bed, walking up behind him.  
  
"What is it?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind, "Are you not in the mood? Have you not missed me?"  
  
Her voice was playful but even so, he could hear the uncertainty in them.  
  
He grabbed her wrists and pushed them away. And then he turned to face her.  
  
"This isn't going to work."  
  
"What?" she asked, her hands falling to her sides. "I thought....I mean, I know it's hard but I thought our...arrangement was working for the both of us?"  
  
"Not anymore."  
  
He could see the confusion in her eyes from the little bit of light that was coming through the windows in his room.  
  
"Bellamy..." she started, like she knew what he was going to say. Like she'd already knew what words to use to counter his doubts.  
  
"This will never work out. You should go home."  
  
"I don't want to" she said, stepping closer to him. "I-I want to stay here, with you."  
  
"No, you don't" he said.  
  
"Bellamy-"  
  
"You told me to take the throne. To put our people first. So that's what I'm going to do. You should go home to yours."  
  
It hurt to say, and it hurt more to watch the pain behind her gaze.  
  
"You don't mean that" she said, reaching forward to grab his hand. "I know what this is about and-"  
  
He took a step back, deliberately placing distance between them because he didn't want her touch to make him forget. He didn't want her comfort.  
  
"I do mean it" he said, staring right at her. "We both need to move on. And that will never happen if you keep coming back here. I'm not leaving this place. You don't want this kind of life."  
  
She looked so hurt, kind of like the way she'd looked all those months ago when he broke her heart for the first time. For a moment, he was tempted to take it all back. To wrap her in his arms and whisper promises of the ways he'd make things work.  
  
"Go" he said instead, "And don't come back."

Disbelief flashed across her face. And then anger. And finally, sadness.  
  
She turned on the spot and strode across the room. He watched her go. But just as she placed her hand on the doorknob, she stopped. She didn't turn to face him. He stared at her back.  
  
"You and I..." she said, her back still turned to him, "We were born to be together."  
  
He didn't try to stop her when she finally opened the door and left.

* * *

  
Sleep evaded him that night. He waited until the sun was well into the sky before leaving the comfort of his room.  
  
And unlike every other day, it was relief he felt when he didn't find her in the castle.  
  
Hours later, just as he was beginning to accept that they'd left him again, Bjorn strode into the throne room. Bellamy sat at the table he shared with the council, all alone and braced himself.  
  
"Tell me it isn't true" Bjorn said, his cheeks red in anger.  
  
Bellamy looked straight ahead, finding it hard to look into the second pair of blue eyes he loved.  
  
"Tell me!" Bjorn yelled, pushing on his shoulder.  
  
"Look," Bellamy sighed, "I don't expect you to understand. You're a child. You still have a lot to learn."

"Don't patronize me!" Bjorn yelled, "How could you tell her to go? And not come back?"  
  
Bellamy stood, tried to make his way out of the throne room. But Bjorn ran up beside him, blocked his path.  
  
"Tell me!" he yelled, shoving Bellamy back.  
  
"I can't give her what she needs, alright?" Bellamy said.  
  
"You may be the king" Bjorn said, "But you are still just a man. You are no god. You can't decide on what anyone else needs."  
  
He said nothing, hating the way Bjorn was looking at him.  
  
"When are you going to stop breaking her heart?" Bjorn asked.  
  
He looked away, clenching his jaw in frustration. He could feel angry tears prickling behind his eyes, like he was a child again.  
  
"You shouldn't have let her leave" Bjorn said, using a gentler tone than the one before. He reached forward and grabbed Bellamy's large hand in his small one. "You have let her go too many times already."  
  
With that, he let go.  
  
In the weeks that passed, she didn't come back. And neither did Bjorn.  
  
He woke every day, wondering what they were doing. Wondering what would drive him in their absence.  
  
It didn't go unnoticed.  
  
One night, Roan found him in the highest tower, staring down at the city. Staring past the wall and wishing he could spot them from there.  
  
"Thought you might like some company" he said.  
  
Bellamy said nothing.  
  
"Not mine, I suppose?"  
  
Still, Bellamy said nothing. He'd found it hard to care about anything since they'd left. He didn't care about Roan's countless attempts to pull him from the dark pit he'd fallen into. He didn't care about his council. His subjects. His people. Or Paris. He didn't care about anything at all.  
  
"This won't end well" Roan said. "You can't be a good king to your people if you hate yourself."  
  
"I don't care."  
  
"You should" Roan said.  
  
Bellamy looked straight ahead.  
  
"I know you think you're in this by yourself" Roan began, "But you aren't. You never have been. You've been a good friend to me, Bellamy. And-" he seemed to grow a little uncomfortable, "I-I have come to appreciate your presence in my life. I have come to care for you. And I don't like seeing you like this. I don't like seeing you suffer. I know you think you are alone now, now that you've lost them. But you aren't."  
  
"I don't need your council" Bellamy said, "Not about this."  
  
"Maybe not" Roan said, shrugging. "But you could use my help."  
  
"Help? With what?"  
  
"I have an idea."

* * *

 

**Part II- Clarke**

  
One thing she loved about this side of the sea was that the winter seemed to last shorter than the other seasons. And it wasn't nearly as harsh.  
  
She walked through the woods, finding comfort in the silence.  
  
She'd started coming to the woods soon after they'd settled here. At first, she'd went with the others. She'd found food and medicine.  
  
Winter had passed. The woods were alive. Now she walked alone.  
  
In the months that had passed, memories of her old life had become just that; memories. She still felt guilty when she thought about all the lives that had been lost. But new lives were being created in their absence, now that this side of the sea was thriving with people. Homes had been built. Life had found its way back into the land. Families grew.  
  
Her friends were okay. They'd gotten accustomed to this new life, just as she herself had. She had her mother and Kane. She had Bjorn. She had two healthy, lively little girls that were just beginning to stand on wobbly feet.  
  
She waited.  
  
She moved on as much as she could. Her smile wasn't forced. Her laughter was genuine. She enjoyed the time she spent with her friends, her family. Her village.  
  
But a part of her waited.  
  
In the couple of months that followed, she hadn't gone back. Each time she came close to it, each time she came close to getting on her horse and riding to Paris, she stopped herself.  
  
Part of her wanted to go. If only to yell at him for giving up.  
  
The other part held out onto the belief that he hadn't given up. That he still had hope. That he'd done it for a reason.  
  
But with every week that passed, a tiny shred of hope was snatched away. Carried off by the breeze that had come with the spring.  
  
Part of her waited for the final shred to leave her heart, so that she could stop waiting and really move on the way he said he'd wanted her to.  
  
But as she walked through the woods, making her way back to her village, she couldn't deny that she wasn't ready just yet. That she still had a little sliver of hope somewhere deep in her heart.  
  
She made her way through the village, greeting the people who greeted her. Pausing to say hello to the little children running around. Stopping at the home Octavia and Lincoln shared to check on Octavia. She'd gotten pregnant. She was going to have a child. And the change in her body, so early in the pregnancy, was making her miserable. Clarke often found her in the bathroom, puking her guts into a bucket with a clammy forehead.  
  
Afterwards, she made her way to the home she still shared with her family.  
  
Bjorn waited for her on the side of the house.  
  
He'd grown so much since they'd come to Paris. He was almost as tall as she was. It was hard to wrap her mind around it, thinking about the way he looked when she'd first seen him.  The child-like roundness was leaving his cheeks. His hair had grown and he'd began tying it back like the vikings on the other side of the sea would do.  
  
"Mother" he said, smiling at her in a peculiar way.  
  
"What is it?" she asked, placing her bow and arrows into the small shed beside the house.  
  
"Nothing" Bjorn said, walking up beside her. "I'm just so glad to see you."  
  
Clarke eyed him suspiciously. Something was definitely up.

"Why don't we go inside?" Bjorn suggested, unsuccessfully trying to hide the bright smile on his face.  
  
"Alright" Clarke said, feeling a little uneasy.  
  
"After you."  
  
Clarke narrowed her eyes, trying to understand. But he only kept smiling. She sighed and made her way inside. She glanced around, noticing that her mother and Kane still hadn't come home yet. But the sun was just beginning to set. So it wasn't that strange.  
  
"Where are the twins?" Clarke asked, shrugging her jacket off.  
  
"In our room" Bjorn said.  
  
Clarke whipped around.  
  
"You left them alone?" she asked, "Bjorn, how many times have I told you that someone always needs-"  
  
"They're not alone" Bjorn interrupted.  
  
Again, Clarke tried to understand what was going on. Why Bjorn looked so happy. Why he'd been waiting for her to come home. She searched his eyes, the same shade of blue as her own, for answers.  
  
That final shred of hope broke through, made her heart race. She turned on the spot and went down the hall, opening the door that she shared with her children.  
  
His back was turned to her, crouched on the floor across from the twins.  
  
They were smiling, both reaching for whatever object he was holding in his hand. Reaching forward to take it from him.  
  
But the creak of the door made them both look up, and the finally saw her. She glanced at their smiles for a second and her heart fluttered with joy like it always did when they looked at her like that. And even though those two smiles felt like the center of her universe, she couldn't tear her eyes away from his back.  
  
He turned and looked over his shoulder.  
  
Clarke found it hard to breathe. To do anything other than stare at him. She hadn't seen those eyes in months.  
  
She could feel Bjorn's presence beside her. She could hear the twins rising on wobbly feet to make their way to their mother. But still, she couldn't look away.  
  
He turned back around, rising to his own feet before turning to completely face her.  
  
And he looked so out of place, in her home. She'd forgotten what it was like to have him here. He was a change in the familiar sea of her life. He was something new to her every day surroundings.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked, finding her voice once she felt small hands pulling at her pants, fighting for her attention.  
  
He looked uncertain. Scared, even. A look she hadn't seen on his face for a long, long time.  
  
Suddenly, a cry came from Eira. Distinguishable from her twin sister only by the small birthmark at the very center of her forehead.  
  
Clarke tore her eyes away from him, reaching down to pick her daughter up. She held her close, planting a kiss on her forehead before looking back at him.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she repeated.  
  
"I-I came to..."  
  
She waited for him to go on but it seemed like he'd lost the ability to form words.  
  
"Why don't I play with them for a little while?" Bjorn said, squeezing past Clarke. He reached out and his baby sister pulled away from Clarke, wanting to be held by him instead. "Why don't you two go outside and talk?"  
  
Bjorn walked into the room and the other twin followed, wanting to be held, too.  
  
Bellamy looked at her like he was waiting for her to say something. To agree. To tell him to get out of her house.  
  
And since she felt like she'd lost the ability to form words as well, she only nodded.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she turned and walked away. As soon as she stepped outside, she took a deep breath. The fresh air helped her clear her mind, helped erase some of the shock that had come with seeing his face again. She crossed her arms over her chest, guarding her heart.  
  
"The village has come a long way" he said, walking up to stand beside her. Staring out at the houses neighboring her own.  
  
He hadn't come here in months. And it had come a long way since then.  
  
She nodded.  
  
He sighed, running a hand through his hair.  
  
"If you don't want to talk to me, I get it" he said, turning to face her. "If you want me to leave, just say so."  
  
"You traveled all this way just to offer to leave again?" she spat, turning to glare at him.  
  
But after meeting his eye again, her glare, along with her anger, faltered. Instead, tears of hurt swam in her eyes as she stared at him.  
  
She shook her head, staring at him through blurry vision.  
  
"I-I didn't come for that" he said, taking a tentative step towards her.  
  
She turned away, hating the traitor tears that were now spilling from her lids. She quickly ran her shirt sleeve across her eyes, soaking the tears up.  
  
"Can we go for a walk?" he asked from behind her.  
  
"Fine" she said, angrily make her way around her home. She didn't want to walk through the village with him. She didn't want the presence of other people. She wanted to be alone with him, so that when those traitor tears made an appearance again, no one else would be there to witness her weakness.  
  
She walked ahead of him, going into the familiar woods behind her home.  
  
When they were far enough away, with the trees shielding them from unwanted attention, she finally turned to face him.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
She couldn't uncross her arms. They were keeping her together. They were guarding her heart from him. They were the only things she could count on to keep him from breaking it again.  
  
"I came to see you" he said, "And the others. I-I came to talk. To apologize."  
  
"For what?" she asked, using all the venom she could muster.  
  
"I wanted to see if you were okay" he said, bracing himself like he knew she was going to unleash hell.  
  
"I'm okay" she said. "I'm fine."  
  
"Clarke, I-I'm sorry."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For saying those things to you. For letting you think I wanted you to go."  
  
"Didn't you?"  
  
"No" he quickly said, "I-I just wanted to..." He trailed off.  
  
"You just wanted to what?"  
  
He didn't say anything. He looked like he was at a loss. Like he believed nothing he said was right. Like nothing he said would make things between them okay again.  
  
"I'm fine, Bellamy" she said, "If that's what you needed to hear to make yourself feel better, then there it is. I'm okay. I've moved on. You can leave."  
  
"That's not why-"

"Then what is it?" she yelled. And in that moment, she realized just how angry she'd been at him these past few months. She'd kept it all, all the things he'd made her feel somewhere deep down inside of her. But now, with him looking at her again, the feelings resurfaced and she couldn't control all of the emotions washing over her.  
  
She missed him so much. She loved him so much. And she hated him because he'd done what she asked.  
  
And her tears filled her eyes again, like she knew they would, finally letting all her love and hurt and anger wash over her.  
  
"Why are you here?" she croaked, her entire body shaking. "You shouldn't have come back. I-I can't do this with you again. I have a life. A family. One you've chosen not to be a part of. You can't come back and-" her voice cut off. She swallowed the sob rising in her chest and turned away from him. Begging her arms to keep her whole.  
  
She felt him coming up behind her. Surprised when she felt his arms around her waist, his chest against her back. Even more surprised to find that she couldn't pull away. She didn't want to pull away.  
  
He held her close, tightening his hold on her while she tried to regain control over her body, her emotions.  
  
Once her breathing had evened, once the tears stopped spilling, she pulled away.  
  
"Just go" she said.  
  
_Please stay._  
  
"Get out of here" she said.  
  
_Don't leave me._  
  
"I don't want to" he said.  
  
"You have to, remember?" she asked, turning to face him again.  
  
"I'm not leaving" he said, stepping forward to close the distance between them again. "I-I love you, Clarke. I don't want to leave you."  
  
Her arms dropped to her sides, scared that the little sliver of hope was taking over again. But it was there, ripping through the all the things she'd tried to bury it with. He reached for her and she willingly leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. One of his hands went to her hair, pulling her closer so that he could bury his face into the crook between her neck and her shoulder.  
  
The more guarded part of her told her to stop, to pull away. To go. To guard her heart.  
  
But her feet wouldn't listen. And her arms only held him tighter.

And the tears that spilled from her eyes took her anger with them. She hadn't been held in so long. It'd been months since she'd found comfort in a pair of arms that weren't her own.  
  
He pulled away a little and crushed his lips to hers. He tasted like her tears at first. But she only kissed him deeper, harder, willing the tears away. He held her close.  
  
She wasn't sure how long they stood there. But eventually she pulled away and grabbed his hand. She led him deeper into the woods despite the darkening sky, walking wordlessly until they stood at the edge of a small clearing.  
  
She'd stumbled upon it during one of her many treks into the woods. She'd often come to this place, sitting down in the grass in the very center of the clearing. She'd stare at the surrounding trees, the sky above her and the patches of wild flowers that sprung here and there.  
  
She'd come to clear her mind. To think. Kind of like the place back in Arkadia Bellamy went to. The place he'd shown her and Bjorn.  
  
She took his hand and walked a little further until she was at the very center.  
  
She laid down, pulling him with her.  
  
Maybe it was too soon. Maybe it was stupid. Maybe she shouldn't be doing it all all.  
  
He rolled on top of her and the words from their last night together flashed behind her closed lids.  
  
_Go and don't come back._  
  
_You told me to put our people first._  
  
_Go home to yours._  
  
"I'm sorry" he mumbled against her neck, "I'm sorry for letting you go. I'm sorry. I love you. I'm so sorry. I won't hurt you again, I swear it."  
  
All those days without him washed through her. The hope that had left and the hope that had stayed. The absence of him, his light and presence.  
  
She kissed him a little harder.  
  
He lifted himself off of her, pulling at her clothes.  
  
A fire lit in her low in her belly, spreading through her. A fire she hadn't felt in all the days of his absence.  
  
It consumed her, pushing away all other thoughts except for the hunger she now felt, having him so close again.  
  
She pulled him back down, feeling his love wash over her like it was a physical thing.  
  
He kept his eyes locked on hers, moving inside of her. His forehead pressed to hers, mumbling _I'm sorry_ and _I love you_ against her lips like a mantra.  
  
And afterwards, she stared at the sky, wondering if it was fate, stupidity or just pure coincidence that brought them back together.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" he asked from beside her.  
  
"Fate" she answered.

He turned away and looked towards the night sky, sprinkled with stars and a crescent moon hanging above them.  
  
"I'm not going back" he said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"To Paris" he said, "I'm not going back. Not for a while."  
  
"Why?" she asked, turning to face him. Hope made her heart pound and she tried to quench it, to not let it weave its way back into her heart.  
  
"It's a long story" he said. "And I've wanted to tell you for weeks. I've wanted to come here and tell you, but I couldn't. I had to wait until I was sure. I didn't want to get your hopes up. I wanted to wait until I was sure it would work out."  
  
"What would?"  
  
"My plan" he said, staring at her in the moonlight. "I've been preparing for weeks. Months, really. A couple of weeks after you left, Roan and I started working on something. I just had to wait until things settled, until I was sure that I could do it."  
  
She stared at him, feeling confused and hopeful.  
  
"I'm still the king. And I will be, for a while. But I don't think they need me in Paris anymore. I know that they expected me to stay there. But there's order, now. The city is fine without me. Things have finally settled on this side of the sea" he said.  
  
It still didn't make sense to her. He could tell that she was still confused.  
  
"I'll have to go back, I know. But it won't be as often. I know it's not ideal. But I can stay here, with you. With our family. I can live here, if you'll allow it" he said, "I've left Roan in charge. And with his title as the kings hand, he'll have the right to keep the peace in my place. He will answer to the council and the city in my absence."  
  
A lump formed in her throat. She didn't know what to say.  
  
"I know it's not what you want" he said, sounding sorry, "But it's the best I can do for now. I can't abandon them completely. Not yet. But they won't need me there with him taking my place. I won't have to be king forever. I will find my predecessor in due time. But you and I....we can grow old together. Raise our children. Live in peace" he looked away like he was embarrassed by the proposal, "But I-I'll go back from time to time to check in, and if-if anything happens, Roan knows to come here and find me so that-"  
  
She cut him off, silencing him with her lips.  
  
She kissed him hard, her hope and happiness pushing her forward until she sat in his lap. He sat up, wrapping his arms around her, trailing his hands over her bare back.  
  
"So you are staying? Truly?" she asked, pulling away so she could look at him.  
  
"As long as you want me to" he said, tightening his hold on her.  
  
And for the first time in a long time, it was tears of happiness that prickled behind her eyes.  
  
"I'll always want you to" she said.  
  
In his answering kiss, she felt a promise.  
  
"There's something I need to show you" she panted, feeling his lips on her neck, her shoulder.  
  
"Alright" he said, pulling away. "Right now?"  
  
"Tomorrow" she whispered, pushing him down onto his back.  
  
"Tomorrow" he mumbled against her lips.

* * *

 

**Part III- Bellamy**

  
In the morning, Clarke woke him before dawn.  
  
She had a rucksack strapped to her shoulders. Bjorn had one as well. And as he got ready, Clarke dressed Eira and Edna. Together, the five left the village before the sun rose on the horizon.  
  
They walked through the woods and curiosity got the best of him, wondering where they were taking him.  
  
"We're headed to the sea" Bellamy finally said, looking over at Bjorn.  
  
Bjorn smiled, and looked to Clarke. She held one twin while Bellamy held the other. They'd walked for a bit, but they got tired quickly.  
  
"How'd you know?" Bjorn asked.  
  
"You told me it was about an hours walk from the village" Bellamy said, "And we've been walking for about an hour. What do you have to show me?"  
  
"You'll see" Clarke said, giving him a timid smile.  
  
He didn't care where they were leading him. He didn't care about whatever it was that waited for him there.  
  
He was finally home. He was with his family. And despite everything he'd done, he'd found them waiting for him.  
  
Ever since she'd told him she wanted him to stay the night before, all of the misery of the past few months, the past few years, rolled off of his shoulders in waves. There was still a lot he needed to do. And things could change at any moment. Chaos could break out in Paris and Roan could summon him back.  
  
But today, today he was with his family. He was finally where he belonged.  
  
It would be hard, leaving them to visit Paris. But he'd worked it out with Roan. He'd only go every few weeks. And he wouldn't stay for long. Instead of Clarke coming to Paris to visit him, he would go to Paris to check in on things. But he would come home again. He'd make sure of it.  
  
No, it wasn't ideal. But it really was the best he could do for now.  
  
Things could change in the future. But right now, this would have to suffice. This would be enough.  
  
After another half an hour, they finally broke through the trees and ended up on the shore. He'd been right. They had brought him to the sea. He wasn't sure why.  
  
They set the twins down, keeping a close eye on them to make sure they didn't wade to close to the water. The sun was rising and the sky was clear, turning from orange to yellow to pink to purple.  
  
Bellamy sighed, staring out at the open waters. This place reminded him so much of his home that for a moment, he felt a little longing in his heart for the place he'd grown up.  
  
"What did you want to show me?" he asked, turning to Clarke and Bjorn at his side.  
  
They looked at each other, a silent exchange between them. Bellamy grew curious again, glancing between them. Waiting for an answer.  
  
They each took a step back and Clarke nodded to the left.  
  
He looked past them.  
  
Up ahead, he could spot a small path from the shore, leading into the woods. He stepped past them and walked a little further up the shore. And behind the shrubs and trees at the edge of the woods, he saw a little roof. A tiny chimney poked out above the tree line. His feet carried him closer. He could hear his family following behind him. As soon as he reached the small dirt path, he noticed it.  
  
Just past the tree line, the path led to a small cottage built between the trees. It was fenced off with wooden pillars that came up to his waist.  
  
He turned back around, finding them still as statues behind him. Watching, waiting.  
  
He looked past them to the water and then back at the house.  
  
"This is it" he said to himself, feeling his throat tighten.

It was the place he'd seen in his vision, more than a year ago. When he'd left home for the first time. He had thought that it was his home in Arkadia he'd been seeing. But it wasn't. It was this place. This home.  
  
Clarke had stepped out of that house, onto this shore, and beckoned him to come home. It was his vision. This was the place he'd seen her. This was the place she'd been calling him to.  
  
"What-" he began, but his voice broke.  
  
"Do you like it?" Bjorn asked, walking up to stand beside him.  
  
"What is this place?" Bellamy asked.  
  
"It's-it's our home" Clarke said from behind him.  
  
"Your home" Bjorn said, "We built a home for you."  
  
He took a few steps up the dirt path, getting closer. He found himself standing at the very edge of the fence, a little door keeping him from entering.  
  
There was a huge tree directly beside the cottage. Two ropes hung down from the lowest branch, attached to a small piece of wood. A swing for a child. Next to the tree, a small garden had been planted. A perfect rectangle, fenced off with wire. And there were flowers everywhere. In small bushes around the house. In the boxes that hung from the two window sills at the front of the house.  
  
He felt Bjorn and Clarke coming up to stand behind him.  
  
And when he turned to look at them, he noticed that they both looked nervous.  
  
"You built this?" he asked, glancing between them.  
  
"Well, we had help" Bjorn said. "Lincoln, Octavia, Raven, Monty and Jasper. A few other people. Even Murphy. Though he mostly just stood on the side and told the rest of us what to do."  
  
Bellamy could feel his throat closing up. He found it hard to swallow. To speak past the lump in his throat.  
  
"This....this is what you said you wanted" Clarke began, a little timidly. "A home in the woods. A family" she said, her eyes dropping to the ground.  
  
He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting. But it definitely wasn't this.  
  
He remained silent as the opened the small gate and let him through. He didn't know what to say as they showed him around. As Clarke drew a small key from her pocket and opened the door. The words ran from him still, as he stepped through the threshold. They showed him around the small cottage. Through the different rooms. One of the rooms was Bjorn's, he could tell, with the small bed in the corner and the various toys and weapons littered inside. And the other, he figured, belonged to him and Clarke. A large bed, covered in fine pelts stood in one corner. Two small cribs pushed against the wall in the other. A small table stood between them with a vase full of bright yellow sunflowers. A window in the corner that faced the other side of the house, with pretty lace curtains covering it. The small washroom. And finally, the front room with a small fireplace in the center. A wooden table with four crooked chairs. Wooden cabinets and drawers. A furry golden rug at the very center of the room.  
  
"I-I know there isn't much" Clarke began, nervously fidgeting from one leg to the other. "And that there's still a lot of work to be done, but-but..."  
  
"It's perfect" he said, finding his voice again.

Relief washed over her and she gave him a timid smile that made his heart ache.  
  
He looked around, noticing the small little details that he hadn't noticed before. The presence of those who'd help build this home for him lingered around the room.  
  
"So this was the place Abby was talking about" he said, recalling that conversation he'd walked in on all those months ago. This was the place she'd told Clarke to stop coming to.  
  
"This is it" Clarke said, looking around as if she felt embarrassed.  
  
"Why are you blushing?" he asked, stepping toward her to take her hand into his.  
  
"Because I know that it's not as nice as some of the other homes" she said. "And I know that in Paris....there are better homes than this...Like I said, I know there's still a lot of work to do. We don't even have-"  
  
"It's perfect" he repeated, and he meant it.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"I-I don't even know what to say, Clarke. I can't believe..."  
  
_I can't believe you did this for me. I can't believe you love me that much. I can't believe you didn't give up on me. Why? Why do you love me?_  
  
"It's only an hour away from the others" she said, growing excited, "And-and there's fresh water nearby. We've planted vegetables and Bjorn started-"  
  
He cut her off with a kiss.  
  
In it, he tried to put all of the words he felt too weak to say right now. He would tell her how much it meant to him. How grateful he was. How much he fucking loved her.  
  
But he'd save it for a day when his heart felt a little more steady. When he would know that this wasn't some dream. When he could come to terms with the fact that, for once, he could live the way he wanted to.  
  
But he hoped that for right now, in this moment, she'd settle for a kiss.

* * *

  
"Do you remember that night before we left Arkadia for the second time?" he asked in the darkness.  
  
"Yeah" she said, turning on her side.  
  
"You asked me if I ever thought about what would have been" he said, staring up at the ceiling.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Whenever I thought about it" he began, "It always ended like this."  
  
"What do you mean?"

"All of my scenarios, my dreams, ended like this. You and me. Our family. Our home."  
  
She scooted closer, placing her head on his chest.  
  
"So did mine" she said.  
  
He couldn't remember ever being this happy. In the weeks since he'd come home, they'd spent most of their time in and around their home. Playing with the twins and Bjorn. Working on the cottage. Fixing things that were broken and making their home more livable. Planting more crops. More flowers. Building a place to sit in the backyard, where they could watch their children play among the woods.  
  
Loving one another. Saying all the things they'd felt to one another. All the anger, the disappointment. Talking about the things they'd lost in the middle of the night. The things they'd been through. And then waking up in the morning to make better memories than the ones they'd left behind.  
  
They went back to the village. Visited their friends. Laughed with them but kept their hands intertwined underneath the table.  
  
His life felt full. There wasn't anything else he wanted.  
  
And weeks later, when he left for Paris, it wasn't with a heavy heart. He knew that they'd be waiting for him to return and he knew he would.  
  
In Paris, things were as he'd left them. He caught up with Roan, with his council. He visited his acquaintances and greeted the civilians there.  
  
And a few days later, he was back home. In the company of his friends and his family.  
  
That night, the twins fell asleep quickly. Tired from the small journey from the village to their home. Bjorn had stayed behind, spending the night at Kane and Abby's.  
  
He and Clarke tiptoed out of their home, sitting down in the grass in their small front yard. They passed a canister back and forth, getting drunk underneath the stars.  
  
Clarke laid down in the grass, her long blonde hair fanned behind her.  
  
"Did you ever think that we'd make it here?" she asked, her cheeks pink and her eyes glassy.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"After everything that happened between us" she said, "After my betrayal. After our fights. After I left. After Paris. After everything, did you have hope?"  
  
"I wouldn't be here if I hadn't" he said, laying down beside her.  
  
"Sometimes it doesn't feel real" she admitted. "Sometimes, I think this is too good to be true."  
  
"I do too" he said.  
  
"But it is real" she said, turning to look at him. "This is our life now."  
  
He smiled at her.  
  
"Yeah" he said, "It's real."  
  
She smiled back, leaning over to kiss him.  
  
"Marry me" he mumbled against her warm lips.  
  
"What?"  
  
He opened his eyes to find her staring at him, her eyes wide.  
  
"I think you should marry me" he said.  
  
She swallowed thickly, looking away.  
  
"You're still the king" she said.  
  
"Yes" he said, "But we don't have to tell anyone. It could be just us. Just our family. And even if people do find out, no one will hold you to anything if something happens to me."  
  
She looked over at him, her eyes still wide and her mouth parted like she couldn't really believe he was suggesting it.  
  
"Marry me" he repeated.  
  
He scooted closer, moving until she was under him.  
  
"Be my wife" he mumbled, kissing her jaw, her neck. "Marry me."  
  
Her breaths grew rapid, her pulse sped up like it always did when his hands roamed over her body.  
  
It wasn't until he was deep inside her, when she'd placed an hand on the back of his neck, bringing his forehead down to hers that she spoke up and gave him an answer.  
  
"I want to marry you" she whispered, "I want to be your wife."

* * *

 

Weeks later, he watched from the shore as Abby led her down the small path from their home.  
  
His friends stood behind him. Bjorn stood at his side, holding his baby sisters by the hand.  
  
In the end, they'd decided to have a small ceremony. They'd only invited their closest friends. Octavia, Raven, Lincoln, Monty, Miller, Jasper and Kane all joined him in watching Clarke make her way down the shore. Not a single person spoke.  
  
He found it hard to breathe. She looked so beautiful. More beautiful than anything he'd ever seen. A gauzy light blue dress covered most of her fair skin. Her hair, laced with flowers, blew across her face in the wind. She walked, barefoot, towards him. Her eyes glued to his and his only.  
  
She smiled, taking his hands in hers. Their feet in the sand. The water almost reaching them just before receding back.  
  
They spoke words of love and promise while the sun set behind them.  
  
His heart pounded in his chest as he smiled at the woman that had come charging into his life, spinning his world upside down, what seemed like a lifetime ago. His soulmate. The person who had made all of his dreams come true. The woman who had seen him at his worst and his best, and stuck around to pick up the pieces until he was whole again. The one who'd left but always returned. The one who had given him hope during the darkest parts of his life. The woman who'd left a mark on his heart. The one who had claimed it as her own.

* * *

 

**Part IV- Clarke**  
  
She walked through the woods, relishing in the warmth of the early summer day.  
  
She'd set out for the clearing, wanting a little time to herself. They'd come back to the village for the day, and even though she loved the company of her friends and family, she craved an hour alone. She wanted to think about all of the things that had happened in the past few months in solitude.  
  
The happiest months of her life.  
  
She thought back to the night he'd come home and all the nights after. The countless days spent with her children, watching them grow. Listening to their girls start forming words, sentences. Telling stories by the fire. Hours and hours spent with her friends. Playing games with Bjorn, late into the night. Waking up to the warmth of Bellamy's smile almost every single morning.  
  
She wasn't sure what she'd done to deserve it. This kind of life. But she was grateful.  
  
After every mistake she'd made throughout the years, every loss she'd endured and every bit of pain she'd suffered through- she finally felt like there'd been a meaning to it all. That every single thing she'd been through had led her to this part of her life.  
  
Being a healer. A leader. A fighter. A mother. A lover. A friend. A wife.  
  
They'd all finally come into one being. And whenever she looked in the mirror, she searched her eyes for all the women that she used to be. Happy to find the caring, confident woman she was staring back at her.  
  
She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts, her own joy, that at first she hadn't noticed him.  
  
The man sitting in the middle of her clearing, just as she'd done a countless number of times.  
  
He sat with his back turned to her, his shoulders slumped forward and covered by the thick cloak he wore.  
  
Surprise was the first thing she felt, wondering how on earth he'd found his way here. But then she remember something Bjorn had told her a long time ago, about how he wasn't contained by physical means as the humans around him were. How he didn't just reside in the cave above Arkadia. How he could be wherever he wanted to be. Wherever the Gods willed him to be.  
  
The second thing she felt was fear. He looked so out of place, here in her woods with his darkness, making the patches of wild flowers around him that much brighter.  
  
But even so, she moved towards the hooded figure until she was standing right in front of him.  
  
"Clarke Griffin" the Seer's raspy voice said.  
  
He looked up at her and a shiver ran down her spine.

"And so we meet again" he said.  
  
"It appears so" she said.  
  
For a couple of minutes, they studied each other. Clarke felt the fear dissipate, wondering instead why he'd shown himself to her. Why he'd come. She briefly wondered about who he really was. About the things he'd seen. About why he'd called her special, all those months ago.  
  
"I told you that you would see your father again. And you laid eyes upon your father. I told you about your children, and you have found them. I told you that only the dead could get into Paris" he began, "And death you became."  
  
She nodded, eyeing him a little wearily.  
  
"Do you having anything you want to ask me?" he said.  
  
A hundred different questions ran through her mind.  
  
_What will become of my children? Who will they be?  What do their lives have in store for them? Will Bellamy and I grow old together? Will my friends be alright? Will my mother lead a happy life? Will the kingdom change? Will others attempt to take it from us, as we took it from the Parisians? Is my father proud of me? Have I become who I am supposed to be? Why have you come to see me? Have the Gods changed my path?_  
  
"No" she said, "There is nothing I want to ask."  
  
She thought back to the first night she'd gone to see him. She thought about Monty's warning. The warning she hadn't listened to.  
  
She was listening now.  
  
The Seer smiled at her, like he knew exactly what words were running through her mind.  
  
She didn't want to know. She didn't care about what happened in the future. What path she was supposed to be on.  
  
She loved the present. And she'd make her way through it, like she'd made her way here to this part of her life. With her own strength, as well as the strength from those she held closest to her heart.  
  
She smiled at the man before turning to go back to her family, her life.  
  
"Clarke Griffin" he said, making her turn back around to face him.  
  
She watched as he picked up a small, shriveled sun flower. Suddenly, she felt a small tug deep in her stomach.  
  
"The promise of life" he began, "Is a beautiful thing. Is it not?"  
  
"Yes" she said, reaching forward to grab the now bright and lively flower from his fingers, "It is. It's the most beautiful thing."

* * *

  
  
**_10 years later._ **

 

**Part V- Bjorn**

  
"Mother, father, it is time" he said, picking up the bag at his feet and slinging it across his shoulders. He opened the front door and stepped outside, taking a deep breath. Spring had come over night, warming the air around him and coloring the woods around him in deep shades of green.  
  
He looked around, wanting to remember every single detail about his home. It had changed a lot over the past ten years. It was bigger, wider. There was more space. More crops had been planted. A few other cottages had been built nearby, occupied by those closest to him and his family.  
  
He was leaving home. And even though he knew he was supposed to feel excited, he couldn't deny that his heart felt just a little heavier in his chest.  
  
He watched from the outside as his mother and father stepped through the threshold, both staring at him.  
  
He'd already said goodbye to his sisters. His brother. But not to the two people he loved most in this world. Not to his parents.  
  
They stood across from him and for a little while, they were silent.  
  
Bjorn looked at his feet, overcome with emotion. He hadn't been apart from them since they'd let him into their lives. Not for long, anyway. This time was different. This time, he'd be gone for a while.  
  
He was going on his own journey, just like the Seer had told him he would, more than a decade ago.  
  
His parents would still be here when he returned, he was sure of it. And so would the kingdom that was his to take upon his return, as well. Even so, the idea of leaving them made tears gather in his eyes.  
  
Bellamy stepped forward and Bjorn hastily wiped the tears from his eyes. Embarrassment washed over him. He felt like he was a child again, feeling his fathers steady hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Come home" Bellamy said.  
  
Bjorn only nodded, finding it hard to do anything more than that.  
  
Clarke finally took a step towards him and he looked up to meet her gaze, wondering how on earth he would have the strength to walk away from the two people who loved him most in this world.  
  
They stood side by side and Bjorn glanced between them.  
  
"Perhaps one day" he began, taking one of their hands into each of his own, "The three of us will go on another journey together. But now" he said, "You have to raise my siblings as you have raised me. I must go on this journey alone. I am a voyager, after all."  
  
He looked into the blue eyes that were the same shade of his own, and then into the brown ones of his father.  
  
"I know that I am only here because of you" he said, staring down at their hands, "You have taught me all I know of love and life. And for that, I am thankful. But I must go and learn my own lessons, if I am to follow in the footsteps of my father and take his place once I am ready. I love you both with all of my heart. You have changed my life with your presence in it. With your love for one another. With the love you have extended to me."  
  
He stepped towards them and they both hugged him, like they used to when he was a boy and not a man. And he couldn't help but let a few tears drip down his face.  
  
He pulled away.  
  
Clarke placed a hand on his cheek.  
  
"Goodbye voyager" she said with tears in her eyes, "Goodbye my heart."

* * *

  
"What do you hope to find?"  
  
Bjorn looked out into the foreign open waters. They'd left Paris. And they weren't headed to the east, where the rest of the kingdom lied. No. They were headed west. West of Paris, to find whatever lied beyond the ocean.  
  
"Land" Bjorn said, leaning against the railing of the boat. "People. Treasure" he added, looking around at his companions. "Love."

"Love?"  
  
"Yes" Bjorn said, turning to look at the young man beside him. "I want to find love."  
  
He looked back, watching Paris grow further and further away.  
  
"A love like the one between my parents" he said, to no one in particular. He didn't care. He knew they were all listening to him.  
  
"A love that starts with a spark and burns like wildfire" he said, thinking about the first time he had met his parents. How he'd snuck onto the boat and been found by Bellamy. How Clarke had taken care of him. How the two always seemed at odds. The way they got in each other's faces, screaming at one another until their cheek's flamed with their hands clenched in fists at their sides.  
  
He thought about their first journey. The way Clarke had slowly opened up to Bellamy. The way Bellamy had sat beside her and placed that crown of flowers on her head. The way he'd smiled at her. The way they'd fought in the clearing, when Clarke had pushed him to the ground and proclaimed that she was a wolf.  
  
"A love that listens and protects" he said, thinking about their journey back to Arkadia. Recalling all the times he'd had trouble sleeping, listening to them fight with one another. The way Bellamy had refused to give her up to the king, even if it meant the blood of those around him. The way he had stood up for her, when all the people in the Arkadia had turned against her.  
  
"A love that waits" he said, thinking about the tears that had swam in Bellamy's eyes as he let them go. Let them leave without him. Let them stay in Polis. The nights his mother cried when she believed he was asleep, calling out for Bellamy in her sleep. The way his father had stood there, waiting for her once she had made her way back to Arkadia. The way he'd left everything in his home as she had left it. The way they had grown back together before leaving for Paris for the second time.  
  
"A love that can conquer the world" he said, recalling the second journey to Paris. How they'd both put their needs aside and led an army to bring the old king and the city to its knees.  
  
"A love that can live through anything" he said, "Even death."  
  
He thought about the broken state he'd found his father in, once he had learned of Clarke's death. The way his eyes had darkened, like she'd taken the very color of them with her to the next life. He thought about the fight in Paris. They way he'd almost lost his father. The way Clarke had found him and nursed him back to health.  
  
"A love that grows" he said, thinking about those months living in Paris and at The Ark. The way Clarke would make that miserable journey to the place she hated, just to see Bellamy. He thought about the way Bellamy's face would light up as soon as he'd turn the corner and spot her face, waiting for him. The way she'd jump into his arms. The pained look on both of their faces when Bellamy had let her go again. The weeks Clarke had spent, pretending to move on when really, she'd been waiting for him to come home.  
  
The day he finally did.

The day they'd taken him to the home they had built for him. The blood, sweat and tears. The countless hours spent, building that home. The way they had found their way back to one another, despite all the things they'd been through.  
  
"A love so strong it defies fate" he said, "A love that defies the Gods and makes them tremble."  
  
He thinks of standing by Bellamy's side, watching Clarke make her way down the shore with flowers in her hair and a smile on her face. The way they'd held each other, promised to love one another in this life and all the lives to come. They way they'd made his house a home for one another and his siblings.  
  
"A love that never ends."  
  
The past ten years of his life flashed before his eyes. He thinks of the way he watched them grow into the people they are now. How he watched them grow old. He remembers the way his mother shook, feeling a stir in her belly. The way she'd cried when she realized she was pregnant. The way they both cried when she'd finally given birth to his third and youngest sister. And some years later, his brother.  
  
He thinks off the countless nights spend with his parents. The way their love for one another, and their love for him and his siblings, had made his life worth living.  
  
He remembers the look on Clarke's face, whenever Bellamy would surprise her with flowers and other treats on rainy days. The easy way Bellamy smiled at Clarke. The way she smiled back.  
  
The way his father drew laughter from his mother. The way they'd hold one another. The way they'd fight. The way they'd tease one another. All the trips they'd taken him on and all the stories they'd told him. All the lessons they taught him.  
  
The way his father had looked at his mother when he thought she wasn't looking.  
  
"Yes" he said, turning to stare at the people who listened to the story about his parents. Two imperfect people that fought for one another, despite the odds. Despite fate and all the things that tried to keep them from one another. "That is what I want to find. A love like the one that has raised me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all of you who have endured the darkness, the wait, the angst, and the pain. I cannot believe that so many of you have stuck with me. I sincerely hope that this ending gave you all closure.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at and-so-we-meet-again.tumblr.com!! I'm not writing anything else right now, but who knows?? This probably isn't the last time you will hear from me.
> 
> It's been a ride. Thank you for reading!
> 
> May we meet again.  
> (Damn right we will!)


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